Journey
So, in a rather odd mood today. Can't decide if it's a sad, depressing feeling or a bored, angryish emotion. I'm on the verge of punching something....which in my case with my bad temper is not a good thing. I should probably just write some more poetry to filter my anger out.
Started back up again with working out. I stopped for a long time cause I was just plain depressed. Over the summer I gained like, 15-20 pounds BLEH cause I moped....well I'm trying to get past that stage so I decided to start working out again. It helps with the anger towards my dad and other people, and slowly but surely I started to look like my old self again...literally. I'm not fat or anything lol just...tall and a tiny bit chunky.
I've been re-reading some of my poetry lately and realizing just how...angry and depressing and quite scary it is. I even surprised myself thinking, "Jesus, did I really write that?" hmm...better put the emotions in writing than out on people like I used to....*sigh* I've changed myself (for the better) over the past few months but it's been on such shaky ground that it gets really awkward sometimes...hey, becoming who you once were before drastic, horrible things happened to you is really hard, but I'm getting there. I have more *better* days than worse, which was the total opposite during the summer.
I'm on my way to finding what makes me happy again. My therapist (yes, don't laugh...) asked me what makes me excited and happy....I really couldn't answer her because...I just didn't know and it made me realize how much all these negative things have been overtaking my life.
Well, I'm putting that to rest. I'm going on a long journey to become myself again. It may suck but oh well. I want to be happy again.
Sorry, loves, this is a bit depressing isn't it? What's up with you guys?
Started back up again with working out. I stopped for a long time cause I was just plain depressed. Over the summer I gained like, 15-20 pounds BLEH cause I moped....well I'm trying to get past that stage so I decided to start working out again. It helps with the anger towards my dad and other people, and slowly but surely I started to look like my old self again...literally. I'm not fat or anything lol just...tall and a tiny bit chunky.
I've been re-reading some of my poetry lately and realizing just how...angry and depressing and quite scary it is. I even surprised myself thinking, "Jesus, did I really write that?" hmm...better put the emotions in writing than out on people like I used to....*sigh* I've changed myself (for the better) over the past few months but it's been on such shaky ground that it gets really awkward sometimes...hey, becoming who you once were before drastic, horrible things happened to you is really hard, but I'm getting there. I have more *better* days than worse, which was the total opposite during the summer.
I'm on my way to finding what makes me happy again. My therapist (yes, don't laugh...) asked me what makes me excited and happy....I really couldn't answer her because...I just didn't know and it made me realize how much all these negative things have been overtaking my life.
Well, I'm putting that to rest. I'm going on a long journey to become myself again. It may suck but oh well. I want to be happy again.
Sorry, loves, this is a bit depressing isn't it? What's up with you guys?