(no subject)
i havent used livejournal for a couple years but im excited to be back. my life right now is a whirlwind. its 2007 and im already turning 22! there are a lot of things i am coming to terms with (about myself) which i used to be in complete denial about. i guess that's what we call "growing up". my struggles and experiences in the past couple years have taught me a lot about my own state of mind, the psychology of others and my distorted idea of reality. not only that but the appreciation of things (anything) simply given. ill come back to this journal to update regularly. its good to know i have somewhere to document my thoughts and feelings on a day to day basis.
ill start off with the best thing in my life right now. my boyfriend. stephen. he is amazing and meeting him has changed my world. its not that i wasn't happy before i met him, its just that somehow he compliments who i am. ive been paitent enough to finally become my own "whole" before finding my other "half".
ive accepted the fact that for a while i have been obsessive compulsive over a couple particular things: my weight & foods i eat. ive never been "fat" or "chubby" but i do remember being taunted in high school for being "anorexic" or "too skinny". its not only that im fearful of gaining weight but im obsessed with what im putting into my body. ive gone through home detox a dozen times to lose pounds and to feel "pure" & "natural". i cant fully explain this state of mind but i have done some research online and it has been recently diagnosed as "orthorexia nervosa". could i be trying to escape an eating disorder by adopting an orthorexic approach? this is the first time i have ever come out to talk about this as a personal problem. i know my father has his suspisions. if i can get away with not eating, i can starve myself for days. the self control alone tastes delicious.
ill start off with the best thing in my life right now. my boyfriend. stephen. he is amazing and meeting him has changed my world. its not that i wasn't happy before i met him, its just that somehow he compliments who i am. ive been paitent enough to finally become my own "whole" before finding my other "half".
ive accepted the fact that for a while i have been obsessive compulsive over a couple particular things: my weight & foods i eat. ive never been "fat" or "chubby" but i do remember being taunted in high school for being "anorexic" or "too skinny". its not only that im fearful of gaining weight but im obsessed with what im putting into my body. ive gone through home detox a dozen times to lose pounds and to feel "pure" & "natural". i cant fully explain this state of mind but i have done some research online and it has been recently diagnosed as "orthorexia nervosa". could i be trying to escape an eating disorder by adopting an orthorexic approach? this is the first time i have ever come out to talk about this as a personal problem. i know my father has his suspisions. if i can get away with not eating, i can starve myself for days. the self control alone tastes delicious.