Dec 22, 2009 09:38
I used the word disposable in one of our last fights... He jumped all over it- all about how i mean to the world to him, and those i've lost touch with are just diluted. not the first speech you want to use with every commitment phobe. He's always surprised by the fact that i'm such a royal bitch. dont understand why it should be some big ol surprise, i was a bitch 8 years ago, i've been a bitch ever since.
I'm starting to feel done with it all, done dreading dealing with "us". done walking on eggshells and done coddling- guess gemini girls really dont deal well with cancer boys. I'm a little stuck for now, gotta get thru xmas and then Hawaii in june.
I guess I'm hopeless in the end, i've never wanted someone to last long, maybe some day but not now. I guess i'm just attached to the rockstar single mom image. I like my 40hours a week at the office and peyton centered world every time I'm not. I'm not ready to share her with any other person, not entirely anyway.
He get sooo jealous of Levi. When shockingly enough (even to me) i've been quite the good girlfriend. Hung out with him half a dozen times and just talked. Something that was utterly new to me the first time we did. I know he gets jealous and I can understand why he doesnt like him, but Levi gets it. I guess thats probably why he's such a threat. Because I can relax.
Chris and I were talking the other day about the way a girl "should be". A librarian in public, the girl next door to the parents, the tomboy with the friends, and the pornstar in the bedroom. Its a formula and for as long as you want to keep it up its fool proof. D and i watched the ugly truth and he made some big stink about her "being fake" - I guess he doestn realize every girl starts relationships that way. When we want someone we all know how to get it.
Now its just the matter of knowing when to let it go.
boys,
bull,
drama