I love the rain, it masks my tears...
The person that this is about doesn't read livejournal, in fact I doubt he knows I have one. He doesn't know much about me... I spend more time on the phone with his best friend than I do with him, because he always says he'll call and then never does. And whenever I call I get the feeling that he could be doing something more important than talking to me. I've been dating him for 3 months and have yet to see him outside of school, or my basement, or his unsupervised house. This guy has been my life for... too long... I've given up a lot for him. And I know that I care more for him than he does for me... but tonight, for the first night in 3 months, at 11:11 I didn't wish for him to feel the same way. Because wishing has done jackshit for me thus far. I don't know how much longer I can take being lied to, having him make excuses, hide behind his words [or lack there of]... I'm tired of being used for all I'm worth, and then not seeing more than a few minutes of him the next day...I'm tired of always being second best, always being the last priority on his list. I haven't minded sitting on the sidelines for a while, because he's amazing in so many ways... and I still believe that in many ways I am unworthy of him. It's not that I feel that I deserve better, in all honesty this is the best it's ever been for me and thus I couldn't hope for more... I just.. want more than anything for him to tell me that he cares... even in the slightest bit. After all, he did promise things would get better... but that's just one more lie, one more promise broken.
And all I ever wanted to do was make him happy...
And all I ever wanted to do was make him happy...