been awhile..
It's been a while since I've posted here. Anyone who reads this probably thinks I'm looney. News flash. I am :)
Hmm. To update this thing accurately, I guess I gotta tell what is going on in my little slice of the universe. First off, I can hardly wait for April *snoopy dances* going to St.Louis is going to be the highlight of my year!! Not to mention seeing my girls aka fellow writers and aspiring Authors.
*Pause*
Gotta say, Hot DAMN and Congrats Kris aka the new Talia author extraordinare! Love ya girl. I'm very very excited and happy for you, if a bit envious *weg* if anyone deserves it, it is you.
As for me, Chris is trying to talk me into taking some of the few, short pieces I have written. I say no fucking way. I'm going for pure learning experience. While I think I have talent I am in no way ready to be shot down yet lol. Besides that, I'm kinda rusty, I haven't been actively writing for a long time. I just day dream characters in my head everyday all day long.
It's been crazy here of late. I've got Danny on a short leash. Best for both of us. We're taking it slow and seeing how things work out one step at a time. Trying to be the best partner we can be to each other, and when, if, we reach the end of that road we'll both know that we've done our best. I'm no longer putting me last.
I've realised that is what has been eating at me. I've always had desires, wants, dreams, goals. While putting those things on the back burner is okay, no one should forget who they are. What makes them a individual, unique. I had done that. Forgotten. Until all I had was the image of how others percieved me to be. I was what they wanted me to be. All melded and poured out into a mold that didn't fit.
I've been doing things my way lately. Bringing back everything that made me , me. Every little detail down to the smallest descision, to the most important goals. In short, I feel awesome, Inside and out!
Some days I feel young, like a newborn giddy with new sights and sounds. Other days I feel so ancient, not physically but mentally. When does wisdom actually kick in? I've always kinda wondered that. Do you have to endure hell and all of its unimaginable tortures to gain that higher state of mind where you know all, can see with that all powerful knowing eye the road you must go down? or is it all just a theoretical state of being?
I really need to stop watching late night T.V *glares at the tube* but I'm so bored. I looked up some cool sites on the web today. Searching for some cool gothy/vamp/bondage/masquerade outfits for the conni. I picked out a few, i'll have to order them later. God bless my checking account, it overfloweth! (tax refund, bwahhahaha)
Now I'm babbling, but I have nothing better to do. Sleep you say? me? NEVER? Insomnia rules!! what day is this anyway? *G*
Megan, I just wanna say, I hate you and your Lj, friggen quizes get me everytime. I spend half of my time taking the retarded things all because you know i can't resist clicking.*Hrumps*
*Sighs*
Did I mention Daniel was going to Londen? gone for a week *nods* That's not bad, he'll be back on thursday but I have to go to Ohio on friday. I'm so dreading that. I don't say it. You know me, silence is my forte. It's there in the back of my mind though, just waiting for a chance to present itself and worry the fuck outta me. So, instead, I'm going to hash it out here.
I feel kinda sick. Why? well because, I'm going to Ohio. If you don't know why the mention of that state makes me nauseated, I'll tell you. Hospital. Burn Institute. I so don't want to go. Again the coward in me. But I'm going to do it anyway. That little bit of backbone I have silences the wimp and tells it to shut the fuck up, buck up and take it like a woman. So I'm off on friday to coerce the medical wonders at Shriners to torture my daughter yet again.
Damned if I do, and most certainly damned if I don't.
I have a choice. To not do anything, and let my darling grow and be crippled by her own body, bound inside her skin. Or take her, and let them cut on her, scar her more, and basically mutilate her. Choices, choices.
Okay, now im am being dramatic and sarcastic.
Straight shit. If I don't take her up there her body is going to turn in on itself. She's growing rapidly and her skin grafts only have so much elasticity. Room to grow. once she reaches the growth point, her skin stops stretching, but her body doesn't stop growing. The result is literally being bound inside your own skin, the bones grow, but pulled back by the scar tissue, stunted, twisted, crippling.
Now, if i take her. Which I am cause i won't allow myself to be weak, no matter how much it hurts me or her. The doctors will do "releases" and basically a release is exactly what it sounds like. They take a scaple and where-ever the skin is stretched tight and not allowing room for growth ( they call these bands) they cut. When they cut this, is does what anything with a huge amount of pressure and strain on it does. It bursts open leaving a huge gaping wound and a large amount of muscle to be covered. For that we need skin. Any skin you say? Nope. Unlike almost any other organ of the body, skin cannot be transplanted from one person to another. Cadavier skin is only used to cover the muscle while in transition.
When it is put on , it immediately starts to die because the body kills it. While most organ donor recipients receive immuno-supressants, skin/tissue transplant patients cannot. Because with the skin gone, which is the main protector against germs, infections and diseases, the body needs its immune system more than ever to fight against infection. If you shut it down, in order for the body to accept transplanted skin, which the body would work hard to kill, you're fighting a lost cause. Which means, the skin has to come from THAT person. Elisha will have donor sites , taken off her own body and grafted onto the parts where the releases were done. Giving the extent of her burns and the scar tissue, we have limited choices to take those donor sites from. The place to be used would be her head, Specifically her scalp.
This Sucketh.
Okay I'm done talking about that.
damn this is long, yeah I looked up and noticed a wholeeee lot of BS. lol. okay end note. Like to read? I love to read, love music and movies too. I am like the Queen of DVD's *nod nod*
I'll leave you with a awesome read.
Dean Koontz - Phantoms
P.s Kiss my ass I know my spelling sucks :)