Mwa. Ha. Ha. Ha. (Edited)

[bitter_brother]

The thought occurred to me when I woke up in the motel with Amy, still feeling hungover from the unbinding spell. We had to go back to the dorms eventually. That's the natural habitat of college students. That's where we were supposed to be, right? We couldn't hang out in the motel forever. We didn't have a shitload of money and there were people

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[mk_warren_hpy]

I'll admit this to no one but myself: Tucker was not the droids I was looking for the Wells I had been expecting. I thought the morning sun would bring messages on the machine, and an Andrew who just happened to be passing by the room, chalk full of social suggestions or whatever kind of suggestions people like Andrew have that pass for social. And slowly but surely I'd begin to regret putting up with his companionship (I couldn't bring myself to walk out on his pity party. I'm not that much of an ass. No. Really. Really.). Unless there were some kind of redeeming features about the kid I'd yet to discover. I mean: obscene knowledge of obscure, nerdy crap? Have all of that that I need, thanks. And I know better than to wear it. You'd think Tucker would teach him something; or that he'd learn by negative example (Oooooh. Tucker. Buuuuuuurn.). Too bad.

...Not that I couldn't take him under my wing; steer him in the right direction. I could. I could mold him. I could rebuild him. I have the technology. I could make him stronger...faster...better. I could piss Tucker the hell off.

But I'm a guy who likes his Me Time.

Speaking of the elder Wells... I made sure not to look up as he came in. I donned my Captain Obvious hat because when you cock it to the side in a jaunty way all the fine ladies come arunnin'.

"Well, well, Wells. You've been gone for, like, ever. I sold all your shit."

And I sort of wish I had. The fuck has he been? Not that I actually care. Guy can do what he wants. I have my own thing, but it's been days, and, uh, I've noticed, yeah. Insert your own joke here about the smell, or something.

[bitter_brother]

"You did?" I asked flatly. "Good. How much you get? Let's buy beer."

Warren's head was bent over something that maybe was a circuit board, or maybe was an action figure. He didn't look up and I didn't inspect further.

Warren, the one trick pony. On or off. Geek or ... well, geek. Come to think of it, I hadn't seen him awake in days. The last time I saw him was when Amy and Jezebel and I were taking off for the magic shop. Two full days ago.

So, you know. Pre-murder.

"Hey, did I get any messages?" I sat down on my bed, throwing my backpack at the closet and yanking on my shoe laces. "Like, from a lawyer, maybe?"

[mk_warren_hpy]

Fuck. He got me. I looked up. Instinctual reaction, I told myself, to...stimuli. What, me worry? I folded my hands.

"Lawyer? No. What?"

Be more intriguing despite my better judgment annoying why doesn't he? And let's buy beer. He's a frat-boy now. I blame the girl. Has to be.

"For your crap?"

Which he can see is intact. Possibly disease ridden. I fished in my pocket; hurled a nickel in his general direction.

"Yeah, let's buy beer," I snorted. Two days gone and he waltzes in like he's been at class. Please. I'm not interested.

[bitter_brother]

"What's up your ass?" I snapped, watching the nickel fall to the ground while finally getting my shoes off. I crawled onto my bed and laid back. "You aren't even going to ask where I've been?"

Probably better that he didn't. I kind of wanted to talk to him about it. I couldn't really talk to anyone about what had happened, aside from Amy. Or Lilah. Not that I could tell Amy about Lilah.

Anyway.

"Warren, listen. Did you read the school paper today? Did you see that that Parker dude had a heart attack and died?"

[mk_warren_hpy]

"What's up your ass?"

"You, you wish," I murmured under my breath, tipping back in my chair. I humored him more loudly.

"Where you been, baby? Daddy missed you," I said, sarcastically. "Seriously, where were you?"

It got the better of me. I hate cats. And watch him not say now.

It says something about the environment we exist in that someone can announce the death of a classmate without phasing me. Show me someone on this campus who is surprised and I'll show you someone who hasn't been paying attention.

But I hadn't read that. I also didn't believe it for a second.

"Heart attack? Like all those town folk who fall on barbecue forks. He was probably doing..."

...what were those fuckers always doing?

"...X."

I ventured over to Tucker's bed to retrieve my nickle. He doesn't get to keep it.

[bitter_brother]

I looked at Warren, trying to figure out if we'd actually gone to the same high school. I mean, the kid was smart, but had he *never* gone out with me? Or done anything that wasn't gaming or project related?

"Yes," I said, measured. "He was probably doing Ecstasy. You are so so right."

Rubbing my eyes, I suddenly felt the weight of school and the past couple of days pressing down on me, "Fuck, man. I don't know. I've had the weirdest couple of days. I haven't been to class. Haven't been here. I have a girlfriend? Apparently? AND I've been with three girls in the last two days. Like, been with, been with. And I'm so fucking tired. I almost fucking dropped out today. I don't know how people do this shit and have lives at the same time."

I didn't mean to admit it. It just slipped out. All of it, actually. It was out before I knew what I was saying. He was just going to heckle me, like he always did. Just going to look at me like I was speaking another language.

There was something about having a best friend who was technically a genius, but didn't understand a thing I said.

I watched as he retrieved his nickel. Closing my eyes and tucking my hand into my waistband, I added, "I should be more like you. You can be my new idol. I'll sit in my room with a soldering iron and a 20 gig drive full of internet porn. I'll only leave to go to class and I'll go back to pretending that I'm the most important person on the planet."

[mk_warren_hpy]

I stared at him for some time, rubbing my thumb over Thomas Jefferson in soothing circles because one of us likes it. And the other one argued for the prohibition of slavery in the new American territories, yet never freed his own slaves. So Jefferson will take it and not complain. I was still trying to comprehend Tucker's previous diatribe correctly. It was like he was speaking another language. He can't possibly have meant been with like he just said he meant been with. Where was the justice in that? He was Tucker Wells. And he was complaining about it. He was whining. He was rubbing it in my face.

The mattress dipped as I risked possible life and limb to sit on the corner of his bed by his feet. Again: joke; smell: you get the idea.

"Pretending you're the most...," I murmured, thoughtfully. "That's your problem right there."

And like I could not say anything about it...

"...Three chicks? Really three? Don't fuck with me. Who? Like, at the same time?"

Because that internet porn had taught me well. And if he was lying it wouldn't take much effort from my current position to punch him in the balls.

"I went to The Bronze."

It wasn't because I felt the need to defend my own lifestyle. Just five words. It meant nothing.

[bitter_brother]

I lifted my head as Warren sat on the end of my bed. I knew something out of all that would get his attention. Our time-honored competition over who can get laid first/most/best had just taken a serious turn toward the major leagues.

"What was going on at the Bronze?"

Warren shook his head and said, "Answer my question first."

I sighed, but grinned. Say what you want about Warren, but he knows when I'm deflecting. "Yeah. Three. Two girls at once and then, a third on her own."

Listening to the words come out of my mouth, how could I *not* feel like a total pimp?

All right, fine. I was pretty proud of myself. I couldn't help it, my smile turned into a snort and I laughed, "Sorry, man. Over the last two days, I've seen more ass than the floor of a roller rink."

[mk_warren_hpy]

That smug bastard. That smug lucky, undeserving, beautiful bastard. If he thought he was going to get away with holding out on any info, he was so far from mistaken communication would mean a long distance call.

"Bronze? Nothing. It was a thing. Chick fight. Hair everywhere. Boobs flying. I caught some, but I had to throw them back: too small," I said, quickly. There was no use going into it. I was beat. This round. Half the battle is knowing when to run away. Although I still had that blond up my sleeve.

"Your brother."

I fought to keep the smirk off my face.

"Yeah, he called up, asked me...brought me flowers. You. Threesome. Details. NOW."

[bitter_brother]

I sat up, surprised at the mention of Andrew. "What about my brother? You went to the Bronze with him?... Why??"

Non-committally, Warren shrugged it off, "Why not?"

I looked at him, perturbed, "Beside the obvious reason of he's a total dork who can speak Klingon but can't talk to a girl? I guess I just didn't think he was your type. But more power to you, Romeo. Your call if you wouldn't hang out with me the other night but you'd go to a club with the same kid who horked up popcorn and Pepsi when he first saw Se7en."

Warren pursed his lips at me like I was jealous or something. Which I kind of was. Warren was my friend. Andrew had Jonathan and his Boba Fett poseable. Why he had to latch on to everything I introduced him to, I don't know. Star Wars, summoning, school terrorism, Warren... what could come next? Girls?

Yeah, right.

Settling down so Warren wouldn't get more of a reaction from me, I propped myself up on my elbows and shook my head. "Details? Okay, Warren... when a boy and a girl -- and another girl in this case -- are very drawn to each other, magical things happen. The boy parts and the girl parts come together to have this thing called 'sex,' which, if done correctly, culminates in something called an 'orgasm'... It's pretty cool. You should look into it."

I grinned at him, "Ah, but I've said too much. I believe that etiquette denotes that gentlemen don't gossip about their conquests. Even if part of that gossip includes his girlfriend and this slutty blond slampiece. I mean, especially if it involves his girlfriend, who would be horrified that he was repeating said information to his best friend. Who will keep it to himself under threat of disembowelment."

[mk_warren_hpy]

A night at The Bronze: the cost of admission. Spending time with Andrew: the cost of a coke. Tucker's reaction: priceless. And entirely worth any retaliation. He was clearly jealous. Wasn't that delicately touching. Served him right for taking up three whole chicks. Like he needed more than one. And c'mon. Everybody horks. Fact of life. It didn't mean Andrew was an entirely lost cause. The kid had some taste.

He'd called me, hadn't he?

I rolled my eyes at Tucker as he gave me the birds and the bees speech.

"Don't be a wang, Chung."

Yeah, I bet she'd be horrified. I wondered how many other guys/chicks/inanimate objects she was banging without Tucker's prior knowledge.

"Gentleman? And girlfriend, now? How sweet. I'm invited to the wedding, right? You probably have caught yourself a nice case of herpes. I thought we were getting beer."

[bitter_brother]

"Nah," I shook my head, laying back and closing my eyes. Lying, I said, "I used a rubber with the slutty one. Who is not my girlfriend. But there will be no wedding. Amy's rad, but... I don't think we're going to be able to sleep together, hang out all the time AND do our internship together. Just too much."

I hadn't said anything about Wolfram and Hart, so I added, "That lawyer that I was hoping had called met with me and offered me an internship. So, I'll have that and school. Doesn't leave a lot of room for a serious girlfriend. Or even a not-serious girlfriend. Still... Amy's pretty cool, so. Worth a try."

I gestured vaguely at my bag, where the money from the magic store was still clogging up my wallet, "If you really want beer, I've got some cash. We could get some bum to buy it for us. I'm down, if you are. There is no way I'm going out tonight. Not with the ever-present danger of girl fights looming on the horizon."