Life in general
Well life in general for me latly has been pritty shit for many many reasons. I somehow manage to get myself into situations where people think they can push me around and quite simply get away with it. Well for once i have been sticking up for myself for all its worth. It is actually alot harder than it sounds as i hate to be pushy or rude but sometimes there is no other way as i have been finding in the last day or two at work. I am really not looking forward to work tomorrow as it envolves staying on and i really don't feel like it even if the money is good (however it should be much better).
I am still finding myself in this rutt of not knowing exactly what direction to follow but then maybe that is because i am not a follower *sigh* but sometimes it feels like it would be easyer. However if i did take the easy way out and follow the crowd so to speak then it would leave me feeling like i had not done or atchieve what I (yes thats me) want out of life.
All sorts of worries are going through my head at the moment but i am not sure if they are just superficial or not?!
I have such worries like, if i move to another place and start a new life i suppose, would it be as good as the one i have right now which currently is not delivering lol. I can't help but feel like i am not doing what i feel like i am capable of but then i have no one to pick me up out of this which worries me also but then why should it worry me? *looks confused not knowing weather to worry or not*. I have the capability of being able to make crazy decisions like this but i seem to have lost it for the moment which just isn't like me. I worry that i will be leaving alot behind me if i go to another place and that people especially within my family will lose respect of me because of this, for example they might think i am running away from what i have been put through by the people i once looked up to and now feel i still have to look up to even tho i know they are wrong in what they decide and think.
*light bulb comes on in head*
It is clear to me that i have come to a cross road here but i need more information on what i might be letting myself in for. I love my friends and most my family lol, my worst fear is that i make no friends and i end up just being alone in a massive place so far from all that i know.
But there is so many reasons as to why i should be *knowtis the SHOULD* moving out of this place, anyone that knows me will already know these reasons or some of them anyway.
I have one question that makes no sence to anyone but me like the rest of the stuff i have just writen and it doen't have anything to do with anyone that might read this (no one in Britain even knows i have this).
Ok my question: will there ever be a fire with no spark?
It can be worded in many ways and has nothing to do with fire but that is one of the best ways to put it that i have found.
If the answer to that is yes then i guess i just carry on as i am *bored*, and if the answer is no then all hell breaks loose and i let myself do whatever i have ever wanted to do money permitting lol which when i put it like that means.... leting my personality out of its fuckin shell.
That shell is one of only a few places that have ever existed where i feel safe from time to time tho.... BIG DECISION COMING UP......
If anyone feels they can help me decide then feel free
byeeeeeeeeeee
I am still finding myself in this rutt of not knowing exactly what direction to follow but then maybe that is because i am not a follower *sigh* but sometimes it feels like it would be easyer. However if i did take the easy way out and follow the crowd so to speak then it would leave me feeling like i had not done or atchieve what I (yes thats me) want out of life.
All sorts of worries are going through my head at the moment but i am not sure if they are just superficial or not?!
I have such worries like, if i move to another place and start a new life i suppose, would it be as good as the one i have right now which currently is not delivering lol. I can't help but feel like i am not doing what i feel like i am capable of but then i have no one to pick me up out of this which worries me also but then why should it worry me? *looks confused not knowing weather to worry or not*. I have the capability of being able to make crazy decisions like this but i seem to have lost it for the moment which just isn't like me. I worry that i will be leaving alot behind me if i go to another place and that people especially within my family will lose respect of me because of this, for example they might think i am running away from what i have been put through by the people i once looked up to and now feel i still have to look up to even tho i know they are wrong in what they decide and think.
*light bulb comes on in head*
It is clear to me that i have come to a cross road here but i need more information on what i might be letting myself in for. I love my friends and most my family lol, my worst fear is that i make no friends and i end up just being alone in a massive place so far from all that i know.
But there is so many reasons as to why i should be *knowtis the SHOULD* moving out of this place, anyone that knows me will already know these reasons or some of them anyway.
I have one question that makes no sence to anyone but me like the rest of the stuff i have just writen and it doen't have anything to do with anyone that might read this (no one in Britain even knows i have this).
Ok my question: will there ever be a fire with no spark?
It can be worded in many ways and has nothing to do with fire but that is one of the best ways to put it that i have found.
If the answer to that is yes then i guess i just carry on as i am *bored*, and if the answer is no then all hell breaks loose and i let myself do whatever i have ever wanted to do money permitting lol which when i put it like that means.... leting my personality out of its fuckin shell.
That shell is one of only a few places that have ever existed where i feel safe from time to time tho.... BIG DECISION COMING UP......
If anyone feels they can help me decide then feel free
byeeeeeeeeeee