FTS
A friend of mine demanded I update this journal, and I wish I had something happier to write about, but here goes.
I'm pretty disenchanted with myself and my level of talent in most areas. I find it hard to get motivated to do things, which in turn means that without the practice or training I continue to stay at the same level of mediocrity. That is my own fault. But it seems that any and every time I create something that I am proud of, it is quickly passed over or forgotten about. Nobody really seems to be very interested in what I'm bringing to the table, so after a while I begin to question why I do these things. Of course there is the personal satisfaction of having created these things and thinking they're pretty good. But when you begin talking about things like music and art and stories and scripts and things of a popular culture/consumeristic nature, why should I keep selling if no one is buying? Is my shit really that terrible? Is there any value in the things I say? Can anyone out there identify with what I'm feeling and saying, or am I the only one feeling and saying these things? I know that whenever I find a piece of art or a movie or a band that is saying things that I can take to heart, I grab on with both fucking hands and don't let go, and that is the kind of feeling I want to create. Not because I want people to like me or because I want to be popular/rich/acclaimed, but because I want to give people that sense of hope and support, that feeling of not being along and having something that is YOURS that I have gotten from a thousand films and a million songs. But shit man, maybe I just ain't got the chops or the discipline.
I'm pretty disenchanted with myself and my level of talent in most areas. I find it hard to get motivated to do things, which in turn means that without the practice or training I continue to stay at the same level of mediocrity. That is my own fault. But it seems that any and every time I create something that I am proud of, it is quickly passed over or forgotten about. Nobody really seems to be very interested in what I'm bringing to the table, so after a while I begin to question why I do these things. Of course there is the personal satisfaction of having created these things and thinking they're pretty good. But when you begin talking about things like music and art and stories and scripts and things of a popular culture/consumeristic nature, why should I keep selling if no one is buying? Is my shit really that terrible? Is there any value in the things I say? Can anyone out there identify with what I'm feeling and saying, or am I the only one feeling and saying these things? I know that whenever I find a piece of art or a movie or a band that is saying things that I can take to heart, I grab on with both fucking hands and don't let go, and that is the kind of feeling I want to create. Not because I want people to like me or because I want to be popular/rich/acclaimed, but because I want to give people that sense of hope and support, that feeling of not being along and having something that is YOURS that I have gotten from a thousand films and a million songs. But shit man, maybe I just ain't got the chops or the discipline.