longest winter vacation, ever
I complained for about 10 years that my university had the shortest winter vacation in this city. Last year, before the finals, my university ranked No.1 shortest vacation in the city.
But it turned out to be a very, very long homestay. I just wrote down what I have experienced. It is a truth for me, but I will not call it a whole truth. Whole truth is a tricky thing.
At the beginning of the new year I did remember vaguely about some flu in the south. Well, Wuhan is not very south, and I just finished my own struggling with my own seasonal flu. Then it was the finals and we were busy. Then I took a nine-day job: giving scores to some nationwide exam, along with maybe two hundreds of teachers in this city. We were in a very large but enclosed room, doing the work together. The lady next to me had been coughing-without wearing a mask. I felt lucky nothing serious happened here. And I can't helping thinking about the teachers in Wuhan. They must worked in the same situation- many people working in an enclosed room for long hours. I hope they were safe.
Then the job was done, a few days before the Lunar New Year. Randomly I read messages from wechat, that some-those who had always been paranoid, who never really trust anything with "authority", said they will wear masks for their own safe. Let me make this point clear. There has been haze in winter, smogs sometimes. And winter is the season for flu-even the flu is usually misunderstood for a common cold. Wearing a mask to "avoid getting cold" is not uncommon here. I bought masks on November when I had a flu, just to protect others who walked past me. I didn't feel particularly warned when my friends talk about masks. They didn't expect it to be this bad, either. Otherwise it would be more than masks they should prepare.
Than it was right before the Lunar New Year(Jan, 24). It was odd. If you suddenly saw messages openly discuss a possible health threat, it could be a threat that is too urgent to be deleted from social media. There were talks about the 17-years-ago SARS, and about the heroic scientist who risked his fame to gave the warning. There was a very brief message sent by the president himself admitting-and probably warning-about the a nasty flu in Wuhan. In the past three years we actually had seasonal flus that would kill a seemingly healthy elderly, so we understood the nasty part. But this time it was not just nasty. It was killing. We knew later.
The day before the Lunar New Year we had debates on whether we go on with the family gatherings. Kids were fighting the grandparents for canceling the parties. (Kids: Cancel it! Grandma: I've been looking forward to see everybody and you dare to piss me off!)The eve of Lunar New Year, the centural television suggested people to cancel the parties and bainian-the new year greetings to relatives, friends, and neighbors.
That's when I really thought it was different. I was a young adult when SARS came. I was locked down in the college. And this time it was far more dangerous. Not to mention Dr.Zhong was leading the team. Pops Big-Arms-and-Big-Intelligence. He was the top spcialist and he was upright. He was the national hero during SARS. A man the the local authories must listen to. And he was 86.(edit: 84 for correction)He was leading the team to Wuhan, which means things there must be really bad.
I thought there must be a battle on what to tell, when to tell, and how to tell people about the danger. Maybe some managed to persuade the big leaders to deal with this with a more open, I don't know, attitude, maybe. At least some managed to give warnings on national television on the New Year Eve. I don't think it was early enough, but it was not so late. Not for us who are outside of Wuhan. Otherwise we might arrange a tour to anywhere. Whoever made such efforts of revealing, I thank them.
Then there was the lockdown in Wuhan. There were very strict quarantines in Hubei province. There were more-strict-then-ever quarantines in very province, every city,and every town.
Truth must have many faces. People had different stories to tell. Those who live in Wuhan, Hubei or out of Wuhan, Hubei; in a rich community or in a poor community; with or without one or more patients in their families; their loved ones died or survived the hardest days. They must had different stories. I lived far away from Wuhan. I was lucky. I was not sick. I had savings. I didn't have to worry about life-and-death for myself or for my family. I was not smarter than people in Wuhan. I was not stronger. I was just being lucky for not being there. I would not judge whose story was true or whose story was not. Not so lightly. And I reminded myself that I would not judge their emotions. Did they cry too loudly? Did they cry too ugly? It was far, far beyond my judgement. Like I said I was just being lucky.
There were couragous people who were there to help. Doctors, nurses, workers, cleaners, drivers, delivery men and women. There were cops and civil servants who worked themselves to death. One of my friends cancelled her wedding vacation to work 6 days a week to help people. I admired them. People, in and out of Wuhan, in and out of Hubei, endured their share of hardship.I admired them. Just staying alive and staying safe was heroic. Struggling for life, even if it failed, was heroic.
That does not mean some officials should go free. I saw them lying on TV. The nation saw. They said it was safe when it was not. They silenced people-especially the medical personels, calling them rumor spreaders. They claimed the supplies were enough when there were not. What kind of heart was in their chest? That even at brink of the outbreak, or maybe an outbreak already, that they still had celebrations for how good they have performed as officials? Did they know they were putting PEOPLE's life in danger whey they ordered group singing and dancing, huge gathering for tens of thousands of people, just for a good report on the paper, to show how peaceful the life was in their city? It was disappointing that I have not heard of any one of them being investigated. Sure the Chinese way is "to wait till autumn", meaning wait till we deal with you later, when all is done. But is it too long to wait? I'm not sure. I'm hoping for a thorough investigation. I'm hoping for.
One funny fact of east-Asian coutries, is that when those with authories realized they have done something wrong, they will mend if they still have conscience. They will mend hard. But they will not apologize. I don't think there will be apologies. I don't think it's right, but it's the way. Even if they are reflecting on what they do wrong, they don't want others know. They claim to be so perfect that any reflection on mistakes may damage their authority. But again, who knows if there are reflections.
Though it is not totally safe, it is getting better slowly. With a great price. And as far as I can see, we are paying this price now and will be paying for the months even years to come. How comes a disaster hit us so ill-prepared, and hit the world so ill-prepared? How comes that despite all the progress we made in technologies, we missed the window opportunity and the world, two months later, missed the window opportunity again? How comes that we are so torn apart, cursing and laughing at other's loss, rather then getting united?
Well for the last question I guess I have some answers of my own but I'd rather not to explain. I joked to my friend that if the movie Pacific Rim was real, it's more likely that we turn to kill each other with giant robots when Kaiju were on their vacation.
But there's the sting in my heart. It hurts everytime when I think of Li Wenliang. The 34 year old doctor. That's the wrost part of the whole stoy. He lived a life just like me. A little bit smarter than me in his education background. Much luckier than me for having an ideal family. And he died. Some say he didn't try to warn the whole country, that he was just trying to warn a few friends, that he was not a whistle blower, that he was not a hero. But he was. Everything he was wronged for, by the local police, by his bossy bosses, by the national TV calling him and others spreading rumors on the first days of January, made him a martyr. A tragic hero who should NOT be a hero like this if only he was luckier. Some may use him as an icon in propagnda, but for me he was really like a brother, a junior highschool classmate, a pal who loves to read manga and watch animations, who died because of the ignorance of higher officials in his hospital, officials in this his second-home city, and officials of even higher authority. I just can't help remembering him.
I feel sad for him just as i feel the disillusion. One word I learned but i did not understand when I was younger.
Life goes on. This entry is for me to aimlessly pour my thoughts in the past few months. Like I said, my truth, not the whole truth. This is what happened to me, rather than what happened to others.
I hope livejournal is unpopular enough to draw any trolls. It's hard to find somewhere to actually talk than to yell.
Not having a heart to check for the grammars or typos(did it later). I guess this is where i stop. Have a few hours to sleep, and back to work.
If anyone is reading, wish you a sound body, a calm mind, and good luck.
But it turned out to be a very, very long homestay. I just wrote down what I have experienced. It is a truth for me, but I will not call it a whole truth. Whole truth is a tricky thing.
At the beginning of the new year I did remember vaguely about some flu in the south. Well, Wuhan is not very south, and I just finished my own struggling with my own seasonal flu. Then it was the finals and we were busy. Then I took a nine-day job: giving scores to some nationwide exam, along with maybe two hundreds of teachers in this city. We were in a very large but enclosed room, doing the work together. The lady next to me had been coughing-without wearing a mask. I felt lucky nothing serious happened here. And I can't helping thinking about the teachers in Wuhan. They must worked in the same situation- many people working in an enclosed room for long hours. I hope they were safe.
Then the job was done, a few days before the Lunar New Year. Randomly I read messages from wechat, that some-those who had always been paranoid, who never really trust anything with "authority", said they will wear masks for their own safe. Let me make this point clear. There has been haze in winter, smogs sometimes. And winter is the season for flu-even the flu is usually misunderstood for a common cold. Wearing a mask to "avoid getting cold" is not uncommon here. I bought masks on November when I had a flu, just to protect others who walked past me. I didn't feel particularly warned when my friends talk about masks. They didn't expect it to be this bad, either. Otherwise it would be more than masks they should prepare.
Than it was right before the Lunar New Year(Jan, 24). It was odd. If you suddenly saw messages openly discuss a possible health threat, it could be a threat that is too urgent to be deleted from social media. There were talks about the 17-years-ago SARS, and about the heroic scientist who risked his fame to gave the warning. There was a very brief message sent by the president himself admitting-and probably warning-about the a nasty flu in Wuhan. In the past three years we actually had seasonal flus that would kill a seemingly healthy elderly, so we understood the nasty part. But this time it was not just nasty. It was killing. We knew later.
The day before the Lunar New Year we had debates on whether we go on with the family gatherings. Kids were fighting the grandparents for canceling the parties. (Kids: Cancel it! Grandma: I've been looking forward to see everybody and you dare to piss me off!)The eve of Lunar New Year, the centural television suggested people to cancel the parties and bainian-the new year greetings to relatives, friends, and neighbors.
That's when I really thought it was different. I was a young adult when SARS came. I was locked down in the college. And this time it was far more dangerous. Not to mention Dr.Zhong was leading the team. Pops Big-Arms-and-Big-Intelligence. He was the top spcialist and he was upright. He was the national hero during SARS. A man the the local authories must listen to. And he was 86.(edit: 84 for correction)He was leading the team to Wuhan, which means things there must be really bad.
I thought there must be a battle on what to tell, when to tell, and how to tell people about the danger. Maybe some managed to persuade the big leaders to deal with this with a more open, I don't know, attitude, maybe. At least some managed to give warnings on national television on the New Year Eve. I don't think it was early enough, but it was not so late. Not for us who are outside of Wuhan. Otherwise we might arrange a tour to anywhere. Whoever made such efforts of revealing, I thank them.
Then there was the lockdown in Wuhan. There were very strict quarantines in Hubei province. There were more-strict-then-ever quarantines in very province, every city,and every town.
Truth must have many faces. People had different stories to tell. Those who live in Wuhan, Hubei or out of Wuhan, Hubei; in a rich community or in a poor community; with or without one or more patients in their families; their loved ones died or survived the hardest days. They must had different stories. I lived far away from Wuhan. I was lucky. I was not sick. I had savings. I didn't have to worry about life-and-death for myself or for my family. I was not smarter than people in Wuhan. I was not stronger. I was just being lucky for not being there. I would not judge whose story was true or whose story was not. Not so lightly. And I reminded myself that I would not judge their emotions. Did they cry too loudly? Did they cry too ugly? It was far, far beyond my judgement. Like I said I was just being lucky.
There were couragous people who were there to help. Doctors, nurses, workers, cleaners, drivers, delivery men and women. There were cops and civil servants who worked themselves to death. One of my friends cancelled her wedding vacation to work 6 days a week to help people. I admired them. People, in and out of Wuhan, in and out of Hubei, endured their share of hardship.I admired them. Just staying alive and staying safe was heroic. Struggling for life, even if it failed, was heroic.
That does not mean some officials should go free. I saw them lying on TV. The nation saw. They said it was safe when it was not. They silenced people-especially the medical personels, calling them rumor spreaders. They claimed the supplies were enough when there were not. What kind of heart was in their chest? That even at brink of the outbreak, or maybe an outbreak already, that they still had celebrations for how good they have performed as officials? Did they know they were putting PEOPLE's life in danger whey they ordered group singing and dancing, huge gathering for tens of thousands of people, just for a good report on the paper, to show how peaceful the life was in their city? It was disappointing that I have not heard of any one of them being investigated. Sure the Chinese way is "to wait till autumn", meaning wait till we deal with you later, when all is done. But is it too long to wait? I'm not sure. I'm hoping for a thorough investigation. I'm hoping for.
One funny fact of east-Asian coutries, is that when those with authories realized they have done something wrong, they will mend if they still have conscience. They will mend hard. But they will not apologize. I don't think there will be apologies. I don't think it's right, but it's the way. Even if they are reflecting on what they do wrong, they don't want others know. They claim to be so perfect that any reflection on mistakes may damage their authority. But again, who knows if there are reflections.
Though it is not totally safe, it is getting better slowly. With a great price. And as far as I can see, we are paying this price now and will be paying for the months even years to come. How comes a disaster hit us so ill-prepared, and hit the world so ill-prepared? How comes that despite all the progress we made in technologies, we missed the window opportunity and the world, two months later, missed the window opportunity again? How comes that we are so torn apart, cursing and laughing at other's loss, rather then getting united?
Well for the last question I guess I have some answers of my own but I'd rather not to explain. I joked to my friend that if the movie Pacific Rim was real, it's more likely that we turn to kill each other with giant robots when Kaiju were on their vacation.
But there's the sting in my heart. It hurts everytime when I think of Li Wenliang. The 34 year old doctor. That's the wrost part of the whole stoy. He lived a life just like me. A little bit smarter than me in his education background. Much luckier than me for having an ideal family. And he died. Some say he didn't try to warn the whole country, that he was just trying to warn a few friends, that he was not a whistle blower, that he was not a hero. But he was. Everything he was wronged for, by the local police, by his bossy bosses, by the national TV calling him and others spreading rumors on the first days of January, made him a martyr. A tragic hero who should NOT be a hero like this if only he was luckier. Some may use him as an icon in propagnda, but for me he was really like a brother, a junior highschool classmate, a pal who loves to read manga and watch animations, who died because of the ignorance of higher officials in his hospital, officials in this his second-home city, and officials of even higher authority. I just can't help remembering him.
I feel sad for him just as i feel the disillusion. One word I learned but i did not understand when I was younger.
Life goes on. This entry is for me to aimlessly pour my thoughts in the past few months. Like I said, my truth, not the whole truth. This is what happened to me, rather than what happened to others.
I hope livejournal is unpopular enough to draw any trolls. It's hard to find somewhere to actually talk than to yell.
Not having a heart to check for the grammars or typos(did it later). I guess this is where i stop. Have a few hours to sleep, and back to work.
If anyone is reading, wish you a sound body, a calm mind, and good luck.