Taking root

Jun 29, 2008 20:00

Who Dot and Satsu
Where: The Lee house
When: Wednesday afternoon, before this post

Satsu had been nervous ALL DAY. She'd barely made it through school without vomiting, truthfully. She finally made it home, and sat on her bed, grumbling, waiting for Dot to arrive. She knew Rachel would let her in and direct her upstairs... but the waiting was torture.

Dot stood at the front door and sighed. She'd almost gotten lost a few times on the way over here. She knocked on the door, lightly, hoping that she didn't look as nervous as she was.

Rachel's daughter Cassie opened the door and let Dot in, pointing her up the stairs towards the room Satsu was staying in. Satsu, for her part, was essentially a nervous wreck.

Dot nodded gratefully to Cassie, then made her way upstairs. She stood in the hallway and knocked on the door. "Hello?"

Satsu swung the door open, and took a deep breath of relief. "Hey... I was really afraid you weren't gonna show up."

Dot nodded. "Well, I did get lost a few times. Sorry about that." She still hadn't moved from the hallway, though.

"Come on in. Don't be nervous... this is what I did NOT want to happen." Satsu grinned nervously and motioned for her to enter. "For now, we're two friends, just talking things over."

Dot nodded, then moved inside. "Yes, okay, that's fine. Sorry, I can't help being nervous." She looked around for a place to sit, and settled for crouching with her hands resting on her knees.

"Ok. Let me go first." Satsu sat on the edge of the bed, looking adorably jittery. "I feel really bad. You're a good friend, one of the few I have. And I kind of threw this at you. But I also have to be true to myself. And from the day we met... I felt this connection to you. Like... every time you'd talk, I'd melt a little inside."

Dot smiled. "That's so sweet of you to say. I'm still a little stunned, honestly. I won't bother with 'why me, out of all the people' , because I guess if we knew that, we'd be having a different conversation, right?"

"I could tell you some of it..." Satsu was a lot of things, but usually? Shy wasn't one of them. "I mean, you're beautiful, first of all. For real. Combine that with your sense of humor, and just... this aura you give off... you're just amazing."

Dot blushed. "Aw, there you go again. I ..guess I don't really think about it. I mean, I'm just me -- I've never tried to be pretty or anything. I've worn what I like, which I suppose tends to make me look like a lumberjack." She laughed. "I've been more outdoorsy than pretty much anybody I know since, well, forever. I think it tends to put people off."

"Well... not me." Satsu smiled. "No matter where this goes... I'll always think you're amazing."

Dot smiled again. "Where do you want this to go?"

"You want total honesty?" Satsu asked warily. "I can give that... but it might scare you."

Dot nodded. "I asked, didn't I? You can startle me, but you know THAT already. Go right on ahead and tell me."

"Fine." Satsu took a deep breath and exhaled. "Where I want this to go? Is you being my girlfriend. For me to be able to just hold you... to finally know what it feels like to kiss you. Because if you're curious? I've been wondering that since I met you."

Dot blushed. "Wow. That's ...I thought I was ready for anything, but ...wow. I'm not ..scared, exactly. I guess..I haven't even *thought* about sex." She dropped her eyes and blushed deeper. "Okay, that was a lie. I mean, of COURSE I've thought about it -- it's kinda hard when it's ALL over the place, and everybody you know is getting together..but I never really thought about it for ME. You know?"

Satsu giggled there, on the verge of a belly-laugh. "Sweetie, slow down. Nobody mentioned sex. Despite what you may think? I've only gone that far ONCE. All was talking about was cuddling and kissing."

Dot shook her head, eyes fixed on her feet. "Hey! You know damn well what I meant! If you wanna get all nipicky, sheesh. I've never thought about kissing or cuddling or any of that, not so much, anyway. Not as it relates to me. Okay?"

Satsu was completely loving blushynervous Dot. "Okay. I was just... I told you I wouldn't hold back. Anything said in this room stays here. I just want to make sure each of us says exactly what we're thinking."

Dot nodded. "Well, good. I won't go spilling any of this either." She looked like she might have said more, but didn't elaborate.

"Come on, don't shut down... what's going on up there? I can practically hear the hamster wheel spinning." Satsu grinned and ruffled her friend's hair.

"You leave my hamsters alone, okay?" Dot laughed and ducked her head. "It's really really flattering, knowing that you feel that way about me. It's even more flattering to know that you've always felt like that, even though we've barely just met. I feel like I should have noticed before, or something, but, like I said, I just really hadn't thought about myself like that."

"Well... I'm good at hiding that stuff when I really want to." Satsu shrugged and tried not to blush. "But here's the $10,000 question: are you even... you know... interested in girls? I mean, no matter how little people think about it, EVERYONE sees people and says 'wow, he or she is kinda hot...' so... ever think that about a girl?"

Dot laughed, weakly. "Well, of course. I mean, I've looked at hot boys, and of course I have to keep an eye on the other girls, it's genetic or something. But, you know, I've never really cared if they were dressed better than me, or if they were cuter than me. Does that answer the question? I feel like I'm failing a test!" She ducked her head again, but she was smiling now.

:"Noooo, it does not!" Satsu laughed, and playfully shoved Dot. "I asked if you ever found yourself looking at girls the same way you look at boys! Like, in all honesty... would you be turned on or freaked out at the thought of kissing a girl?"

Dot smirked. "I've just been telling you, I don't really look at anybody in a sexy way. I suppose....I'd have to find the right girl to kiss. How's that? Girl, boy, rock, tree, I suppose I don't care what I'm kissing, so long as it feels right."

"Good answer, very good answer." Satsu just laughed there, as Dot seemed to have an interesting answer for everything. "So... here's the part where I sound like I'm coming on to you, but I swear I'm not. So we don't waste either of our time... let's perform a small experiment."

Dot widened her eyes. "Experiment? That sounds ..suspicious. I'm not giving out any free kisses, does this look like a sample tray?" She grinned.

"Now now... I'm not asking for a Girls Gone Wild makeout session..." Satsu grinned mischeviously. "But seriously... unless you KISS a girl, how do we know if you like it?"

Dot laughed. "I haven't run screaming, have I?" She patted the other girl's hand. "I know you're dying to kiss me, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't hit you if you tried." She grinned, then said, "But, you know, there's that other girl you're dying to take out, too. So, I guess my question is, how magical will it be if you've my very first girl-kiss and then you're using those lips on some other girl?" She smiled, then, and looked Satsu in the eyes for the first time in minutes.

"Because I thought about what you said. And... if I go out with Prudence again, it's only gonna be as friends. Even if you and I don't... work out... it's not fair to try to date her if she's not the first thing on my mind." Satsu just let it all hang out there, she had been wrong, and she knew it.

Dot smiled, again. "Just like it's not fair to me if I'm not the first thing on your mind, right?"

"Exactly." Satsu replied, looking into Dot's eyes. "So... if I promise to not, like... grope you or anything... how's that kiss sound?"

Dot smiled. "I think that sounds -- oh, crap. Is that REALLY what time it is?"

Satsu just blinked. Oh, she WOULDN'T. "Huh? What?"

"The time! is that clock right?" Dot gestured at the clock on the wall. "I've gotta be on shift in not too long!"

"Yeah." Satsu looked glum there. "It's... it's right."

Dot sighed. "Well, I don't have rush off quite yet, but I gotta pay closer attention. I was gonna say that it sounds nice, but I still don't wanna rush into anything, you know?"

Satsu nodded. She really wanted to kiss Dot, but she also wanted to respect her friend's wishes. "No problem. When you feel comfortable enough.... you tell me."

Dot smiled, relieved. "It doesn't mean I don't want to hang out, or anything. I want us to be really terrific friends, apart from anything else we might ..grow into."

Satsu just nodded, happy to at least have a good friend. "Good." She felt a lump in her throat, but wasn't about to let Dot see her cry.

Dot frowned. "You sound a little croaky.."

"Nah. I'm good." Satsu forced a sweet smile, and leaned in to hug the other girl. "Thank you so much for your honesty. About everything."

Dot hugged. "That wasn't a 'no', you know.."

"I know. Really." The other girl smiled and looked Dot in the eyes. "Since, you know... honesty... I know it's silly, but I love romance and stuff... and I guess I was envisioning this situation where you saw how I felt, and just realized I was the one for you and we all lived happily ever after."

Dot smiled. "I do know how you feel. You've been very upfront, and I appreciate that. Like I said, it's not 'no', it's just ... 'slow', right?"

Dot shook her head, then. "Okay, okay. It's like this: when you plant something, it takes time. A lot of time, and you have to work at it. You water it all the time, and you make sure it's getting sun and all of that. I..I think that's what this is."

Satsu felt the tear welling up in her right eye, threatening to trickle out. "Just.... please... whatever happens? Please don't break my heart too badly."

Dot blushed. "You? What about me? I'm ...i feel like the tiniest sapling ever. All these huge, old monster trees that just grab for all the sunlight, and then there's little old me."

"I'd never hurt you, Dot." Satsu tenderly stroked the other girl's cheek, and sighed. "You're... pretty much the most beautiful person I know, inside and out."

Dot smiled. "It means a lot. I just don't have a clue what I'm doing. I never thought about it. I know I keep saying that, but it's true. I never thought about it. I don't know what to do."

"You will. One day." Satsu kept eye contact, smiling serenely. "And if I'm lucky... maybe when you realize what you want... it'll be me."

Dot smiled. "I guess you better hope you're real close by when the moment comes, hm?"

"I'm gonna take the fact that you said 'when' and not 'if' as a sign of hope." Satsu stood, forcing a smile again. "Now... looks like you need to get to work."

Dot shook her head again. "We didn't really resolve anything, did we?"

"Well... we made some progress, I guess." Satsu laughed there, running her fingers through her own hair. "Maybe I can take you out somewhere, as a 'friendly-date'?"

Dot smiled, slightly. "That would be terrific. There's..just one little thing..." She leaned in close and hugged the other girl, resting her head on Satsu's shoulder. "How'm I gonna know if you're the kind of girl I might eventually be kissing if we don't hang out a lot in the meantime? I know there's some people that are pretty close without moving RIGHT to this kissing you speak of."

"Like you need to ASK me to hang out with you more." Satsu laughed, still feeling that odd mixture of embarrassed, nervous, and slightly sad. "Anytime you want to spend time together, consider me there."

Dot nodded slightly, still without raising her head. "Mmhm, okay! I'll keep that in mind." Quietly, she added, "Sorry, it's just, your shoulder is really comfy.."

"Wait till you get to cuddle with the rest of me, then." Smiling lightly, Satsu slowly stroked Dot's hair, sighing sweetly. "And if ya didn't notice? I'm not exactly chasing you away."

"Yup, noticed that," said Dot. "I really don't wanna go in today. Boo." She was content to address all her words to Satsu's collarbone. "You're okay with sapling-timeline, right? I mean, I don't want to frustrate you with slow, or anything."

"Well... I think I can handle slow." With a rasied eyebrow, Satsu realized she should continue just... saying what she felt. "Now... by slow. I realize that means a) nothing serious for quite a while and b) no sexin' for a loooooong time... but by slow, does that mean you go screaming for the hills of I try to cuddle, or to kiss you?"

Dot laughed. "I won't run screaming. Aren't we cuddling now, sort of? I just ..I don't want to rush the kissing. I wanna make sure it's the right thing to do and it's happening at the right time, you know? Oh, that sounds so rude of me."

"Just a little... but I know what you mean though." Satsu thought back briefly to her last girlfriend, a girl who was embarrassed to be gay, and never let them be seen together in public. The sex was mindblowing, but she vowed to never again be with someone who didn't want to be with HER. "Like I said. Just... if you start to feel like this isn't for you, or that you just aren't having real feelings for me... please let me know and don't, you know... string me along."

Dot shook her head. "I won't. That's why I wanna be so careful, because this is totally new and I'm pretty worried that I'm going to break some rule I didn't know about."

"Alright. I think... I hope... we can do this. If slow is what you need... slow is what you'll get." God, it was gonna be hard though. Just the smell of the other girl was driving Satsu nuts.

Dot smiled. "Thanks. I'm gonna try and not be so scaredy, I promise."

Finally, Satsu managed to force herself to break the embrace. "Alright. Much as it pains me... you really gotta get to work."

Dot sighed. "You could come with me, right? Hang out for a little bit and laugh at my suffering?"

"Sure, I don't mind." Satsu gave a half-teasing wink. "Especially since, who knows... maybe you'll get realllly stressed and decide only a kiss from a beautiful Japanese girl will make you feel better."

Dot laughed. "If I see any, I promise to strongly consider it." She gathered her pack from the floor and stood, stretching.

"Oh, girl..." Satsu slipped on her sneakers and laughed. "Yer cruisin' for a bruisin'..."

Dot grinned. "I bet you say that to alll the confused girls you want to pull into bed."

"Yep. All of them. I say that, then I insult them, then I smack them around." Satsu said with a straight face. "Then before you know it? Notch on the bedpost for me!"

Dot hesitated, then laughed. "I'll need names and phone numbers. Sounds like I need to do a little more research." She grinned and darted down the stairs and out through the front door.

"Oh, that's it, lady!" Satsu yelled with a laugh before chasing Dot out the door...

location: leehouse, satsu, dot

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