of childlike and childish voices
- I made an unusual musical connection today. The shrilly thin treble voice used by female Bollywood singers (a vocal styling I detest), has a parallel in the female vocals of some R&B songs. It's not so extreme as the Bollywood case, but I do hear it, and it's meant to be sexy. I find it infantile, and perhaps the sexiness is supposed to come from the mixing of the pliant childish voice and the tawdry content. Give me Amanda Palmer's gutterral unabashed sexuality any day!
- I am at my best when at my most childlike, and at my worst when attempting to deny that, thereby sinking into petulant, willful childishness. I think it's because much of my adolescence was spent in trying to deny adolescent feelings like crushes, pride, unabshed sexuality, and also in missing and despising an absent, overly attatched, and sexually controlling mother. Sad that I am coming to realize this only on the verge of my 37th year, eh? Most people start figuring it out the mornings after drunken, anonymous college sex. I honestly wouldn't trade my own hormonally inebriated but otherwise sober, sweet, soul-arresting experiences of first kisses and inexperienced fumbling under waistlines that I had at 21 for any amount of teenage sex and rebellion, and it's certainly physically *safer* that I'm going through the rebellion phase now, as an adult. Psychically though, I'm decades behind in my development because of it -- but perhaps not; at least I know how to love, and I know that I can love. Learning that I don't always *need* to love, is probably a far less painful lesson than those learned by people afraid of, unaware of, or unable to love, and by their unfortunate partners as well!
it’s last call and you’re the last one leaving
and you thought you could change the world
by opening your legs
it isn’t very hard
try kicking them instead
and you thought you could change his mind
by changing your perfurme to the kind his mother wore
o god delilah why? ~ The Dresden Dolls, "Delilah"