Frozen Yetis are awesome.
Who: Nica, Franco, Vlad, Warren, Bill, Faith, Eva, Lizzie, Kit, Maya, Jenni, Mandy
Where: The Bronze
When: Thursday night
Nica was Bronzin' it tonight, at a table with a soda and a quesadilla.
Franco was also hanging out at the Bronze, mellowed out at a table.
Vladamir was with Franco, looking chill. "Now remember- not so many Frozen Yetis tonight, okay? Last time I had to practically carry you out of here..."
"Okay," Franco agreed. "Just one."
Warren wandered into the Bronze, looking cranky.
Bill headed into the Bronze, hoping he didn't look too out of place. He hadn't been to a club in ages.
Faith was just behind him, gettin a look around. " ... seriously, you have nothing to worry about. Lots of different kinds of people hang here."
Eva headed in to The Bronze, determined to have fun. She wasn't going to let bad experiences get her down. No, not at all.
"If you insist." Bill said "Find a seat for us, please..."
Warren settled down nearby Nica. "Did someone just staple the 'ruin your dynamic' note to the side of my head while I was sleeping or something?"
Nica looked at Warren's head. "Doesn't look like it," she said. "Why, what's up with your dynamic?"
Faith settled at a table near the bar. "See? Not such a bad place."
"Well, let's see. I have a nympho best friend who's getting married. I have a robot who's passionately in love with me. I have a girl who is trying to become my girlfriend - don't ask me why, I'm not entirely sure. I've also got another girl living in my basement because her people want to sacrifice her virginity to a corn demon. Or someone's virginity, anyhow." Warren shook his head. "Does anything sound particularly 'not like
my dynamic' to you about any of that?"
"What do you want to eat with your Yeti?" Vlad asked.
"Some cheesy fries," Franco added, "and a big hamburger."
" ... holy shit," Nica said. "You have a robot?"
"Well, yeah," Warren said, shrugging.
"Wait, what's this about a virgin sacrifice?" She suddenly sat up straight and reached for a notebook. "Who's in your basement?"
"Prudence. Apparently the Amish people wanted to sacrifice her virginity to a corn demon to ensure a bountiful harvest or something," Warren answered.
"And I can't even use the classic solution of pounding her brains out, because they've got plenty of virgins in Amish country that can be swapped in to do the deed." As an afterthought, he added, "Besides, she has a girlfriend anyhow."
Nica flipped through her notebook. "Mandy was sayin' something about this, and demons ... and stuff ... "
"Well, all I know is I've got a girl living in my basement until someone else's fields get plowed," Warren concluded.
Bill nodded, and settled. "So, what is it you want to do here tonight? Just hang out?"
"Okay, I'll be right back with that," Vlad said, and headed for the bar.
Franco bounced happily in his seat, waiting.
Faith nodded. "Yeah. Get some grub, listen to some music ... I like this place a lot."
Vlad ordered the goods, and waited patiently at the bar, having a look around the place.
"Alright." Bill nodded "Then we'll come here more. What would you like to eat?"
Eva greeted Vlad when a small smile when he glanced at her. She figured that people should smile more.
"Yeah," Nica said. "Part of her prophetic babbling. So, that falls into place, anyway," she said. "You're keeping her safe, which is good."
Warren nodded. "And unless the corn people have some way of knowing where to look and the ability to cut through a foot-thick steel door, they're pretty SOL if they want her specifically."
"Nachos," Faith said. "And a Coke."
"That's all?" Bill asked
Vlad nodded politely to Eva. "Good evening." It amused him to say that, particularly given his slight romanian accent.
"Good evening." Eva said "Nice night, isn't it?"
"It'll do, for now," Faith said.
"Alright. I'll be right back." Bill said, heading to the bar to order.
"Yes, very nice indeed." Vladamir didn't mind making small talk while waiting for the order. "Good night for a frozen concoction.
"They have ice cream here?" asked Eva "I had no idea."
"Frozen yeti," Vlad said, pointing to where the bartender was mixing one up. "Alcoholic slushie, basically. My boyfriend loves them."
"Oh." Eva nodded. Gay and taken, of course. "Make sure you drive safely."
Vladamir chuckled. "Thank you, I will." He paid for his food, and then carried it over towards the waiting Franco.
"Good ... Mandy and other folks will be glad to hear that," Nica said to Warren. "So, umm ... a robot's in love with yu?"
"Kinda." Warren shrugged. "That's mostly normal, although how I successfully built a brain that's better at the concept than I am is entirely beyond me."
Nica raised an eyebrow. "That's pretty impressive. What else can it do?"
"Well, I'm trying to train her to be combatant - another thing I'm not good at. That's a bit side-tracked, though, because first I have to build something she can train against that can challenge but won't break her - or anyone else who needs to get some practice in." Warren chuckled a bit.
Franco cheered and snagged his burger. "Food, glorious food..."
"True, the local ass-kickers seem to take their ass-kicking pretty seriously," Nica said.
Bill returned to Faith's table, with food for her.
Vlad kissed his ear before settling down with his own food. "Enjoy, Dulce."
"Thanks," Faith said, and dug in.
"Thank you," Franco said, and began munching.
"Heh. Yeah." Warren nodded.
"You're welcome." Bill said, stealing one of Faith's nachos "These aren't too bad."
Vlad munched burger, and sipped his Yeti. "Much better than work, isn't it?" He grinned.
Faith nodded. "The wings at the Sunset are really good, too."
"Definitely better," Franco agreed, sipping his drink. "Less background noise, too."
"I'd rather not go to the Sunset." Bill said
"Why not? It's a nice place, too," Faith said. "I think you'd like it, if you gave it a chance."
"I just don't" Bill said
Faith shrugged. "Suit yourself. Maybe I'll bring yu some wings from there sometime."
"Yes... it is getting rather noisy at work these days, isn't it?" Vladamir frowned.
Franco nodded. "It sucks."
"Thank you." Bill smiled "And when you want to hang out here, we'll come here."
"Sounds like a plan," Faith said.
"Good." Bill said, taking another nacho from Faith's plate
"Yes, which is why I wanted to take you out tonight so we can forget about all that a while... slushies and burgers, much better than screams." Vladamir petted Franco's hair.
Franco smiled and slurked.
"And Drunken Yetis make everything better," Vladamir said with a chuckle.
Nica frowned. "Wait ... who's getting married?" she asked Warren. His earlier infodump was still sinking in, apparantly.
"Gwen," Warren added. "She's getting married to this musician chick named Skylar, or planning on doing so."
"Freaky," Nica said. "Is it wise for nymphos to marry?"
"We'll find out," Warren sighed. "I've got a bad feeling about it, but..."
Lizzie, speak of the Lizzie, walked in with her cousin Kit. "And that's what I think about it, anyhow."
Kit nodded. "Yeah, I suppose. I mean hell, can't hurt, right?"
"Hey, if it makes them both happy, it's a good thing, right?" Nica asked.
"Anything else that you'd like?" asked Bill, to Faith
Lizzie noted a familar face, and tugged on Kit's sleeve. "That's him, over there- the boy I was telling you about."
Kit eyed Warren critically. "...huh."
"Yeah, yeah... but that's what she said about the last three. Wolf-girl? Ran away. Servator's daughter? Decided she liked her better as a sister. Flame-girl? Ran away." Warren shook his head.
"Well, I don't see the appeal," Kit said.
"And this is just counting -major- 'relationships'. Over the past year," Warren continued.
"That's because you're not gay," Lizzie said.
"Mmm... these are fantabulous," Franco commented cheerfully.
Vlad smiled. "I'm glad you're enjoying them. And if you like after we're done eating, we could dance."
"Dancing would be AWESOME," Franco agreed.
"Well, that is extremely true in the nothing-goes-up-my-ass-without-written-consent sort of way," Kit said.
"..." Lizzie just shook her head.
"Let's go meet this guy, then..." Kit started heading in Warren's direction.
"Hm ... Hot fudge sundae?" Faith suggested. "Another Coke? A pony?"
"Ack, no, I didn't mean you should... don't embarass me," Lizzie said, thinking of the million or so ways in which he could.
"Hot fudg sundae and coke I can do." Bill said "Pony might have to wait a while."
Faith grinned. "Fair enough."
"Mm, yes it would," Vlad agreed, fluffing Franco's hair.
Bill smiled at Faith, then got up to get her the ice cream and soda.
"Warren Mears, I presume," Kit said when he reached the table.
"You know, he's been over the house," Lizzie said. "You just don't remember because you were half asleep and/or possibly drunk..."
"You presume correct," Warren nodded.
"Lizzie tells me we've met and therefore I should meet you in a sober and conscious state," Kit continued, offering a hand.
Bill returned, with ice cream and soda. "Do you dance, or anything?" asked Bill, looking around "Do you know anyone here?"
Franco finished his slushie and beamed happily.
Warren shook the offered hand. "Nice to meet you conscious."
"I dance," Faith said. "And ... I've talked to a few of the people here."
"Well, if you want to talk to friends or anything... I'll wait here." Bill said "I don't want to be a party pooper."
"That's okay," Faith said.
Vlad headed to the dance floor to dance with Franco.
"So how are you?" Lizzie asked Warren.
Mandy headed in and sat next to Nica.
"Hey, sweetie!" Nica said, and kissed her cheek. "Found out who the virgin sacrifice is supposed to be. And she's safe."
"Good! I think we should have soda, then dance." Mandy said
"Works for me," Nica said, and got up to get Mandy's soda.
"Well, I've got a girl locked in my basement, so as well as could be expected," Warren answered matter-of-factly.
Franco cheerfully wandered off to groove with the Vladmeister.
Eva just watched people from the bar, and sipped from her drink.
Kit raised a brow. "And you want to date this guy? He's like young-me, without the sexy."
Mandy waited quietly for Nica.
Lizzie swatted Kit. "Quiet you."
"...why do you have a girl locked in your basement?" Lizzie asked.
Nica returned, and resettled.
"Because she's hiding there so that she doesn't get cornholed by a corn demon," Warren explained.
"Apparently it's part of her prophecy," Warren added, gesturing to Nica. "Things to avoid: being sodomized by the Amish."
Kit looked to Nica. "You have cornhole prophecy?"
"..wow," Lizzie said. "You've had a much more exciting week than I have."
"Though odds are some other Amish chick's going to be the virgin sacrifice if they can't find her," Warren added, "so not so happy about that. And the Harvest Festival is in just a few days."
Nica gave Kit a disturbed look. "Yeah, all the time."
Warren absently wondered just how hard it would be to seduce an entire village's female population. Maybe with a neural deinhibitor...
Kit glanced to Warren. "Hm - I should call this in. Do you kids have it generally under control, or should I request a team to head out there?"
Warren shrugged. "Well, I've got the 'keep the special snowflake from death by crotch cornucopia' thing down. Y'might want to do something about it anyhow, though, seeing as how it's going to result in demonic produce or something."
"Alright - do you mind giving Lizzie a ride home, then? I'll go make a report on that," Kit said. What he likely meant is he'd stop for a burger and fries and then lay on the couch and call it in, but hey.
"I walked here," Warren pointed out.
"Can you walk her home without getting stupidly killed?" Kit asked.
"Yeah. The riding'd have to wait, though," Warren acknowledged.
Lizzie rolled her eyes.
"Okay then- have a good one, kids," Kit started off, then looked at Mandy a moment. "Though y'know, you might want to get this chick to just set some corn on fire. Couldn't hurt, anyhow." He continued out.
Lizzie pouted. "I could set it on fire too."
Nica sipped her drink. "Popcorn."
"Well, I was considering that, but I thought that burning the Amish community to the ground would get me arrested," Warren countered.
"I can set a fire if you'd like." said Mandy
"There is that," Lizzie said. "I think most people object to burning the Amish."
Vladamir wrapped his arms around Franco to pull him closer on the dance floor.
"Yeah. Plus, Prudence would also object to the wholesale slaughter of the people she likes. It's not entirely their fault that they're stupid, intolerant, and vaguely bigoted," Warren added.
Franco nuzzled up as they danced.
"You can burn the corn and not the people." Mandy said
"Yeah, but if the people are summoning the demon, it won't matter whether there's corn there or not, unless they need sacred corn demon summoning corn..." Warren replied.
"Oh." Mandy looked disappointed
" ... which would be better off buttered and salted, anyway," Nica finished.
"I want popcorn." Mandy said
"Do you want to dance?" asked Bill, to Faith
"... so do I, now," Lizzie admitted. "Buttery popcorn would rock."
"Yeah, I made myself hungry," Nica said. "Hate when that happens."
"Okay," Faith said, and got up. "You dance?"
"Maybe we should see about taking a little vacation from work for the holidays," Vlad said. "I could take you to Europe. Have you ever been to Europe?"
"I can follow your lead." Bill said "I might look a little silly, but I'm bored."
"No, I haven't. It's not fair," Franco agreed.
Warren sighed. "Give me a few minutes." He headed barwards.
Faith shrugged and headed for the dance floor.
Bill followed her.
Faith danced enthusiastically.
Warren eventually returned with a large bowl of popcorn, after pausing a moment to watch Faith's boobs jiggle on the dance floor.
"Thanks, hon," Lizzie said, and kissed Warren on the cheek when he returned.
"Do you want to?" Vladamir asked. "I can take you."
Bill mostly watched Faith dance after he couldn't keep up
"That'd be nifty. I could see China," Franco said, smiling.
Faith stopped dancing when the song ended, and smiled at Bill. "That was fun, and you didn't do too bad."
"China isn't in Europe, love- that's Asia," Vlad said. "But we can go there."
Lizzie munched popcorn
"Whatever. One of those continents," Franco replied, giddily.
"I was terrible." Bill said "But watching you was amusing."
Warren watched dancers and munched popcorn, and tried not to worry too much about the Amish. After all, he never really went in for fresh produce anyhow.
Eva liked fresh produce, but she wasn't worried about the Amish.
"Glad you had fun," faith said, and headed back to the table.
Bill smirked a litle, and followed Faith,
Lizzie pelted Warren with a piece of popcorn.
"One of those not-us continents," Vlad said.
Warren glanced over. "Hm?"
Franco nodded. "Definitively. Like New Zealand."
"Hi," Lizzie said. "You looked distracted."
"Well, that's because I was," Warren agreed. "I'm just wondering if they have pumpkin demons, too."
Her blonde hair coiffed nicely, and a new-ish silver skirt and tanktop adorning her form, Jenni walked into The Bronze, holding her small purse in her hands as she looked around for either an empty table, or something
fun on the dance floor.
Franco promptly accidentally bumped into Jenni, a drunk, but very cheerful, blonde guy.
Jenni raised an eyebrow and poked a finger into his chest. "Sweetie... please sit your inebriated butt down before you hurt someone, ok?"
Franco blinked, then turned to Vlad. "Weren't we sitting? ... at some point?"
The blonde blinked and shook her head, muttering to herself. "And I even bother to ask myself why I don't go out more..."
Eva was glad it wasn't her
"We were, at some point..." Vlad said, glaring at the finger-poker. "Kindly keep your fingers to yourself, lady."
Making her way to the bar (knowing full well she couldn't get alcohol, le sigh), Jenni couldn't help but feel a bit alone. She was too new at college to really know anyone there, but now that she was out of high school, she felt like the others looked at her as too old.
"Maybe we best sit down, though..." Vlad said, noting that Franco was, indeed, a bit drunk on the Yeti.
Looking to Vlad, Jenni winked playfully at him. "Sorry, punkin'."
"We could," Franco agreed, and then in a wise tone, "Or we could NOT."
"I'm glad that wasn't me." said Eva, somewhat quietly
Vlad laughed, and shook his head. "Indeed ,those are the options."
Lizzie munched a little more popcorn, and stretched.
"Homosay what?" Warren asked.
"...what?" Lizzie asked, having never heard that joke before.
As she reached the bar, Jenni heard Eva speak, and couldn't help but laugh. "You know, it really happens to me far too often. Where I go... encounters with drunken boys seem to follow."
Warren snickered. "Nothing. Thought you said something."
"Or we could FLY," Franco added, as if that option had merely not yet been considered.
"Do you go to a lot of bars and parties?" asked Eva
"The funny part is? Not really." The blonde tucked back a stray strand of hair and giggled. "I'm Jenni, by the way."
"I'm Eva." she said. Eva was also a blonde, but wasn't really dressed up. "If you run into a drunken boy on the street, you could get him arrested for public intoxication."
Vlad obligingly picked Franco up. "You're flying. Or well, at least, you're off the ground."
Franco beamed and looked as joyful as he could be.
"No, I didn't," Lizie asked, and reached over to flick his ear lightly. "So how's the girl in your basement doing? Is she alright being down there?"
"Or better yet, feed him to the vaaaaampires." Jenni made a snort as she rolled her eyes. "Sorry. Just annoyed. SO tired of hearing people blame every little thing that happens in this town on imaginary monsters."
Warren shrugged. "Well, it's stocked well enough, and she's got Maya and Han Simian for company. I'm going to check on her after we get out of here, though."
"Does she need anything? Did she bring her clothes with her?" Lizzie asked ,feeling kinda sorry for the girl in the basement.
"I have some spare clothes down there," Warren said, "but she kinda arrived with nothing but a nightgown on, so..."
"Vampires?" asked Eva, frowning "Monsters?"
"Is she about my size?" Lizzie asked. "I could loan her some things."
"Well, I could bring you back there and you could see how you two measure up," Warren answered.
Vladamir carried Franco over to one of the couches, and gently deposited him on the cushions.
"Alright," Lizzie said. "I'm sure seeing another friendly face would help her anyhow. Poor girl."
Franco looked cheerful (and, yes, drunk) as he was placed on the couch. "Wow, you summoned a couch."
"Oh come ON." Jenni laughed. "If you haven't heard this crap, you must be new to town. Urban legends abound here. I think people get so bored they gotta make stuff up."
"I moved here at the beginning of the semester." admitted Eva "I mean.. monsters yeah, but I don't really know much about vampires."
Right at that moment, with the force and grace of a bull in a china shop, Maya came waltzing in, that requisite sweet grin on her face, and dressed in a form-fitting black strapless dress. Looking around, she looked adorably frustrated as she finally gave in to just... yelling.
"Waaaaaarrrrrrren! Are you here? I miss you!"
Nica looked around in surprise at the yelling.
".... I think that's for you," Lizzie said.
"I did," Vladamir said. "With my amazing couch summoning powers. Just for you."
Eva turned to see who was making all of the noise
Warren shook his head. "I really hope she locked the door behind her, or that Prudence did. If the corn demon rape occurs because Maya got bored, I'm reformatting her mind."
Warren waved Maya over.
"Who's that?" Lizzie asked.
"What the blue hell?" Jenni looked at the yelling girl and winced.
"That would be Maya," Warren answered.
"Warren!" Maya happily bounded over in all her bouncy-breasted glory. "You look wonderful!"
"Someone is looking for someone." Eva said, stating the obvious
Lizzie blinked. She looked so real. And loud.
"Thank you," Warren answered perfunctorily. "Did you remember to lock the vault and the store behind you when you left?"
Mandy seemed to ignore it. She was staring at her popcorn
"I did! I locked everything according to your exact specifications!" Maya then looked at Lizzie, as though trying to process who she was.
"How's he popcorn?" Nica asked.
"Confused." Mandy said
Mandy then handed a book of matches to Nica
Jenni motioned to Warren and smiled to Eva. "Wow. I remember that kid from when I was in high school. Never thought I'd see two good-looking woman with him at once..."
"Hello," Lizzie said.
"Good. We've got a guest, and we don't want her kidnapped and raped by corn demons. That would be very unmannerly," Warren continued.
"Anyhow, Maya, this is Lizzie Bothwell. Lizzie, this is Maya Lucca," Warren introduced.
"Nice to meet you, Maya," Lizzie said. She was still rather facinated by how realistic Maya seemed.
"It's good that you have high school friends around." Eva said "This seems like a pretty nice town sometimes."
"Lizzie!" Maya positively glowed at being able to match the face with a name she knew. "You're a sweet girl who's very friendly and is my direct competition!"
"...direct competition?" Lizzie blinked. "For what?"
"For the affections of Warren!" Maya was still grinning happily. "It's great to meet you!"
"Maya. By that definition, all women are your direct competition," Warren pointed out, amused.
"I... really don't have any high school friends left." Jenni shrugged, letting out a mini-sigh. "The few I had moved out of this town so fast after graduation youd have thought a plague was coming."
Lizzie frowned, and looked down at the popcorn bowl.
Maya looked Lizzie over and made a mental note to investigate whether it took smaller breasts to gain Warren's affection.
"So now what do we do on The Couch?" Franco inquired, cheerfully.
"Huh." Eva said "So, why do people seem to hate this town so much? Is it really full of monsters and vampires?"
"I can think of a few things," Vlad said, with a wicked little grin. He pulled Franco in for a kiss.
Franco beamed and made out with Vlad.
"Anyhow, I trust the Lair is in order?" Warren inquired.
Lizzie picked at the popcorn.
Giving a noncommittal shrug to Eva, Jenni laughed in frustration. "Oh come on... vampires? I can just see a bunch of guys running around like The Count. 'Vun, two, three dead people!'... come on, like the media or the cops wouldn't notice?"
"It is!" Maya just looked impossibly pleasant, beaming at Warren and Lizzie. "Gwen and Andrew were attempting to learn some new roleplaying game, and Prudence was resting."
"You're right. I don't have evidence, and I'm sure my roomate just ran away." Eva shrugged "It's not like monsters are real."
"A classmate of mine left... nobody could WAIT to blame it on monsters." Jenni sighed. "I mean... I just don't understand."
"Well, that's good," Warren said. "No evil lawyers or psychotic farm people or runaway projects."
"A couple of them have left." Eva said
"Good to know," Lizzie said.
"We're going to be walking Lizzie home tonight - her ride has amscrayed," Warren added.
Maya looked confused again. "Also, Gwen has given me another alias. Apparently, I am also now known as Titty McRobobabe. She is a very bizarre person, Warren."
"Eh." Warren shrugged.
"She loves those nicknames, doesn't she?" Lizzie said.
"Yeah," Warren nodded.
"So, Eva... I'm looking at you and having a hard time guessing." Jenni laughed and admitted defeat. "High school or college?"
"It's become a trend lately, and I don't know why," Warren added. "I think she's falling behind on her comics."
"College." Eva said "I must look kind of young..."
"Hey, take it as a compliment." Jenni thought there, and suddenly smiled brightly. "Do you go to UC Sunnydale?"
Lizzie giggled.
"Yes." Eva nodded "I'm a biology major."
Maya seemed to be just listening, and interpreting the situation, before she suddenly extended her hand to Lizzie. "Gwen is correct. You are very sweet, and I would like to befriend you!"
Lizzie smiled and shook her hand. "Sure, we can try to be friends."
"And yes, Maya really is that honest," Warren commented.
God bless her, Maya was really trying to be nice. She looked deep into her programming, and looked to Warren with a sweetly innocent blink. "Would you like her to be naked with me? Like in those magazines that were scanned into my mainframe?"
"I rest my case," Warren said, "and yes."
"... excuse me," Lizzie said, and got up from the table. This was just a little too much to handle.
"How long ago did you enter the room?" Warren asked Maya.
Without missing a beat, Maya blurted out: "Eleven minutes and forty-two seconds ago!"
"You've set a new record. Impressive," Warren commented, although he was keeping an eye on Lizzie's location to make sure she didn't pull a Sunnydale Suicide -- wandering off into the night alone and angry, thus basically begging to be killed or molested by something.
Lizzie tearfully made her way towards the bathroom.
Maya blinked and pointed towards the bathroom. "Oh no! I think something may have upset my new friend!"
"Yep. As a woman, your job is to go in there and talk to her about why she's upset, and figure out what you can do to help her feel better," Warren explained.
"Anything for you, Warren!" Maya gleefully hopped to her feet, making a beeline for the ladies room, damn-near bowling over several girls in front of her.
"Are you a college student?" asked Eva, to Jenni "What's your major?"
Warren commented, to Mandy and (the demunned) Nica, "See? I think God is real."
Lizzie was washing her face and trying not to cry.
"Yeah, I'm a freshman at the same school as you." Jenni made a cute pose. "I'm one of those pretensious drama students everyone loves to mock."
Practically slamming the door open, Maya walked in with her usual grace. Which of course, meant none. "Lizzie? Are you in here? I'm here to cheer you up and help you cease crying!"
"And furthermore, I'm pretty sure she's female," Warren added.
"Does that mean I have to start drinking blood and eating flesh?" asked Mandy
"I'm in here," Lizzie said. "And I'm not crying..."
"Uh... no." Warren eyed Mandy. "Not unless you're Catholic."
"What kind of career can you get as a drama major?" asked Eva "I'm going to become a vet with my bio degree"
"Oh." Mandy nodded "I'm still not that familiar with religion- well, I know about the people on TV, zombi jesus, and eating flesh and drinking blood."
"Oh! Wonderful!" Maya walked over to her, and placed an arm around her shoulders. "May I comfort you in some way? ANY friend of Warren's is a friend of mine!"
"That's Catholicism," Warren explained. "Which, incidentally, doesn't believe that God has a specific gender. Instead, God is a spiteful, bitter old person who tortures and enslaves all those who oppose him."
"Well, obviously I hope to become an actress..." Jenni giggled and shook her head. "I know, I know... lame. I'll probably end up serving coffee at the Espresso Pump."
"Well, I'm fine really... I just. Well,I don't know what kind of magazines have been scanned into you, but I don't want to get naked with other girls, you know? I don't swing that way," Lizzie said.
"So, I give God money and do what the bible says, and I won't be tourtured and enslaved. What bible do I use?" asked Mandy
"Oh!" Maya seemed genuinely concerned. "Then I retract the offer! I was only attempting to make a gesture of friendship, and hoping to make Warren happy!"
"If you don't like what you're doing, you can change it." said Eva "If you end up serving coffee, go back to school for something else."
Warren shrugged. "Eh. I wouldn't worry about it too much. We'll all find out when we die anyhow. Or we won't."
"Well, good luck with that," Lizzie said, glumly. "Because I've just about given up."
"I can help you!" Maya actually sounded excited at the prospect of being able to contribute somehow. "Perhaps together, we can find a solution!"
"Don't die any time soon." said Mandy
"I'm trying not to," Warren said, "at least not by anyone else's hand."
"Very true, Eva." Jenni stifled a yawn and looked at her watch. "I should probably get home... I have an early class. I don't know if you're staying or not, but I'm headed towards Stevenson Hall if you wnat someone to walk with..."
Franco murmured in Vlad's ear, "I have to pee."
"I have a small car." Eva said "I just bought it, and can't afford it, but from what I understand, it's a lot safer than walking in this town. So, I'm offering you a ride so you don't disappear."
With a little giggle, Jenni nodded to her and gave a thankful smile. "That would be great."
"Well," Lizzie frowned. "Maybe, I don't know... he's just very frustrating. I don't understand what he wants. I don't think he knows what he wants."
Vlad chuckled. "So much for romance. Come on, I'll escort you." He got up from the couch.
Franco giggled. "Sorry. But I have to peeeee..." He got to his feet, and started wandering in the vague direction of the bathroom.
"He doesn't!" Again, with that excited voice. "According to what I've been told, 92.5% of males haven't a clue what they want in life!"
"Good." Mandy said "Just remember to carry sharp sticks, and to stay out of the basement."
Eva placed a very neat bill on the bar, and headed out of the club.
Offering her hand sweetly to Lizzie, Maya finally calmed her voice to a soothing coo. "Let me escort you back out to Warren, so that I might head back home and make sure everyone is sufficiently protected."
"Actually, I work out of the basement..." Warren said.
"Okay," LIzzie said, letting Maya lead her back and trying not to think about it.
"Not that basement." Mandy said "The other one."
Leading her by the hand, Maya brought Lizzie back out to Warren, smiling sweetly. "Here you go, Warren! I'm going to go check on the others. I'll miss you terribly!"
"Eh, we should probably be heading out nowish anyhow," Warren commented, "before ghosts start showing up and announcing the color of my underwear or something."
"Good idea," Lizzie said. "Let's go."
Vlad steered Franco to the correct bathroom, not wanting him to traumatize the womenfolk.
Warren got to his feet to head outwards with his lady companions, gruntled and disgruntled.
"Hey, toilet!" Franco called cheerfully, and went in to use it.
Where: The Bronze
When: Thursday night
Nica was Bronzin' it tonight, at a table with a soda and a quesadilla.
Franco was also hanging out at the Bronze, mellowed out at a table.
Vladamir was with Franco, looking chill. "Now remember- not so many Frozen Yetis tonight, okay? Last time I had to practically carry you out of here..."
"Okay," Franco agreed. "Just one."
Warren wandered into the Bronze, looking cranky.
Bill headed into the Bronze, hoping he didn't look too out of place. He hadn't been to a club in ages.
Faith was just behind him, gettin a look around. " ... seriously, you have nothing to worry about. Lots of different kinds of people hang here."
Eva headed in to The Bronze, determined to have fun. She wasn't going to let bad experiences get her down. No, not at all.
"If you insist." Bill said "Find a seat for us, please..."
Warren settled down nearby Nica. "Did someone just staple the 'ruin your dynamic' note to the side of my head while I was sleeping or something?"
Nica looked at Warren's head. "Doesn't look like it," she said. "Why, what's up with your dynamic?"
Faith settled at a table near the bar. "See? Not such a bad place."
"Well, let's see. I have a nympho best friend who's getting married. I have a robot who's passionately in love with me. I have a girl who is trying to become my girlfriend - don't ask me why, I'm not entirely sure. I've also got another girl living in my basement because her people want to sacrifice her virginity to a corn demon. Or someone's virginity, anyhow." Warren shook his head. "Does anything sound particularly 'not like
my dynamic' to you about any of that?"
"What do you want to eat with your Yeti?" Vlad asked.
"Some cheesy fries," Franco added, "and a big hamburger."
" ... holy shit," Nica said. "You have a robot?"
"Well, yeah," Warren said, shrugging.
"Wait, what's this about a virgin sacrifice?" She suddenly sat up straight and reached for a notebook. "Who's in your basement?"
"Prudence. Apparently the Amish people wanted to sacrifice her virginity to a corn demon to ensure a bountiful harvest or something," Warren answered.
"And I can't even use the classic solution of pounding her brains out, because they've got plenty of virgins in Amish country that can be swapped in to do the deed." As an afterthought, he added, "Besides, she has a girlfriend anyhow."
Nica flipped through her notebook. "Mandy was sayin' something about this, and demons ... and stuff ... "
"Well, all I know is I've got a girl living in my basement until someone else's fields get plowed," Warren concluded.
Bill nodded, and settled. "So, what is it you want to do here tonight? Just hang out?"
"Okay, I'll be right back with that," Vlad said, and headed for the bar.
Franco bounced happily in his seat, waiting.
Faith nodded. "Yeah. Get some grub, listen to some music ... I like this place a lot."
Vlad ordered the goods, and waited patiently at the bar, having a look around the place.
"Alright." Bill nodded "Then we'll come here more. What would you like to eat?"
Eva greeted Vlad when a small smile when he glanced at her. She figured that people should smile more.
"Yeah," Nica said. "Part of her prophetic babbling. So, that falls into place, anyway," she said. "You're keeping her safe, which is good."
Warren nodded. "And unless the corn people have some way of knowing where to look and the ability to cut through a foot-thick steel door, they're pretty SOL if they want her specifically."
"Nachos," Faith said. "And a Coke."
"That's all?" Bill asked
Vlad nodded politely to Eva. "Good evening." It amused him to say that, particularly given his slight romanian accent.
"Good evening." Eva said "Nice night, isn't it?"
"It'll do, for now," Faith said.
"Alright. I'll be right back." Bill said, heading to the bar to order.
"Yes, very nice indeed." Vladamir didn't mind making small talk while waiting for the order. "Good night for a frozen concoction.
"They have ice cream here?" asked Eva "I had no idea."
"Frozen yeti," Vlad said, pointing to where the bartender was mixing one up. "Alcoholic slushie, basically. My boyfriend loves them."
"Oh." Eva nodded. Gay and taken, of course. "Make sure you drive safely."
Vladamir chuckled. "Thank you, I will." He paid for his food, and then carried it over towards the waiting Franco.
"Good ... Mandy and other folks will be glad to hear that," Nica said to Warren. "So, umm ... a robot's in love with yu?"
"Kinda." Warren shrugged. "That's mostly normal, although how I successfully built a brain that's better at the concept than I am is entirely beyond me."
Nica raised an eyebrow. "That's pretty impressive. What else can it do?"
"Well, I'm trying to train her to be combatant - another thing I'm not good at. That's a bit side-tracked, though, because first I have to build something she can train against that can challenge but won't break her - or anyone else who needs to get some practice in." Warren chuckled a bit.
Franco cheered and snagged his burger. "Food, glorious food..."
"True, the local ass-kickers seem to take their ass-kicking pretty seriously," Nica said.
Bill returned to Faith's table, with food for her.
Vlad kissed his ear before settling down with his own food. "Enjoy, Dulce."
"Thanks," Faith said, and dug in.
"Thank you," Franco said, and began munching.
"Heh. Yeah." Warren nodded.
"You're welcome." Bill said, stealing one of Faith's nachos "These aren't too bad."
Vlad munched burger, and sipped his Yeti. "Much better than work, isn't it?" He grinned.
Faith nodded. "The wings at the Sunset are really good, too."
"Definitely better," Franco agreed, sipping his drink. "Less background noise, too."
"I'd rather not go to the Sunset." Bill said
"Why not? It's a nice place, too," Faith said. "I think you'd like it, if you gave it a chance."
"I just don't" Bill said
Faith shrugged. "Suit yourself. Maybe I'll bring yu some wings from there sometime."
"Yes... it is getting rather noisy at work these days, isn't it?" Vladamir frowned.
Franco nodded. "It sucks."
"Thank you." Bill smiled "And when you want to hang out here, we'll come here."
"Sounds like a plan," Faith said.
"Good." Bill said, taking another nacho from Faith's plate
"Yes, which is why I wanted to take you out tonight so we can forget about all that a while... slushies and burgers, much better than screams." Vladamir petted Franco's hair.
Franco smiled and slurked.
"And Drunken Yetis make everything better," Vladamir said with a chuckle.
Nica frowned. "Wait ... who's getting married?" she asked Warren. His earlier infodump was still sinking in, apparantly.
"Gwen," Warren added. "She's getting married to this musician chick named Skylar, or planning on doing so."
"Freaky," Nica said. "Is it wise for nymphos to marry?"
"We'll find out," Warren sighed. "I've got a bad feeling about it, but..."
Lizzie, speak of the Lizzie, walked in with her cousin Kit. "And that's what I think about it, anyhow."
Kit nodded. "Yeah, I suppose. I mean hell, can't hurt, right?"
"Hey, if it makes them both happy, it's a good thing, right?" Nica asked.
"Anything else that you'd like?" asked Bill, to Faith
Lizzie noted a familar face, and tugged on Kit's sleeve. "That's him, over there- the boy I was telling you about."
Kit eyed Warren critically. "...huh."
"Yeah, yeah... but that's what she said about the last three. Wolf-girl? Ran away. Servator's daughter? Decided she liked her better as a sister. Flame-girl? Ran away." Warren shook his head.
"Well, I don't see the appeal," Kit said.
"And this is just counting -major- 'relationships'. Over the past year," Warren continued.
"That's because you're not gay," Lizzie said.
"Mmm... these are fantabulous," Franco commented cheerfully.
Vlad smiled. "I'm glad you're enjoying them. And if you like after we're done eating, we could dance."
"Dancing would be AWESOME," Franco agreed.
"Well, that is extremely true in the nothing-goes-up-my-ass-without-written-consent sort of way," Kit said.
"..." Lizzie just shook her head.
"Let's go meet this guy, then..." Kit started heading in Warren's direction.
"Hm ... Hot fudge sundae?" Faith suggested. "Another Coke? A pony?"
"Ack, no, I didn't mean you should... don't embarass me," Lizzie said, thinking of the million or so ways in which he could.
"Hot fudg sundae and coke I can do." Bill said "Pony might have to wait a while."
Faith grinned. "Fair enough."
"Mm, yes it would," Vlad agreed, fluffing Franco's hair.
Bill smiled at Faith, then got up to get her the ice cream and soda.
"Warren Mears, I presume," Kit said when he reached the table.
"You know, he's been over the house," Lizzie said. "You just don't remember because you were half asleep and/or possibly drunk..."
"You presume correct," Warren nodded.
"Lizzie tells me we've met and therefore I should meet you in a sober and conscious state," Kit continued, offering a hand.
Bill returned, with ice cream and soda. "Do you dance, or anything?" asked Bill, looking around "Do you know anyone here?"
Franco finished his slushie and beamed happily.
Warren shook the offered hand. "Nice to meet you conscious."
"I dance," Faith said. "And ... I've talked to a few of the people here."
"Well, if you want to talk to friends or anything... I'll wait here." Bill said "I don't want to be a party pooper."
"That's okay," Faith said.
Vlad headed to the dance floor to dance with Franco.
"So how are you?" Lizzie asked Warren.
Mandy headed in and sat next to Nica.
"Hey, sweetie!" Nica said, and kissed her cheek. "Found out who the virgin sacrifice is supposed to be. And she's safe."
"Good! I think we should have soda, then dance." Mandy said
"Works for me," Nica said, and got up to get Mandy's soda.
"Well, I've got a girl locked in my basement, so as well as could be expected," Warren answered matter-of-factly.
Franco cheerfully wandered off to groove with the Vladmeister.
Eva just watched people from the bar, and sipped from her drink.
Kit raised a brow. "And you want to date this guy? He's like young-me, without the sexy."
Mandy waited quietly for Nica.
Lizzie swatted Kit. "Quiet you."
"...why do you have a girl locked in your basement?" Lizzie asked.
Nica returned, and resettled.
"Because she's hiding there so that she doesn't get cornholed by a corn demon," Warren explained.
"Apparently it's part of her prophecy," Warren added, gesturing to Nica. "Things to avoid: being sodomized by the Amish."
Kit looked to Nica. "You have cornhole prophecy?"
"..wow," Lizzie said. "You've had a much more exciting week than I have."
"Though odds are some other Amish chick's going to be the virgin sacrifice if they can't find her," Warren added, "so not so happy about that. And the Harvest Festival is in just a few days."
Nica gave Kit a disturbed look. "Yeah, all the time."
Warren absently wondered just how hard it would be to seduce an entire village's female population. Maybe with a neural deinhibitor...
Kit glanced to Warren. "Hm - I should call this in. Do you kids have it generally under control, or should I request a team to head out there?"
Warren shrugged. "Well, I've got the 'keep the special snowflake from death by crotch cornucopia' thing down. Y'might want to do something about it anyhow, though, seeing as how it's going to result in demonic produce or something."
"Alright - do you mind giving Lizzie a ride home, then? I'll go make a report on that," Kit said. What he likely meant is he'd stop for a burger and fries and then lay on the couch and call it in, but hey.
"I walked here," Warren pointed out.
"Can you walk her home without getting stupidly killed?" Kit asked.
"Yeah. The riding'd have to wait, though," Warren acknowledged.
Lizzie rolled her eyes.
"Okay then- have a good one, kids," Kit started off, then looked at Mandy a moment. "Though y'know, you might want to get this chick to just set some corn on fire. Couldn't hurt, anyhow." He continued out.
Lizzie pouted. "I could set it on fire too."
Nica sipped her drink. "Popcorn."
"Well, I was considering that, but I thought that burning the Amish community to the ground would get me arrested," Warren countered.
"I can set a fire if you'd like." said Mandy
"There is that," Lizzie said. "I think most people object to burning the Amish."
Vladamir wrapped his arms around Franco to pull him closer on the dance floor.
"Yeah. Plus, Prudence would also object to the wholesale slaughter of the people she likes. It's not entirely their fault that they're stupid, intolerant, and vaguely bigoted," Warren added.
Franco nuzzled up as they danced.
"You can burn the corn and not the people." Mandy said
"Yeah, but if the people are summoning the demon, it won't matter whether there's corn there or not, unless they need sacred corn demon summoning corn..." Warren replied.
"Oh." Mandy looked disappointed
" ... which would be better off buttered and salted, anyway," Nica finished.
"I want popcorn." Mandy said
"Do you want to dance?" asked Bill, to Faith
"... so do I, now," Lizzie admitted. "Buttery popcorn would rock."
"Yeah, I made myself hungry," Nica said. "Hate when that happens."
"Okay," Faith said, and got up. "You dance?"
"Maybe we should see about taking a little vacation from work for the holidays," Vlad said. "I could take you to Europe. Have you ever been to Europe?"
"I can follow your lead." Bill said "I might look a little silly, but I'm bored."
"No, I haven't. It's not fair," Franco agreed.
Warren sighed. "Give me a few minutes." He headed barwards.
Faith shrugged and headed for the dance floor.
Bill followed her.
Faith danced enthusiastically.
Warren eventually returned with a large bowl of popcorn, after pausing a moment to watch Faith's boobs jiggle on the dance floor.
"Thanks, hon," Lizzie said, and kissed Warren on the cheek when he returned.
"Do you want to?" Vladamir asked. "I can take you."
Bill mostly watched Faith dance after he couldn't keep up
"That'd be nifty. I could see China," Franco said, smiling.
Faith stopped dancing when the song ended, and smiled at Bill. "That was fun, and you didn't do too bad."
"China isn't in Europe, love- that's Asia," Vlad said. "But we can go there."
Lizzie munched popcorn
"Whatever. One of those continents," Franco replied, giddily.
"I was terrible." Bill said "But watching you was amusing."
Warren watched dancers and munched popcorn, and tried not to worry too much about the Amish. After all, he never really went in for fresh produce anyhow.
Eva liked fresh produce, but she wasn't worried about the Amish.
"Glad you had fun," faith said, and headed back to the table.
Bill smirked a litle, and followed Faith,
Lizzie pelted Warren with a piece of popcorn.
"One of those not-us continents," Vlad said.
Warren glanced over. "Hm?"
Franco nodded. "Definitively. Like New Zealand."
"Hi," Lizzie said. "You looked distracted."
"Well, that's because I was," Warren agreed. "I'm just wondering if they have pumpkin demons, too."
Her blonde hair coiffed nicely, and a new-ish silver skirt and tanktop adorning her form, Jenni walked into The Bronze, holding her small purse in her hands as she looked around for either an empty table, or something
fun on the dance floor.
Franco promptly accidentally bumped into Jenni, a drunk, but very cheerful, blonde guy.
Jenni raised an eyebrow and poked a finger into his chest. "Sweetie... please sit your inebriated butt down before you hurt someone, ok?"
Franco blinked, then turned to Vlad. "Weren't we sitting? ... at some point?"
The blonde blinked and shook her head, muttering to herself. "And I even bother to ask myself why I don't go out more..."
Eva was glad it wasn't her
"We were, at some point..." Vlad said, glaring at the finger-poker. "Kindly keep your fingers to yourself, lady."
Making her way to the bar (knowing full well she couldn't get alcohol, le sigh), Jenni couldn't help but feel a bit alone. She was too new at college to really know anyone there, but now that she was out of high school, she felt like the others looked at her as too old.
"Maybe we best sit down, though..." Vlad said, noting that Franco was, indeed, a bit drunk on the Yeti.
Looking to Vlad, Jenni winked playfully at him. "Sorry, punkin'."
"We could," Franco agreed, and then in a wise tone, "Or we could NOT."
"I'm glad that wasn't me." said Eva, somewhat quietly
Vlad laughed, and shook his head. "Indeed ,those are the options."
Lizzie munched a little more popcorn, and stretched.
"Homosay what?" Warren asked.
"...what?" Lizzie asked, having never heard that joke before.
As she reached the bar, Jenni heard Eva speak, and couldn't help but laugh. "You know, it really happens to me far too often. Where I go... encounters with drunken boys seem to follow."
Warren snickered. "Nothing. Thought you said something."
"Or we could FLY," Franco added, as if that option had merely not yet been considered.
"Do you go to a lot of bars and parties?" asked Eva
"The funny part is? Not really." The blonde tucked back a stray strand of hair and giggled. "I'm Jenni, by the way."
"I'm Eva." she said. Eva was also a blonde, but wasn't really dressed up. "If you run into a drunken boy on the street, you could get him arrested for public intoxication."
Vlad obligingly picked Franco up. "You're flying. Or well, at least, you're off the ground."
Franco beamed and looked as joyful as he could be.
"No, I didn't," Lizie asked, and reached over to flick his ear lightly. "So how's the girl in your basement doing? Is she alright being down there?"
"Or better yet, feed him to the vaaaaampires." Jenni made a snort as she rolled her eyes. "Sorry. Just annoyed. SO tired of hearing people blame every little thing that happens in this town on imaginary monsters."
Warren shrugged. "Well, it's stocked well enough, and she's got Maya and Han Simian for company. I'm going to check on her after we get out of here, though."
"Does she need anything? Did she bring her clothes with her?" Lizzie asked ,feeling kinda sorry for the girl in the basement.
"I have some spare clothes down there," Warren said, "but she kinda arrived with nothing but a nightgown on, so..."
"Vampires?" asked Eva, frowning "Monsters?"
"Is she about my size?" Lizzie asked. "I could loan her some things."
"Well, I could bring you back there and you could see how you two measure up," Warren answered.
Vladamir carried Franco over to one of the couches, and gently deposited him on the cushions.
"Alright," Lizzie said. "I'm sure seeing another friendly face would help her anyhow. Poor girl."
Franco looked cheerful (and, yes, drunk) as he was placed on the couch. "Wow, you summoned a couch."
"Oh come ON." Jenni laughed. "If you haven't heard this crap, you must be new to town. Urban legends abound here. I think people get so bored they gotta make stuff up."
"I moved here at the beginning of the semester." admitted Eva "I mean.. monsters yeah, but I don't really know much about vampires."
Right at that moment, with the force and grace of a bull in a china shop, Maya came waltzing in, that requisite sweet grin on her face, and dressed in a form-fitting black strapless dress. Looking around, she looked adorably frustrated as she finally gave in to just... yelling.
"Waaaaaarrrrrrren! Are you here? I miss you!"
Nica looked around in surprise at the yelling.
".... I think that's for you," Lizzie said.
"I did," Vladamir said. "With my amazing couch summoning powers. Just for you."
Eva turned to see who was making all of the noise
Warren shook his head. "I really hope she locked the door behind her, or that Prudence did. If the corn demon rape occurs because Maya got bored, I'm reformatting her mind."
Warren waved Maya over.
"Who's that?" Lizzie asked.
"What the blue hell?" Jenni looked at the yelling girl and winced.
"That would be Maya," Warren answered.
"Warren!" Maya happily bounded over in all her bouncy-breasted glory. "You look wonderful!"
"Someone is looking for someone." Eva said, stating the obvious
Lizzie blinked. She looked so real. And loud.
"Thank you," Warren answered perfunctorily. "Did you remember to lock the vault and the store behind you when you left?"
Mandy seemed to ignore it. She was staring at her popcorn
"I did! I locked everything according to your exact specifications!" Maya then looked at Lizzie, as though trying to process who she was.
"How's he popcorn?" Nica asked.
"Confused." Mandy said
Mandy then handed a book of matches to Nica
Jenni motioned to Warren and smiled to Eva. "Wow. I remember that kid from when I was in high school. Never thought I'd see two good-looking woman with him at once..."
"Hello," Lizzie said.
"Good. We've got a guest, and we don't want her kidnapped and raped by corn demons. That would be very unmannerly," Warren continued.
"Anyhow, Maya, this is Lizzie Bothwell. Lizzie, this is Maya Lucca," Warren introduced.
"Nice to meet you, Maya," Lizzie said. She was still rather facinated by how realistic Maya seemed.
"It's good that you have high school friends around." Eva said "This seems like a pretty nice town sometimes."
"Lizzie!" Maya positively glowed at being able to match the face with a name she knew. "You're a sweet girl who's very friendly and is my direct competition!"
"...direct competition?" Lizzie blinked. "For what?"
"For the affections of Warren!" Maya was still grinning happily. "It's great to meet you!"
"Maya. By that definition, all women are your direct competition," Warren pointed out, amused.
"I... really don't have any high school friends left." Jenni shrugged, letting out a mini-sigh. "The few I had moved out of this town so fast after graduation youd have thought a plague was coming."
Lizzie frowned, and looked down at the popcorn bowl.
Maya looked Lizzie over and made a mental note to investigate whether it took smaller breasts to gain Warren's affection.
"So now what do we do on The Couch?" Franco inquired, cheerfully.
"Huh." Eva said "So, why do people seem to hate this town so much? Is it really full of monsters and vampires?"
"I can think of a few things," Vlad said, with a wicked little grin. He pulled Franco in for a kiss.
Franco beamed and made out with Vlad.
"Anyhow, I trust the Lair is in order?" Warren inquired.
Lizzie picked at the popcorn.
Giving a noncommittal shrug to Eva, Jenni laughed in frustration. "Oh come on... vampires? I can just see a bunch of guys running around like The Count. 'Vun, two, three dead people!'... come on, like the media or the cops wouldn't notice?"
"It is!" Maya just looked impossibly pleasant, beaming at Warren and Lizzie. "Gwen and Andrew were attempting to learn some new roleplaying game, and Prudence was resting."
"You're right. I don't have evidence, and I'm sure my roomate just ran away." Eva shrugged "It's not like monsters are real."
"A classmate of mine left... nobody could WAIT to blame it on monsters." Jenni sighed. "I mean... I just don't understand."
"Well, that's good," Warren said. "No evil lawyers or psychotic farm people or runaway projects."
"A couple of them have left." Eva said
"Good to know," Lizzie said.
"We're going to be walking Lizzie home tonight - her ride has amscrayed," Warren added.
Maya looked confused again. "Also, Gwen has given me another alias. Apparently, I am also now known as Titty McRobobabe. She is a very bizarre person, Warren."
"Eh." Warren shrugged.
"She loves those nicknames, doesn't she?" Lizzie said.
"Yeah," Warren nodded.
"So, Eva... I'm looking at you and having a hard time guessing." Jenni laughed and admitted defeat. "High school or college?"
"It's become a trend lately, and I don't know why," Warren added. "I think she's falling behind on her comics."
"College." Eva said "I must look kind of young..."
"Hey, take it as a compliment." Jenni thought there, and suddenly smiled brightly. "Do you go to UC Sunnydale?"
Lizzie giggled.
"Yes." Eva nodded "I'm a biology major."
Maya seemed to be just listening, and interpreting the situation, before she suddenly extended her hand to Lizzie. "Gwen is correct. You are very sweet, and I would like to befriend you!"
Lizzie smiled and shook her hand. "Sure, we can try to be friends."
"And yes, Maya really is that honest," Warren commented.
God bless her, Maya was really trying to be nice. She looked deep into her programming, and looked to Warren with a sweetly innocent blink. "Would you like her to be naked with me? Like in those magazines that were scanned into my mainframe?"
"I rest my case," Warren said, "and yes."
"... excuse me," Lizzie said, and got up from the table. This was just a little too much to handle.
"How long ago did you enter the room?" Warren asked Maya.
Without missing a beat, Maya blurted out: "Eleven minutes and forty-two seconds ago!"
"You've set a new record. Impressive," Warren commented, although he was keeping an eye on Lizzie's location to make sure she didn't pull a Sunnydale Suicide -- wandering off into the night alone and angry, thus basically begging to be killed or molested by something.
Lizzie tearfully made her way towards the bathroom.
Maya blinked and pointed towards the bathroom. "Oh no! I think something may have upset my new friend!"
"Yep. As a woman, your job is to go in there and talk to her about why she's upset, and figure out what you can do to help her feel better," Warren explained.
"Anything for you, Warren!" Maya gleefully hopped to her feet, making a beeline for the ladies room, damn-near bowling over several girls in front of her.
"Are you a college student?" asked Eva, to Jenni "What's your major?"
Warren commented, to Mandy and (the demunned) Nica, "See? I think God is real."
Lizzie was washing her face and trying not to cry.
"Yeah, I'm a freshman at the same school as you." Jenni made a cute pose. "I'm one of those pretensious drama students everyone loves to mock."
Practically slamming the door open, Maya walked in with her usual grace. Which of course, meant none. "Lizzie? Are you in here? I'm here to cheer you up and help you cease crying!"
"And furthermore, I'm pretty sure she's female," Warren added.
"Does that mean I have to start drinking blood and eating flesh?" asked Mandy
"I'm in here," Lizzie said. "And I'm not crying..."
"Uh... no." Warren eyed Mandy. "Not unless you're Catholic."
"What kind of career can you get as a drama major?" asked Eva "I'm going to become a vet with my bio degree"
"Oh." Mandy nodded "I'm still not that familiar with religion- well, I know about the people on TV, zombi jesus, and eating flesh and drinking blood."
"Oh! Wonderful!" Maya walked over to her, and placed an arm around her shoulders. "May I comfort you in some way? ANY friend of Warren's is a friend of mine!"
"That's Catholicism," Warren explained. "Which, incidentally, doesn't believe that God has a specific gender. Instead, God is a spiteful, bitter old person who tortures and enslaves all those who oppose him."
"Well, obviously I hope to become an actress..." Jenni giggled and shook her head. "I know, I know... lame. I'll probably end up serving coffee at the Espresso Pump."
"Well, I'm fine really... I just. Well,I don't know what kind of magazines have been scanned into you, but I don't want to get naked with other girls, you know? I don't swing that way," Lizzie said.
"So, I give God money and do what the bible says, and I won't be tourtured and enslaved. What bible do I use?" asked Mandy
"Oh!" Maya seemed genuinely concerned. "Then I retract the offer! I was only attempting to make a gesture of friendship, and hoping to make Warren happy!"
"If you don't like what you're doing, you can change it." said Eva "If you end up serving coffee, go back to school for something else."
Warren shrugged. "Eh. I wouldn't worry about it too much. We'll all find out when we die anyhow. Or we won't."
"Well, good luck with that," Lizzie said, glumly. "Because I've just about given up."
"I can help you!" Maya actually sounded excited at the prospect of being able to contribute somehow. "Perhaps together, we can find a solution!"
"Don't die any time soon." said Mandy
"I'm trying not to," Warren said, "at least not by anyone else's hand."
"Very true, Eva." Jenni stifled a yawn and looked at her watch. "I should probably get home... I have an early class. I don't know if you're staying or not, but I'm headed towards Stevenson Hall if you wnat someone to walk with..."
Franco murmured in Vlad's ear, "I have to pee."
"I have a small car." Eva said "I just bought it, and can't afford it, but from what I understand, it's a lot safer than walking in this town. So, I'm offering you a ride so you don't disappear."
With a little giggle, Jenni nodded to her and gave a thankful smile. "That would be great."
"Well," Lizzie frowned. "Maybe, I don't know... he's just very frustrating. I don't understand what he wants. I don't think he knows what he wants."
Vlad chuckled. "So much for romance. Come on, I'll escort you." He got up from the couch.
Franco giggled. "Sorry. But I have to peeeee..." He got to his feet, and started wandering in the vague direction of the bathroom.
"He doesn't!" Again, with that excited voice. "According to what I've been told, 92.5% of males haven't a clue what they want in life!"
"Good." Mandy said "Just remember to carry sharp sticks, and to stay out of the basement."
Eva placed a very neat bill on the bar, and headed out of the club.
Offering her hand sweetly to Lizzie, Maya finally calmed her voice to a soothing coo. "Let me escort you back out to Warren, so that I might head back home and make sure everyone is sufficiently protected."
"Actually, I work out of the basement..." Warren said.
"Okay," LIzzie said, letting Maya lead her back and trying not to think about it.
"Not that basement." Mandy said "The other one."
Leading her by the hand, Maya brought Lizzie back out to Warren, smiling sweetly. "Here you go, Warren! I'm going to go check on the others. I'll miss you terribly!"
"Eh, we should probably be heading out nowish anyhow," Warren commented, "before ghosts start showing up and announcing the color of my underwear or something."
"Good idea," Lizzie said. "Let's go."
Vlad steered Franco to the correct bathroom, not wanting him to traumatize the womenfolk.
Warren got to his feet to head outwards with his lady companions, gruntled and disgruntled.
"Hey, toilet!" Franco called cheerfully, and went in to use it.