In which The Lives of Tao kills any remaining scraps of my sympathy
Fuck this book.
You know what ruins a fluffy alien spy adventure? This:
"I've always viewed God as very fair. Girls in their twenties--the world's their oyster. They're beautiful. Older men want to date them. Guys pay for everything, and everyone desires them. Men on the other hand, when we're in our twenties, we're dumb, we're poor, and women our age want nothing to do with us. [...]
"How things even out is that women might shine bright, but they burn out fast. Their lives are over by thirty. What do you geeks call it? Half-life? Shelf life? Whatever. It's shorter than for us men. They have to find the right guy right away or it becomes a game of settling. [...] Guys are like wine. We get finer with time. We start earning money. We become more confident. We become more distinguished with age, and younger girls will still date us."
FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.
And what is the wise immortal alien's response to this?
I like this guy. He is quite the philosopher. [...] In another time with the right Qasing, he could have been a Nietszche or a Voltaire!
DID I MENTION FLAMES.
Randomly telling huge swathes of readers that they're worthless by the advanced age of fucking thirty: great marketing idea!
Even if Tao is supposed to be understood as sarcastic there--and I have no evidence that he is--the entire passage has no relevance whatsoever to the rest of the book. Roen's girlfriend's dad could have been intimidating and protective without comparing women to perishable goods or radioactive material. Knowing that Jill grew up hearing such insulting opinions from her dad doesn't give us any insight into her personality or actions, because we barely see any to speak of. We barely see her, period. The book is not interested in deconstructing or even depicting sexist narratives, so this isn't part of that kind of project. Literally nothing ever comes of this passage. It's just there, like a giant turd in the middle of the book.
So basically I was just reading and nodding about the secret alien brain parasite civil war and then suddenly GUESS WHAT, SUNNY, YOUR LIFE IS OVER NOW THAT YOU'RE THIRTY.
Yes, I'm expired like bad milk. Also, I have not started making more money than I did in my twenties, nor have I become more confident. These things only happen to men. Clearly, I am delusional. I should just shuffle off and resign myself to a life of spinsterhood, or perhaps settle for a douchebag if I'm lucky. Because my life is over.
Thanks a fucking bunch, Wesley Chu. That really brightened my day.
Also, guess what: I HATE WINE.
You know what ruins a fluffy alien spy adventure? This:
"I've always viewed God as very fair. Girls in their twenties--the world's their oyster. They're beautiful. Older men want to date them. Guys pay for everything, and everyone desires them. Men on the other hand, when we're in our twenties, we're dumb, we're poor, and women our age want nothing to do with us. [...]
"How things even out is that women might shine bright, but they burn out fast. Their lives are over by thirty. What do you geeks call it? Half-life? Shelf life? Whatever. It's shorter than for us men. They have to find the right guy right away or it becomes a game of settling. [...] Guys are like wine. We get finer with time. We start earning money. We become more confident. We become more distinguished with age, and younger girls will still date us."
FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.
And what is the wise immortal alien's response to this?
I like this guy. He is quite the philosopher. [...] In another time with the right Qasing, he could have been a Nietszche or a Voltaire!
DID I MENTION FLAMES.
Randomly telling huge swathes of readers that they're worthless by the advanced age of fucking thirty: great marketing idea!
Even if Tao is supposed to be understood as sarcastic there--and I have no evidence that he is--the entire passage has no relevance whatsoever to the rest of the book. Roen's girlfriend's dad could have been intimidating and protective without comparing women to perishable goods or radioactive material. Knowing that Jill grew up hearing such insulting opinions from her dad doesn't give us any insight into her personality or actions, because we barely see any to speak of. We barely see her, period. The book is not interested in deconstructing or even depicting sexist narratives, so this isn't part of that kind of project. Literally nothing ever comes of this passage. It's just there, like a giant turd in the middle of the book.
So basically I was just reading and nodding about the secret alien brain parasite civil war and then suddenly GUESS WHAT, SUNNY, YOUR LIFE IS OVER NOW THAT YOU'RE THIRTY.
Yes, I'm expired like bad milk. Also, I have not started making more money than I did in my twenties, nor have I become more confident. These things only happen to men. Clearly, I am delusional. I should just shuffle off and resign myself to a life of spinsterhood, or perhaps settle for a douchebag if I'm lucky. Because my life is over.
Thanks a fucking bunch, Wesley Chu. That really brightened my day.
Also, guess what: I HATE WINE.