[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

Oh dear. More snow. Isn't that just wonderful.

Is this your way of diplomacy, America? Send me to a beautiful mansion in the country? No, no. Knowing you, I'd be in New York in some sleezy nightclub while you continued on and on about the glory of Capitalism, you arrogant fast food junkie pig.

Tell me, am I in a nation occupied by the Red Army, or

Comments

[voice]

[cryopathic]

Wonderland doesn't have enough in the way of economic activity to be called capitalist.

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

Wonderland? Do you mean that book written by that silly little Englishman with a drug addiction?

[voice]

[cryopathic]

Close enough, but this derives less from the book and more from the hallucinogens.

Unfortunately, it's far more tangible.

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

I hope you're not implying that America slipped some of his counter culture drugs into my vodka.

And there's no economic policy? No government structure at all? Oh, well, I can fix that quite easily.

[voice]

[cryopathic]

As I have no idea who America is, I can't say whether or not that's in the realm of possibility.

More or less, or at least none but what the residents dictate, and-- oh, can you? I'd like to see you try.

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

So few know of America here. I must be in paradise!

I imagine it will be easier than executing a Tsar.

[voice]

[cryopathic]

Well, that's the first time I've ever heard someone here say that. As to the second, good luck executing someone who doesn't even appear more than once every handful of months.

I am Vexen, a scientist. And you are?

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

Is that all? Annexing a nation with such a poor boss sounds almost too easy.

The Soviet Union, though I'm most often called Russia. I'm one of the most powerful industrialized countries in the world at the moment.

[voice]

[cryopathic]

You sound like you've done it before.

So you're the anthropomorphic representation of a country? That's... different, but in the context of everything, I'm not too surprised.

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

Anything can be accomplished in time. The Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth at last had fallen to pieces, and now that he's separated from that bastard Poland, Liet is now mine. His brothers too. How nice it is to have the Baltic States living with me.

That's a close description to what I am. Simply think of me as a country.

[voice]

[cryopathic]

I take it you're referring to other countries. You don't seem particularly fond of this 'Poland'.

Very well. ...Could you describe where you come from, then?

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

We have some rough history together.

My territory expands over two continents, many of the large cities existing in the Western portion in Europe. There's... a lot of snow. Nearly all year in some places. All damn year. The one thing General Winter is good for is alliance in warfare. You'd think the Turks would have learned the first time someone tried to attack me in the winter.

But apparently, no one learns from Napoleon. Ever.

[voice]

[cryopathic]

It happens.

Sounds like you're a country of considerable size, then-- but size doesn't necessarily equate to power, or an abundance of natural resources. I take it the snow renders most of that land unsuitable for agriculture or habitation.

There's always someone who thinks they can do better.

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

For much of the year, yes. The kulaks were merely unruly children who grasped onto their meager social status, though. How cruel of them to cause such devastating famines. But, as with any feral child, they were swiftly punished.

However, I'm now competing with America to be the top nation in the world. Let him test his atomic weapons, I've sent dogs into space.

With inadequate supplies and troops?

[voice]

[cryopathic]

You don't tolerate much deviation, do you?

I suppose sending anything anywhere counts for something only if it comes back in one piece. Otherwise, it's merely a one way trip.

It's been known to happen, particularly where... heroes are involved.

[voice]

[sunflowersunday]

I try so hard, I just want them to all be peaceful and happy and no matter how hard I try they still hate me... c-centuries I tried and they always hate me and each other! So I fix the problem each time.

I've successfully returned several dogs and one human from space orbit. ...Laika wasn't so lucky.

Just the type America insists he is.