Memory loss
Hmmm, last Sunday I had a very vivid dream about my mum and was thinking about her all day Monday. Late on Monday evening, I suddenly realised what date it was and that I had totally forgotten her 6 year anniversary, which was last Saturday, the 8th September (she died on Saturday, the 8th September 2001....buried 11th September, so not a day/date I would normally forget).
I got quite upset with myself as I never ever usually forget birthdays, anniversaries etc. I don't know how I managed to. Even over the past few weeks, it hadn't been on my mind at all that it was coming up and none of my family had mentioned it either in conversation. I guess with the move from London, starting the new job etc. that it did just slip my mind. I did go out out last Friday night, was home at 3am and then up again at 7.30am and spent the rest of the weekend camping in Wales, so I guess that contributed to me forgetting, but I really feel I should have realised before this.
I am having mixed feelings about my forgetting this...ironic that Mum herself suffered from memory loss/amnesia for the last 17years of her life. Part of me is thinking and realising that I have come to terms with my mum's death more and maybe forgetting her anniversary shows this as it wasn't plaguing my mind like it used to in the past. Especially now that I am working in a hospital and dealing with death and illness on a daily basis. I remember my first ever Physio placement 3 years ago when I burst into tears on the ward when a patient died as it brought back so many memories of my mum dying. I am feeling really bad and guilty about forgetting it and her. I know I haven't forgotten her as I do think about her a lot. Mum was someone, who despite her amnesia (immediate) never ever forgot a birthday/anniversary etc. I know that is where I get that trait from too, as sometimes I almost think people are annoyed with me for remembering their birthdays as they themselves don't want to remember. So for me to forget her anniversary seems unforgivable, but maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on myself.