Idiot
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Baekhyun/Kyungsoo
Warnings: Drabble, Crack, Fluff, mindless self-indulgence, unbetaed
Baekhyun loves Kyungsoo. And Kyungsoo loves Baekhyun. Everybody knows that, and everybody sees that. It was written in their stars ever since the moment of their birth, and it was already foretold that they would be a pair of gay boys that will be together forever and ever.
When the first time Baekhyun looked into Kyungsoo's eyes, they were in their high chairs, throwing their baby food all around while their mothers fusses over them. And Baekhyun felt drawn towards the younger; vice versa.
In their play school, they would also be together often be together in the sandbox, even when Baekhyun peed all over Kyungsoo's sand castle making him cry.
In high school, Baekhyun stuttered incoherently as he asked Kyungsoo out for prom. And to be honest, Kyungsoo had already decided to go with Baekhyun by default.
Thus, in college-
Okay, let's skip all the long and boring crap all the way to the present. Fast forward ten years please. Thank you very much. That's better.
Now, happily married for five years, and sitting in the kitchen with a phone clasped between his shoulder and his left ear, there is Kyungsoo, peeling vegetables for the stew he is going to make that night. Baekhyun, as usual, is out for work and time check: he is going to be home in 30minutes time.
"Jongin, I am bored- no, not by Baekhyun's bed skills. He's awesome, and you know that I love his penile curvature. Yes, the curvature is a deficiency and a mutation, but you have no idea of the orgasms it gave me- hello? Hello?! How dare you hang up on me?! Who is going to gossip with me about Chanyeol's nose digging tendencies now?!" Kyungsoo yells into the receiver before throwing the phone on the table in anger.
Yes, the desperate housewives is the next most relatable thing to Kyungsoo right now.
He is bored out of his mind. Baby Sehun is sleeping in his crib quietly (too quietly, it is creepy because baby Sehun is really quiet and there are times when Kyungsoo had to make sure that Baby Sehun is still alive) and he couldn't wait for Baekhyun to come home to...give it to him.
Kyungsoo was mumbling about how boring his life was when an idea struck him.
Voila.
Giggling at what a genius he is, Kyungsoo took out a piece of paper and went into his bedroom, ditching all of his cooking. He wrote a very long letter and places it on the dresser, before hiding underneath him and Baekhyun's King-sized bed.
On the letter, it reads:
"Dear Baekhyun,
You were everything I dreamt of. I love you. No, I loved you.
Its been a long long time coming and I couldn't believe that we have reached this step of devastation. I am no longer in love with you.
By the time you've read this, I would be long gone. And I am bringing baby Sehun with me.
Goodbye.
Love,
Kyungsoo"
Genius Kyungsoo is genius. Kyungsoo laughs as he hid underneath. Just five more minutes....and just like clockwork, the front door to their apartment opened.
"Honey, I'm home," Baekhyun's nasal voice calls out.
Baekhyun walks into the room, weirded out that Kyungsoo is nowhere to be seen. Kyungsoo had to clasp a hand over his mouth as he tries not to burst out laughing as he sees Baekhyun picking up the piece of paper to read it's contents.
He sees Baekhyun reaching into his shirt pocket to take out a pen and scribbled something back onto the paper before placing it where it was. Then, stripping, he changes into a clean set of casual shirt and he picked up his phone to make a call.
"Hello? Yes Chanyeol, I can meet you tonight. You would never have guessed what just happened. That fool finally left me! Hurray! I am a free man! I never would have guessed that he would know that I have been cheating on him. What a relief. Can I come over now? I miss you so much. I can't wait to kiss you and suck your dick. I'll be right over. See you later darling. Prepare the lube and condom~" Baekhyun laughs into the phone before walking out of the house.
As the door slams shut, a red-eyed crying Kyungsoo came crawling out from underneath the bed. A prank-went-wrong, some would say. Kyungsoo never felt more heart broken than ever. How could Baekhyun do this behind his back? And with Chanyeol? That disgusting derp that digs his nose for a living?
He sobs hard as he walks to the dresser and picked up his prank paper to read what Baekhyun wrote on the paper.
"Dear Kyungsoo,
Do you really take me as an idiot? I can see your feet from underneath our bed. And baby Sehun is still sleeping in his crib. I went to check on him before coming to our room. And you better stop crying now.
I just went out to buy dinner, seeing that you've abandoned your vegetables on the kitchen table. I hope pizza is fine with you because I'm craving for pizza.
See you later, idiot.
I love you.
Love,
Baekhyun
p.s.: no one ever signs off a divorce/break up letter with "Love, Kyungsoo" you dummy."
Indeed, Kyungsoo is an idiot.
But he is Baekhyun's idiot.