summer swallowed us whole
this city is crushing my heart.
it is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful, and full of possibilities that i can not share with anyone because i am alone here! and i do love it, i'm just so profoundly alone for the moment that it is throwing my entire rational perception of everything askew. and i am always inclined to lose touch with reality. this too shall pass.
i am in the music building and it is the night before classes start. there is an amusing and eclectic mix of sound emanating from the practice rooms: maroon 5 sung by a very untalented girl, opera warm ups, modern saxophone pieces, seasons of love from rent, and a trumpet that sounds like someone is farting. it is, if nothing else, familiar. i feel detached, unaffected by the fluttering excitement of the newness of the semester. i am simply anxious to be accepted by someone; or if not accepted, then at least busy enough not to notice.
this weekend, i worked my first two days at my newest job as a starbucks barista. i have made a conscious decision to make sure that this job be a positive experience. I want to be consistent and likeable, and i do not want to dislike or disrespect any of my colleagues. I also do not want to eat or drink anything while on the job which is proving difficult due to my love of caramel macchiatos. wish me luck!
i hav been reading an insane amount of books lately, because i have no cable or internet and i have already watched all the dvds and tv shows i have on disc and on my computer a zillion times already. i am currently in love with Science of Sleep and I heart Huckabees, as well as the Lynchland podcasts. so once a day i break from my cocoon of solitude (aka my apartment) and journey to campus to mooch wireless service and download podcasts and lurk on facebook. what a glamorous life i lead. So i have been reading. a lot of michael chabon (my favorite favorite author). every time i am in a chabon phase, i begin to think in descriptive intricate prose and am sharply aware of the subtle motives of what is going on around me. i have been this way for several days now. i have even considered beginning to write again, perhaps some short stories, but i simply can not bring myself to do it. which is a shame because it would at the very least occupy a portion of my abundant free time. i am just too critical and too self conscious to believe that anything i produce is worthwhile. i am, however, coming to the realization that if i do not find some sort of creative outlet, i will teeter over the far side of the edge between creativity and insanity that i have been walking so recklessly of late. perhaps it is time to forget about how much i hate myself and start contributing to the arts community. until then, i will bury myself snuggly beneath my scholarship and continue being a music nerd.
i am done for now.
it is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful, and full of possibilities that i can not share with anyone because i am alone here! and i do love it, i'm just so profoundly alone for the moment that it is throwing my entire rational perception of everything askew. and i am always inclined to lose touch with reality. this too shall pass.
i am in the music building and it is the night before classes start. there is an amusing and eclectic mix of sound emanating from the practice rooms: maroon 5 sung by a very untalented girl, opera warm ups, modern saxophone pieces, seasons of love from rent, and a trumpet that sounds like someone is farting. it is, if nothing else, familiar. i feel detached, unaffected by the fluttering excitement of the newness of the semester. i am simply anxious to be accepted by someone; or if not accepted, then at least busy enough not to notice.
this weekend, i worked my first two days at my newest job as a starbucks barista. i have made a conscious decision to make sure that this job be a positive experience. I want to be consistent and likeable, and i do not want to dislike or disrespect any of my colleagues. I also do not want to eat or drink anything while on the job which is proving difficult due to my love of caramel macchiatos. wish me luck!
i hav been reading an insane amount of books lately, because i have no cable or internet and i have already watched all the dvds and tv shows i have on disc and on my computer a zillion times already. i am currently in love with Science of Sleep and I heart Huckabees, as well as the Lynchland podcasts. so once a day i break from my cocoon of solitude (aka my apartment) and journey to campus to mooch wireless service and download podcasts and lurk on facebook. what a glamorous life i lead. So i have been reading. a lot of michael chabon (my favorite favorite author). every time i am in a chabon phase, i begin to think in descriptive intricate prose and am sharply aware of the subtle motives of what is going on around me. i have been this way for several days now. i have even considered beginning to write again, perhaps some short stories, but i simply can not bring myself to do it. which is a shame because it would at the very least occupy a portion of my abundant free time. i am just too critical and too self conscious to believe that anything i produce is worthwhile. i am, however, coming to the realization that if i do not find some sort of creative outlet, i will teeter over the far side of the edge between creativity and insanity that i have been walking so recklessly of late. perhaps it is time to forget about how much i hate myself and start contributing to the arts community. until then, i will bury myself snuggly beneath my scholarship and continue being a music nerd.
i am done for now.