(no subject)
so theres a picture of me talking with morgaine, I didn't even know she took the picture, but it looks kinda interesting so I put it on there. Life's swallowing me whole, to be quite honest with you. I want so bad to be strong through this. I know I'll make it through just as I have through everything else... but this time its soooo hard. I am really very happy with Dylan and nothing about that is going to change, but its the rest of it that is so hard.... its the driving to and from work for an hour each way to make rent and food and insurance and gas....and its the lack of parental support thats got me down. I"m trying oh so hard to keep my head up, but it seems that everything that I've hidden my whole life is eating me inside out. I asked my mom for 20 bucks so I can get some food and put some gas in my car and I'd pay her back next paycheck....and she argued for me to take it out of my savings..... I know that she's very well off and that she can afford it, it just makes me sick that a mom doesn't want to help out her daughter when she's starting out. I guess that she's used to me being independent.... I haven't lived with her in years, but she IS still my mother and I AM still her daughter. Sometimes I think that if maybe somehow through the mess of our relationship if I would have taken it and swallowed it and never did anything against her, never got away from the mess and pretended like the daughter that she always wanted she might be more eager to help out... maybe if I stayed.... but then I just think of what that would make me. Less who I am thats for sure, its just hard. Almost too hard. but I will remain with my head up and my feet firm, I will not fall. I called Cheri to talk to her and see if she would pray with me for a while, its been a long time since me and her have done that. Tomorrow night I'm staying over there and I'll get time with my sister and time with our Lord.... I miss it, being able to freely talk about my faith, I should have been able to sooner, I shouldn't have been so blind because its my faith that has kept me strong and alive through all of this.