(no subject)
Ok...here's the deal. I've been awake for almost 48 hours straight. this sucks big time...the only sleep i got was after my meeting got out at 8pm. Then I had to go back to work for 12am and I was late cause I didn't have an alarm clock. So I can't say that I haven't gotten any sleep but it's very minimal.
On another sour note, my nephew Alex is sick. He has a viral infection that's making it hard for him to breathe, it's kinda like a head cold but it's viral not bacterial. So i'm wicked stressed about that. I love him so much and I hate to see him sick. All of us have to be careful around him...if we get sick, we can't be around him and we have to make sure that we wash our hands before even thinking about touching him...which should be the case but it just makes ya think.
I'm really kinda aggrivated right now at myself for not being resposible enough to wake up on time. I haven't even passed my 90 days yet and i've already been late 3 times. I hope to high hell that doesn't effect me when review time comes on the 29th of this month.
All I know is that I'm happy at the point I am at now but i'm hoping that life stops throwing me curves every time I think that things are going well. This has happened to me EVERY damn time things start to look up and truthfully...i'm really sick of it.
On the flip side, I'm not prepared to journey back into any type of relationship except for friendship. All I need is my peeps to talk to once in a while to make me smile...that's all I ask and I can give that back in return...but other than that...I'm not capable to voyage into the depths of despare of a relationship because I can hardly take care of myself right now...how am I supposed to take care of anyone else. There are so many things that are going through my mind these days that I can't seem to make time to make anyone else happy. Some of the things that are going through my mind right now is the fact that i'm suffering from insomnia...which is one of the reasons I've been late...my car is once again broken and I don't have the funds to fix it...my nephew is sick...I'm tired ALL the time...and I don't seem to have anyone to talk to when I need to talk. This isn't anyone's fault...I just wish that I were closer to my friends.
I'm hoping that I get my car back tomorrow depending on what they had to do to fix it. I have to pay my car payment as well as my insurance...and then I have to pay off some debts. I have tomorrow off and trust me...it's hopefully it's going to be a day of well needed sleep. I can't seem to shake the fact that everytime I go to fall asleep something pops in my head and I start thinking about it making me worry which makes me stay awake.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to have another relationship but right now...I can't and don't want one. I love my friends and my family...but that's all the love I'm able and willing to give at this point in my life...and I'm sorry if this hurts but this is how I need to feel right now.
On another sour note, my nephew Alex is sick. He has a viral infection that's making it hard for him to breathe, it's kinda like a head cold but it's viral not bacterial. So i'm wicked stressed about that. I love him so much and I hate to see him sick. All of us have to be careful around him...if we get sick, we can't be around him and we have to make sure that we wash our hands before even thinking about touching him...which should be the case but it just makes ya think.
I'm really kinda aggrivated right now at myself for not being resposible enough to wake up on time. I haven't even passed my 90 days yet and i've already been late 3 times. I hope to high hell that doesn't effect me when review time comes on the 29th of this month.
All I know is that I'm happy at the point I am at now but i'm hoping that life stops throwing me curves every time I think that things are going well. This has happened to me EVERY damn time things start to look up and truthfully...i'm really sick of it.
On the flip side, I'm not prepared to journey back into any type of relationship except for friendship. All I need is my peeps to talk to once in a while to make me smile...that's all I ask and I can give that back in return...but other than that...I'm not capable to voyage into the depths of despare of a relationship because I can hardly take care of myself right now...how am I supposed to take care of anyone else. There are so many things that are going through my mind these days that I can't seem to make time to make anyone else happy. Some of the things that are going through my mind right now is the fact that i'm suffering from insomnia...which is one of the reasons I've been late...my car is once again broken and I don't have the funds to fix it...my nephew is sick...I'm tired ALL the time...and I don't seem to have anyone to talk to when I need to talk. This isn't anyone's fault...I just wish that I were closer to my friends.
I'm hoping that I get my car back tomorrow depending on what they had to do to fix it. I have to pay my car payment as well as my insurance...and then I have to pay off some debts. I have tomorrow off and trust me...it's hopefully it's going to be a day of well needed sleep. I can't seem to shake the fact that everytime I go to fall asleep something pops in my head and I start thinking about it making me worry which makes me stay awake.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to have another relationship but right now...I can't and don't want one. I love my friends and my family...but that's all the love I'm able and willing to give at this point in my life...and I'm sorry if this hurts but this is how I need to feel right now.