[FIC] one, two, three, four...how many more? {HoMin, PG-13}
{one, two, three, four...how many more?}
HoMin, PG-13
Angst & maybe fluff? Implied sex.
I honestly have no idea where this came from...it just kinda happened. T___T
He’s nothing like you’ve ever seen or will ever see again. Too tall and too proud. About the same height in reality, but the way he held himself had you disliking him already. He was loud and so self-assertive that you knew deep down you were jealous of his attracting personality, a porch light to moths and other insects that were mesmerized by his welcoming aura, a smile that, despite the crooked set in his mouth, was so safe.
You wanted to be just like him…
-
The group formed and he became leader which considering the circumstances, and since you’re a logical person, was the right choice. He needed to prove himself though by cracking down on all of you harder then necessary, pushing every single one of you so close to the edge that it was hard to pull yourselves back up.
You hated it. You hated him.
For acting like he knew best and that everyone had to listen to him because of it. Just because you were the baby now didn’t mean you were going to give in without fighting back.
-
He’s nothing like you’ve ever seen or will ever see again.
He turned out to be just that, once again, but in a completely different manner. So kind and so caring. Strong on the outside, but to anyone who could get close enough, was vulnerable and in desperate need of other’s approval. Hugs and touching became commonplace, even if you didn’t like it too much, you knew it made him feel better, so insecure in his leader role that even if he was supposed to treat you all the same, the innocence quickly became dangerous.
You couldn’t bring yourself to stop him…
-
So much like him, it was quick and clumsy, and surprisingly didn’t end with him getting hurt, but it was done with so much force that the back of your head connected painfully with the wall. He apologized over and over as the tingle at the corner of your mouth confirmed what had just happened. You didn’t want it to stop, the feeling swirling in your stomach, the warmth that exploded more tingles all over your body.
Even after he turned around and left the practise room.
-
Time wore the bond. Actually no, not time, feelings you assume and probably words.
It never happened, it…I didn’t mean to do it, okay? Can’t we just forget about it?
It grew wide and soon enough, even though you both stood next to one another on a daily basis, shared the same living spaces and continued to talk like nothing had ever happened, you made sure you were emotionally as far away from him as you could bring yourself without it being too obvious. No one questioned the sudden separation, the distance that could be seen as a comfortable boundary set by two people as they grew out of the youthful habits of physical contact.
Eventually, though, you couldn‘t remember his warmth.
-
Anger began to fester like a disease, growing all over your insides and spreading through your veins. She was pretty, short and delicate. They argued a lot, but he didn’t mind, he kept going back because she could cook the most wonderful dinners, she knew how to clean and, well, she had his heart.
You hated her. You hated yourself.
For being jealous and acting like you were some 19 year old college girl who’s first love had just been swiped from under her nose by another college girl from the same class that just happened to be better for him in the many ways you know you couldn’t, wouldn’t ever be. And, in all honesty, that’s exactly how it was.
Except that you were male, another strike against you.
-
I actually think she might be the one Jae. We were talking about kids and-
He loves you, Yunho.
Who?
Don’t play dumb, you’ve ignored this for long enough.
I love him too, Jae…But-
Well, obviously not enough if you’re here trying to explain it to me instead of him.
-
The first cry, the first real cry, happened too many days afterwards, raked sobs through you like that’s all you had left to do after the yelling and the throwing and had you curled up against Yoochun’s chest as he sang something he’d just written, combing fingers through your hair to ease the tears and swirling his finger tips on the left side of your back in some attempt to sooth your severed heart.
You weren’t supposed to break.
-
This is all I have to give you, Minnie.
Hyung, stop-
His hands dipped and curved along your body, you wanted to push away and run as far from him as you could get. But you were weak compared to him and, deep down, you’re sure you didn’t try hard enough.
I’m sorry.
Stop, please.
Fire spread with the flat of his tongue along your neck and the hard, sure touches between your thighs. You wanted it to stop, but you also wanted more. When he pushed in with a laboured grunt, you fought the onslaught of tears brimming on your eyelids and closed your eyes.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
-
It happened more often, in the abandoned dark hallways of concert halls or in the stalls of random washrooms. A horrible apology in your opinion. But things became different after awhile, especially after she left him due to the constant rush of their lives as stars and barely any time left for no more then a phone call. The kisses deepened, the touches softened, until one day, in the midst of that encroaching release of pure ecstasy, it slipped.
I love you.
But your lips never moved.
-
Age caught up on both of you, lines of all sorts of emotion etched into your faces. Suddenly you didn’t want to sing for hordes of people you’ll never know and will never really know you, never know the things that have shaped you, made you the person you are. Only one did, and you’ll sing for him every single day of your life. Whether that’s through a kiss, a touch of your finger tips or just a look.
You’ll sing for the house full of children that will always be yours & his, no matter where their birth parents are.
You’ll sing for him on the day he closes his eyes and never opens them again, when you pray you can join him a few days later because you were never meant to be away from him.
You weren’t built for a life that didn‘t contain him.
-
My first angst, be gentle. T___T
I hope it moves something in you & if there are any mistakes or confusing bits, let me know~
Please leave me something pretty to blush over~? ;~;