Post one of two for the evening

[sunline]

So some US university guy came up with a study showing "Americans hold four different images of God".  The first founr are from the study, the rest are from opinionournal.com.

• Authoritarian God. Angry at earthly sin and willing to inflict divine retribution.
• Distant God. A faceless, cosmic force that launched the world but leaves it alone.
• Benevolent God. Sets absolute standards for man, but is also forgiving--engaged but not so angry.
• Critical God. The classic bearded old man, judgmental but not going to intervene or punish.
• Totalitarian God. He is everywhere, and he is watching you.
• Multitasking God. Answers prayers by phone, fax and BlackBerry, all at the same time.
• Noncommittal God. Loves his children, but isn't "in love" with them.
• Passive-aggressive God. "Go ahead, sin if you want to. Don't worry about my wrath."
• Obsessive-compulsive God. Washes his hands of us hundreds of times a day.
• Narcissistic God. Worships himself.
• Codependent God. Enables us to sin so that we'll need him.
• Dyslexic God. "For he so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Puppy . . ."
• Hypothermic God. "Many are cold, but few are frozen."
• Hippocratic God. So powerful, he thinks he's a doctor.
• Jewish mother God. "My children--I gave them life, but do they pray?"
• Common-law God. Since the beginning of time has assumed sole responsibility for Godlike acts, but has not legally been established as "God."
• Customer service God. "Press 1 for the Father, 2 for the Son, 3 for the Holy Spirit."
• Unitarian God. Nice enough guy, but doesn't really seem to believe in himself.
• Progressive God. Has outgrown the simplistic belief in his own literal existence, considers himself spiritual but not religious.
• Liberal God. Commands man to "be fruitless and divide"; is completely self-absorbed yet doesn't believe in himself; wants you to stop sinning but doesn't have an alternative; can't stop yelling, "Satan lied, people died!"
• Peace activist God. He's sending you to hell, but he supports the sinners!
• Cindy Sheehan God. Wants George W. Bush to tell him what "noble cause" his Son died for.
• Darwinian God. Possessed of an exquisite set of irony, he has divided mankind into two groups: those who believe that the most powerful biological force is the tendency of a population to be dominated by its most quickly reproducing members, and those who are actually reproducing.
• Planned Parenthood God. One Child is enough.
• New York Times God. Is angry only when people question the accuracy of his publication or his wisdom in divulging secret plans devised in the hearts of men.
• Reuters God. "One God's terrorist is another's freedom fighter."
• Rush Limbaugh God. "Talent on loan from me."
• Hippie God. Must have been on something when he created the world.
• United Nations God. Reaffirming that you are a sinner, he calls upon you to repent and decides to remain actively seized of this matter. If you ignore his call to repent, he will call upon you to repent again.
• CIA God. Knows everything, but lacks the resources to process and analyze it.
• George W. Bush God. Responsible only for evil.
• Sports God. Similar to Distant God, but occasionally intervenes when a big play is needed.
• Hertz Rent-a-God. He puts you in the driver's seat.
• Avis Rent-a-God. He tries harder.
• Enterprise Rent-a-God. He'll pick you up.
• Visa God. He's everywhere you want him to be.
• MasterGod. Priceless.
• American Express God. Don't leave home without him.
• Budweiser God. This God's for you.
• Windows God. Plug and pray.
• Google God. For those who are always searching.
• Frugal God. Jesus saves.
• Chairman God. Sets the agenda, but doesn't get involved in day-to-day operations.
• Micromanager God. Not a sparrow falls but he needs a report on why, with guidance on what to do about it.
• Soccer God. How about a pray date with his Son?
• Schroedinger's God. Either exists or doesn't, and the act of looking changes the answer.