[fic] Viewfinder: AU: Therapy: Ch 15
Title: Viewfinder: AU: Therapy: Chapter 15
Rating: R
All warnings (spoiler and otherwise), plus notes can be found with Chapter 1.
NOTE: OMG why didn't anyone tell me this had become corrupted? It's fixed now.
Notes: Sorry this took a little longer than expected to get to you. RL stepped in and took precedence for a few days.
But here it is finally, the last chapter and the (2) epilogues. I think it all has to be read at once, so I'm posting it all on the same day. There are some shorts and such that continue with some aspects of the guys' lives after this (including some smut), but they didn't fit into the time frame and plot line of the main story, so they're being kept separate. I'll post them periodically, but I want to get back into other fics I have waiting as well. ^_^
I'd once again like to thank kawaiigato and dmnutv_archer for their help and support through writing this. Thank you Christy and Sue. I think this has been as hard on you as it has been on me because I know I can be annoying, and I really appreciate your time and patience. The ordeal has turned this newbie writer into, well, a tired newbie writer LOL. But the story is a much better one because you were both there for me. *hugs*
Thanks also to mtarashidango for all her beautiful illustrations for the story. *more hugs*
And thanks to everyone who's been reading and leaving comments. You may not know it, but each one made me push a little harder to try to be better on the next chapter. I really appreciated each and every one. Thank you.
(Note: I changed one minor reference in this chapter because I realized it was stereotypical and I didn't like that.)
*running away now*
Previous chapters:
Prologue/Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Interlude, Ch 10, Ch 11, Sidestory: Crime and Punishment, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14
Chapter 15:
Fei reluctantly got into his limo the next Monday afternoon to be driven to Hamada's office. The past few days had been hard. Too hard. And he didn't really feel like talking to Hamada about it.
He watched the people on the sidewalks as his car sped through town. It felt like they were the ones moving and he was the one standing still. He felt like he was living in his memories, that last day in particular...
He had waited all night on the couch wondering what was happening at Asami's apartment. It had taken everything he had not to go after Akihito. He had known Asami wouldn't harm him. Despite all Asami's fury, he had turned and walked away rather than act out any violence upon the two. But he didn't think their encounter would be pleasant.
Fei had trusted Akihito to handle the situation though, good or bad. He had known Akihito had reached a place where he was competent and confident, and that he could deal with the man. And he had known that Akihito would let him know what happened as soon as he could.
But it had hurt. It still hurt. A deep pain. Not like the betrayal all those years ago, because he knew now that much of that relationship had been in his own mind. But this pain was real, overwhelming, because for the first time he truly loved someone. This wasn't a relationship he'd made up in his head. This was one he'd experienced. It hadn't had a chance to fully blossom, yet it was there nonetheless.
He'd experienced what it meant to find another half to his soul, only to have it ripped away by the man he'd blamed for years for all his pain.
Asami.
Still center stage in his life. He laughed at himself. He couldn't rid himself of the man.
He and Akihito had spent some time talking about Asami, his strengths and weaknesses, his character, whether or not he could ever love Akihito...
They had differing views of the man, especially his role in Fei's past. Akihito had made him see that he may have been misinterpreting things about Asami, and he had made Akihito see the younger Asami in a light he hadn't intended to. Akihito tended to see things from a positive perspective, pointing out that for all the bad that had come from those few days in Hong Kong, that Asami had been right in his assessment of Fei and his brother and their situation, and even helped him shed his own past to a degree. Even Fei had to agree that Yan may have been more of a driving force in what happened than he had allowed himself to believe.
He shifted, the soft leather of the seat creaking slightly.
Those old memories. Not long ago they brought such tears and numbness. But now when he thought of Asami, his thoughts were overwhelmed by the image of the man in his living room. Shattered by love, claiming Akihito's heart forever.
It was at that moment Fei had realized he'd lost. He loved Akihito, but he knew that Akihito would always choose Asami first, if Asami would just show him a little love and respect. In the face of the amount of passion he'd seen, there was no doubt that Akihito was Asami's now. And Fei didn't want to come between them. Not for Asami's sake, but because Akihito deserved it. He deserved the most happiness he could get. He deserved to have his dreams come true, and Fei loved him enough that he'd see that Akihito got it.
But that next morning, when Akihito had called...
He swallowed, and forced back the tears that threatened to flow.
That next morning, when Fei had heard the joy in Akihito's voice, he truly realized the amount of pain he was going to be living with for the rest of his life. He hadn't expected it to hurt so much.
The limo pulled to a stop in front of Hamada's office building. He looked up at it through the tinted windows. So much had happened there. He'd changed for the better, and finally started healing. For what? So he could discover new kinds of agony?
He took a deep breath, and told himself to stop the self-pity. Hamada had helped him with everything else. Maybe he had a solution for a broken heart.
He stepped gracefully from the limo through the door that his chauffeur was holding open, and once again prepared himself to meet his pain head-on. He would face this as he had the other challenges, and he would get through it.
--
He entered the office to find Hamada seated at his desk, as usual, typing away at something on the computer. Hamada looked up and stared at him a moment before standing and greeting him.
Fei wandered around the room. "Did you enjoy your time away, sensei?"
Hamada smiled a little, his eyes remaining on Fei. "Yes, thank you Feilong. It was educational, but it's good to be back. How are things? Is something wrong?"
Fei shrugged. "I don't think Akihito will be here today."
"Is there a problem? It's nothing serious I hope. Akihito, Feilong? You weren't calling him that when you were last here."
"A lot has happened since we were last here."
Hamada's eyes held concern. "Come in and sit down and have some tea, and we'll talk about it."
Despite Fei's disquiet, he smiled. Hamada's solution to life's problems. Tea. "You remind me of the British sometimes, sensei. Whenever there's a problem, tea first, everything else second. Does that come from your Irish grandmother, I wonder?"
Hamada laughed as he began preparing Fei's blend. "A little. But she always preferred hers to be a strong Assam, with milk. Couldn't stand Japanese teas. Making either is a soothing ritual though. It's why the Japanese tea ceremony is a meeting of peace."
Hamada finished making some of the tea Fei had given him, then carried it over to where Fei sat, hands clasped in his lap.
Fei took the cup and breathed in the fragrance of the delicate fresh leaves. They did indeed give him a sense of calm.
Hamada sat in his normal seat. "OK, tell me what happened. Start from the beginning, after the last session." He began sipping his tea, his green eyes vivid over the teacup as he watched Fei.
Fei's calm fled. He sat, staring into his porcelain cup, thoughts running through those few days he had memorized to the last detail. He pushed aside the thoughts of that night together out on the balcony. He raised the cup to his lips and sipped the hot liquid to erase the taste of Akihito from his mouth. It didn't work. It only added a slightly bitter flavor.
He forced himself to swallow and lowered the cup to his lap. He pushed his thoughts back further, to the beginning.
"After the last session I spent a lot of time thinking, about the state of my life, and why it had become what it was, and I came to the conclusion that I deserved better, and wanted a change."
Hamada smiled. "I'm so glad to hear you say that Feilong. And so did you try any changes?"
Fei remembered the intense loneliness that made him walk up to Akihito's apartment, and how it had all been blown away when he had stepped through that door. "I did. I went to Akihito's apartment, and I apologized for all the harm I'd done him. And something happened between us. A friendship. A closeness. I'd not even really hoped for it. I'd wanted it, but never thought it might really happen. But he's so generous. So kind and loving, that he could even care for me."
Fei was already choking up from the memories threatening to overwhelm him. He thought of Akihito's eyes, sparkling with tears for him. He remembered the warmth of waking in Akihito's arms. How lucky he'd been to have that chance.
He looked up and saw the concern in Hamada's eyes changing to something else. Not pity. Please don't let it be pity. He bent his head towards his tea so he wouldn't have to see it.
"He loves Asami deeply you know. It's not always evident from the way he speaks, but he truly does love him. And I wanted to help him succeed in that love, because I wanted him to be happy, the way he was making me happy. So we hatched this insane scheme to make Asami jealous and push him past the breaking point. You know how close Asami had been to falling apart, and his feeling jealousy and frustration about Akihito was the heart of it."
Hamada made a sound of assent.
"So I came up with the plan that we'd move in together and play the part of lovers."
Only I wasn't playing. It was real to me.
"It wasn't altogether altruistic on my part though. I wanted to be close to him. He'd become sunshine to my soul. I craved his company constantly. I tried to remember our purpose. I tried to remember his love for someone else. But I found myself falling in love, and hoping that he would feel the same."
A tear fell into the tea, causing tiny ripples across the surface.
"And what's the worst, is that he did start to return my feelings, but he loved Asami more. And when Asami came and shattered in front of us, and it was a terrible thing to see, Akihito needed to go to him. And I loved him so much that I made him go, because his happiness is everything to me."
He stared at his lap, watching the familiar drops appear on his sleeves and hands. He wondered how many tears he had left in him.
"And I've spent the last few days feeling emptier than I've been in a long time. And I don't know what to do. I'm doing what I did before, you see. I keep living in those few days, over and over again. But this time it was when I had a chance at happiness, when I was happy. Because if I live in the present, the pain is unbearable. God, Hamada, it hurts so much. How do you stop loving someone when it hurts so much?"
The teacup slipped from his lap as he buried his face in his hands, trying to stop the tears and failing.
Is this the reward I get for opening myself up? This never-ending pain?
But then he felt arms come around him and he leaned into them, craving warmth. His eyes were closed as he rested his forehead on the soft shoulder. Hands ran through his hair, soothing him. This, at least, was one thing he hadn't had before, this human contact, this comfort. He laughed bitterly at himself though, because he wanted Akihito so much he was imagining his scent.
"Fei."
That voice. He pulled his head back in shock to see Akihito kneeling in front of him. "Fei, you don't have to feel this way. I love you."
Fei was stunned. He didn't understand. What was Akihito doing here? The room seemed to be spinning around the recliner - no it was spinning around Akihito. He held onto him so he wouldn't get swept away. He looked up and saw Asami leaning against the door, watching them with a small smile on his face. He stared. Asami was wearing jeans, and a loose cotton shirt. And he looked happy. Fei hated him for it. But he also wished he were a part of it.
Fei dragged his gaze back to Akihito, needing some answers, willing the room to slow. "You shouldn't say that, not in front of him. He'll misunderstand. He won't know what you really mean."
Akihito tilted his head and considered Fei. "He knows what I really mean. We talked about it at length. And came to a few decisions." Akihito wiped the drying tears from Fei's face. Fei tried not to lean into the caress and failed. This wasn't going to work. This couldn't work, being so close to him and not being able to touch. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up. He was shocked to see Asami standing there, understanding in his eyes. Something passed between them and he felt another connection snap into place.
Fei's eyes moved back to Akihito's. "I don't think I understand."
Akihito's hand brushed Fei's hair away from his face. "We need to talk about it. But not here. Later. There are some things that you and Ryu need to discuss first. But you need to understand that you won't be alone. Not if you don't want to be."
Fei glanced back up at Asami. His gaze was no longer the shuttered, calculating one that Feilong remembered so well. It was now frank and assessing. Once again Fei's eyes returned to Akihito.
Akihito leaned forward and lightly kissed him with those soft lips he never thought he'd taste again. "Do you trust me Fei?"
"Of course I do."
"Do you love me, Fei?"
Fei's eyes darted to Asami's. He raised his chin and stared at Asami as he answered. "You know I do. And if anyone ever does anything to keep you from being happy, that someone will regret it."
"You're keeping me from being happy, but you can change that."
Fei's head snapped back around to face Akihito. "What do you mean? I'd never hurt you. What can I do? It will be done."
Akihito smiled. "You can do two things. First, listen to what Ryu has to say now. Second, listen to what we have to say later."
Fei again glanced up at Asami. "And you're OK with this? Not that I care about you, but I don't want you hurting him on any pretext."
Asami shrugged. "It will make him happy. It's long past time I was concerned about that."
Fei stared at Asami, almost not recognizing him. This wasn't real. He turned to Hamada, who had remained silent.
Hamada shrugged. "I'm just as befuddled as you are Feilong. I think you should at least listen to him. I have some questions of my own." He stared at Asami.
Fei turned back to Akihito and looked into the brown eyes he so loved. He searched for anything that would explain what was happening, but saw only love, and hope. It was enough for him. He nodded. "I'll listen."
Asami crouched down by the recliner next to Akihito, who slipped an arm around his waist and rested a cheek on his shoulder. Asami's eyes softened a moment before he raised them to Fei's.
"Listen, Feilong. It's clear that we have some serious misunderstandings between us. We're remembering two different versions of the same events. What happened eight years ago, I'm not proud of it. I didn't expect you to be anything like you were. I was prepared to use the kid I would find. But I didn't think I'd like you so much. And I really didn't think you'd like me the way you did. I manipulated the hell out of you and the situation, feeling bad about it the whole time, but I still did it. And then I left you cold, to take the blame. Because to be honest, I didn't think you'd want to see me again. And it didn't occur to me you'd just sit there and take the blame. By that last day you were confident and sure of yourself, standing up for yourself, and I thought you'd be better served with me back in Japan so you could grow into your role. I didn't realize how badly you'd been messed up by that whole experience, and that it overwhelmed you to the point where you couldn't defend yourself. Akihito told me how wrong I was about that, and about the problems my actions caused."
Feilong listened to this in shock.
He never knew...
All this time I hated him for leaving me like that and he thought he was doing me a favor...
Fei looked at Akihito in disbelief, and Akihito took his hand and nodded. "I believe him, Fei. What you thought happened, it just never sounded like him. He was callous but not cruel."
Asami reached out and gently turned Fei's chin so they were once again eye to eye. "I'm sorry, Feilong. I wish it hadn't happened that way but it did. I can't change that. But I can change what happens from now on. I'm tired of us fighting. I want things to change, if only for Akihito's sake. Maybe for our sakes too. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Will you let me?"
Fei's head was still spinning from before. This was all too much. Asami, apologizing. This was unreal. All those things he'd held as truths.
But, he thought, have I really? Haven't I felt doubts all along? Haven't I known?
He had to ask. If the words were said, it would finally become real, but he had to ask.
He stood up and walked to the window. He turned and leaned against it, his face in shadow. "You didn't shoot us, did you? It never was you, was it?"
Asami shook his head. "No. Not exactly. I let you get shot. But not on purpose. I didn't want you to get hurt, not the way I saw you get hurt, and especially not as bad as what really happened. I didn't expect Tou to do that. You were his son. I thought that meant something to him. He caught me unaware. But I was older, and more experienced, dammit. I should have seen it coming. It killed me, seeing all that blood on you. And feeling your gun pressed against me. I thought you were mad at me because I failed you, because I wasn't strong enough to save you. I..."
Asami's voice faltered a moment. Akihito looked up at him and murmured something, and Asami's eyes shifted to his. Fei was stunned by the love he saw pass between them, his first and last loves, his heart aching at the sight. They sat like that for a moment, then Asami nodded and turned back to Fei.
"I didn't realize how much you misunderstood. I didn't know what you were going through, then and all this time. But I'm glad I shot the bastard. And I'm glad I shot your brother for killing your real father, the man who raised you. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but the prick deserved it, if not for killing for your father, then for trying to destroy you."
Fei folded his arms around himself and shuddered. Akihito made as if to stand up and come to him, but Asami's arm held him firmly in place. Fei knew Asami realized that there were some things he had to face on his own.
All these things that he'd heard, they were new and yet they weren't. He'd been considering them more often the last few weeks, trying to make everything fit, now that he was able to look with clearer eyes. If Asami was telling the truth...
He looked at Akihito, who nodded, belief in his eyes. His gaze shifted to Hamada, whose face had the look of someone who had solved a difficult puzzle. His eyes moved back to Asami's face. It was open, inviting inspection. He wasn't sure he trusted Asami, but he took the plunge, letting himself trust his friends. Asami's words became a breeze within him, blowing away the clouds that had covered his memories in shadow, and Akihito's eyes the sun that let him face the truths that were revealed.
His eyes didn't leave Asami's as he quietly spoke. "I think I knew that Yan did it all along. I just didn't want to believe that my brother could destroy my family, or that my own father would want to kill me. But even though you and I didn't spend that much time together, I didn't see how I could be so wrong about you. I knew Yanzhui was mad enough to try it though. Deep inside I knew he was capable of that, because he had stopped caring about anything but himself, and his behavior had become more and more erratic and destructive. He never would have given me the good things that you gave me those few days."
He walked back over to stand by Asami. "And you did do me some good back then, you know. I see that now. Though you're still a bastard about the rest of it."
Asami laughed and stood, pulling Akihito up with him. "Being a bastard is my favorite pastime. So you're willing to try to work this out?"
He felt lighter than he had in years. "Yes. I want this over with. It's been a long eight years, and I've had enough. But this isn't something that can just go away overnight. It's going to take time, and a lot of talk. But if there's one thing Hamada has taught me, it's that talking helps everything. So, what was this other thing you two wanted to talk to me about?"
But a movement from Akihito drew the attention of both men back to him.
Akihito had turned his head and was glaring at Hamada, who was staring at Asami again. "Stop looking at Ryu that way Hamada. It looks like you're planning on fucking him in the recliner again."
Fei's lips twitched as Hamada turned bright red.
Asami grinned at Hamada. "Sorry, one of the first rules we made was no fucking therapists."
Fei couldn't resist playing. His eyebrow rose. "Only therapists? You will note, Akihito, that I'm not a therapist."
Asami looked straight at him, a wicked smile on his lips. "No, you're not."
Fei's mouth dropped open. He couldn't mean...
Asami smirked.
The floor fell out from under him, and arms went around his waist from either side and held him up.
Akihito, amused, added, "You're referred to in rule number three, Fei, which I think would best be discussed in private."
Hamada jumped in. "This is as private as you get. You know everything said here - "
" - is completely confidential, unless you want to share it with several other people. Yeah, we know."
Hamada scowled.
Fei was still in shock. "That couldn't possibly... That could never... You can't be serious.... "
He looked at Asami. "Why?"
Asami shrugged and spoke quietly. "Why? His happiness is worth it. It's worth everything to me now. And he can't be happy living with the pain he's causing you. But now..." Asami leaned closer, and spoke softly into Fei's ear. "Look at his eyes."
Fei turned his head, then found he couldn't move his gaze from Akihito's face. The happiness in his eyes was almost blinding. He would do anything to keep that look of joy there.
He turned back to Asami. "You really mean it." Asami nodded.
He looked back at Akihito. "The two of you... You mean this." He raised his hand to caress his beloved's cheek, and Akihito turned his lips to the palm and kissed it. A fierce sense of elation sped through him, washing away all the pain of the last few days. Were his dreams finally all within his grasp? Was it possible?
Asami was right. He would do whatever he could to work this out.
I will have this.
Asami smiled, satisfied. "Listen, why don't we go get something to eat? We can start talking about where we should go from here. I don't want to talk about it in front of Hamada or he'll leak it to the press." Asami put his arm back around Fei's waist rather possessively.
Fei looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
Asami looked amused. "Afraid?"
Fei tossed his head. "Never."
Asami looked back over at the psychiatrist. "By the way, Hamada, is there some reason I've been receiving a lot of requests for money from pregnant women these days?"
Hamada tried to look innocent and failed. "I think they just have the wrong idea about the kinds of deposits you like to leave."
Asami laughed. "We'll be in touch, sensei. You're just too much fun for us to let it end here." His eyes traveled down Hamada's body. "You know, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's finding loopholes in promises."
Fei stared at Asami and shook his head in disbelief. How did Akihito put up with this?
Akihito said sweetly, "I think you used the wrong term there Ryu. You didn't mean loophole. You meant a noose, right? Because that's where your neck will be if you break that promise."
Asami smiled indulgently. "Of course it will."
Fei also turned back to Hamada, though Asami kept a firm grip on him. "Sensei. What he says is true."
Asami snickered and Fei shot him a disgusted glance. "Not about the loopholes. But that we will be in touch. I, for one, see a continued need for counseling in the near future. For one of us in particular."
He turned back to Asami with meaningful glare. He wasn't going to let this man walk all over him again. He'd learned a few things in the last eight years. Things that might even make Asami blush.
Fei went on the offensive. He put his arm around Asami's waist, his hand slipping low on the back of his jeans and into a pocket. Where he squeezed. "Let's go."
Asami's eyebrows rose in surprise and he laughed, delighted by a challenge as always. The two men left, Akihito opening the door for them.
**
Hamada shook his head. "It's going to be interesting, watching that relationship develop."
Takaba closed the door and leaned against it, regarding Hamada.
"They'll do alright. They have a lot more in common than they realize."
"Especially their love for you. Are you serious about trying this? Do you have any idea how difficult that kind of relationship is to maintain?"
"We know. We think it's worth the risk. And I know I can make it work. There'll be a lot of fireworks, but as long as no one feels left out, and I intend to see that they don't, it will work in the end."
Takaba continued. "You know, sensei, you completely fucked this up at first. But you really came around. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have made it through this. You should be proud of that. I know that we're doctor and patient, but I think that once this is over with I'd like to call you friend. I know Feilong would too. To be honest, we already do."
The happiness within him bloomed. He wondered if Takaba brought this warmth to all his relationships. He rather thought he did. "Thank you, Takaba-san. I've been calling the two of you 'friend' in my head for some time now. My name is Makoto. Please feel free to use it from now on."
Takaba smiled and replied, "And it's probably time you started calling me Akihito, Makoto-san."
"Thank you Akihito-san. You must be aware, that without you none of this would have worked either. We made a decent team. Maybe you should think about a degree in psychology. We could run a practice together. Maybe specialize in softening up old yakuza."
Akihito laughed. "No thanks. I'll have my hands full with those two for years."
Hamada walked over to his desk and pulled out the paperwork that he'd typed up in an optimistic moment. "I'll file these in court. They're for you and Feilong. Asami, of course, has his already. The bastard."
Hamada turned and looked at Akihito. "What happened with him anyway? I can't believe the change."
Akihito smiled. "He's a practical guy. You saw how he was with Fei. He saw a problem and took the shortest route to fixing it. Once he decided to allow his emotions out, he just accepted them as part of himself and moved on. I never would have thought I'd say this, but he's probably the sanest one of us now. Including you."
Hamada snorted. "Yeah, right. If you can talk him into coming in here with you a couple of times it wouldn't be a bad idea. You can't tell me he doesn't have issues to deal with."
Akihito hesitated. "He does, but he'll never speak to you that way, you know. It's enough for now that he's speaking to me. Perhaps down the road, if you become a close enough friend, he may open up to you."
Hamada nodded. "I thought as much. If he talks to you it's an enormous step in the right direction. You can always ask me for advice, and I will of course keep it confidential."
Hamada blushed, then the two of them burst into laughter.
Hamada's laughter slowed. "You know I'm really going to miss you two. I realize you'll be getting a lot of things straightened out for a while, but whenever you want to talk, or whatever, give me a call. Let me know how things are going. Maybe we can go out to dinner."
"That would be great. I'll be in the neighborhood next Tuesday for some work. Do you want to meet for lunch?"
Hamada looked at Akihito and understood the meaning of the word friend. "I'd love to. Stop by around noon and we'll go somewhere. Now go on. They're probably waiting to eat with you."
Akihito began to go and stopped. He turned and bowed, deeply. "Thank you, sensei."
Hamada's eyes filled. He shook it off. "If you really want to thank me, you'll tell me the details of rule number three."
Akihito's eyes shifted away and he blushed. Then he shook his head and laughed. "Not on your life, Makoto-san."
After Akihito left, Hamada felt a great sense of loss. But also an incredible sense of victory. He never would have imagined after that first week that he'd see the three of them together in his office, interacting and smiling, with a future together. He was no longer as arrogant as he used to be, but he was certainly proud. He would remember this case for the rest of his life, not only because he'd helped his friends, but because they'd helped him.
He thought of his old teacher with a smile. I think, sensei, that this time you might truly be proud of me. For a moment he thought he felt a hand pat his back, but when he looked around the office was empty as usual. He shook his head at his imagination and closed his briefcase, ready to call it a day.
He stepped out into the reception area where Kurata was also getting ready to leave.
"Sensei! I was just going too. Would you like to have dinner with me?"
Hamada looked at her, amused by her perseverance. "Kurata-san. Thank you, but I'm gay. You may want to try elsewhere."
And as he headed down the stairs, laughing at the look of shock on her face, he thought maybe it was time for a talk with his parents as well.
**
Akihito walked to the small park across from the restaurant where he knew Asami took Fei. He wasn't that hungry and he thought they needed time alone together, now that he knew there'd be no bloodshed. He laughed at the two of them and sat there amazed at the changes in his life over just a few months. If it happens, the change today will be unbelievable, but it might work. No, he'd make it work.
He tilted his face up to the sun and closed his eyes, his thoughts running back to the conversation they'd had last night after they'd made love, recalling the moment like he was there again...
The muscled chest under Akihito's was slippery with sweat. Their breathing was beginning to ease. He raised his head and set his chin on his hands, and stared up at Asami, who was relaxed and approaching sleep. So different, these few days. The fact that he would even sleep around him showed his level of trust. Even his face was different. The lines had eased. Little smiles were more common than not. Those smiles killed him every time, and Asami had enjoyed finding this potent new weapon at his disposal.
Lovemaking was still a game of control. They both liked it that way too much. But it wasn't about forcing now. It was about seduction. Who could make the other break first with long wet kisses and slippery fingers covered in lube. Those fingers were now threaded through his hair, gripping it possessively. He shivered.
Asami's eyes opened to slits, and they stared at each other a moment, silent, sated, at peace. The question surprised him. "What's my name, Akihito?"
He blinked. "Huh? Don't you know?"
"The name you called out so frequently a few moments ago, it's my family name. You're not making love to my family, but to me. Do you know my name?"
He felt his face heat. "It's Ryuichi."
"That's right. I'd like you to use it from now on."
He was a little annoyed by the order-like tone for such a personal thing, but then he thought about it, examining Asami's closed eyes. Maybe it wasn't a request he knew how to make. "Who else calls you by your first name?"
Asami's eyes cracked open again. "No one." He mumbled something and went back to falling asleep.
"What was that? Hey!" He shook Asami's shoulders.
Asami sighed and opened his eyes again. "I said, I've asked no one to use my given name. Ever." He stroked Aki's hair. "You're the only one. You're not going to let me sleep, are you?" He pushed up into a sitting position and rested against a pillow propped against the wall. He pulled Akihito onto his lap.
"You're looking for maudlin details again, I can tell. OK. Only a few people have ever dared to call me by my first name as an adult, and they quickly ended up dead."
He looked at Asami in disbelief. "You killed people for using your name?"
His head got flicked by a finger as Asami snorted. "Of course I didn't kill people for that. But think about it. What would people have in common who would use my first name without permission?"
Ah. "They'd be reckless and stupid."
Asami nodded, pleased. "Yes, exactly, and they quickly ended up dead. That son of a bitch Tou was the last one..." He stared into space.
"So who was ever allowed to call you by your first name?"
Asami's eyes focused on him and he got stared at for a moment. "My mother. After her, I wouldn't respond to the name."
He didn't like the sound of that. "Well I'm sure as hell not going to call you something that reminds you of her! What kind of thing is that to ask me?"
Asami's face blanked, but not before he saw the hurt on it.
"That's not what I meant. Let a guy finish his thoughts, would you? I only meant that I'll call you a shortened version. Something that doesn't have memories attached to it. Like Ryu. Has anyone called you that? I'll call you Ryu."
Asami snorted again. "Ryu? Sounds like a Winnie the Pooh character."
Did he just hear what he thought he heard? He sat straight up. "You know who Winnie the Pooh is?"
Asami had that superior look on his face again. "Of course I know who he is. Fat bear, likes honey, made more money for Disney in the last decade than anyone but the Mouse. Made so much money I was thinking of releasing a Winnie the Pooh line of handguns. Orangish, with sticky grips."
"You wouldn't. Goddammit you're teasing me again, aren't you?"
Asami smiled that damned sexy smile. "You're just too easy."
He tried to get angry and failed, and gave in to laughter. He leaned against Asami's chest and put his arms around him. "I love you this way. You never played before."
He felt arms come around him, holding him tightly.
"You know Ryu, it might help if you talk to Hamada about some of your past..."
"No."
"But-"
"No. You say we have to talk. I think you're right. If we keep the promises we've made between us, there's no need for someone like Hamada."
"But he-"
"No, Akihito. I will not bring him into this. I will discuss anything and everything with you, but not with him. I'll admit he helped you out. But for me, he's only good for the occasional fuck."
He pushed away from Asami and grabbed a pillow and swatted him with it. "You'd better not even think about fucking him! Add this to your promises. No more fucking therapists!"
Asami began laughing and grabbed the pillow. "But Akihito, don't I get anyone on the side? How about Fei?" Asami stopped laughing and just looked sly now. "You've had him, right? God I'd love to fuck him."
A sudden pain welled up inside. He shoved Asami away and moved to the side of the bed. "Don't talk about him like that! You don't know what he's been going through because of you and me. You fucked him over eight years ago and it's ruined his life. And then me... I hurt him so bad."
He'd been trying to keep Fei from his mind, because when he thought of him his happiness fled. He felt tears in his eyes and he wiped them angrily away. "Just don't talk about him that way, OK?"
Asami slid over behind him and wrapped his arms around him. "Akihito, you can't tell me that he's lost eight years of his life because I failed to block that shot. What the hell? I feel bad that he got hit, but it shouldn't have ruined anything for him. He was strong, he was on his way up. Something so trivial shouldn't have slowed him down."
He turned around and examined Asami's face, unbelieving. "What about his father? He said you killed his father."
"Which one? The biological one, yeah, because he'd just shot Fei in the chest, the asshole. Fei's brother shot the other one. So I shot his brother. He was an asshole too. Why? He isn't mad that I killed those two assholes is he?"
"Ryu. He thinks you shot both his fathers, and his innocent brother, and him. And then left him to take the blame. He totally worshipped you, and he thinks you totally fucked him over like that."
Asami froze. "I thought… I didn't…It's not true Akihito. I might have used him, but I wouldn't have done that to him."
Relief ran through him. He slipped his arms around Asami. "I believe you. It just wasn't your style. Even the old Asami wouldn't have done that."
The corner of Asami's mouth turned up. "Thank you, I think. I suppose you should tell him. Eight years of agony over nothing." He winced.
He shook his head. "No Ryu. You need to speak to him."
Asami looked skeptical. "As if he'd listen to me. He wouldn't hear anything I had to say."
"That might have been true before all this happened, but I think he knows now that he got some facts wrong. We talked about it before. I stood up for you, you know, even when you were still being an asshole."
"I know," came the soft response.
He smiled. "He'll be in our therapy session tomorrow. Come with me. Just tell him, straight out."
Asami smirked. "Therapy with Hamada?"
He punched the bastard. "Remember Rule Number Two!"
"They have numbers now? Anyway, I wouldn't want to fuck him, just tease him a bit. You really want me to go? It would make you happy?"
He nodded. "It would mean a lot to me."
Asami's eyes narrowed as he thought it over. "On two conditions."
He wasn't sure he wanted to comply. "What?"
"I'm not going to talk about myself beyond my relationship with Fei."
He nodded. "Of course. That's understood."
That seemed to please Asami. "And I want to know the whole story. What do you mean you really hurt him? What's between the two of you?"
He hadn't expected that. He was silent for a little while. He wasn't sure how Asami would react to his emotional bond with Fei. "You have to remember that you won, Ryu."
Asami motioned his assent.
He looked into Asami's eyes a minute, searching for the truth. Then he looked away, satisfied that Asami was sticking to his promise of honesty. "I was helping him in therapy sessions. Don't ask me why, I just did. And I guess he started to see me as a person, and not just a pawn in your wars. He started to feel really bad about what he'd done to me. So one night he turned up at my apartment and we got drunk."
Asami's eyebrows went up at that.
He made a face. Asami would jump to that conclusion. "Nothing like that happened. We just… bonded I guess. We clicked. We became friends. He apologized to me that night. I saw all he'd been going through. And we started understanding each other. The next day we also agreed that we needed to do something about you and he came up with the plan to move in together."
"We slept together - not sex - just sleeping, a few times. It felt so good to be with him. And we were attracted to one another. We didn't say anything, but it was there. But you were always there between us."
He fell silent.
Asami asked quietly, "And is that a problem?"
He looked up in surprise. "No, no, I didn't mean it that way… It's just that the few days we were together, we kept getting closer. And I saw how he was touching me more, and making excuses to be near me. I wanted to be loved. I wanted it so much I didn't say no, even though I knew it would hurt him in the long run. And the last night before you came…We were out on a balcony… We almost made love. But we didn't. Because he told me he loved me."
His eyes were overflowing with tears again. "He told me he loved me and I told him I felt the same way and that it didn't matter, that he couldn't have me because you came first. And he was so hurt. He tried not to show it, but I could tell. He'd been alone for so long and I was his first friend. Did you know that?"
His voice choked. Asami gently pulled him onto his lap and held him. "I was his first and only friend and he loved me and I had to turn away from him and leave him alone. I hate myself for that. I hate it. I'd give anything for him to be happy. Anything but you."
"Akihito." Asami's arms tightened around him and he buried his face in his hair. "I love you."
His heart skipped a beat. It did each time Asami said it. The joy and pain combined made the tears fall even faster. "I know you do. And it makes me so h-h-happy."
Asami had to laugh at that. They sat silently for a while.
Asami took a deep breath. "What if you didn't have to turn away from him? What if he didn't have to be alone?"
His head shot up. "Wha? Huh? What, you turn nice and decide the next step is the noble sacrifice? You are not leaving me Asami! And I'm not leaving you. Period. I love you, more than I've ever loved anything or anyone. So get it through your head. You're stuck with me!" He glared.
Asami smiled and gently ruffled his hair. "No one is leaving anyone. I just meant, what if you had him too?"
His mouth dropped open in disbelief. "You're offering to share me with him?"
"Well, yeah, that's the general idea. Besides, I'd get to share him too, and I have to admit I've always wanted to. But just him. No one else. I guess that would be our third rule."
"Didn't you just have a nervous breakdown over the same thing?"
Asami laughed. "No, not exactly. I'd built a dam around my emotions, and the thought of losing you broke it down. Everything I'd built up rushed out at once. But nothing is the same anymore. I'm a little rusty at it, but I like feeling things again. There's no pressure there, because I've been letting it happen. Enjoying it even, I suppose because they're good feelings for a change. And I'm happy when you're happy. It's funny isn't it, how love can change someone's perspective?" He nuzzled Akihito's forehead. "Before, everything was about me and what I owned. Now, it all seems to be about you and your happiness."
Asami stroked his hair. "I can't stand seeing you in pain like this. If helping Fei will make you happy, I'll help Fei. Besides, I have the responsibility of doing something about the problems I caused for him. If this would take care of that, then it's a good solution all around. He and I were close once, or we had the potential to be close. I'd like to think it could happen again."
He was filled with a sense of elation. If we could make this work... No. I will make this work. He looked up at Asami, in awe of his love's generosity. But not wanting to take advantage of it. "You really want it? You want him too? You really mean it?"
Asami looked into Akihito's eyes, so full of happiness, and said softly, "Yeah, I really mean it. God, how could I have been such an idiot? Not to have wanted your eyes to always look like that, filled with joy?"
He threw his arms around Asami. "You admitted you were an idiot! You really are cured." He straddled Asami's lap and rubbed up against him. "I think we need to celebrate."
"Mmmm." One hand had slid down the curve of his back. Another moved between them. That wicked smile appeared.
"Oh god yes…"
"Akihito..."
"Akihito?"
"Akihito!" Someone was shaking him. He opened his eyes to a bright sun, and two tall shadows standing over him. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I was just daydreaming."
"What about, I wonder?" Fei looked pointedly at his crotch.
He blushed and pulled them down to sit next to him on the bench. "Well? How did the talks go?"
Asami pulled out a stack of papers. "We have a contract all drawn up. I get to fuck you Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and every other Sunday, the days starting and ending at 9 am, so we get morning sex, and Fei gets all the other days. Fucking may be done in but not limited to our bedrooms, the bathroom, and the kitchen if both parties are present-"
Akihito jumped up and started shouting "What the hell are you talking about! You can't have a contract about this sort of thing. A fucking contract! That's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard of!"
"I told you he'd believe it."
Fei sighed and handed Asami some money. "I had more faith in you Akihito. Honestly."
"You're both bastards! I've changed my mind. I'm not living with either of you."
Asami was laughing as he grabbed him and pulled him back down between them.
"It's not funny."
Fei leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're very cute. Mmm. And very soft."
Asami kissed his other cheek and slid his hand down. "And very hard."
He wriggled, but not so much to get away this time.
Fei licked his earlobe. "Want to go home with us? We decided to try it out, living in the house we bought. If it works, Tao will come and live with us too, and go to school here. And Asami and I would become permanent business partners. We could have all of East Asia under our sway within three years," he mused.
Asami licked his neck and squeezed his hand. "I was tired of my apartment, so it seemed like a good time to move out. Don't you agree?"
"Uhhh."
Asami raised amused eyes to meet Fei's, who laughed. They still had a lot of differences, but they were in complete agreement about one thing, their love for Akihito and their need to see him happy. If nothing else let them live together in peace, that would.
Akihito stood up, grabbed their hands and tugged. "C'mon guys, let's go home." He laughed and backed away, the sunshine in his eyes. The other two men stared after him a moment, and then smiling, followed together.
Illustration for chapter 15
By mtarashidango
Epilogue 1
Rating: R
All warnings (spoiler and otherwise), plus notes can be found with Chapter 1.
NOTE: OMG why didn't anyone tell me this had become corrupted? It's fixed now.
Notes: Sorry this took a little longer than expected to get to you. RL stepped in and took precedence for a few days.
But here it is finally, the last chapter and the (2) epilogues. I think it all has to be read at once, so I'm posting it all on the same day. There are some shorts and such that continue with some aspects of the guys' lives after this (including some smut), but they didn't fit into the time frame and plot line of the main story, so they're being kept separate. I'll post them periodically, but I want to get back into other fics I have waiting as well. ^_^
I'd once again like to thank kawaiigato and dmnutv_archer for their help and support through writing this. Thank you Christy and Sue. I think this has been as hard on you as it has been on me because I know I can be annoying, and I really appreciate your time and patience. The ordeal has turned this newbie writer into, well, a tired newbie writer LOL. But the story is a much better one because you were both there for me. *hugs*
Thanks also to mtarashidango for all her beautiful illustrations for the story. *more hugs*
And thanks to everyone who's been reading and leaving comments. You may not know it, but each one made me push a little harder to try to be better on the next chapter. I really appreciated each and every one. Thank you.
(Note: I changed one minor reference in this chapter because I realized it was stereotypical and I didn't like that.)
*running away now*
Previous chapters:
Prologue/Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Interlude, Ch 10, Ch 11, Sidestory: Crime and Punishment, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14
Chapter 15:
Fei reluctantly got into his limo the next Monday afternoon to be driven to Hamada's office. The past few days had been hard. Too hard. And he didn't really feel like talking to Hamada about it.
He watched the people on the sidewalks as his car sped through town. It felt like they were the ones moving and he was the one standing still. He felt like he was living in his memories, that last day in particular...
He had waited all night on the couch wondering what was happening at Asami's apartment. It had taken everything he had not to go after Akihito. He had known Asami wouldn't harm him. Despite all Asami's fury, he had turned and walked away rather than act out any violence upon the two. But he didn't think their encounter would be pleasant.
Fei had trusted Akihito to handle the situation though, good or bad. He had known Akihito had reached a place where he was competent and confident, and that he could deal with the man. And he had known that Akihito would let him know what happened as soon as he could.
But it had hurt. It still hurt. A deep pain. Not like the betrayal all those years ago, because he knew now that much of that relationship had been in his own mind. But this pain was real, overwhelming, because for the first time he truly loved someone. This wasn't a relationship he'd made up in his head. This was one he'd experienced. It hadn't had a chance to fully blossom, yet it was there nonetheless.
He'd experienced what it meant to find another half to his soul, only to have it ripped away by the man he'd blamed for years for all his pain.
Asami.
Still center stage in his life. He laughed at himself. He couldn't rid himself of the man.
He and Akihito had spent some time talking about Asami, his strengths and weaknesses, his character, whether or not he could ever love Akihito...
They had differing views of the man, especially his role in Fei's past. Akihito had made him see that he may have been misinterpreting things about Asami, and he had made Akihito see the younger Asami in a light he hadn't intended to. Akihito tended to see things from a positive perspective, pointing out that for all the bad that had come from those few days in Hong Kong, that Asami had been right in his assessment of Fei and his brother and their situation, and even helped him shed his own past to a degree. Even Fei had to agree that Yan may have been more of a driving force in what happened than he had allowed himself to believe.
He shifted, the soft leather of the seat creaking slightly.
Those old memories. Not long ago they brought such tears and numbness. But now when he thought of Asami, his thoughts were overwhelmed by the image of the man in his living room. Shattered by love, claiming Akihito's heart forever.
It was at that moment Fei had realized he'd lost. He loved Akihito, but he knew that Akihito would always choose Asami first, if Asami would just show him a little love and respect. In the face of the amount of passion he'd seen, there was no doubt that Akihito was Asami's now. And Fei didn't want to come between them. Not for Asami's sake, but because Akihito deserved it. He deserved the most happiness he could get. He deserved to have his dreams come true, and Fei loved him enough that he'd see that Akihito got it.
But that next morning, when Akihito had called...
He swallowed, and forced back the tears that threatened to flow.
That next morning, when Fei had heard the joy in Akihito's voice, he truly realized the amount of pain he was going to be living with for the rest of his life. He hadn't expected it to hurt so much.
The limo pulled to a stop in front of Hamada's office building. He looked up at it through the tinted windows. So much had happened there. He'd changed for the better, and finally started healing. For what? So he could discover new kinds of agony?
He took a deep breath, and told himself to stop the self-pity. Hamada had helped him with everything else. Maybe he had a solution for a broken heart.
He stepped gracefully from the limo through the door that his chauffeur was holding open, and once again prepared himself to meet his pain head-on. He would face this as he had the other challenges, and he would get through it.
--
He entered the office to find Hamada seated at his desk, as usual, typing away at something on the computer. Hamada looked up and stared at him a moment before standing and greeting him.
Fei wandered around the room. "Did you enjoy your time away, sensei?"
Hamada smiled a little, his eyes remaining on Fei. "Yes, thank you Feilong. It was educational, but it's good to be back. How are things? Is something wrong?"
Fei shrugged. "I don't think Akihito will be here today."
"Is there a problem? It's nothing serious I hope. Akihito, Feilong? You weren't calling him that when you were last here."
"A lot has happened since we were last here."
Hamada's eyes held concern. "Come in and sit down and have some tea, and we'll talk about it."
Despite Fei's disquiet, he smiled. Hamada's solution to life's problems. Tea. "You remind me of the British sometimes, sensei. Whenever there's a problem, tea first, everything else second. Does that come from your Irish grandmother, I wonder?"
Hamada laughed as he began preparing Fei's blend. "A little. But she always preferred hers to be a strong Assam, with milk. Couldn't stand Japanese teas. Making either is a soothing ritual though. It's why the Japanese tea ceremony is a meeting of peace."
Hamada finished making some of the tea Fei had given him, then carried it over to where Fei sat, hands clasped in his lap.
Fei took the cup and breathed in the fragrance of the delicate fresh leaves. They did indeed give him a sense of calm.
Hamada sat in his normal seat. "OK, tell me what happened. Start from the beginning, after the last session." He began sipping his tea, his green eyes vivid over the teacup as he watched Fei.
Fei's calm fled. He sat, staring into his porcelain cup, thoughts running through those few days he had memorized to the last detail. He pushed aside the thoughts of that night together out on the balcony. He raised the cup to his lips and sipped the hot liquid to erase the taste of Akihito from his mouth. It didn't work. It only added a slightly bitter flavor.
He forced himself to swallow and lowered the cup to his lap. He pushed his thoughts back further, to the beginning.
"After the last session I spent a lot of time thinking, about the state of my life, and why it had become what it was, and I came to the conclusion that I deserved better, and wanted a change."
Hamada smiled. "I'm so glad to hear you say that Feilong. And so did you try any changes?"
Fei remembered the intense loneliness that made him walk up to Akihito's apartment, and how it had all been blown away when he had stepped through that door. "I did. I went to Akihito's apartment, and I apologized for all the harm I'd done him. And something happened between us. A friendship. A closeness. I'd not even really hoped for it. I'd wanted it, but never thought it might really happen. But he's so generous. So kind and loving, that he could even care for me."
Fei was already choking up from the memories threatening to overwhelm him. He thought of Akihito's eyes, sparkling with tears for him. He remembered the warmth of waking in Akihito's arms. How lucky he'd been to have that chance.
He looked up and saw the concern in Hamada's eyes changing to something else. Not pity. Please don't let it be pity. He bent his head towards his tea so he wouldn't have to see it.
"He loves Asami deeply you know. It's not always evident from the way he speaks, but he truly does love him. And I wanted to help him succeed in that love, because I wanted him to be happy, the way he was making me happy. So we hatched this insane scheme to make Asami jealous and push him past the breaking point. You know how close Asami had been to falling apart, and his feeling jealousy and frustration about Akihito was the heart of it."
Hamada made a sound of assent.
"So I came up with the plan that we'd move in together and play the part of lovers."
Only I wasn't playing. It was real to me.
"It wasn't altogether altruistic on my part though. I wanted to be close to him. He'd become sunshine to my soul. I craved his company constantly. I tried to remember our purpose. I tried to remember his love for someone else. But I found myself falling in love, and hoping that he would feel the same."
A tear fell into the tea, causing tiny ripples across the surface.
"And what's the worst, is that he did start to return my feelings, but he loved Asami more. And when Asami came and shattered in front of us, and it was a terrible thing to see, Akihito needed to go to him. And I loved him so much that I made him go, because his happiness is everything to me."
He stared at his lap, watching the familiar drops appear on his sleeves and hands. He wondered how many tears he had left in him.
"And I've spent the last few days feeling emptier than I've been in a long time. And I don't know what to do. I'm doing what I did before, you see. I keep living in those few days, over and over again. But this time it was when I had a chance at happiness, when I was happy. Because if I live in the present, the pain is unbearable. God, Hamada, it hurts so much. How do you stop loving someone when it hurts so much?"
The teacup slipped from his lap as he buried his face in his hands, trying to stop the tears and failing.
Is this the reward I get for opening myself up? This never-ending pain?
But then he felt arms come around him and he leaned into them, craving warmth. His eyes were closed as he rested his forehead on the soft shoulder. Hands ran through his hair, soothing him. This, at least, was one thing he hadn't had before, this human contact, this comfort. He laughed bitterly at himself though, because he wanted Akihito so much he was imagining his scent.
"Fei."
That voice. He pulled his head back in shock to see Akihito kneeling in front of him. "Fei, you don't have to feel this way. I love you."
Fei was stunned. He didn't understand. What was Akihito doing here? The room seemed to be spinning around the recliner - no it was spinning around Akihito. He held onto him so he wouldn't get swept away. He looked up and saw Asami leaning against the door, watching them with a small smile on his face. He stared. Asami was wearing jeans, and a loose cotton shirt. And he looked happy. Fei hated him for it. But he also wished he were a part of it.
Fei dragged his gaze back to Akihito, needing some answers, willing the room to slow. "You shouldn't say that, not in front of him. He'll misunderstand. He won't know what you really mean."
Akihito tilted his head and considered Fei. "He knows what I really mean. We talked about it at length. And came to a few decisions." Akihito wiped the drying tears from Fei's face. Fei tried not to lean into the caress and failed. This wasn't going to work. This couldn't work, being so close to him and not being able to touch. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up. He was shocked to see Asami standing there, understanding in his eyes. Something passed between them and he felt another connection snap into place.
Fei's eyes moved back to Akihito's. "I don't think I understand."
Akihito's hand brushed Fei's hair away from his face. "We need to talk about it. But not here. Later. There are some things that you and Ryu need to discuss first. But you need to understand that you won't be alone. Not if you don't want to be."
Fei glanced back up at Asami. His gaze was no longer the shuttered, calculating one that Feilong remembered so well. It was now frank and assessing. Once again Fei's eyes returned to Akihito.
Akihito leaned forward and lightly kissed him with those soft lips he never thought he'd taste again. "Do you trust me Fei?"
"Of course I do."
"Do you love me, Fei?"
Fei's eyes darted to Asami's. He raised his chin and stared at Asami as he answered. "You know I do. And if anyone ever does anything to keep you from being happy, that someone will regret it."
"You're keeping me from being happy, but you can change that."
Fei's head snapped back around to face Akihito. "What do you mean? I'd never hurt you. What can I do? It will be done."
Akihito smiled. "You can do two things. First, listen to what Ryu has to say now. Second, listen to what we have to say later."
Fei again glanced up at Asami. "And you're OK with this? Not that I care about you, but I don't want you hurting him on any pretext."
Asami shrugged. "It will make him happy. It's long past time I was concerned about that."
Fei stared at Asami, almost not recognizing him. This wasn't real. He turned to Hamada, who had remained silent.
Hamada shrugged. "I'm just as befuddled as you are Feilong. I think you should at least listen to him. I have some questions of my own." He stared at Asami.
Fei turned back to Akihito and looked into the brown eyes he so loved. He searched for anything that would explain what was happening, but saw only love, and hope. It was enough for him. He nodded. "I'll listen."
Asami crouched down by the recliner next to Akihito, who slipped an arm around his waist and rested a cheek on his shoulder. Asami's eyes softened a moment before he raised them to Fei's.
"Listen, Feilong. It's clear that we have some serious misunderstandings between us. We're remembering two different versions of the same events. What happened eight years ago, I'm not proud of it. I didn't expect you to be anything like you were. I was prepared to use the kid I would find. But I didn't think I'd like you so much. And I really didn't think you'd like me the way you did. I manipulated the hell out of you and the situation, feeling bad about it the whole time, but I still did it. And then I left you cold, to take the blame. Because to be honest, I didn't think you'd want to see me again. And it didn't occur to me you'd just sit there and take the blame. By that last day you were confident and sure of yourself, standing up for yourself, and I thought you'd be better served with me back in Japan so you could grow into your role. I didn't realize how badly you'd been messed up by that whole experience, and that it overwhelmed you to the point where you couldn't defend yourself. Akihito told me how wrong I was about that, and about the problems my actions caused."
Feilong listened to this in shock.
He never knew...
All this time I hated him for leaving me like that and he thought he was doing me a favor...
Fei looked at Akihito in disbelief, and Akihito took his hand and nodded. "I believe him, Fei. What you thought happened, it just never sounded like him. He was callous but not cruel."
Asami reached out and gently turned Fei's chin so they were once again eye to eye. "I'm sorry, Feilong. I wish it hadn't happened that way but it did. I can't change that. But I can change what happens from now on. I'm tired of us fighting. I want things to change, if only for Akihito's sake. Maybe for our sakes too. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Will you let me?"
Fei's head was still spinning from before. This was all too much. Asami, apologizing. This was unreal. All those things he'd held as truths.
But, he thought, have I really? Haven't I felt doubts all along? Haven't I known?
He had to ask. If the words were said, it would finally become real, but he had to ask.
He stood up and walked to the window. He turned and leaned against it, his face in shadow. "You didn't shoot us, did you? It never was you, was it?"
Asami shook his head. "No. Not exactly. I let you get shot. But not on purpose. I didn't want you to get hurt, not the way I saw you get hurt, and especially not as bad as what really happened. I didn't expect Tou to do that. You were his son. I thought that meant something to him. He caught me unaware. But I was older, and more experienced, dammit. I should have seen it coming. It killed me, seeing all that blood on you. And feeling your gun pressed against me. I thought you were mad at me because I failed you, because I wasn't strong enough to save you. I..."
Asami's voice faltered a moment. Akihito looked up at him and murmured something, and Asami's eyes shifted to his. Fei was stunned by the love he saw pass between them, his first and last loves, his heart aching at the sight. They sat like that for a moment, then Asami nodded and turned back to Fei.
"I didn't realize how much you misunderstood. I didn't know what you were going through, then and all this time. But I'm glad I shot the bastard. And I'm glad I shot your brother for killing your real father, the man who raised you. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but the prick deserved it, if not for killing for your father, then for trying to destroy you."
Fei folded his arms around himself and shuddered. Akihito made as if to stand up and come to him, but Asami's arm held him firmly in place. Fei knew Asami realized that there were some things he had to face on his own.
All these things that he'd heard, they were new and yet they weren't. He'd been considering them more often the last few weeks, trying to make everything fit, now that he was able to look with clearer eyes. If Asami was telling the truth...
He looked at Akihito, who nodded, belief in his eyes. His gaze shifted to Hamada, whose face had the look of someone who had solved a difficult puzzle. His eyes moved back to Asami's face. It was open, inviting inspection. He wasn't sure he trusted Asami, but he took the plunge, letting himself trust his friends. Asami's words became a breeze within him, blowing away the clouds that had covered his memories in shadow, and Akihito's eyes the sun that let him face the truths that were revealed.
His eyes didn't leave Asami's as he quietly spoke. "I think I knew that Yan did it all along. I just didn't want to believe that my brother could destroy my family, or that my own father would want to kill me. But even though you and I didn't spend that much time together, I didn't see how I could be so wrong about you. I knew Yanzhui was mad enough to try it though. Deep inside I knew he was capable of that, because he had stopped caring about anything but himself, and his behavior had become more and more erratic and destructive. He never would have given me the good things that you gave me those few days."
He walked back over to stand by Asami. "And you did do me some good back then, you know. I see that now. Though you're still a bastard about the rest of it."
Asami laughed and stood, pulling Akihito up with him. "Being a bastard is my favorite pastime. So you're willing to try to work this out?"
He felt lighter than he had in years. "Yes. I want this over with. It's been a long eight years, and I've had enough. But this isn't something that can just go away overnight. It's going to take time, and a lot of talk. But if there's one thing Hamada has taught me, it's that talking helps everything. So, what was this other thing you two wanted to talk to me about?"
But a movement from Akihito drew the attention of both men back to him.
Akihito had turned his head and was glaring at Hamada, who was staring at Asami again. "Stop looking at Ryu that way Hamada. It looks like you're planning on fucking him in the recliner again."
Fei's lips twitched as Hamada turned bright red.
Asami grinned at Hamada. "Sorry, one of the first rules we made was no fucking therapists."
Fei couldn't resist playing. His eyebrow rose. "Only therapists? You will note, Akihito, that I'm not a therapist."
Asami looked straight at him, a wicked smile on his lips. "No, you're not."
Fei's mouth dropped open. He couldn't mean...
Asami smirked.
The floor fell out from under him, and arms went around his waist from either side and held him up.
Akihito, amused, added, "You're referred to in rule number three, Fei, which I think would best be discussed in private."
Hamada jumped in. "This is as private as you get. You know everything said here - "
" - is completely confidential, unless you want to share it with several other people. Yeah, we know."
Hamada scowled.
Fei was still in shock. "That couldn't possibly... That could never... You can't be serious.... "
He looked at Asami. "Why?"
Asami shrugged and spoke quietly. "Why? His happiness is worth it. It's worth everything to me now. And he can't be happy living with the pain he's causing you. But now..." Asami leaned closer, and spoke softly into Fei's ear. "Look at his eyes."
Fei turned his head, then found he couldn't move his gaze from Akihito's face. The happiness in his eyes was almost blinding. He would do anything to keep that look of joy there.
He turned back to Asami. "You really mean it." Asami nodded.
He looked back at Akihito. "The two of you... You mean this." He raised his hand to caress his beloved's cheek, and Akihito turned his lips to the palm and kissed it. A fierce sense of elation sped through him, washing away all the pain of the last few days. Were his dreams finally all within his grasp? Was it possible?
Asami was right. He would do whatever he could to work this out.
I will have this.
Asami smiled, satisfied. "Listen, why don't we go get something to eat? We can start talking about where we should go from here. I don't want to talk about it in front of Hamada or he'll leak it to the press." Asami put his arm back around Fei's waist rather possessively.
Fei looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
Asami looked amused. "Afraid?"
Fei tossed his head. "Never."
Asami looked back over at the psychiatrist. "By the way, Hamada, is there some reason I've been receiving a lot of requests for money from pregnant women these days?"
Hamada tried to look innocent and failed. "I think they just have the wrong idea about the kinds of deposits you like to leave."
Asami laughed. "We'll be in touch, sensei. You're just too much fun for us to let it end here." His eyes traveled down Hamada's body. "You know, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's finding loopholes in promises."
Fei stared at Asami and shook his head in disbelief. How did Akihito put up with this?
Akihito said sweetly, "I think you used the wrong term there Ryu. You didn't mean loophole. You meant a noose, right? Because that's where your neck will be if you break that promise."
Asami smiled indulgently. "Of course it will."
Fei also turned back to Hamada, though Asami kept a firm grip on him. "Sensei. What he says is true."
Asami snickered and Fei shot him a disgusted glance. "Not about the loopholes. But that we will be in touch. I, for one, see a continued need for counseling in the near future. For one of us in particular."
He turned back to Asami with meaningful glare. He wasn't going to let this man walk all over him again. He'd learned a few things in the last eight years. Things that might even make Asami blush.
Fei went on the offensive. He put his arm around Asami's waist, his hand slipping low on the back of his jeans and into a pocket. Where he squeezed. "Let's go."
Asami's eyebrows rose in surprise and he laughed, delighted by a challenge as always. The two men left, Akihito opening the door for them.
**
Hamada shook his head. "It's going to be interesting, watching that relationship develop."
Takaba closed the door and leaned against it, regarding Hamada.
"They'll do alright. They have a lot more in common than they realize."
"Especially their love for you. Are you serious about trying this? Do you have any idea how difficult that kind of relationship is to maintain?"
"We know. We think it's worth the risk. And I know I can make it work. There'll be a lot of fireworks, but as long as no one feels left out, and I intend to see that they don't, it will work in the end."
Takaba continued. "You know, sensei, you completely fucked this up at first. But you really came around. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have made it through this. You should be proud of that. I know that we're doctor and patient, but I think that once this is over with I'd like to call you friend. I know Feilong would too. To be honest, we already do."
The happiness within him bloomed. He wondered if Takaba brought this warmth to all his relationships. He rather thought he did. "Thank you, Takaba-san. I've been calling the two of you 'friend' in my head for some time now. My name is Makoto. Please feel free to use it from now on."
Takaba smiled and replied, "And it's probably time you started calling me Akihito, Makoto-san."
"Thank you Akihito-san. You must be aware, that without you none of this would have worked either. We made a decent team. Maybe you should think about a degree in psychology. We could run a practice together. Maybe specialize in softening up old yakuza."
Akihito laughed. "No thanks. I'll have my hands full with those two for years."
Hamada walked over to his desk and pulled out the paperwork that he'd typed up in an optimistic moment. "I'll file these in court. They're for you and Feilong. Asami, of course, has his already. The bastard."
Hamada turned and looked at Akihito. "What happened with him anyway? I can't believe the change."
Akihito smiled. "He's a practical guy. You saw how he was with Fei. He saw a problem and took the shortest route to fixing it. Once he decided to allow his emotions out, he just accepted them as part of himself and moved on. I never would have thought I'd say this, but he's probably the sanest one of us now. Including you."
Hamada snorted. "Yeah, right. If you can talk him into coming in here with you a couple of times it wouldn't be a bad idea. You can't tell me he doesn't have issues to deal with."
Akihito hesitated. "He does, but he'll never speak to you that way, you know. It's enough for now that he's speaking to me. Perhaps down the road, if you become a close enough friend, he may open up to you."
Hamada nodded. "I thought as much. If he talks to you it's an enormous step in the right direction. You can always ask me for advice, and I will of course keep it confidential."
Hamada blushed, then the two of them burst into laughter.
Hamada's laughter slowed. "You know I'm really going to miss you two. I realize you'll be getting a lot of things straightened out for a while, but whenever you want to talk, or whatever, give me a call. Let me know how things are going. Maybe we can go out to dinner."
"That would be great. I'll be in the neighborhood next Tuesday for some work. Do you want to meet for lunch?"
Hamada looked at Akihito and understood the meaning of the word friend. "I'd love to. Stop by around noon and we'll go somewhere. Now go on. They're probably waiting to eat with you."
Akihito began to go and stopped. He turned and bowed, deeply. "Thank you, sensei."
Hamada's eyes filled. He shook it off. "If you really want to thank me, you'll tell me the details of rule number three."
Akihito's eyes shifted away and he blushed. Then he shook his head and laughed. "Not on your life, Makoto-san."
After Akihito left, Hamada felt a great sense of loss. But also an incredible sense of victory. He never would have imagined after that first week that he'd see the three of them together in his office, interacting and smiling, with a future together. He was no longer as arrogant as he used to be, but he was certainly proud. He would remember this case for the rest of his life, not only because he'd helped his friends, but because they'd helped him.
He thought of his old teacher with a smile. I think, sensei, that this time you might truly be proud of me. For a moment he thought he felt a hand pat his back, but when he looked around the office was empty as usual. He shook his head at his imagination and closed his briefcase, ready to call it a day.
He stepped out into the reception area where Kurata was also getting ready to leave.
"Sensei! I was just going too. Would you like to have dinner with me?"
Hamada looked at her, amused by her perseverance. "Kurata-san. Thank you, but I'm gay. You may want to try elsewhere."
And as he headed down the stairs, laughing at the look of shock on her face, he thought maybe it was time for a talk with his parents as well.
**
Akihito walked to the small park across from the restaurant where he knew Asami took Fei. He wasn't that hungry and he thought they needed time alone together, now that he knew there'd be no bloodshed. He laughed at the two of them and sat there amazed at the changes in his life over just a few months. If it happens, the change today will be unbelievable, but it might work. No, he'd make it work.
He tilted his face up to the sun and closed his eyes, his thoughts running back to the conversation they'd had last night after they'd made love, recalling the moment like he was there again...
The muscled chest under Akihito's was slippery with sweat. Their breathing was beginning to ease. He raised his head and set his chin on his hands, and stared up at Asami, who was relaxed and approaching sleep. So different, these few days. The fact that he would even sleep around him showed his level of trust. Even his face was different. The lines had eased. Little smiles were more common than not. Those smiles killed him every time, and Asami had enjoyed finding this potent new weapon at his disposal.
Lovemaking was still a game of control. They both liked it that way too much. But it wasn't about forcing now. It was about seduction. Who could make the other break first with long wet kisses and slippery fingers covered in lube. Those fingers were now threaded through his hair, gripping it possessively. He shivered.
Asami's eyes opened to slits, and they stared at each other a moment, silent, sated, at peace. The question surprised him. "What's my name, Akihito?"
He blinked. "Huh? Don't you know?"
"The name you called out so frequently a few moments ago, it's my family name. You're not making love to my family, but to me. Do you know my name?"
He felt his face heat. "It's Ryuichi."
"That's right. I'd like you to use it from now on."
He was a little annoyed by the order-like tone for such a personal thing, but then he thought about it, examining Asami's closed eyes. Maybe it wasn't a request he knew how to make. "Who else calls you by your first name?"
Asami's eyes cracked open again. "No one." He mumbled something and went back to falling asleep.
"What was that? Hey!" He shook Asami's shoulders.
Asami sighed and opened his eyes again. "I said, I've asked no one to use my given name. Ever." He stroked Aki's hair. "You're the only one. You're not going to let me sleep, are you?" He pushed up into a sitting position and rested against a pillow propped against the wall. He pulled Akihito onto his lap.
"You're looking for maudlin details again, I can tell. OK. Only a few people have ever dared to call me by my first name as an adult, and they quickly ended up dead."
He looked at Asami in disbelief. "You killed people for using your name?"
His head got flicked by a finger as Asami snorted. "Of course I didn't kill people for that. But think about it. What would people have in common who would use my first name without permission?"
Ah. "They'd be reckless and stupid."
Asami nodded, pleased. "Yes, exactly, and they quickly ended up dead. That son of a bitch Tou was the last one..." He stared into space.
"So who was ever allowed to call you by your first name?"
Asami's eyes focused on him and he got stared at for a moment. "My mother. After her, I wouldn't respond to the name."
He didn't like the sound of that. "Well I'm sure as hell not going to call you something that reminds you of her! What kind of thing is that to ask me?"
Asami's face blanked, but not before he saw the hurt on it.
"That's not what I meant. Let a guy finish his thoughts, would you? I only meant that I'll call you a shortened version. Something that doesn't have memories attached to it. Like Ryu. Has anyone called you that? I'll call you Ryu."
Asami snorted again. "Ryu? Sounds like a Winnie the Pooh character."
Did he just hear what he thought he heard? He sat straight up. "You know who Winnie the Pooh is?"
Asami had that superior look on his face again. "Of course I know who he is. Fat bear, likes honey, made more money for Disney in the last decade than anyone but the Mouse. Made so much money I was thinking of releasing a Winnie the Pooh line of handguns. Orangish, with sticky grips."
"You wouldn't. Goddammit you're teasing me again, aren't you?"
Asami smiled that damned sexy smile. "You're just too easy."
He tried to get angry and failed, and gave in to laughter. He leaned against Asami's chest and put his arms around him. "I love you this way. You never played before."
He felt arms come around him, holding him tightly.
"You know Ryu, it might help if you talk to Hamada about some of your past..."
"No."
"But-"
"No. You say we have to talk. I think you're right. If we keep the promises we've made between us, there's no need for someone like Hamada."
"But he-"
"No, Akihito. I will not bring him into this. I will discuss anything and everything with you, but not with him. I'll admit he helped you out. But for me, he's only good for the occasional fuck."
He pushed away from Asami and grabbed a pillow and swatted him with it. "You'd better not even think about fucking him! Add this to your promises. No more fucking therapists!"
Asami began laughing and grabbed the pillow. "But Akihito, don't I get anyone on the side? How about Fei?" Asami stopped laughing and just looked sly now. "You've had him, right? God I'd love to fuck him."
A sudden pain welled up inside. He shoved Asami away and moved to the side of the bed. "Don't talk about him like that! You don't know what he's been going through because of you and me. You fucked him over eight years ago and it's ruined his life. And then me... I hurt him so bad."
He'd been trying to keep Fei from his mind, because when he thought of him his happiness fled. He felt tears in his eyes and he wiped them angrily away. "Just don't talk about him that way, OK?"
Asami slid over behind him and wrapped his arms around him. "Akihito, you can't tell me that he's lost eight years of his life because I failed to block that shot. What the hell? I feel bad that he got hit, but it shouldn't have ruined anything for him. He was strong, he was on his way up. Something so trivial shouldn't have slowed him down."
He turned around and examined Asami's face, unbelieving. "What about his father? He said you killed his father."
"Which one? The biological one, yeah, because he'd just shot Fei in the chest, the asshole. Fei's brother shot the other one. So I shot his brother. He was an asshole too. Why? He isn't mad that I killed those two assholes is he?"
"Ryu. He thinks you shot both his fathers, and his innocent brother, and him. And then left him to take the blame. He totally worshipped you, and he thinks you totally fucked him over like that."
Asami froze. "I thought… I didn't…It's not true Akihito. I might have used him, but I wouldn't have done that to him."
Relief ran through him. He slipped his arms around Asami. "I believe you. It just wasn't your style. Even the old Asami wouldn't have done that."
The corner of Asami's mouth turned up. "Thank you, I think. I suppose you should tell him. Eight years of agony over nothing." He winced.
He shook his head. "No Ryu. You need to speak to him."
Asami looked skeptical. "As if he'd listen to me. He wouldn't hear anything I had to say."
"That might have been true before all this happened, but I think he knows now that he got some facts wrong. We talked about it before. I stood up for you, you know, even when you were still being an asshole."
"I know," came the soft response.
He smiled. "He'll be in our therapy session tomorrow. Come with me. Just tell him, straight out."
Asami smirked. "Therapy with Hamada?"
He punched the bastard. "Remember Rule Number Two!"
"They have numbers now? Anyway, I wouldn't want to fuck him, just tease him a bit. You really want me to go? It would make you happy?"
He nodded. "It would mean a lot to me."
Asami's eyes narrowed as he thought it over. "On two conditions."
He wasn't sure he wanted to comply. "What?"
"I'm not going to talk about myself beyond my relationship with Fei."
He nodded. "Of course. That's understood."
That seemed to please Asami. "And I want to know the whole story. What do you mean you really hurt him? What's between the two of you?"
He hadn't expected that. He was silent for a little while. He wasn't sure how Asami would react to his emotional bond with Fei. "You have to remember that you won, Ryu."
Asami motioned his assent.
He looked into Asami's eyes a minute, searching for the truth. Then he looked away, satisfied that Asami was sticking to his promise of honesty. "I was helping him in therapy sessions. Don't ask me why, I just did. And I guess he started to see me as a person, and not just a pawn in your wars. He started to feel really bad about what he'd done to me. So one night he turned up at my apartment and we got drunk."
Asami's eyebrows went up at that.
He made a face. Asami would jump to that conclusion. "Nothing like that happened. We just… bonded I guess. We clicked. We became friends. He apologized to me that night. I saw all he'd been going through. And we started understanding each other. The next day we also agreed that we needed to do something about you and he came up with the plan to move in together."
"We slept together - not sex - just sleeping, a few times. It felt so good to be with him. And we were attracted to one another. We didn't say anything, but it was there. But you were always there between us."
He fell silent.
Asami asked quietly, "And is that a problem?"
He looked up in surprise. "No, no, I didn't mean it that way… It's just that the few days we were together, we kept getting closer. And I saw how he was touching me more, and making excuses to be near me. I wanted to be loved. I wanted it so much I didn't say no, even though I knew it would hurt him in the long run. And the last night before you came…We were out on a balcony… We almost made love. But we didn't. Because he told me he loved me."
His eyes were overflowing with tears again. "He told me he loved me and I told him I felt the same way and that it didn't matter, that he couldn't have me because you came first. And he was so hurt. He tried not to show it, but I could tell. He'd been alone for so long and I was his first friend. Did you know that?"
His voice choked. Asami gently pulled him onto his lap and held him. "I was his first and only friend and he loved me and I had to turn away from him and leave him alone. I hate myself for that. I hate it. I'd give anything for him to be happy. Anything but you."
"Akihito." Asami's arms tightened around him and he buried his face in his hair. "I love you."
His heart skipped a beat. It did each time Asami said it. The joy and pain combined made the tears fall even faster. "I know you do. And it makes me so h-h-happy."
Asami had to laugh at that. They sat silently for a while.
Asami took a deep breath. "What if you didn't have to turn away from him? What if he didn't have to be alone?"
His head shot up. "Wha? Huh? What, you turn nice and decide the next step is the noble sacrifice? You are not leaving me Asami! And I'm not leaving you. Period. I love you, more than I've ever loved anything or anyone. So get it through your head. You're stuck with me!" He glared.
Asami smiled and gently ruffled his hair. "No one is leaving anyone. I just meant, what if you had him too?"
His mouth dropped open in disbelief. "You're offering to share me with him?"
"Well, yeah, that's the general idea. Besides, I'd get to share him too, and I have to admit I've always wanted to. But just him. No one else. I guess that would be our third rule."
"Didn't you just have a nervous breakdown over the same thing?"
Asami laughed. "No, not exactly. I'd built a dam around my emotions, and the thought of losing you broke it down. Everything I'd built up rushed out at once. But nothing is the same anymore. I'm a little rusty at it, but I like feeling things again. There's no pressure there, because I've been letting it happen. Enjoying it even, I suppose because they're good feelings for a change. And I'm happy when you're happy. It's funny isn't it, how love can change someone's perspective?" He nuzzled Akihito's forehead. "Before, everything was about me and what I owned. Now, it all seems to be about you and your happiness."
Asami stroked his hair. "I can't stand seeing you in pain like this. If helping Fei will make you happy, I'll help Fei. Besides, I have the responsibility of doing something about the problems I caused for him. If this would take care of that, then it's a good solution all around. He and I were close once, or we had the potential to be close. I'd like to think it could happen again."
He was filled with a sense of elation. If we could make this work... No. I will make this work. He looked up at Asami, in awe of his love's generosity. But not wanting to take advantage of it. "You really want it? You want him too? You really mean it?"
Asami looked into Akihito's eyes, so full of happiness, and said softly, "Yeah, I really mean it. God, how could I have been such an idiot? Not to have wanted your eyes to always look like that, filled with joy?"
He threw his arms around Asami. "You admitted you were an idiot! You really are cured." He straddled Asami's lap and rubbed up against him. "I think we need to celebrate."
"Mmmm." One hand had slid down the curve of his back. Another moved between them. That wicked smile appeared.
"Oh god yes…"
"Akihito..."
"Akihito?"
"Akihito!" Someone was shaking him. He opened his eyes to a bright sun, and two tall shadows standing over him. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I was just daydreaming."
"What about, I wonder?" Fei looked pointedly at his crotch.
He blushed and pulled them down to sit next to him on the bench. "Well? How did the talks go?"
Asami pulled out a stack of papers. "We have a contract all drawn up. I get to fuck you Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and every other Sunday, the days starting and ending at 9 am, so we get morning sex, and Fei gets all the other days. Fucking may be done in but not limited to our bedrooms, the bathroom, and the kitchen if both parties are present-"
Akihito jumped up and started shouting "What the hell are you talking about! You can't have a contract about this sort of thing. A fucking contract! That's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard of!"
"I told you he'd believe it."
Fei sighed and handed Asami some money. "I had more faith in you Akihito. Honestly."
"You're both bastards! I've changed my mind. I'm not living with either of you."
Asami was laughing as he grabbed him and pulled him back down between them.
"It's not funny."
Fei leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You're very cute. Mmm. And very soft."
Asami kissed his other cheek and slid his hand down. "And very hard."
He wriggled, but not so much to get away this time.
Fei licked his earlobe. "Want to go home with us? We decided to try it out, living in the house we bought. If it works, Tao will come and live with us too, and go to school here. And Asami and I would become permanent business partners. We could have all of East Asia under our sway within three years," he mused.
Asami licked his neck and squeezed his hand. "I was tired of my apartment, so it seemed like a good time to move out. Don't you agree?"
"Uhhh."
Asami raised amused eyes to meet Fei's, who laughed. They still had a lot of differences, but they were in complete agreement about one thing, their love for Akihito and their need to see him happy. If nothing else let them live together in peace, that would.
Akihito stood up, grabbed their hands and tugged. "C'mon guys, let's go home." He laughed and backed away, the sunshine in his eyes. The other two men stared after him a moment, and then smiling, followed together.
Illustration for chapter 15
By mtarashidango
Epilogue 1