Thus Sprach Zarathustra
So here it begins. The Livejournal that I've been trying to avoid for how many months now? I fell prey to the insidious Friendster, but it yielded really cool results-- I found some stargazers and friends from several years past that have moved way away from things. More so, I found myself locked out of being able to view the ups and downs of many friends out there who are hiding their own journals from the ROW, so here it goes!
I have no idea how to balance the private vs public thing. I do know yer supposed to use funny anachronisms for peoples names, or just list their social security number or something like that to protect the innocent. Maybe I'll assign each and everyone of you a new nick name in my journal, and make you guys figure out who is who, kinda like the game of CLUE we played the other night at SoS.
Whats been going on lately?
Friday was a very interesting day for me. I've been laid off officially for how long now? 13 months? I do have my part time job as exec assistant to one of the most whacked out but profitable real estate agents in the east bay area which gives me about 20 hours of work a week. It doesnt pay the bils, but I was blessed enough to find this job through my roomie, and am starting to really realize what the Buddhists write and speak about when they talk about seeking to live in a constant state of thankfulness and gratitude. Every day I walk past the homeless on Shattuck as I'm running my work related errands and realize that I (and the rest of us) are only a breath away from depending on our own "Street Spirits" for getting by each day.
So in the whole context of how things are going in the world-- I'm rockin the house. I'm cooler than Tommy Lee in his now exploited video thats out and about.
I've learned alot this last year. Early on a newer friend of mine, when seeing me go through some really rough times (rougher than now) gave me a little book called “The Prophet” by Kahil Gibran.
It really wasn’t until I read this up in Yosemite that I kinda realized to a greater extent why I was going through my current struggles.
Its online at http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html btw. It’s a definite must read!
Anyway, on the chapter entitled “On Joy and Sorrow” (sorry for the spoiler here) it reads..
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
So finally after reading this what was pinging at me (with requests timed out nonetheless!) finally made it through.
At least for me my struggling had some meaning.
I can look back over the last year over the heartache, tears, and struggling and realize the strength and potential for joy that’s being carved deep into me.
And I know revival is on the horizon!
So yeah-Friday, I went in for an interview-the first in many months. It was for a general manager of a climbing gym on the peninsula… and it seemed like a perfect fit. It had benefits, an OK schedule, I’d get to work with 30 people and get to build them up as (that was the most appealing aspect to the entire job). Pay was ok and it had benefits. But the last guy they talked to had direct experience again, and thus deserved the job.
So after letting myself get really psyched up for it, this opportunity too passed.
I know now its cause there is something different or better out there that I’m supposed to focus on and do. I’m eager to find it!
I do know that I’ve been praying a lot more than I ever have before… (which is funny cause I used to lead worship team in a super fundamentalist church! Its actually been a great comfort for me these days.
In my old place in san Pablo, which I had to myself when I was living there alone mostly.. with my cush tech telecommuting job I’d start most of every day with waking up, grabbing some tea, then spending those waking moments with music. Yeah yeah most of it was trance, some ambient trance, and a vast majority of my days were spent with Chicane issuing in the day. (as it should be). Even when I had my consulting sales job there for a while (5 months of 2002) I would listen to chicane on the way to Pleasanton on the 580 each day.
I loved my morning routine… and only now have I been able to recoup my mornings mostly with a very refreshing and reassuring routine in which I basically spend the first 30-45 minutes of each day the instant I wake up in prayer for my friends and family.
Its nice to be able to pray again (albeit in a very different manner and fashion than I did in the church) for those around me. It’s a real comfort to me these days.
The other big lesson that I’ve been learning these days is being driven home hardcore: A friends good fortune is a blessing. INDEED. Over the last year or so of this struggle for me, at first I was bitter about my friends good fortunes around me. But now, knowing I’m invested in them, and they really care about and are invested likewise in me… their victories, successes, blind luck, or what ever befalls them is mine too! Its given me hope that not everyone is in this place with me. And it makes me hopeful for my own future too.
Right now I have a lot to be thankful for and celebrate! My girlfriend just got a kick ass job, my other friends survived layoffs (for the time being). My mom hasn’t had a relapse with her pulmonary embolisms, my sister is doing well in her new marriage. My family is all generally relatively healthy. My grandparents are still alive and I’m connecting with them and my extended family more and more everyday. For every nut case I work for and around currently, there are those that have been picked by the powers that be to hire me a few hours here and there who are real, genuine, loving caring people. I should be paying THEM for the time and wisdom that I’m getting from spending time with them. I’m not on the street yet-and everyday I hear from friends and family that no matter what happens, I could crash with them, stay with them, just rest under their caretaking for a while if I really need it. I DO see jobs getting better… people being excited once again about their own prospects. Stargaze is going extremely well. I maybe wont venture to say “revival is at hand” but… it damn near looks like it. I’m hearing from Stargazers I haven’t talked to in years who are coming out for the next winter Stargaze. I’m incredibly blessed to have my brother in the Stargaze Family. Heck-this thing I practically gave my left nut too… is feeding me, caring for me, looking after me day by day. Its so nice to feel this caring and compassion. Its just hard to tune in to it sometimes.
So here’s looking at further entries, and more lessons, more blessings (hopefully). Yosemite has been calling to me, and once again with great thankfulness it looks like I’ll be able to head off and spend my upcoming birthday in the valley two weekends from now.
I really hope that once again the hike to the top of halfdome reveals its secrets and lessons to me, and that once again I can feel the overwhelming joy and assurance that I’ve felt on its summit before-telling me softly but powerfully that “everything’s gonna be alright”
Here here!
I have no idea how to balance the private vs public thing. I do know yer supposed to use funny anachronisms for peoples names, or just list their social security number or something like that to protect the innocent. Maybe I'll assign each and everyone of you a new nick name in my journal, and make you guys figure out who is who, kinda like the game of CLUE we played the other night at SoS.
Whats been going on lately?
Friday was a very interesting day for me. I've been laid off officially for how long now? 13 months? I do have my part time job as exec assistant to one of the most whacked out but profitable real estate agents in the east bay area which gives me about 20 hours of work a week. It doesnt pay the bils, but I was blessed enough to find this job through my roomie, and am starting to really realize what the Buddhists write and speak about when they talk about seeking to live in a constant state of thankfulness and gratitude. Every day I walk past the homeless on Shattuck as I'm running my work related errands and realize that I (and the rest of us) are only a breath away from depending on our own "Street Spirits" for getting by each day.
So in the whole context of how things are going in the world-- I'm rockin the house. I'm cooler than Tommy Lee in his now exploited video thats out and about.
I've learned alot this last year. Early on a newer friend of mine, when seeing me go through some really rough times (rougher than now) gave me a little book called “The Prophet” by Kahil Gibran.
It really wasn’t until I read this up in Yosemite that I kinda realized to a greater extent why I was going through my current struggles.
Its online at http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html btw. It’s a definite must read!
Anyway, on the chapter entitled “On Joy and Sorrow” (sorry for the spoiler here) it reads..
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
So finally after reading this what was pinging at me (with requests timed out nonetheless!) finally made it through.
At least for me my struggling had some meaning.
I can look back over the last year over the heartache, tears, and struggling and realize the strength and potential for joy that’s being carved deep into me.
And I know revival is on the horizon!
So yeah-Friday, I went in for an interview-the first in many months. It was for a general manager of a climbing gym on the peninsula… and it seemed like a perfect fit. It had benefits, an OK schedule, I’d get to work with 30 people and get to build them up as (that was the most appealing aspect to the entire job). Pay was ok and it had benefits. But the last guy they talked to had direct experience again, and thus deserved the job.
So after letting myself get really psyched up for it, this opportunity too passed.
I know now its cause there is something different or better out there that I’m supposed to focus on and do. I’m eager to find it!
I do know that I’ve been praying a lot more than I ever have before… (which is funny cause I used to lead worship team in a super fundamentalist church! Its actually been a great comfort for me these days.
In my old place in san Pablo, which I had to myself when I was living there alone mostly.. with my cush tech telecommuting job I’d start most of every day with waking up, grabbing some tea, then spending those waking moments with music. Yeah yeah most of it was trance, some ambient trance, and a vast majority of my days were spent with Chicane issuing in the day. (as it should be). Even when I had my consulting sales job there for a while (5 months of 2002) I would listen to chicane on the way to Pleasanton on the 580 each day.
I loved my morning routine… and only now have I been able to recoup my mornings mostly with a very refreshing and reassuring routine in which I basically spend the first 30-45 minutes of each day the instant I wake up in prayer for my friends and family.
Its nice to be able to pray again (albeit in a very different manner and fashion than I did in the church) for those around me. It’s a real comfort to me these days.
The other big lesson that I’ve been learning these days is being driven home hardcore: A friends good fortune is a blessing. INDEED. Over the last year or so of this struggle for me, at first I was bitter about my friends good fortunes around me. But now, knowing I’m invested in them, and they really care about and are invested likewise in me… their victories, successes, blind luck, or what ever befalls them is mine too! Its given me hope that not everyone is in this place with me. And it makes me hopeful for my own future too.
Right now I have a lot to be thankful for and celebrate! My girlfriend just got a kick ass job, my other friends survived layoffs (for the time being). My mom hasn’t had a relapse with her pulmonary embolisms, my sister is doing well in her new marriage. My family is all generally relatively healthy. My grandparents are still alive and I’m connecting with them and my extended family more and more everyday. For every nut case I work for and around currently, there are those that have been picked by the powers that be to hire me a few hours here and there who are real, genuine, loving caring people. I should be paying THEM for the time and wisdom that I’m getting from spending time with them. I’m not on the street yet-and everyday I hear from friends and family that no matter what happens, I could crash with them, stay with them, just rest under their caretaking for a while if I really need it. I DO see jobs getting better… people being excited once again about their own prospects. Stargaze is going extremely well. I maybe wont venture to say “revival is at hand” but… it damn near looks like it. I’m hearing from Stargazers I haven’t talked to in years who are coming out for the next winter Stargaze. I’m incredibly blessed to have my brother in the Stargaze Family. Heck-this thing I practically gave my left nut too… is feeding me, caring for me, looking after me day by day. Its so nice to feel this caring and compassion. Its just hard to tune in to it sometimes.
So here’s looking at further entries, and more lessons, more blessings (hopefully). Yosemite has been calling to me, and once again with great thankfulness it looks like I’ll be able to head off and spend my upcoming birthday in the valley two weekends from now.
I really hope that once again the hike to the top of halfdome reveals its secrets and lessons to me, and that once again I can feel the overwhelming joy and assurance that I’ve felt on its summit before-telling me softly but powerfully that “everything’s gonna be alright”
Here here!