[fic] VF: Omelet Omake
Title: Omelet Omake
Pairing: Asami x Akihito, special guest appearance
Warnings: Pure Crack
Disclaimers: Yamane sensei owns them, and would probably disclaim all connection to this. ^^;
Omake to yesterday's post Omelet. This is just one of those silly things that hits you at 3:00 am...
12 hours later, at a nearby hospital:
"Asami-san? I'm Takaba-kun's doctor. I'm afraid his situation is a little more critical than we thought."
Asami rose to his feet in alarm, though he tried not to show what he was feeling. "What's wrong? What can be done about it?"
"The X-rays show that he ate some raw rice, and as everyone knows raw rice shards are dangerously sharp, and they perforated his lower intestine."
The rice? It couldn't be. Asami felt terribly guilty. "I'll pay for any treatment. What's required?"
"I'm afraid he'll need special medical care for the rest of his life."
Asami's dismay was growing exponentially, though he still kept his face blank. "I'll provide it, of course, and take care of him from now on. I would have anyway."
The doctor smiled. "Excellent. The poor boy was so worried that he'd be pan-handling to support his supply of colostomy bags."
"Don't be ridic... his WHAT?"
"Colostomy bags. We're going to have to remove his entire colon and sew it shut. He won't be able to use it any more."
No colon.
No colon???
Asami frantically ran through his catalog of sexual positions. He loved the boy, but some things were important. He cleared his throat. "Are you saying that he'll no longer be able to have sex?"
"Oh dear me, no, that's not a problem."
Asami breathed a sigh of relief.
"His penis is fine. He'll be able to enjoy a healthy sexual life, inserting his little sperm all over the place. True love will prevail."
Inserting?
All over the place?
Inserting?
That was definitely not in his repertoire.
He swallowed. "True love. Yes. Well. At least he'll be healthy otherwise. That's good to hear." Inserting. His own colon twitched.
The doctor beamed at him. "He's lucky to have a friend like you. You can go in and see him in a few minutes. Let me assure him that he has no worries."
--
"Takaba-kun?"
Akihito was still curled on his side, though the pain was better since they'd given him something to ease it. "Yeah?"
"I've spoken to your friend. He'll be in in a moment."
"The bastard. I hope he feels guilty."
"I think you'll find him a changed man. Don't be surprised by any requests you get."
"Changed?"
"He does love you, I think, in his own warped way."
And Akihito still loved him, despite it all. "I know. But he's still a bastard for giving me the crappy omelet and eating the good one."
"Well, just think, if he'd eaten the bad one, you'd be having to nurse him, and that would not be fun."
"You talk like you know him."
"He knows my brother. He didn't recognize me, and I didn't bother introducing myself. I have the feeling he won't be grateful."
"You're probably right, Sensei, but I'm grateful. Thank you."
"It's not a problem at all. In fact, I'd been looking forward to that for a long time. Call if your discomfort continues for more than a day."
A nurse poked her head in. "Aoe-sensei? We have a problem you need to look at."
"I'll be right there. It was nice meeting you Takaba-kun." He handed Akihito a plastic sandwich bag. "Tell him this is your initial supply."
As the doctor left Akihito holding the bag, the young man looked after him in confusion. He swore he saw a forked tail poking out from under his labcoat and waving happily.
~end~
Pairing: Asami x Akihito, special guest appearance
Warnings: Pure Crack
Disclaimers: Yamane sensei owns them, and would probably disclaim all connection to this. ^^;
Omake to yesterday's post Omelet. This is just one of those silly things that hits you at 3:00 am...
12 hours later, at a nearby hospital:
"Asami-san? I'm Takaba-kun's doctor. I'm afraid his situation is a little more critical than we thought."
Asami rose to his feet in alarm, though he tried not to show what he was feeling. "What's wrong? What can be done about it?"
"The X-rays show that he ate some raw rice, and as everyone knows raw rice shards are dangerously sharp, and they perforated his lower intestine."
The rice? It couldn't be. Asami felt terribly guilty. "I'll pay for any treatment. What's required?"
"I'm afraid he'll need special medical care for the rest of his life."
Asami's dismay was growing exponentially, though he still kept his face blank. "I'll provide it, of course, and take care of him from now on. I would have anyway."
The doctor smiled. "Excellent. The poor boy was so worried that he'd be pan-handling to support his supply of colostomy bags."
"Don't be ridic... his WHAT?"
"Colostomy bags. We're going to have to remove his entire colon and sew it shut. He won't be able to use it any more."
No colon.
No colon???
Asami frantically ran through his catalog of sexual positions. He loved the boy, but some things were important. He cleared his throat. "Are you saying that he'll no longer be able to have sex?"
"Oh dear me, no, that's not a problem."
Asami breathed a sigh of relief.
"His penis is fine. He'll be able to enjoy a healthy sexual life, inserting his little sperm all over the place. True love will prevail."
Inserting?
All over the place?
Inserting?
That was definitely not in his repertoire.
He swallowed. "True love. Yes. Well. At least he'll be healthy otherwise. That's good to hear." Inserting. His own colon twitched.
The doctor beamed at him. "He's lucky to have a friend like you. You can go in and see him in a few minutes. Let me assure him that he has no worries."
--
"Takaba-kun?"
Akihito was still curled on his side, though the pain was better since they'd given him something to ease it. "Yeah?"
"I've spoken to your friend. He'll be in in a moment."
"The bastard. I hope he feels guilty."
"I think you'll find him a changed man. Don't be surprised by any requests you get."
"Changed?"
"He does love you, I think, in his own warped way."
And Akihito still loved him, despite it all. "I know. But he's still a bastard for giving me the crappy omelet and eating the good one."
"Well, just think, if he'd eaten the bad one, you'd be having to nurse him, and that would not be fun."
"You talk like you know him."
"He knows my brother. He didn't recognize me, and I didn't bother introducing myself. I have the feeling he won't be grateful."
"You're probably right, Sensei, but I'm grateful. Thank you."
"It's not a problem at all. In fact, I'd been looking forward to that for a long time. Call if your discomfort continues for more than a day."
A nurse poked her head in. "Aoe-sensei? We have a problem you need to look at."
"I'll be right there. It was nice meeting you Takaba-kun." He handed Akihito a plastic sandwich bag. "Tell him this is your initial supply."
As the doctor left Akihito holding the bag, the young man looked after him in confusion. He swore he saw a forked tail poking out from under his labcoat and waving happily.
~end~