(no subject)
[apologies for gaping hole in journal entries] well a lot has happened, and nothing. a brief recap of events since i last spoke.
split up with amy.
it was on the cards, as you know, but we finally finished it a couple of weeks ago when i went to visit her. it was a surreal trip. we both knew that this would be the most likely outcome of the three days, but we were equally both hesitant to bring up the topic. anyway, to be brief, essentially the main reason was distance. this is, logically speaking, not a good enough reason in itself, but when you take into account amy's obsessive work patterns and my over-sensitivity and need for attention the relationship couldn't function properly. i suppose if it was 100% right then these things would be overcome, but i just think that now is such a difficult time. when i say 'now', i think i actually mean the next 8 years or so. when precisely is a good time for a relationship. never. so in fact ignore the 'now is such a difficult time' comment, because actually they just pop up unexpectedly don't they.
anyway, it was a curious experience on our final night [the previous night we'd made the decision]. amy had already committed us to go to the pub to see her friends, which we did, although we may as well not have as they didn't seem particularly interested in talking to us. so then we went back and things were just odd. not between us. just odd. and then we went to bed and again things were odd. not between us. just odd. neither of us slept as we spent most of the night staring into darkness. early morning rise to get her stuff packed into the car meant plenty of distractions from what was actually happening. and then that was it. a brief - but exhaustive - embrace and she drove off. i was left in the house and spent the morning tidying up and walking the dog. bought some flowers for amy's mum as she's selling their house. and then i left, and as i drove out of matlock i suddenly couldn't stop crying. completely unlike me, but it was uncontrollable for most of the journey to nottingham. and then it went, just as quickly as it had arrived. very bizarre. but i think i underestimated how seriously i felt about a. it's still the right decision, but i miss her terribly.
manchester
had an exciting spontaneous excursion to manchester on that same evening, to see my brother play at dry bar, which just happens to be a venue started by factory records about 10 years ago. needless to say i extracted every bit of socio-architectural-situationist theory from it. in my head at least. it was quite cool though, and as i was 'with the band' i was in the dressing room getting treated like an indie trend-setter. [you'll be pleased to know i was wearing tegan + sara t-shirt]. i didn't realise it, but this event they were playing at was actually quite a big deal - there were loads of journos leeching [don't think that's a word] around trying to spot the Next Big Thing.
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