(no subject)
Ok, so...wow. I am so confused right now. Have u ever felt like one day, the world played some sick and twisted game of spin the bottle and whoever it landed on got the weight of the world on their shoulders? Well, lately...I've been the victim. Talking about it, it doesn't seem like anything. But to me, it's everything. And it's so hard to handle. I've been in like a permanent bad mood for the past 2 or 3 days. And it sux. Everything from my school schedule, to color guard, to guys seems like the end of the world, when they're all hurled at you at the same time. Idk how to explain it, without it sounding miniscule, or not important. I have only one class w/ anyone that I know of right now, but then I changed my schedule so I don't know...*providing the schedule change even works*...I have b lunch, and while everyone says "everyone has b lunch", that's a different person's everyone. All my friends have c lunch. There are a few ppl I know in B lunch, but unfortunately I can't call them "friends". And then Color Guard...ugh. I have no idea what's goin on w/ that. I have practice every single night of the week this week comin up. (Friday bein the game.) I'm so mad. Half of me wants to quit...RIGHT NOW! And the other half doesn't want to let everyone else down, has some sort of hope that after we've finished everything it will be more enjoyable, wants to go to florida (I think), and doesn't wanna be the one to tell maynard if I quit cuz I wouldn't come out alive. Color guard is gonna go untill June. JUNE! What the HECK could we possibly do in marching band until JUNE! That's a FULL year of color guard, and yet it still doesn't count as a gym credit. Ugh. It's so stressful, and it's barely started. And then there's the guys...oy. I haven't talked to the guy from my previous entry yet. At all. I'm scared. The optomistic part of me thinks this guy isn't the kind of guy that would act different around me just cuz he knows I *might* like him. The not-so-optomistic part, thinks all guys are the same, and if I even attempt to talk to him, he'll act weird, I'll get upset, embarassed, and prolly cry. And, unfortunately, both of those parts are pretty equal. If only the optomistic part was a little bit bigger...I might have the guts to talk to him. Ugh. See, the bad part about me writing all this, is it won't help me feel any better. It will sort of clue my friends in as to why I'm such a b^%$! lately, but it doesn't let out any of the agression i feel right now. Ya know how I feel? I feel like I'm not in control of my life right now. Not in the slightest bit. In any area. And, I don't know how to get back in control. I need help, but I don't know who to ask, because I don't know how anyone can help me on this. I don't know what to think. About anything right now. I'm like, on the fence in every decision I'm supposed to be making. The only thing I do know, is... I need to get back in control.