Mr. Sellafane
well ya...i watched chicago on my orientation to UIC...it was one of our options to do during free time...well ya...everytime i see that scene..i get thinking ya know...it's just like that when it comes to all of the nice guys in this world.....if you wanna get anywhere or get anyone...you have to be selfish and an asshole or bitch..cuz you'll just get stepped on and not even considered...cuz they just think your to patient to give up...or they just dont even see you cuz of it...everyone walks over them...i mean they never get anything.....all they get is scraps and what people that disregard true humanity leave behind.......but ya...i'll live with that.....i want nothing more than to just have my teaching profession and sit around in my house with my cat and my tv and just think back on how i've shaped and helped so many people's lives..whether it be good or bad..and not like i'll stop i just wont have much of a vibrancy anymore...i'm really losing most motivation for anything..i just wanna get enough done to get to be a teacher..i think after i really am gonna shutdown...i know it's sad..but all my trying has done..is bring me more pain and ignorant hopes....i know i have a bad light on myself..but i always have and i always will...i suppose i see myself that way cuz i am...i have no confidence and no will power for anything involving me....i mean ...i probly would be better off just off on my own with no one around at least then i cant mess up people's lives.....i'm still psyched about college..but i really have nothing at all holding me here anymore..i have my friends..but none of them will be really affected by me leaving....and i know some people say ..so what i'm coming back during vacations and stuff.......well what i'm saying is..not if i have a choice..i'm done living here.....if i can get my hands on any volunteer trips or such until i graduate..i will be....just dip into my work and school til then ..then find a teaching position far far away and just fade away....i always loved seattle..maybe ohio