So I'm here, on a whim. Life is life and it's crazy and I only remember some people's usernames for sure and I bet none of you are even here anymore anyway but... I'm here
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I think I'm holding out hope that others also randomly take a look back, even those it seems most I remember were abandoned for good by 2012. Sigh. But also... Would they even care? Old internet friends are a dime a dozen, right? IDK. Yeah, screw photobucket.
It was... Not good at the time, and it's still not great these days. I sometimes have to tell Mike to just... Talk about something else, something stupid, because we'll accidentally have wandered into memory territory and I can't handle it. But that's how I am with grief. It's all good until it isn't. The main(ish) thing about growing up for me I think was that... I didn't have a real plan, and I still don't, and while my life is working out, I still feel like I've failed to do so many things? Especially with a baby. I mean christ. I always have to factor him into things now, and it can be frustrating.
Some of the time it feels like it was lifetimes ago, and other times like it was yesterday and... I don't know which is worse? Or if either is bad, per se. I just... miss things, I think.
Pregnancy did a number on my hormones, so let's just blame them.
I'm not in contact with most of them either. I run into Pez from time to time, more a crazy random happenstance than anything, but the only one I could pick up a phone or email and really get ahold of besides you is Novion. Those were all RL friends though; I still have some of the same online friends from back then, because those relationships don't change much, though I gained and lost a few pen pals along the way.
I've been meaning to reply to your email but it's been crazy since I got back from my trip and I've been sick (still slogging off to work sick today ;-;) so I apologize. You're not forgotten.
I feel that way too; looking back there's so many things I wanted to accomplish before I hit this age, and I really didn't. At the same time I've become friends with someone who hasn't done even a third of the things that I have, and when you look at it that way it puts things into a more positive perspective. Think of all the things you've gotten to do that others haven't. Living and schooling in multiple countries, our convention romps, sleepovers, the little things that were all treats that some people never had and probably never will. Pessimism is destructive, and we all don't need any help in destroying ourselves, we're good enough at that already.
Just the same, you can make it work. Nothing's ever really gone forever if you're willing to adapt to a different way of doing it. Hang in there dear.
Funnily enough, I realised Pez was in Atlanta at the same time I was. But only after I left. So... that was odd. I have facebook, so the IRL peeps are mostly covered in terms of being able to reach out to them. Obvs not ones like you, that didn't move there, or ones that since abandoned that platform too but, and this might sound weird, but it's the online ones I've missed the most lately? I think because awkward as I am, being online was always freeing, and so much easier to find people into all the same things. Meeting real people is all about not giving away your intense love of Stargate until you die, or something.
I've made mum friends though, so that's been nice. I don't know if I have that much in common with any of them beyond parenthood, but I def. like them, so it's something. I just need to... not have a broken tailbone, so I'll feel better about being away from the house and can do things with them.
Oh, no worries. Get better, focus on you. <3
Mm, yes. It's not a FOMO thing (ugh, that term) I just... Not even that I've missed out on things, it's the letting myself miss out on them? It's hard to explain. But I'm trying to get better. If there's stuff I want to do, I'm trying to do it. And at some point the kid will be big enough to do those things with! And in the meantime I just have to focus on the things he can do, even if that means less roller coasters, more story time in a rocking chair.
I think I'm just stuck in a weird in-between phase right now. It would be easy to dwell, but I don't want easy, not really. So I'm kind of glad no one else is here, much as I miss them, because then I could dwell for sure.
It was... Not good at the time, and it's still not great these days. I sometimes have to tell Mike to just... Talk about something else, something stupid, because we'll accidentally have wandered into memory territory and I can't handle it. But that's how I am with grief. It's all good until it isn't. The main(ish) thing about growing up for me I think was that... I didn't have a real plan, and I still don't, and while my life is working out, I still feel like I've failed to do so many things? Especially with a baby. I mean christ. I always have to factor him into things now, and it can be frustrating.
Some of the time it feels like it was lifetimes ago, and other times like it was yesterday and... I don't know which is worse? Or if either is bad, per se. I just... miss things, I think.
Pregnancy did a number on my hormones, so let's just blame them.
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I've been meaning to reply to your email but it's been crazy since I got back from my trip and I've been sick (still slogging off to work sick today ;-;) so I apologize. You're not forgotten.
I feel that way too; looking back there's so many things I wanted to accomplish before I hit this age, and I really didn't. At the same time I've become friends with someone who hasn't done even a third of the things that I have, and when you look at it that way it puts things into a more positive perspective. Think of all the things you've gotten to do that others haven't. Living and schooling in multiple countries, our convention romps, sleepovers, the little things that were all treats that some people never had and probably never will. Pessimism is destructive, and we all don't need any help in destroying ourselves, we're good enough at that already.
Just the same, you can make it work. Nothing's ever really gone forever if you're willing to adapt to a different way of doing it. Hang in there dear.
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I've made mum friends though, so that's been nice. I don't know if I have that much in common with any of them beyond parenthood, but I def. like them, so it's something. I just need to... not have a broken tailbone, so I'll feel better about being away from the house and can do things with them.
Oh, no worries. Get better, focus on you. <3
Mm, yes. It's not a FOMO thing (ugh, that term) I just... Not even that I've missed out on things, it's the letting myself miss out on them? It's hard to explain. But I'm trying to get better. If there's stuff I want to do, I'm trying to do it. And at some point the kid will be big enough to do those things with! And in the meantime I just have to focus on the things he can do, even if that means less roller coasters, more story time in a rocking chair.
I think I'm just stuck in a weird in-between phase right now. It would be easy to dwell, but I don't want easy, not really. So I'm kind of glad no one else is here, much as I miss them, because then I could dwell for sure.
But. Enough about me.
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