Zombies are back at Monroeville Mall
I apologize. My journal has strongly been lacking any form of writing whatsoever except in the form of sports predictions and outcomes which barely even pass for sensical phrases of the English language.
I seem to be mentally pre-disposed as of late. I just feel as though I am in an extreme brain fog. Thick fog. So thick I can't see my hand when I hold it up 5 inches in front of my face. My mind has just shut off. Thinking back on patterns resembling this instance, I have noticed my mind/mood kind of resembles one of those automatic timers people use to turn their sidewalk lamps on and off every evening at dusk and every morning at dawn. It is consistent for a while, but then there's a power outage and the system gets completely off track -- turning lights on at 4:00 in the afternoon and off at noon the next day.
Funny thing being, I don't remember the power going out at all lately...
My routine is basic. I go to work in the morning, come home, eat dinner, talk on the phone for a while, watch tv, go to bed, then wake up the next morning and do it over again. The weekends I spend with my boyfriend for the most part, unless he has a side job lined up, but I find myself wishing the days of my life away. When it's Monday, I can't wait until the weekend. When its the weekend, I blink my eyes and its 7:00am Monday morning and I'm wishing my life away again for the next weekend. I'm sick of living my life in a zombie fashion.
I love my job. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my boyfriend.
So why do I always feel so drained?
And the pain -- the actual physical body pain -- well, it just needs to go away. Soon I will be in the hospital with Cirrhosis of the liver from the large amounts of Advil I consume. But the ibuprofen does nothing, ever, the pain is always still there.
This entry sounds so dismal, so sad, so hopeless, but I don't feel sad. I don't feel hopeless and I don't, well I don't think I do at least, feel depressed. I just feel --- like the light timer: turned off, out of sync.
There has to be a reset button somewhere.