i'm not sleeping

[sunny_day_angel]

isn't it terrible how sometimes you can have almost everything you thought you ever wanted, and still get that choking sense of desperation that fills up your lungs with lighter fluid?

i'd give anything to go backwards, to keep myself from inviting disaster. i don't know if i'll ever forgive myself for a lot of the things i've done. it's hard to atone for the sins you welcomed.

sometimes i think maybe i'm not even a real person anymore. i'm nothing but a ghost of what never was.