December Already...
i can't believe christmas is almost here. im excited! im just thinking about how this year is almost over. it's kinda sad in a way. soooo much stuff happened this year and im lookin back on all of it and how much i've grown as a person and learned about myself.
from the beginning...happy in love with my turtle. my first boyfriend, first love, just the greatest person i will ever know. probably the only guy i know who can put up with my shit and still love me for me. he accepted everything about me..loved me unconditionally. i just recently realized how it's going to be hard to find someone like him. he's one of a kind...really.
but then towards spring i don't know why i turned into some stupid bitch. we started arguing all the time...it became hard to focus on the relationship because so many other things were happening. i guess i didnt know how to manage school, work, a boyfriend, friends, and family very well..plus, bryan came into the picture which made it 1000 times worse. i just wasnt thinking clearly. i know i will never make another mistake like that again. i learned the hard way that once you lose something..u can't ever get it back.
then summer time was probably one of the worst ive had in my life. i lost my boyfriend of a year because of my stupid decisions...i lost 2 people who were close to me as friends...and was just not happy with myself at all. eventually herbie came around and we worked on being best friends. but as far as my other supposed friends, it's just not ever gonna be the same. i know that for a fact now. but it's okay because i had to deal with shit on my own. as much as i wanted some kind of support from them, i became a lot stronger by doing it on my own. i wasnt happy with who i was becoming when i was around them...fake!! and also i was struggling with my image...but i got a rude awakening. just with family struggles i kinda woke up out of this thing about "me me me" and learned my family needs me right now. my mom needs me. we didnt get the greateset of news this summer but sometimes blessings come in strange ways. my family is so much tighter now...i mean we've always been close but now we're closer than ever. i know i take them for granted sometimes but i just have to remember how lucky i am to have them...
the end of summer and the start of a new school year brought new people into my life...annette!! im so grateful for her friendship. i know it might have seemed like the most strange thing to become friends with someone who i used to "hate" but things like that creep up on ya and teach you new things. i think we have so many things and common and i just love hanging with her. she's not like any other friend i've had just for the fact that she doesn't judge, she listens..she advises. it's awesome to find people like that. i just wish we could have become friends sooner! and i also made ends meet with sean..that guy really has grown up and changed from what i remember. he's just an overall good person.
i also found wendy!! we became super close senior year and then lost touch after graduation. but i tracked her down and we talk every day now. she's so funny and we can joke about everything.. she knows all the dirty secrets. lol
then jill and i became closer too. ive known her since 7th grade...BFF!! haha. she knows me better than i know me! she's another person i love coming to for help just cuz i know she's going through similar things with her family and also she just gives awesome advice. we're totally there for each other.
as far as any boys...it's just sad. lol. i mean, im up for dating, i suppose. but the right guy just hasnt come along. wrong ones keep coming to me...like ones who just wanna hook up and then ones who want to hook up and then throw it in my face later ::ahem:: ya, well it's okie. u gotta learn from your mistakes and never...i mean never do them again. if they don't like you for who you are, why should u bother? i have a bad habit of putting to much faith in a guy. i have all this hope that they are this perfect guy for me who is gonna understand me and that eventually they're gonna turn around and be this person i somewhat envisioned...but i shouldnt do that. because then, when it doesn't happen, im let down - big time. i guess i do it because i want them to do the same for me...but again, i always learn the hard way. blaaah.
this thing is sooo long, i know. but i had soda and can't sleep but im gonna go try right now.
if u read all of this and made some sense of it, you're awesome because i can't even do it.
<3, drea
from the beginning...happy in love with my turtle. my first boyfriend, first love, just the greatest person i will ever know. probably the only guy i know who can put up with my shit and still love me for me. he accepted everything about me..loved me unconditionally. i just recently realized how it's going to be hard to find someone like him. he's one of a kind...really.
but then towards spring i don't know why i turned into some stupid bitch. we started arguing all the time...it became hard to focus on the relationship because so many other things were happening. i guess i didnt know how to manage school, work, a boyfriend, friends, and family very well..plus, bryan came into the picture which made it 1000 times worse. i just wasnt thinking clearly. i know i will never make another mistake like that again. i learned the hard way that once you lose something..u can't ever get it back.
then summer time was probably one of the worst ive had in my life. i lost my boyfriend of a year because of my stupid decisions...i lost 2 people who were close to me as friends...and was just not happy with myself at all. eventually herbie came around and we worked on being best friends. but as far as my other supposed friends, it's just not ever gonna be the same. i know that for a fact now. but it's okay because i had to deal with shit on my own. as much as i wanted some kind of support from them, i became a lot stronger by doing it on my own. i wasnt happy with who i was becoming when i was around them...fake!! and also i was struggling with my image...but i got a rude awakening. just with family struggles i kinda woke up out of this thing about "me me me" and learned my family needs me right now. my mom needs me. we didnt get the greateset of news this summer but sometimes blessings come in strange ways. my family is so much tighter now...i mean we've always been close but now we're closer than ever. i know i take them for granted sometimes but i just have to remember how lucky i am to have them...
the end of summer and the start of a new school year brought new people into my life...annette!! im so grateful for her friendship. i know it might have seemed like the most strange thing to become friends with someone who i used to "hate" but things like that creep up on ya and teach you new things. i think we have so many things and common and i just love hanging with her. she's not like any other friend i've had just for the fact that she doesn't judge, she listens..she advises. it's awesome to find people like that. i just wish we could have become friends sooner! and i also made ends meet with sean..that guy really has grown up and changed from what i remember. he's just an overall good person.
i also found wendy!! we became super close senior year and then lost touch after graduation. but i tracked her down and we talk every day now. she's so funny and we can joke about everything.. she knows all the dirty secrets. lol
then jill and i became closer too. ive known her since 7th grade...BFF!! haha. she knows me better than i know me! she's another person i love coming to for help just cuz i know she's going through similar things with her family and also she just gives awesome advice. we're totally there for each other.
as far as any boys...it's just sad. lol. i mean, im up for dating, i suppose. but the right guy just hasnt come along. wrong ones keep coming to me...like ones who just wanna hook up and then ones who want to hook up and then throw it in my face later ::ahem:: ya, well it's okie. u gotta learn from your mistakes and never...i mean never do them again. if they don't like you for who you are, why should u bother? i have a bad habit of putting to much faith in a guy. i have all this hope that they are this perfect guy for me who is gonna understand me and that eventually they're gonna turn around and be this person i somewhat envisioned...but i shouldnt do that. because then, when it doesn't happen, im let down - big time. i guess i do it because i want them to do the same for me...but again, i always learn the hard way. blaaah.
this thing is sooo long, i know. but i had soda and can't sleep but im gonna go try right now.
if u read all of this and made some sense of it, you're awesome because i can't even do it.
<3, drea