on every page
Title on every page
Pairing ongin/Junmyeon
Rating PG-13
Length 2.5k
Summary jongin likes junmyeon a little too much.
A/N written for konnie. hank you for the birthday fic! i loved it :3 i know this is a rough first draft and it's also my first time writing this ship, but i hope you like it.
A/N 2 what's up with me and making my characters into artists, omg.
jongin walks into the lecture hall and takes a seat in the back row, setting his backpack on the floor and taking out his textbook. it's filled with doodles, messy drawings of cats on the cover, loose pieces of paper tucked in messily and spilling all over his lap. he stifles a curse and gathers them, eyes scanning the room to see if anyone noticed. but the room is still too empty and the prof is nowhere to be seen, so jongin sighs in relief and peeks at the sheets in his hand.
drawings litter the blank pages: they vary from a boy looking around a full lecture hall for a seat to the same boy smiling and then frowning as he listens to the professor go on about the french revolution or some other subject jongin couldn't care less about.
but, while jongin doesn't give a damn about napoleon or the bastille, he does care about the boy in the drawings. why else would he spend an hour three times a week stealing glances his way, sketching the outline of his nose and mouth, studying the way light latches onto his eyelashes and refuses to let go? he reasons that this must be some kind of intense infatuation, and tells himself that maybe, perhaps, possibly someday he'll do something about it.
jongin jumps when a hand clasps his shoulder, and his friend sehun laughs as he sits down. he raises an eyebrow at the drawings, cradled lovingly in between jongin's fingers, and shakes his head. "you're so creepy."
"i'm not creepy," jongin protests, putting the sheets away.
sehun snorts. "do you even know his name?"
"yeah, i think it's junmyeon," jongin says. "but i don't intend on ever talking to him anyway."
"jonginnie, sorry to burst your bubble, but you'll never get a boyfriend if you refuse to talk to guys. i know you're shy and coming out of the closet last year was a big deal, but, like, don't you want to date?"
"i--" at that moment, junmyeon walks by and settles in a chair two rows in front of jongin and sehun. he runs a hand through his dark hair and jongin sighs, pen slipping out of his fingers. "oh, shit. can you get that?"
sehun bends, reaching for the pen. "whatever. let me know when you get over this stupid crush; i'll take you out to a gay bar then."
but jongin isn't listening. junmyeon has opened his notebook and started to take notes with deft fingers, eyes squinting at the professor, mouth pursed in a tight line. jongin doesn't have to look down to know that his hand is tracing the pattern of junmyeon's neck, and he doesn't have to look into a mirror to know that his cheeks burn red with the thought of touching and caressing the milky skin peeking through junmyeon's tangled hair, curling where it reaches his collar, offering jongin a small taste of imaginary heaven before the prof concludes the lecture and junmyeon turns around to catch jongin staring, open-mouthed and wide-eyed and blushing as red as napoleon's cuffs.
jongin wishes the ground would open and swallow him whole, but then the smallest smile graces junmyeon's lips and jongin knows that he's done for.
he is in love.
"talk to him, for fuck's sake!"
jongin eyes sehun over his cup of coffee. "nope. now drink your latte or it's gonna go cold."
"i don't give a fuck about my latte!" sehun says through gritted teeth. they're sitting in one of the many coffee shops on campus, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of students, munching on cookies and croissants. "if you don't talk to him, i swear i'll do something about this myself."
"why do you care so much?" jongin asks. "it's not like i've never dated before. i had that thing with yixing last term."
"you mean that chinese exchange student? is your definition of 'thing' following him around like a puppy and letting him kiss you on the cheek? because if it is, then yeah, you guys had a thing."
jongin punches sehun on the arm. "he was nice, okay. i liked his dimple."
"not as much as you like this new guy. i've known you for five years, jonginnie. i can tell."
jongin shrugs and sips his drink. he thinks that, if the absurd longing he feels for junmyeon were to have a flavour, it would be that of lukewarm coffee, bitter but with sweet notes from the sugar cubes he stirred in earlier.
he sits back and swishes a mouthful of coffee around, ignoring sehun's grimace and letting the coffee coat his tongue and teeth until he's sure he has memorized the taste. with every swish comes a new resolve, and when he throws the paper cup out he has his mind set on doing something about junmyeon.
jongin finds him in the library two days later. by then his courage has dwindled quite a bit but, with sehun pushing him towards junmyeon, jongin doesn't have much of a choice but go along with it and pretend he banged his hip against the boy's table by accident.
"sorry," he mutters, steadying a wobbly pile of books with his hands.
junmyeon looks up from his notes and smiles. jongin almost raises an arm to shield his eyes from the sheer brightness of it. "it's all right. we're in the same history lecture, aren't we?"
jongin nods, tongue-tied. he can already feel the blush creeping up his neck and is cursing at himself when junmyeon points at an empty chair.
"do you want to take a seat? we could study together. i'm junmyeon, by the way."
"ah--okay. thanks," jongin chokes out, and from the corner of his eye he can see sehun giving him a thumbs up from behind a bookshelf. "i'm jongin."
what follows begins with a few awkward silences and junmyeon's attempts at making conversation, but progresses to jongin answering back until they are both talking about not only school and the professor's bald spot but what they would like to do after they graduate ("i'd like to become an artist," jongin says. "but i'll probably end up working at my dad's company.") ("i want to go to law school," says junmyeon.), their favourite tv shows and what they do on the weekends.
jongin feels his shoulders relax, tension gone. junmyeon is surprisingly easy to talk to, and he fills the gaps in between jongin's words with his warm laughter and toothy grin. more often than not, however, jongin finds himself nodding dumbly, gaze trained on the way junmyeon cracks his knuckles and shakes his head, hair less wild than last time but still a little curly. his lips stretch and pucker, and the pudgy cheeks lift and fall along with beat of jongin's heart, drumming away in his chest until the noise becomes so loud it drowns out junmyeon's words.
"jongin," junmyeon calls. "jongin?"
"huh?" jongin blinks and chews on the inside of his mouth in embarrassment. "sorry, i--i tend to tune off sometimes."
junmyeon laughs. "no worries. i have to go now, but it was nice talking to you. we should do some actual studying next time, though, the midterm is coming up." he begins to shove his belongings into his satchel bag. "i'll see you at the party."
it's only after he's gone that jongin recalls junmyeon mentioning something about a party this upcoming saturday, in one of his friend's house. when sehun comes over to check on jongin's progress, he smirks.
"well, jonginnie," he says, eyebrows wiggling. "it's time to let out the flamboyant gay i know is in there somewhere. we have a party to attend."
jongin sketches the whole of friday, but saturday comes and sees him dressed in his nicest black shirt, jeans and white high-tops. he resists the urge to touch his gelled hair (courtesy of sehun) and makes his way to junmyeon's friend's house -- baekhyun, was it? --, sehun in tow.
the place is fairly crowded, pop music blasting from speakers, lights blinking, and there's a table with cans of beer, jello shots and a suspicious-looking punch bowl in the corner. jongin drifts towards it, uncomfortable in his tight pants, and pops open a can as he watches sehun dance with a tall boy with orange hair.
"chanyeol is an awful dancer, but no one has the heart to tell him that."
jongin looks at junmyeon and almost drops his beer. "you got a haircut."
"yeah." junmyeon smiles, but then frowns. "is it weird? i asked them not to cut so much, but--"
"it's not weird. it's--it's nice."
jongin stares at his shoes, glowing blue in the flickering lights, and is thankful that his perpetual blush is concealed by the darkness. junmyeon is quiet but he's smiling again, tugging at jongin's sleeve and taking him to the dancefloor.
jongin has never been a bad dancer. it's just that he tends to be stiff around strangers, unable to let the beat sink into his pores or let his limbs flow freely, but this time, tonight, he only has eyes for junmyeon. junmyeon, moving a bit awkwardly, shorter than jongin and looking breathtakingly handsome in his dark polo shirt and khaki pants, trying to keep up and then pausing to awe at jongin's fluid movements.
junmyeon, squished against jongin's chest as the crowd grows thicker, face planted right above jongin's heart, hands holding onto jongin's hips to keep his balance.
it's too much, and suddenly jongin can't breathe.
"i--i'm sorry," he says, letting go and moving away. he steps outside and is hit by the cold night air, flopping onto a grassy patch in baekhyun's backyard and looking up at the sky.
jongin watches the clouds shift and cover the stars, and digs his nails into his palms. junmyeon must think he's an idiot and he has never hated himself more, but sometimes he just... feels too much. it's hard for him to cope, to understand the feelings that before existed only on paper and originated from the tip of his pencil, but that now are so tangible and--and real. his chest is tight.
the clouds still linger by the time junmyeon lies down beside him.
"i like clear skies," junmyeon says.
"me too."
"it's a pity it's cloudy tonight."
"yeah."
"what happened back there?"
jongin glances at him, but junmyeon's gaze is fixed on the immensity above. "i'm sorry."
"it's all right," junmyeon says, and perhaps it's just jongin's imagination but his voice cracks a little. "it was stupid of me to assume that--never mind."
"to assume what?" jongin asks, inhaling lungfuls of air to calm his nerves.
this time junmyeon looks at him. "i was really happy when you talked to me in the library. and i'm happy i seem to be able to dig deep enough to find the real you, and i like talking to you, and i like your looks as well but mostly i like--i like you."
jongin is silent, afraid that if he speaks he'll break the spell and junmyeon will disappear in a cloud of chalk dust. what if it's a dream, he ponders, but then he hears the rustle of grass and feels junmyeon's lips brush the tip of his nose.
"i thought you should know."
he leaves and jongin wheezes, fingers crushing grass blades, mind hazy, heart swollen. he opens his eyes and sees that the skies have cleared.
he gets up and runs after junmyeon.
he finds him in the kitchen, sitting on the counter. his collar is unbuttoned when jongin bursts in, and he has never wanted to run his hands along junmyeon's collarbones this badly before. junmyeon sets down his drink and frowns.
"i--" jongin starts. "i've been gay for a year now."
"what?"
"i mean, i'm sure i've always been gay. but--but i only realized last year, and it was hard. people have been accepting so far, but i found out that none of that mattered if i didn't accept myself. i've never dated a guy, i don't even know what to say when i'm around other people, but still, i--i fell very, very in love with you."
junmyeon is watching him, scowl softening.
"i'm not good at dealing with feelings. i've liked other guys before, but i really, really like you. i really do. and it's scary."
"jongin."
"sorry to be dumping this on you all of a sudden, and i'm sorry i'm doing this in the kitchen--"
"jongin."
"but if i don't do this now i know i never will, and the stars came out when you left and i realized that i don't care if you make my chest hurt and i don't care that i'm gay and i don't give a damn about the french revolution and i--i thought you should know you're the reason i didn't drop history class--"
"jongin," junmyeon calls, and this time the word is accompanied by a clash of teeth and a giggle and junmyeon's hands holding onto the nape of jongin's neck so tightly it feels as if he'll never let go. when he pulls away, junmyeon's lips are a bright shade of pink. "i like you."
"really?"
"mhmm."
jongin smiles, allowing the shy tug of his mouth to grow into a grin. he massages the bare skin of junmyeon's hips with his thumb; it's just as soft as he imagined it to be.
"i can't believe you took history because of me." junmyeon laughs into the crook of jongin's neck. "we must do something about your grades."
jongin murmurs in agreement. the back of his shirt is still wet from lying on the grass, but junmyeon's fingers leave a fiery trail behind as they travel up and down his back, circling his shoulder blades, sending shivers down his spine. an uncomfortable heat begins to pool in the pit of his stomach and in between his legs, but junmyeon kisses him again before he can make sense of it.
jongin spends the rest of the night lost in the nooks and crannies of junmyeon's mouth, certain that, while his sketches are good, the real thing is undoubtedly better.
"how did it go?" junmyeon asks as he leaves the exam room with jongin.
"it went okay. those study sessions paid off."
"yeah, except we did pretty much everything but study." junmyeon laughs, grabbing hold of jongin's hand. "midterms aren't usually that bad, though."
jongin nods, the warmth from their intertwined fingers reminding him that junmyeon is his, his to have and keep. when they have walked far enough, he pushes junmyeon against a tree and kisses him.
"getting bold, aren't we?" junmyeon smiles into jongin's mouth. "i like it."'
jongin pulls away to smile back before aiming for his lips one more time, and in that split second he takes in the beauty surrounding junmyeon, the golden of his skin under the sun, the shades of copper in his hair, the round tip of his nose, the swell under his eyes. the permanent smile, the--love in his stare.
junmyeon is everything, and jongin is happy.