when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade
I don't know what to say. I feel partially defeated, but then again I know that I resilently am not defeated. In fact, perhaps I am victorious--a delayed victory though, one of which I will see the benefits later. How this bothers people I know. My girlfriends here don't want to deal with it. I understand. I suppose these problems arise often with me and never with them (that I don't understand either. They are wonderful women, why they don't have anyone is beyond me), and thus they don't want to deal with my troubles. I shouldn't even define this as troubles. Apparently, God has another path for me. I just didn't want to acknowledge that and I know it. I am not patient, but I have to be. I am not for complexes or complexities and yet they surround me, perhaps follow me in this area of my life. All in all, I just hate to find something wonderful and then for it to turn sour before it even had a chance. Oh well, I have never been in control of this situation. The ball has always been in someone else's court, and I can only deal with the repercussions. This is just another repercussion, a bit more permanent and in a direction unlike what I wanted. Maybe all this happenned because I forced my way. If I had been patient and waited, rather than persuading others to do it my way, this perhaps would have never occurred. Is that a fair speculation? I am not sure. I am just kinda sad, but kinda not. I intuitively saw it coming (my dang intuition strikes again...clairvoyance is not always a beneficial attribute), but that didn't stop me from living in a dream.
Well, despite the present circumstance, I am sure all will be fine for everyone whatever comes of the situation. And I believe that the best outcome will arise out of this (I fear though that the best outcome may not be the one I want, but my heart has not ever really agreed with my head). At least we have friendship and a good one, which I believe will only get better. Maybe even something still can come of all this. I have nothing better to do than wait and see at the present. I do have a summer that I want to enjoy (in a way that is my sole goal for this summer), and I hope that it includes many enjoyable, moments as I envisioned previously with a friend.
Ironically, I was given advice yesterday on all this (before I knew all this existed) and I was told that taking time before advancing was a good idea because each person would be able to return to their neutral self in order to better give of themselves when advancing does occur. Perhaps I am being forced into taking this advice; at the present it would appear so. So even if it doesn't work out for us together, it will work out for us individually when our lives move on. I wish I could see into the future and know which will occur: together or separate. *Shrug of shoulders* Maybe we, or at least I, can find fun in waiting and seeing which option awaits us. That's the new goal: still enjoying life (of course!), continuing (what seems to be an increasingly) good friendship, and contently awaiting life's next curve ball. ;)
Well, despite the present circumstance, I am sure all will be fine for everyone whatever comes of the situation. And I believe that the best outcome will arise out of this (I fear though that the best outcome may not be the one I want, but my heart has not ever really agreed with my head). At least we have friendship and a good one, which I believe will only get better. Maybe even something still can come of all this. I have nothing better to do than wait and see at the present. I do have a summer that I want to enjoy (in a way that is my sole goal for this summer), and I hope that it includes many enjoyable, moments as I envisioned previously with a friend.
Ironically, I was given advice yesterday on all this (before I knew all this existed) and I was told that taking time before advancing was a good idea because each person would be able to return to their neutral self in order to better give of themselves when advancing does occur. Perhaps I am being forced into taking this advice; at the present it would appear so. So even if it doesn't work out for us together, it will work out for us individually when our lives move on. I wish I could see into the future and know which will occur: together or separate. *Shrug of shoulders* Maybe we, or at least I, can find fun in waiting and seeing which option awaits us. That's the new goal: still enjoying life (of course!), continuing (what seems to be an increasingly) good friendship, and contently awaiting life's next curve ball. ;)