(no subject)
I don't know what sort of disease I
have, but I know the symptoms. I have no attention span for anything
I'm supposed to be doing, I have shit for study skills, and I can't
even start my homework, ever, until at least 12 am the night before
it's due. I don't understand why I don't fail miserably at everything,
the way I carry on. I must have a magic talisman or something saving my
ass from total ruin. A blessing the day I was born, maybe.
I don't think I used to be like this. I think I remember, hazily in the distance of time, that I used to do my required reading and get my work done early. Way back in high school...and freshman year at Western because I didn't have any friends and doing homework was better than fixating on how pathetic I was....Yeah.
Sigh.
Well, I got even less done in the past few days than I might have (not that I'm suggesting I would have done much) because Erik was visiting this weekend. We had all sorts of good times. Went out to Thai food, had a little party, watched some of Fifth Element and drove around town finding new and out of the way places...and being together. We hadn't seen each other in two weeks. Just to be together...that felt so good. Everytime I sat down or laid down with him next to me, I immediately relaxed, and could fall asleep in a heartbeat on his shoulder. In no other situation is such a thing possible. I could have been up for two days straight, been drunk, and have taken sleeping pills, and I wouldn't fall asleep that fast, or that pleasantly. Erik is my sedative...but he also makes me so happy that I forget about everything else...my hallucinogen, too.
He's like a drug.
Everytime he leaves me, I get withdrawals.
I need to do some work, or I'll regret it on Thursday night.
I don't think I used to be like this. I think I remember, hazily in the distance of time, that I used to do my required reading and get my work done early. Way back in high school...and freshman year at Western because I didn't have any friends and doing homework was better than fixating on how pathetic I was....Yeah.
Sigh.
Well, I got even less done in the past few days than I might have (not that I'm suggesting I would have done much) because Erik was visiting this weekend. We had all sorts of good times. Went out to Thai food, had a little party, watched some of Fifth Element and drove around town finding new and out of the way places...and being together. We hadn't seen each other in two weeks. Just to be together...that felt so good. Everytime I sat down or laid down with him next to me, I immediately relaxed, and could fall asleep in a heartbeat on his shoulder. In no other situation is such a thing possible. I could have been up for two days straight, been drunk, and have taken sleeping pills, and I wouldn't fall asleep that fast, or that pleasantly. Erik is my sedative...but he also makes me so happy that I forget about everything else...my hallucinogen, too.
He's like a drug.
Everytime he leaves me, I get withdrawals.
I need to do some work, or I'll regret it on Thursday night.