Post Holiday Funk Hits Hard This Year
I arrived at work today more melancholy and miserable than I've felt in my life after Christmas day. I said goodbye to Marci and Felix, not really realizing until that moment how nice it was to have her here, a burst of delicious familiarity after being so long isolated from everything I know. Almost as soon as I turned away from her after saying goodbye, I teared up. I hurried into the teachers' room and got myself under control.
I talked to a lot of people today. I called my brother Timmy and talked to him and my nieces and Fabienne for Christmas, and they all sounded so glad to hear from me. They've moved into a new house and they can't wait for me to see it. I called my mom, and she was making turkey soup and apparently had lunch with a psychic the other day. She said she missed me so much, and I believed it. I talked to Jake, who gave me all the family gossip before things cut out, and then I talked to Erik and Erik's mom and Anna and Molly about their Christmas for a while. It was so good to hear familiar voices, and they all said they missed me and asked how my Christmas was.
Marci and I were talking today about me being in Korea. We said lots of stuff, mostly stuff I'd probably already said, but then she said, "You just have to think about it this way: are you having fun here? Are you enjoying this?"
"No," I said immediately. And then I was a bit surprised at how easy and plain the answer was. No beating around the bush. And it was completely true. I'm not enjoying this. It's bearable, and that's really not the same thing at all. It surprised me to think about it that way.
Also, I miss Erik almost as much as he misses me. And that doesn't make anything easier. I was envious of Marci this week; she and Felix are new, just falling in love and getting to know each other, and they were so happy. Erik and would be just as happy, even though we've been together for so long, if we could just be close to one another. Talking on the phone isn't the same as having someone there you can reach for.
But I think the worst part was, once I got to work, I found out that the schedule for winter intensive classes was up. I think I mentioned these before; we'll be teaching extra classes, on top of our 30 hours, because the kids have winter break so they don't have regular school during the day. Apparently, lots of parents think this is a great opportunity for kids to take even more classes, so they'll be coming in the morning as well as in the afternoon.
At first when I looked at the schedule, I didn't understand it. I was scheduled for two classes, but I didn't see the time table. Laura had to explain it to me. "So your novel-reading class is Monday, Wednesday, Friday," she pointed out, "And your grammar class is Tuesday and Thursday."
It took a minute to sink in. "Wait. So...I teach five days a week?" At this, Moon, the office staff manager, laughed. He works about 12 hours a day anyway. But I still thought he was a jerk for it.
"Yup." From her tone, it was easy to see she'd already been thinking about it.
"...Oh...." So, I teach from 10 am - 1 pm every week day. And teach from 4-10 pm every week day except Wednesday. And I teach from 2-5 pm on Saturday and Sunday. So I will be teaching every single day. These classes start on January 2nd. They last for a month. So...I won't have a single day off until February, my last day off being yesterday, Christmas. I'll be working 45 hours a week.
If I wanted a workweek that looked like that, I could have stayed home and worked in the shipyard.
Of course, every hour over 30 that I teach, I get overtime for. So I'll be getting about 1.5 times my normal paycheck. But still...is the money enough to make up for how hard this is going to be?
I didn't really want to be here anyway. And now this. I'll be working every single day, with no respite. And it's in my contract, and they'll be paying me overtime, so I can't complain. But...God, it's going to suck. I won't even be able to take Korean classes now, because they're in the mornings on weekdays, and I'll be working. So even though I could move up to level 2, I can't now. And I won't have any free time to study on my own, because I'll be working 9 hours a day.
I wish Christmas had lasted just a little longer in my heart. But it's stone-cold dead and gone. Replaced with a sinking feeling.
I talked to a lot of people today. I called my brother Timmy and talked to him and my nieces and Fabienne for Christmas, and they all sounded so glad to hear from me. They've moved into a new house and they can't wait for me to see it. I called my mom, and she was making turkey soup and apparently had lunch with a psychic the other day. She said she missed me so much, and I believed it. I talked to Jake, who gave me all the family gossip before things cut out, and then I talked to Erik and Erik's mom and Anna and Molly about their Christmas for a while. It was so good to hear familiar voices, and they all said they missed me and asked how my Christmas was.
Marci and I were talking today about me being in Korea. We said lots of stuff, mostly stuff I'd probably already said, but then she said, "You just have to think about it this way: are you having fun here? Are you enjoying this?"
"No," I said immediately. And then I was a bit surprised at how easy and plain the answer was. No beating around the bush. And it was completely true. I'm not enjoying this. It's bearable, and that's really not the same thing at all. It surprised me to think about it that way.
Also, I miss Erik almost as much as he misses me. And that doesn't make anything easier. I was envious of Marci this week; she and Felix are new, just falling in love and getting to know each other, and they were so happy. Erik and would be just as happy, even though we've been together for so long, if we could just be close to one another. Talking on the phone isn't the same as having someone there you can reach for.
But I think the worst part was, once I got to work, I found out that the schedule for winter intensive classes was up. I think I mentioned these before; we'll be teaching extra classes, on top of our 30 hours, because the kids have winter break so they don't have regular school during the day. Apparently, lots of parents think this is a great opportunity for kids to take even more classes, so they'll be coming in the morning as well as in the afternoon.
At first when I looked at the schedule, I didn't understand it. I was scheduled for two classes, but I didn't see the time table. Laura had to explain it to me. "So your novel-reading class is Monday, Wednesday, Friday," she pointed out, "And your grammar class is Tuesday and Thursday."
It took a minute to sink in. "Wait. So...I teach five days a week?" At this, Moon, the office staff manager, laughed. He works about 12 hours a day anyway. But I still thought he was a jerk for it.
"Yup." From her tone, it was easy to see she'd already been thinking about it.
"...Oh...." So, I teach from 10 am - 1 pm every week day. And teach from 4-10 pm every week day except Wednesday. And I teach from 2-5 pm on Saturday and Sunday. So I will be teaching every single day. These classes start on January 2nd. They last for a month. So...I won't have a single day off until February, my last day off being yesterday, Christmas. I'll be working 45 hours a week.
If I wanted a workweek that looked like that, I could have stayed home and worked in the shipyard.
Of course, every hour over 30 that I teach, I get overtime for. So I'll be getting about 1.5 times my normal paycheck. But still...is the money enough to make up for how hard this is going to be?
I didn't really want to be here anyway. And now this. I'll be working every single day, with no respite. And it's in my contract, and they'll be paying me overtime, so I can't complain. But...God, it's going to suck. I won't even be able to take Korean classes now, because they're in the mornings on weekdays, and I'll be working. So even though I could move up to level 2, I can't now. And I won't have any free time to study on my own, because I'll be working 9 hours a day.
I wish Christmas had lasted just a little longer in my heart. But it's stone-cold dead and gone. Replaced with a sinking feeling.