New place new people
Everything is going okay here...
I feel lonely a lot because I don't have any male company.. that would be nice. The people on campus are usually a lot younger than I am so I am experiencing a slight generational gap. But, I don't feel like taking on my usual mothering role soo I am just floating trying to figure out.. what persona I will take to survive. I like it here as far as the school but no knowing anyone is killing me and I feel like if I had a relationship, a potential for a relationship id feel a lot better. Gabe.. well you know the deal with him if you have that access. I do to a point wish he was here when I am not in fact upset with him. But, I have to keep asking myself the question am I fooling myself. But, again moving on.. I have been to OK several times now.. its where my roommate is from and she took me over there and I met some nice people but, there are no real nice black dudes there.. I don;t know the black men ratio here is breaking my heart. The black men here on campus are all in some kind of sport and to me that’s just horrid. I mean where are men who want to do something with their life .. if you ask the basketball team all they are concerned with is chasing a ball. Then I went to OK and I went to a bigger town and all the men were covered in tats and again all they had on their minds was.. playing ball. Thats so horrible becasue the thing is.. they are setting themselves up for failure.. in less they only play ball your appearance isn't going to allow you to do anything else.You cannot be covered in tatoos and make it in corporate America and you sure can't be covered in tats and come home to my daddy. LOL So, its very dishearting and disappointing to see so many people so many lives with the potential for greatness do nothing. I did find a hair dresser and she does a great job I was happy about that.. There is a Barber in the shop as well ( the back half) and he winked at me when I was in the dryer.. being that I am starved for attention.. I liked that. LOL He is 28,no kids, not married.. I am not sure if he is in a relationship. But, anyhow no potential there.. but its nice to see a nice man. LOL thats all I have to say about that. I am still really upset.... with my earlier post... that is in fact friends only for a reason.. But the thing is for some reason I was emotionally on the edge... and that just sent me over.. I am in the library but I do believe when I get back to my room I will have a good cry about everything and then I will pack my bags to go home for the weekend.. lol not permanetly just the weekend... Maybe its just time for me to visit home the thing about it is though.. I feel lonely there too.. its not that I am not cool being by myself..relationship wise or other.. its not that I am trying to find someone to complete me or anything like that.. HOW ABOUT I JUST FIIND SOMEONE I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH!!! And I can';t seem to find that it its pissing me the fuck off.. If I find someone they are really young with a young ass mindset OR they are older with a mid life crisis mindset and neither are really working for me. Can I find a mature 23 yr old Please! perfably no kids. lol Sigh.. anyhow.. We went to OK to pick up one of my roomates many "friends" that didn;t work out so hot he was nasty among other things... I never met anyone who didn't know what squash was.. ya know basic things like that..... its not becasue a lack of intelligence just a lack of exposure.. he is orginally from LA but again.. basketball and clothes.. he knew about those things.. things that have no value for or to me. Anyhow, so.. he spent the weekend with us.. lol and annoyed the crap out of us.. kinda like a lil brother type relationship. Then... we went back on Sunday and I met another one of her friends who is 23 but a pretty boy THUG from NY tats all over the place..even on his face.. he was still sexy though... LOL err yea.. I dunno what happened he picked up on my freakyness asked me some questions errrr( e-mail if you want details) LOL and I belive every bold question deserves a bold answer and so when I answered them.. later on I just kept him straing which really threw me off so I didn't look at him back because I didn't want him to think I was offering anything cause I wasn't. but, anyhow we had a good time. Then we went to a church thats rigght across the street from the college and me and my roomate have never been before.. and now we will not go back.. LOL it was much much crazy.. LOL the preacher didn't preach from the bible... we really have no idea what he was talking baout ,, modern day happenings and then at the end.. when ppl could join the church.. a man got up and confessed in front of 500 people that he had cheated on his wife!!! and she was there.. I was embrassed for her and no one reacted like that was normal.. I am telling you it is not! Which this was my first experience with this particular denomination so I was like errrr.. humm and my roomate was like thats not normal.. I said okay good.. LOL we won't be going back.. There is a church here called St.James and I saw it on Oprah and Gails big adventure so that will be neat to go to.. I got to do something... I need to meet some people! lol Anyhow, so thats whats been going on with me.. take care and God Bless.. ~ Kissed
I feel lonely a lot because I don't have any male company.. that would be nice. The people on campus are usually a lot younger than I am so I am experiencing a slight generational gap. But, I don't feel like taking on my usual mothering role soo I am just floating trying to figure out.. what persona I will take to survive. I like it here as far as the school but no knowing anyone is killing me and I feel like if I had a relationship, a potential for a relationship id feel a lot better. Gabe.. well you know the deal with him if you have that access. I do to a point wish he was here when I am not in fact upset with him. But, I have to keep asking myself the question am I fooling myself. But, again moving on.. I have been to OK several times now.. its where my roommate is from and she took me over there and I met some nice people but, there are no real nice black dudes there.. I don;t know the black men ratio here is breaking my heart. The black men here on campus are all in some kind of sport and to me that’s just horrid. I mean where are men who want to do something with their life .. if you ask the basketball team all they are concerned with is chasing a ball. Then I went to OK and I went to a bigger town and all the men were covered in tats and again all they had on their minds was.. playing ball. Thats so horrible becasue the thing is.. they are setting themselves up for failure.. in less they only play ball your appearance isn't going to allow you to do anything else.You cannot be covered in tatoos and make it in corporate America and you sure can't be covered in tats and come home to my daddy. LOL So, its very dishearting and disappointing to see so many people so many lives with the potential for greatness do nothing. I did find a hair dresser and she does a great job I was happy about that.. There is a Barber in the shop as well ( the back half) and he winked at me when I was in the dryer.. being that I am starved for attention.. I liked that. LOL He is 28,no kids, not married.. I am not sure if he is in a relationship. But, anyhow no potential there.. but its nice to see a nice man. LOL thats all I have to say about that. I am still really upset.... with my earlier post... that is in fact friends only for a reason.. But the thing is for some reason I was emotionally on the edge... and that just sent me over.. I am in the library but I do believe when I get back to my room I will have a good cry about everything and then I will pack my bags to go home for the weekend.. lol not permanetly just the weekend... Maybe its just time for me to visit home the thing about it is though.. I feel lonely there too.. its not that I am not cool being by myself..relationship wise or other.. its not that I am trying to find someone to complete me or anything like that.. HOW ABOUT I JUST FIIND SOMEONE I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH!!! And I can';t seem to find that it its pissing me the fuck off.. If I find someone they are really young with a young ass mindset OR they are older with a mid life crisis mindset and neither are really working for me. Can I find a mature 23 yr old Please! perfably no kids. lol Sigh.. anyhow.. We went to OK to pick up one of my roomates many "friends" that didn;t work out so hot he was nasty among other things... I never met anyone who didn't know what squash was.. ya know basic things like that..... its not becasue a lack of intelligence just a lack of exposure.. he is orginally from LA but again.. basketball and clothes.. he knew about those things.. things that have no value for or to me. Anyhow, so.. he spent the weekend with us.. lol and annoyed the crap out of us.. kinda like a lil brother type relationship. Then... we went back on Sunday and I met another one of her friends who is 23 but a pretty boy THUG from NY tats all over the place..even on his face.. he was still sexy though... LOL err yea.. I dunno what happened he picked up on my freakyness asked me some questions errrr( e-mail if you want details) LOL and I belive every bold question deserves a bold answer and so when I answered them.. later on I just kept him straing which really threw me off so I didn't look at him back because I didn't want him to think I was offering anything cause I wasn't. but, anyhow we had a good time. Then we went to a church thats rigght across the street from the college and me and my roomate have never been before.. and now we will not go back.. LOL it was much much crazy.. LOL the preacher didn't preach from the bible... we really have no idea what he was talking baout ,, modern day happenings and then at the end.. when ppl could join the church.. a man got up and confessed in front of 500 people that he had cheated on his wife!!! and she was there.. I was embrassed for her and no one reacted like that was normal.. I am telling you it is not! Which this was my first experience with this particular denomination so I was like errrr.. humm and my roomate was like thats not normal.. I said okay good.. LOL we won't be going back.. There is a church here called St.James and I saw it on Oprah and Gails big adventure so that will be neat to go to.. I got to do something... I need to meet some people! lol Anyhow, so thats whats been going on with me.. take care and God Bless.. ~ Kissed