Flakey
1.flake
n. An unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through.
Flake is the word of the week... well month for some. Once is acceptable, emergencies, last minute issues, getting sick... but flaking is getting obnoxious. If you don't want to see me, don't say that you do, dont make plans or suggestions, then change them, then put me off, then blow me off completely.
Yes I want to see you, but I'm done with games, with bullshit, with anger.
I'm saving part of the rollercoaster to remind me.... or try to remind me... or be less angry or some shit.
06/27/08: "I showed up, that made me nervous, timed it, just a touch late... looked a little haggard, but simply put together. I set all the little things he'd notice, worked them in looking flawless. But I did show up, that concerned me. It happened as I expected... but it was the aftermath that surprised me, It was over, I reassembled myself and walked out... Just left with some 'have a good trip home' or some other generic comment. Provided a strange sense of accomplishment. A true detachment from this roller-coaster of bullshit that we've been entertaining for the last 4 years. "
02/04/08: "He said he doesnt understand why I'm pulling away. Its because I finally let go, I finally stopped believing we could ever go back to the way things were, now I know that even though I'm the one that fucked it up the most I cant fix it, he wouldnt let me. even though he's tried, he's just as proud as I am. That's what makes it impossible. "
08/21/07 "The next he never ceases to astonish me. He's the guy I need one minute and one I cant stand the next. He made some comment about we how we havent talked implying its my fault too. I'm sorry I stop trying after being ignored for a week or so. I figure its just not a good time and he'll get back to me eventually. But it kills me that I still end up looking pathetic, I'm still the one that tries for a few days. I still cant just tell myself to let it go."
05/15/07: "somedays you just need. Need an extra hand, or someone to take your mind off things. That "you didnt tell me, you bitch" look from your roommate. Some weekends we just need to eat pizza on the floor or burgers on the couch while watching some movie I've seen 100 times. Some times you just need something to lose yourself in thought over and something to make your ears grow hot at the thought of it. Every girls needs. its nice to get everynow and again."
04/01/07: "Once again I'm sitting here feeling like the ass of the joke, but I know better, I swear I do. He gets into my head and he knows it, he knows that I cant delete a kiwi entry too, and entries like my last one can be held against me later.I hate that, I hate that he still makes me cry, and upset, and start up old habits. I hate that after all this time I cant just control it all. A good friend told me I was right last night, I told him who, and that he'd completely blown me off like an ass, (yet again) and that I knew better. And all he did was laugh and say "I really wish you did." so do I babe"