Gah.
1. You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy?
Orange-Carrot Sobe. It is the only good flavor of Sobe. Beth recently turned me on to TGI Friday's Cheddar and Bacon 'tater skins. They're powerfully delicious. Diabolically so. I'd probably also buy a king size Snickers, because when buying snacks at a gas station, my appetite is King Size. Especially for Snickers. And a bottle of wa-wa would be delicious in my tummy-tum.
2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea-dwelling creature, what would you be?
I would say dolphin were it not for the occasional DOLPHIN RAPING that is said to exist. I'm going to go with giant sea turtle, because the sea is full of incessant food chainery, and ain't no fucking shark-teeth punching through MY sturdy shell, Jack.
3. Who's your favorite redhead?
Allyson Hannigan and Laura Prepon. I mean Beth.
4. What do you order when you're at a pancake house?
Ham and Swiss omelette, wheat toast, and until recently, English muffin in lieu of potato side. I am also known to order toast prepared in the French manner, but I loathe restaurant syrup. What is up with this 100% pure maple shit? I demand Log Cabin Lite, or at the very least, Mrs. Butterworth's. Syrup is infinitely better when it is extracted from the form of an elderly colored woman via head-hole.
5. Do you own any... naughty toys?
I do not own any ellipsis naughty toys.
6. Have you made out with anyone on your friends list?
LiveJournal friends? Because no. MySpace friends? Every last one of them.
7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
Any boxer shorts with an elastic waistband and a button. No button means Floppy McFallinout is making an appearance, and we are certainly in no mood for his hijinks around here.
8. Describe the last time you were injured:
I was opening a Christmas gift on Sunday (yeah, that's right) and I got a cardboard paper cut under my thumbnail. With blood and everything. It was like zero point negligible on the Muta scale.
9. Are there any odd things that make you feel comfortable?
I like to slather my body in glazed ham and read Proust. Second is the feeling of a freshly shorn scalp on a just-as-freshly laundered pillowcase. SLEEP ENSUES.
11. Tell me a weird story from your high school years:
Tell you? Tell who? Tell a survey? Okay, but I feel weird. There was a girl in my Psychology class Senior year that I thought was completely beautiful. Her name was Maria. At this point, I had never been on a date. The only experience I ever had with directly asking a girl out was in sixth grade, which was met with a rousing "no thank you." Finally, last day of classes. I was walking with her to her last class and my own classroom was fast approaching, so while my insides attempted to eat themselves, I sauvely asked whether she wanted to "do something sometime." She said sure, and gave me her number. I called her a few times and we tried to think of something to do, but I couldn't come up with anything, because at the time I was suffering from a case of being a severe lame-wad. Some would say that I was never fully cured. Those people get punches in the face and their tires slashed, but lovingly so. So she told me to call her back, and I did so, but she was out. So I tried again. And again. And again. Et cetera. Over the next couple of weeks I called her, oh, let's just say "a lot" and she was never in. I did not get the hint. Finally I got a call from some fine young fellow.
"Hello?"
"Is this Bill?"
"Yes."
"This is Maria's boyfriend."
"Oh, hi! What's up?"
"Maria wants you to stop calling her, okay?"
"Sure thing!"
I still can't watch that one scene in Swingers.
Oh, wait. You said weird. I did depressing. Oh! I was schizophrenic is high school. Top that, Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.
12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
Boston Red Sox "B". BASE BALL.
13. Soda?
Gave it up years ago. THANKS FOR BRINGING UP THE PAST YOU SON OF A BITCH.
14. Flavor of pudding?
Chocolate.
15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A grey Starter zip-up hoodie over a red shirt of silhouettes doing kung-fu that reads "SWEEP THE LEG." A quote from The Karate Kid starring Noriyuki "Pat" Morita.
16. Prescription medication?
No, my Dad has consumed it all.
17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Real transportation or imaginary? If imaginary, teleportation (either Nightcrawler or Harry Potter style). If real, riding around in a luxurious tour bus, like Kid Rock's but without the filthy whores. It must smell so awful in there. and other jokes about pornstar vagina
18. How many people are on your friends list?
I agree.
19. How many people on your list do you know in real life?
How dare you speak that way to a recovering schizophrenic.
20. What are you listening to right now?
The hum of computers and the sound of three people pretending to work.
21. Most recent movie you watched?
I think it was Walk the Line.
22. Name 5 things you have with you at all times:
Cell phone, wallet, keys, earrings (by default), cynicism.
23. Would you rather give or receive a foot massage?
Give. I don't be ticklin' or nothin'.
24. Name a teacher you had the hots for:
I don't believe that has ever happened. All of my teachers have always been old frumpy women of hairy men. Even in college. OH WAIT there was a teacher's aid in my Japanese class who was the HOTTEST JAPANESE CHICK EVER. Does that count?
25. What is a saying that you use a lot?
Son of a bitch.
26. What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child?
Don't sell yourself short.
Orange-Carrot Sobe. It is the only good flavor of Sobe. Beth recently turned me on to TGI Friday's Cheddar and Bacon 'tater skins. They're powerfully delicious. Diabolically so. I'd probably also buy a king size Snickers, because when buying snacks at a gas station, my appetite is King Size. Especially for Snickers. And a bottle of wa-wa would be delicious in my tummy-tum.
2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea-dwelling creature, what would you be?
I would say dolphin were it not for the occasional DOLPHIN RAPING that is said to exist. I'm going to go with giant sea turtle, because the sea is full of incessant food chainery, and ain't no fucking shark-teeth punching through MY sturdy shell, Jack.
3. Who's your favorite redhead?
Allyson Hannigan and Laura Prepon. I mean Beth.
4. What do you order when you're at a pancake house?
Ham and Swiss omelette, wheat toast, and until recently, English muffin in lieu of potato side. I am also known to order toast prepared in the French manner, but I loathe restaurant syrup. What is up with this 100% pure maple shit? I demand Log Cabin Lite, or at the very least, Mrs. Butterworth's. Syrup is infinitely better when it is extracted from the form of an elderly colored woman via head-hole.
5. Do you own any... naughty toys?
I do not own any ellipsis naughty toys.
6. Have you made out with anyone on your friends list?
LiveJournal friends? Because no. MySpace friends? Every last one of them.
7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
Any boxer shorts with an elastic waistband and a button. No button means Floppy McFallinout is making an appearance, and we are certainly in no mood for his hijinks around here.
8. Describe the last time you were injured:
I was opening a Christmas gift on Sunday (yeah, that's right) and I got a cardboard paper cut under my thumbnail. With blood and everything. It was like zero point negligible on the Muta scale.
9. Are there any odd things that make you feel comfortable?
I like to slather my body in glazed ham and read Proust. Second is the feeling of a freshly shorn scalp on a just-as-freshly laundered pillowcase. SLEEP ENSUES.
11. Tell me a weird story from your high school years:
Tell you? Tell who? Tell a survey? Okay, but I feel weird. There was a girl in my Psychology class Senior year that I thought was completely beautiful. Her name was Maria. At this point, I had never been on a date. The only experience I ever had with directly asking a girl out was in sixth grade, which was met with a rousing "no thank you." Finally, last day of classes. I was walking with her to her last class and my own classroom was fast approaching, so while my insides attempted to eat themselves, I sauvely asked whether she wanted to "do something sometime." She said sure, and gave me her number. I called her a few times and we tried to think of something to do, but I couldn't come up with anything, because at the time I was suffering from a case of being a severe lame-wad. Some would say that I was never fully cured. Those people get punches in the face and their tires slashed, but lovingly so. So she told me to call her back, and I did so, but she was out. So I tried again. And again. And again. Et cetera. Over the next couple of weeks I called her, oh, let's just say "a lot" and she was never in. I did not get the hint. Finally I got a call from some fine young fellow.
"Hello?"
"Is this Bill?"
"Yes."
"This is Maria's boyfriend."
"Oh, hi! What's up?"
"Maria wants you to stop calling her, okay?"
"Sure thing!"
I still can't watch that one scene in Swingers.
Oh, wait. You said weird. I did depressing. Oh! I was schizophrenic is high school. Top that, Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.
12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
Boston Red Sox "B". BASE BALL.
13. Soda?
Gave it up years ago. THANKS FOR BRINGING UP THE PAST YOU SON OF A BITCH.
14. Flavor of pudding?
Chocolate.
15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A grey Starter zip-up hoodie over a red shirt of silhouettes doing kung-fu that reads "SWEEP THE LEG." A quote from The Karate Kid starring Noriyuki "Pat" Morita.
16. Prescription medication?
No, my Dad has consumed it all.
17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Real transportation or imaginary? If imaginary, teleportation (either Nightcrawler or Harry Potter style). If real, riding around in a luxurious tour bus, like Kid Rock's but without the filthy whores. It must smell so awful in there. and other jokes about pornstar vagina
18. How many people are on your friends list?
I agree.
19. How many people on your list do you know in real life?
How dare you speak that way to a recovering schizophrenic.
20. What are you listening to right now?
The hum of computers and the sound of three people pretending to work.
21. Most recent movie you watched?
I think it was Walk the Line.
22. Name 5 things you have with you at all times:
Cell phone, wallet, keys, earrings (by default), cynicism.
23. Would you rather give or receive a foot massage?
Give. I don't be ticklin' or nothin'.
24. Name a teacher you had the hots for:
I don't believe that has ever happened. All of my teachers have always been old frumpy women of hairy men. Even in college. OH WAIT there was a teacher's aid in my Japanese class who was the HOTTEST JAPANESE CHICK EVER. Does that count?
25. What is a saying that you use a lot?
Son of a bitch.
26. What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child?
Don't sell yourself short.