(no subject)
Hello.
My name is Sam.
I realized I really like my name.
Sam.
It just slides off the tongue.
Kind of a girly tone.
but also masculine.
Sam.
Its nice.
I realized that I'm different.
I realized what high school did to me this year.
And what it has done for me.
I changed this year.
Maybe for the best, maybe not.
But oh boy,
did I change.
I've done things that I regret.
And you know how people say
"Never have regrets, because you learn from your mistakes."
Well, I don't agree with that.
I do have regrets.
One regret for sure.
I was so stupid. So so stupid.
And because of a few choices, it actually did change me.
Changed my life.
My entire life.
I regret it.
I don't know if any of you guys were in my state of mind
way back when...
but I was thinking about it today
after testing.
I was thinking about that feeling
that ate me alive.
That extreme depression
that literally took over my entire life.
I couldn't do anything.
I was like a lifeless blob.
I was.
All my grades dropped
I couldn't climb,
anything.
And just thinking about that feeling
that feeling that was the only part of my life
made me so sick
like I wanted to vomit.
I scared me so bad
because when I was like that
that depressed
nothing could stop me
not even myself.
I shivered when I remembered today.
And i felt like I had to start gasping for air.
That feeling
took me over
and if it wasn't for the people that cared
I don't know where I would be right now.
Maybe back in therapy.
Maybe home schooled.
Maybe dead.
And although this may seem like an entry where I'm saying
"bla bla I hate the world"
It's not.
Because now I'm happy.
Today I realized
I am truely happy.
I was giddy today, which was something
that I haven't been in a very long time.
I've changed.
And I realized I don't have to be scared
of being pulled back down into that dark place
ever again
because the people that I love
and the people that love me
wont let that happen.
My name is Sam.
I realized I really like my name.
Sam.
It just slides off the tongue.
Kind of a girly tone.
but also masculine.
Sam.
Its nice.
I realized that I'm different.
I realized what high school did to me this year.
And what it has done for me.
I changed this year.
Maybe for the best, maybe not.
But oh boy,
did I change.
I've done things that I regret.
And you know how people say
"Never have regrets, because you learn from your mistakes."
Well, I don't agree with that.
I do have regrets.
One regret for sure.
I was so stupid. So so stupid.
And because of a few choices, it actually did change me.
Changed my life.
My entire life.
I regret it.
I don't know if any of you guys were in my state of mind
way back when...
but I was thinking about it today
after testing.
I was thinking about that feeling
that ate me alive.
That extreme depression
that literally took over my entire life.
I couldn't do anything.
I was like a lifeless blob.
I was.
All my grades dropped
I couldn't climb,
anything.
And just thinking about that feeling
that feeling that was the only part of my life
made me so sick
like I wanted to vomit.
I scared me so bad
because when I was like that
that depressed
nothing could stop me
not even myself.
I shivered when I remembered today.
And i felt like I had to start gasping for air.
That feeling
took me over
and if it wasn't for the people that cared
I don't know where I would be right now.
Maybe back in therapy.
Maybe home schooled.
Maybe dead.
And although this may seem like an entry where I'm saying
"bla bla I hate the world"
It's not.
Because now I'm happy.
Today I realized
I am truely happy.
I was giddy today, which was something
that I haven't been in a very long time.
I've changed.
And I realized I don't have to be scared
of being pulled back down into that dark place
ever again
because the people that I love
and the people that love me
wont let that happen.