uncertainty bites.
it's rubbing off now. my feet are touching the earth's surface, again. the head is finally cleared. the clouds and all of its far off (day)dreams are gone. kapoof. quite lost, but sometimes lingering in my head.
uncertainty bites. be it on lukas, marcus,the rest of my imaginary troop of boySPACEfriends, or real boys, there are simply no absolutes. sometimes, it's the uncertainty that gives hope. hope that something just might happen. but then again, the other side of the coin could just as well say that it's only going as far as the starting line.
i'm not complaining. but neither does it mean that i'm in perfect peace.
this whole (i'd love to call it "game") shenanigan feels just like loads of crap. it leaves me feeling like a pile of decaying mush too. there are days when i want to give it all up and become a missionary to africa. or give up the thought of ending up with HIM. why? because while i'm thinking that one day he'll come, half the time, i'm also thinking that this is loads of bull and it's not worth it. (cliched lines "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" place here)
i don't want to have a boyfriend. i just want a best boy bud. even though i have good friends who are guys, they're overlooked because... although they technically they aren't taken, chances of them being "him" are nil. and even if that's good in many ways (yeah, the priority-of-a-teenager-is-to-study talk.) there are instances when you can't help but feel lonely. and then you get all confused. because even though you know that they won't necessarily end up with the girl they're crushing on at the moment, you end up with a mixture of different thoughts. a big chunk wants then to end up together (God willing) because they look cute/nakakaaliw in each other's company. another chunk thinks, "hey, where is 'he'? why isn't mine here yet??? man, those girls are so lucky. these guys are great fellows. not perfect, but they're great. these awesome people like those other awesome people. whopeee. what a wonderful world for those wonderful people. on the other hand, lukas??! helloooo??? c'mere, you! find me! NOW!". then the last chunk just says, "rats. oh foine, foine... dat's layf. now leave me alone to shrivel up and die."
i'm fine with that, yes i am. even if i have to force it in like medicine.
hahahahaha.
but as everyone says, "in God's time."
!
hmmmm. PostMS-ing. yeah, that's exactly what this is.
uncertainty bites. be it on lukas, marcus,the rest of my imaginary troop of boySPACEfriends, or real boys, there are simply no absolutes. sometimes, it's the uncertainty that gives hope. hope that something just might happen. but then again, the other side of the coin could just as well say that it's only going as far as the starting line.
i'm not complaining. but neither does it mean that i'm in perfect peace.
this whole (i'd love to call it "game") shenanigan feels just like loads of crap. it leaves me feeling like a pile of decaying mush too. there are days when i want to give it all up and become a missionary to africa. or give up the thought of ending up with HIM. why? because while i'm thinking that one day he'll come, half the time, i'm also thinking that this is loads of bull and it's not worth it. (cliched lines "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" place here)
i don't want to have a boyfriend. i just want a best boy bud. even though i have good friends who are guys, they're overlooked because... although they technically they aren't taken, chances of them being "him" are nil. and even if that's good in many ways (yeah, the priority-of-a-teenager-is-to-study talk.) there are instances when you can't help but feel lonely. and then you get all confused. because even though you know that they won't necessarily end up with the girl they're crushing on at the moment, you end up with a mixture of different thoughts. a big chunk wants then to end up together (God willing) because they look cute/nakakaaliw in each other's company. another chunk thinks, "hey, where is 'he'? why isn't mine here yet??? man, those girls are so lucky. these guys are great fellows. not perfect, but they're great. these awesome people like those other awesome people. whopeee. what a wonderful world for those wonderful people. on the other hand, lukas??! helloooo??? c'mere, you! find me! NOW!". then the last chunk just says, "rats. oh foine, foine... dat's layf. now leave me alone to shrivel up and die."
i'm fine with that, yes i am. even if i have to force it in like medicine.
hahahahaha.
but as everyone says, "in God's time."
!
hmmmm. PostMS-ing. yeah, that's exactly what this is.