New Beginnings
Title: New Beginnings
Author: SunnyBea
Rating: PG
Pairing: Gen.
Category: Post
Summary: Nat decides to remake herself.
Timeframe: Post Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
Words: 2,220.
Warnings: Unbeta'd =[. Also written outside of my normal stomping grounds. Constructive tips and tricks welcomed.
Written for a gift exchange (I'm late!) at http://multifan-gift.livejournal.com/
Germany was beautiful in the fall. The air was crisp and clean, the trees a riot of colors and most of the tourists were gone. She took a sip of her coffee and stared at the stone work of an opera house across the square. A fountain burbled soothingly somewhere nearby and the smell of her fresh buttered pastry teased at her nose.
And she wasn’t enjoying any of it.
It was embarrassing to admit but, with all the lies in her life, Nat wouldn’t lie to herself. She’d moped her way through 14 different countries, become 26 different people and she’d found ... nothing. She’d been untethered since she left DC. Looking for something she couldn’t identify to herself even as she hid from the media.
And then yesterday she passed through Dresden and saw their war memorial. Their scarred city, beautiful again but still blemished with the horror of a war come to visit. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Steve since.
Honest, loyal Steve. A boy scout who asked her to be his friend. It had sent her into a tailspin of maudlin self-reflection. Of course, he followed that up by burning SHIELD to ashes and taking off on a quest to save his boyhood friend. She hadn’t been invited. So she had been hiding. Avoiding making a decision. Maybe she wasn’t lying to herself but she was doing a damn good job of avoiding the truth.
The Avengers shouldn’t have scattered like they did. They shouldn’t have taken off for parts unknown, alone and hiding, like they had. They should have stuck together, knowing that there was strength in numbers and that they, in particular, were infinitely stronger together. With a pang, she realized it was something that Coulson would have prevented. He would never have permitted them to act so selfishly.
She had been unmade. Everything she had created for herself at SHIELD, even SHIELD itself, was gone. Its members were scattered across the globe, the world unprotected.
SHIELDS faults were her own: she had mistaken self-control for self-awareness. She wasn’t above feelings, she ignored them. And she was very good at stuffing them deep inside herself and never looking at them again.
Natasha was pissed at that realization. But it was a good thing. She was finally going to take action. She knew what she wanted and she was going to make herself this time. No one else would ever be allowed to define her again.
She was going to be an Avenger. Even if she had to drag the rest of them in kicking and screaming.
More importantly, she was going to be a good friend.
------------------------------------
She finally hit New York in mid-December. There were still small reminders of the invasion around the city, hidden beneath the clutter of living. Like Dresden, like Steve and even like her, she supposed: a pretty outside hiding the war marked inside. She sunk herself right back into it. New York wasn’t home but she loved it just the same. And she was going to use it to help get the Avengers back together. The place where they finally became a team.
She’d put things in motion to get Banner into the city. Stark and Pepper were almost always here. He hadn’t rebuilt the Malibu house, yet. Steve and Sam were on their way back to DC. She just needed to complete the plan so she could spring the trap.
She camped herself on the stone steps of the city library at the base of Patience and with an eye on Fortitude. The Library was gloriously, amazingly undamaged. It was a good place to think. Unfortunately, the list in her hands only grew longer the more she thought on how to get all the others into one room together. And in a good enough mood not to fight. That many grumpy, alpha males in one place always brought pissing matches. She sighed. There were ways around that but she was trying to get them to be happy in each other’s company. Cowing them into submission would only work temporarily.
She meandered her way back to her hotel, enjoying the stroll and the atmosphere of the happy city around her. She stopped, blinked and couldn’t help smiling. Of course, Christmas. It was almost Christmas! She was certain Steve wouldn’t say no to Christmas party. He’d never be such a Scrooge. She picked up the pace and hurried for her hotel. Scrunching her list up she shoved it in her pocket. She didn’t need plans. She needed backup. And she knew exactly who to call.
------------------------------------
Pepper had been a treasure trove of advice and ideas. Nat sauntered away from Banner secure in the knowledge that he’d be at the party. Really, they were all pathetic. They folded like a house of cards the second they thought they might disappoint poor, innocent Pepper. The woman was a genius. Nat would definitely be pulling her aside and asking for a few tips. Pepper had also contacted Jane Foster for her. Jane was smart and level headed. Nat was sure she’d back any plan that might get Thor on planet. No word yet on if Thor would be available.
She checked her phone. Still no word from Clint. She hoped he was able to manage Stark without strangling him. She’d have to owe him one for making check the decorations. She was sure Tony would try and pull something only he could think is cute.
------------------------------------
“Really, Legolas? Checking up on me?”
Clint ground his teeth together in an attempt to reign in his annoyance. He couldn’t believe he volunteered to check in on Stark. He should have picked Banner.
“Would you stop calling me that?”
“Can’t, it’s the only one that annoys you this much.”
Clint blinked. “No it isn’t.”
“Yep.” Tony was positive and started ticking them off on his fingers. “You’re fond of Robin Hood, got all puffed up with Rambo and, admit it, you think Green Arrow is kinda cool.” Stark paused then, a dangerously thoughtful frown on his face. “Katniss, then?”
Clint paled. “What?!”
Stark grinned, pleased. “Ok. No more Legolas!”
Nat so owed him for this. Clint tried, once again, to get on track.
“I’m not here for this, Stark. The party? Remember? You promised to help Nat.”
“Of course! Behold.”
And with that, Stark opened the door to the common area they had been approaching. He gesticulated wildly at the large room, a smug grin on his face. Oh, no. Clint felt more than a little sick. The dramatically revealed common room looked …
“It looks like Christmas threw up in here.”
Stark looked affronted. “It’s for a Christmas party. Of course it looks … Christmas-y.”
“Nat wanted low key. Old fashioned. Cozy. Bing Crosby not Will Ferrell.”
Stark sneered. “Go all the way or go home. This is better.”
Stark was in a mood today, Clint could tell. Arguing would get him nowhere except more arguing. The man lived for it. Time to bring out the big guns.
“Fine. I’ll tell Nat you didn’t like her plan.”
Stark’s eyes widened. “Wait, what?”
It was Clint’s turn to be smug. “Yep, but you’re telling Pepper you changed her decorations.”
“Pepper? Pepper picked them out?” Starks voice was satisfyingly timid.
“Of course, Pepper! Do you think Nat planned everything herself? Parties aren’t really her thing. Pepper loved doing it. Plus, it’s Pepper’s building.”
“It’s my building!”
Clint arched an eyebrow at Stark in disbelief and he deflated immediately. So, so satisfying.
“Too. It’s my building, TOO.”
“Uh-huh, right. And the decorations?”
Stark pulled out his phone, defeated. “I’ll change them. Give me two hours.”
------------------------------------
She found Steve at Arlington.
The trees were bare, the ground covered in a fresh fall of snow. Bright wreaths decorated every lonely tombstone, the ribbons dotting the landscape like drops of blood. He was alone, in section 7, looking up at the lonely sentry making his circuit in front of the Tomb of the Unknowns. The sentinel was unwavering in the cold, calmly completing his walk until ceremoniously relieved. It was beautiful to watch. She could understand why he came here - the place was steeped in a tradition that most of the rest of society deemed old fashioned.
It was the 23rd. She’d deliberately waited until the last minute to ambush him. He always got flustered when she asked him for a favor and smiled. It was adorable.
She’d been watching him for a while but he hadn’t moved or taken his eyes from the Sentinel. He looked sad. He and Sam hadn’t found Bucky yet and she knew they wouldn’t until the Winter Soldier wanted to be found. But Bucky was a piece of Steve’s past that was holding onto as hard as he could. She tried to understand his isolation, his loneliness, but his inability to move on confounded her. His friendship with Sam was the first sign she’d seen that he might be considering it. If all he needed was a little push then the Christmas party would be good for him.
Walking carefully over the icy blacktop she made her way to his side. Slipping her arm through his she smiled up at him.
“Merry Christmas, Steve.”
He took a deep breath before meeting her eyes and smiling back.
“Merry Christmas, Nat. What brings you back to DC?”
“What brings you back? I thought you’d move back to Brooklyn once you didn’t have to be here.”
“Sam lives here.” He shrugged. “Brooklyn doesn’t look like home anymore anyway.”
Nat debated a moment. She had been sure of her approach a few moments ago but now she wasn’t so sure. His seemed mercurial today, less steady than usual.
“How’s the search going?”
“Probably about how you think it’s going. He’s a ghost, Nat.”
He looked down at her and quirked an eyebrow.
“You going to keep tiptoeing around it or are you going to ask me?”
“Ask you what?”
She was unaccountably nervous all of a sudden. This place was too solemn for her manipulations and tricks. He shook his head and she could swear she saw a spark of pity in his eyes.
“It’s all right, Natasha. I’ll come to your party.”
She was completely flabbergasted. She blinked up at him with wide eyes before she realized how she must look. She closed her mouth with a snap and tried to glare.
“Who told you?!”
Chucking her under the chin he laughed, but not unkindly. Placing a hand over hers he led her back towards the entrance, shortening his stride for her. She decided to let him get away with it this time.
“Natasha, I worked with you for two years. I know when you’re being sneaky.”
“But how’d you know it was a party?”
“It’s Christmas, Nat. We have to have a party.”
She was disgruntled. She was getting soft already!
“Can Sam come?”
“Of course Sam can come, Steve.”
They were quiet the rest of the walk.
------------------------------------
For the first time in six months Natasha felt herself relax. Everyone was here. Unbelievably, everyone seemed happy. She’d even admit to herself that she was enjoying the warm and sparkling atmosphere created by the old-fashioned Christmas decorations.
She glanced over at Pepper as she handed Nat a glass of champagne.
“The place is lovely, Pepper. I can’t believe you have actual candles on the tree!”
Pepper laughed, “They’re making Jarvis very worried. He’s watching them for micro movements and monitoring the heat levels.”
Natasha nodded but kept watching the room. Steve was entertaining Jane with a story, Stark and Banner had their nerdy heads bent together and Clint, Sam and Thor were bonding over hard apple cider. She could hear snatches of them ribbing each other and shook her head. Trying to top boisterous and confident Thor was a fruitless endeavor. Thor was kind and deigned to be impressed occasionally. The only one of them Thor didn’t treat like a child was Steve.
“I thought, maybe you could let them have Christmas?”
Nat paused, trying to decipher Pepper’s angle.
“I’m talking about your project in getting the Avengers back together. At least in a more formal way than you are now.”
Nat was definitely getting soft. Second time in two days she’d been sussed out. At least she hid it better this time.
“You’re opposed to the idea?”
“No! Not at all. It’d be good for Tony.” Pepper’s gaze floated over the room. “Probably good for all of them in all truth.”
Natasha was relieved. Pepper was a valuable ally and she’d be a formidable opponent. Nat would much rather stay friendly.
“Then what are you suggesting?”
Pepper arched an eyebrow at her. “How about we do that at my New Years Eve party?”
Nat couldn’t help the delighted grin that split her face. An ally it was. She clinked her glass with Pepper’s in promise. Pepper was right. They had time. They could have Christmas.
“I’ll be there. Let’s join this one.”
Pepper returned to Tony’s side and linked their arms. Nat joined Steve and Jane on the sofa. Steve gave her a welcoming smile and Nat basked in that warmth. No more hiding. No more pretending.
She was a good friend. And soon, she would be an Avenger again.
Author: SunnyBea
Rating: PG
Pairing: Gen.
Category: Post
Summary: Nat decides to remake herself.
Timeframe: Post Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
Words: 2,220.
Warnings: Unbeta'd =[. Also written outside of my normal stomping grounds. Constructive tips and tricks welcomed.
Written for a gift exchange (I'm late!) at http://multifan-gift.livejournal.com/
Germany was beautiful in the fall. The air was crisp and clean, the trees a riot of colors and most of the tourists were gone. She took a sip of her coffee and stared at the stone work of an opera house across the square. A fountain burbled soothingly somewhere nearby and the smell of her fresh buttered pastry teased at her nose.
And she wasn’t enjoying any of it.
It was embarrassing to admit but, with all the lies in her life, Nat wouldn’t lie to herself. She’d moped her way through 14 different countries, become 26 different people and she’d found ... nothing. She’d been untethered since she left DC. Looking for something she couldn’t identify to herself even as she hid from the media.
And then yesterday she passed through Dresden and saw their war memorial. Their scarred city, beautiful again but still blemished with the horror of a war come to visit. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Steve since.
Honest, loyal Steve. A boy scout who asked her to be his friend. It had sent her into a tailspin of maudlin self-reflection. Of course, he followed that up by burning SHIELD to ashes and taking off on a quest to save his boyhood friend. She hadn’t been invited. So she had been hiding. Avoiding making a decision. Maybe she wasn’t lying to herself but she was doing a damn good job of avoiding the truth.
The Avengers shouldn’t have scattered like they did. They shouldn’t have taken off for parts unknown, alone and hiding, like they had. They should have stuck together, knowing that there was strength in numbers and that they, in particular, were infinitely stronger together. With a pang, she realized it was something that Coulson would have prevented. He would never have permitted them to act so selfishly.
She had been unmade. Everything she had created for herself at SHIELD, even SHIELD itself, was gone. Its members were scattered across the globe, the world unprotected.
SHIELDS faults were her own: she had mistaken self-control for self-awareness. She wasn’t above feelings, she ignored them. And she was very good at stuffing them deep inside herself and never looking at them again.
Natasha was pissed at that realization. But it was a good thing. She was finally going to take action. She knew what she wanted and she was going to make herself this time. No one else would ever be allowed to define her again.
She was going to be an Avenger. Even if she had to drag the rest of them in kicking and screaming.
More importantly, she was going to be a good friend.
------------------------------------
She finally hit New York in mid-December. There were still small reminders of the invasion around the city, hidden beneath the clutter of living. Like Dresden, like Steve and even like her, she supposed: a pretty outside hiding the war marked inside. She sunk herself right back into it. New York wasn’t home but she loved it just the same. And she was going to use it to help get the Avengers back together. The place where they finally became a team.
She’d put things in motion to get Banner into the city. Stark and Pepper were almost always here. He hadn’t rebuilt the Malibu house, yet. Steve and Sam were on their way back to DC. She just needed to complete the plan so she could spring the trap.
She camped herself on the stone steps of the city library at the base of Patience and with an eye on Fortitude. The Library was gloriously, amazingly undamaged. It was a good place to think. Unfortunately, the list in her hands only grew longer the more she thought on how to get all the others into one room together. And in a good enough mood not to fight. That many grumpy, alpha males in one place always brought pissing matches. She sighed. There were ways around that but she was trying to get them to be happy in each other’s company. Cowing them into submission would only work temporarily.
She meandered her way back to her hotel, enjoying the stroll and the atmosphere of the happy city around her. She stopped, blinked and couldn’t help smiling. Of course, Christmas. It was almost Christmas! She was certain Steve wouldn’t say no to Christmas party. He’d never be such a Scrooge. She picked up the pace and hurried for her hotel. Scrunching her list up she shoved it in her pocket. She didn’t need plans. She needed backup. And she knew exactly who to call.
------------------------------------
Pepper had been a treasure trove of advice and ideas. Nat sauntered away from Banner secure in the knowledge that he’d be at the party. Really, they were all pathetic. They folded like a house of cards the second they thought they might disappoint poor, innocent Pepper. The woman was a genius. Nat would definitely be pulling her aside and asking for a few tips. Pepper had also contacted Jane Foster for her. Jane was smart and level headed. Nat was sure she’d back any plan that might get Thor on planet. No word yet on if Thor would be available.
She checked her phone. Still no word from Clint. She hoped he was able to manage Stark without strangling him. She’d have to owe him one for making check the decorations. She was sure Tony would try and pull something only he could think is cute.
------------------------------------
“Really, Legolas? Checking up on me?”
Clint ground his teeth together in an attempt to reign in his annoyance. He couldn’t believe he volunteered to check in on Stark. He should have picked Banner.
“Would you stop calling me that?”
“Can’t, it’s the only one that annoys you this much.”
Clint blinked. “No it isn’t.”
“Yep.” Tony was positive and started ticking them off on his fingers. “You’re fond of Robin Hood, got all puffed up with Rambo and, admit it, you think Green Arrow is kinda cool.” Stark paused then, a dangerously thoughtful frown on his face. “Katniss, then?”
Clint paled. “What?!”
Stark grinned, pleased. “Ok. No more Legolas!”
Nat so owed him for this. Clint tried, once again, to get on track.
“I’m not here for this, Stark. The party? Remember? You promised to help Nat.”
“Of course! Behold.”
And with that, Stark opened the door to the common area they had been approaching. He gesticulated wildly at the large room, a smug grin on his face. Oh, no. Clint felt more than a little sick. The dramatically revealed common room looked …
“It looks like Christmas threw up in here.”
Stark looked affronted. “It’s for a Christmas party. Of course it looks … Christmas-y.”
“Nat wanted low key. Old fashioned. Cozy. Bing Crosby not Will Ferrell.”
Stark sneered. “Go all the way or go home. This is better.”
Stark was in a mood today, Clint could tell. Arguing would get him nowhere except more arguing. The man lived for it. Time to bring out the big guns.
“Fine. I’ll tell Nat you didn’t like her plan.”
Stark’s eyes widened. “Wait, what?”
It was Clint’s turn to be smug. “Yep, but you’re telling Pepper you changed her decorations.”
“Pepper? Pepper picked them out?” Starks voice was satisfyingly timid.
“Of course, Pepper! Do you think Nat planned everything herself? Parties aren’t really her thing. Pepper loved doing it. Plus, it’s Pepper’s building.”
“It’s my building!”
Clint arched an eyebrow at Stark in disbelief and he deflated immediately. So, so satisfying.
“Too. It’s my building, TOO.”
“Uh-huh, right. And the decorations?”
Stark pulled out his phone, defeated. “I’ll change them. Give me two hours.”
------------------------------------
She found Steve at Arlington.
The trees were bare, the ground covered in a fresh fall of snow. Bright wreaths decorated every lonely tombstone, the ribbons dotting the landscape like drops of blood. He was alone, in section 7, looking up at the lonely sentry making his circuit in front of the Tomb of the Unknowns. The sentinel was unwavering in the cold, calmly completing his walk until ceremoniously relieved. It was beautiful to watch. She could understand why he came here - the place was steeped in a tradition that most of the rest of society deemed old fashioned.
It was the 23rd. She’d deliberately waited until the last minute to ambush him. He always got flustered when she asked him for a favor and smiled. It was adorable.
She’d been watching him for a while but he hadn’t moved or taken his eyes from the Sentinel. He looked sad. He and Sam hadn’t found Bucky yet and she knew they wouldn’t until the Winter Soldier wanted to be found. But Bucky was a piece of Steve’s past that was holding onto as hard as he could. She tried to understand his isolation, his loneliness, but his inability to move on confounded her. His friendship with Sam was the first sign she’d seen that he might be considering it. If all he needed was a little push then the Christmas party would be good for him.
Walking carefully over the icy blacktop she made her way to his side. Slipping her arm through his she smiled up at him.
“Merry Christmas, Steve.”
He took a deep breath before meeting her eyes and smiling back.
“Merry Christmas, Nat. What brings you back to DC?”
“What brings you back? I thought you’d move back to Brooklyn once you didn’t have to be here.”
“Sam lives here.” He shrugged. “Brooklyn doesn’t look like home anymore anyway.”
Nat debated a moment. She had been sure of her approach a few moments ago but now she wasn’t so sure. His seemed mercurial today, less steady than usual.
“How’s the search going?”
“Probably about how you think it’s going. He’s a ghost, Nat.”
He looked down at her and quirked an eyebrow.
“You going to keep tiptoeing around it or are you going to ask me?”
“Ask you what?”
She was unaccountably nervous all of a sudden. This place was too solemn for her manipulations and tricks. He shook his head and she could swear she saw a spark of pity in his eyes.
“It’s all right, Natasha. I’ll come to your party.”
She was completely flabbergasted. She blinked up at him with wide eyes before she realized how she must look. She closed her mouth with a snap and tried to glare.
“Who told you?!”
Chucking her under the chin he laughed, but not unkindly. Placing a hand over hers he led her back towards the entrance, shortening his stride for her. She decided to let him get away with it this time.
“Natasha, I worked with you for two years. I know when you’re being sneaky.”
“But how’d you know it was a party?”
“It’s Christmas, Nat. We have to have a party.”
She was disgruntled. She was getting soft already!
“Can Sam come?”
“Of course Sam can come, Steve.”
They were quiet the rest of the walk.
------------------------------------
For the first time in six months Natasha felt herself relax. Everyone was here. Unbelievably, everyone seemed happy. She’d even admit to herself that she was enjoying the warm and sparkling atmosphere created by the old-fashioned Christmas decorations.
She glanced over at Pepper as she handed Nat a glass of champagne.
“The place is lovely, Pepper. I can’t believe you have actual candles on the tree!”
Pepper laughed, “They’re making Jarvis very worried. He’s watching them for micro movements and monitoring the heat levels.”
Natasha nodded but kept watching the room. Steve was entertaining Jane with a story, Stark and Banner had their nerdy heads bent together and Clint, Sam and Thor were bonding over hard apple cider. She could hear snatches of them ribbing each other and shook her head. Trying to top boisterous and confident Thor was a fruitless endeavor. Thor was kind and deigned to be impressed occasionally. The only one of them Thor didn’t treat like a child was Steve.
“I thought, maybe you could let them have Christmas?”
Nat paused, trying to decipher Pepper’s angle.
“I’m talking about your project in getting the Avengers back together. At least in a more formal way than you are now.”
Nat was definitely getting soft. Second time in two days she’d been sussed out. At least she hid it better this time.
“You’re opposed to the idea?”
“No! Not at all. It’d be good for Tony.” Pepper’s gaze floated over the room. “Probably good for all of them in all truth.”
Natasha was relieved. Pepper was a valuable ally and she’d be a formidable opponent. Nat would much rather stay friendly.
“Then what are you suggesting?”
Pepper arched an eyebrow at her. “How about we do that at my New Years Eve party?”
Nat couldn’t help the delighted grin that split her face. An ally it was. She clinked her glass with Pepper’s in promise. Pepper was right. They had time. They could have Christmas.
“I’ll be there. Let’s join this one.”
Pepper returned to Tony’s side and linked their arms. Nat joined Steve and Jane on the sofa. Steve gave her a welcoming smile and Nat basked in that warmth. No more hiding. No more pretending.
She was a good friend. And soon, she would be an Avenger again.