okay, life.
Rightio. So, aside from my dry and cynical narrative voice that I seem to be sporting this evening, I would have to say that I'm generally happy. Well, allow me to rephrase - I have a lot of good things going for me. I have a bountiful scholarship/loan combination from University of San Francisco, making money relatively simple for the first semester. How amazing is that? I'm crazy blessed.
I recently lost a good friend in a mess of drama lately, which is truly too bad. I gave her so much credit for being older than her years... Nothing a little boy drama can't reverse. Now she's giving me the cold shouler as if we're in junior high and she's too chicken shit to confront me. Honestly? Wow. Disappointment is a cruel emotion. It's this sick cocktail of sadness and this unfulfilled hope, I suppose. I put too much faith and naive love into a relationship that I should've known better wasn't going to work out. Now I've had to kick a beautiful man out of my home, and break his heart, mine along with it. But I don't show that my heart is broken, heavens no. I'm much better at just moving forward. I can't dwell on a broken heart. Oh, the luxury of a world destroyed. He sat there in my room, he universe crashed down before his very eyes, and he wore it so well. He lived in the moment, he was enveloped in the pain... I could just stand there. He asked me if I ever cry. I just shrugged. The last time I cried was once I was out of jail. Haven't cried since. He seemed offended that this situation didn't match my post-jail breakdown.
Another fortunate aspect of my life - I'm actually getting to go to college :) Like... I can't explain. This is what I've wanted my entire life. It's almost here. I'm just a few months away from getting exactly where I've needed to be my entire life. When I think about leaving this life behind... this life that had so much promise but just wasn't for me, to get back to a life that I know is mine for the taking, with so many more promises with more color, in a land that I'm so much more comfortable in... home. It literally takes my breath away just thinking about it. I feel like I'll finally be back. Like I'll actually exist again.
Just a few more obstacles to overcome and I can finally get the hell out of here.
I recently lost a good friend in a mess of drama lately, which is truly too bad. I gave her so much credit for being older than her years... Nothing a little boy drama can't reverse. Now she's giving me the cold shouler as if we're in junior high and she's too chicken shit to confront me. Honestly? Wow. Disappointment is a cruel emotion. It's this sick cocktail of sadness and this unfulfilled hope, I suppose. I put too much faith and naive love into a relationship that I should've known better wasn't going to work out. Now I've had to kick a beautiful man out of my home, and break his heart, mine along with it. But I don't show that my heart is broken, heavens no. I'm much better at just moving forward. I can't dwell on a broken heart. Oh, the luxury of a world destroyed. He sat there in my room, he universe crashed down before his very eyes, and he wore it so well. He lived in the moment, he was enveloped in the pain... I could just stand there. He asked me if I ever cry. I just shrugged. The last time I cried was once I was out of jail. Haven't cried since. He seemed offended that this situation didn't match my post-jail breakdown.
Another fortunate aspect of my life - I'm actually getting to go to college :) Like... I can't explain. This is what I've wanted my entire life. It's almost here. I'm just a few months away from getting exactly where I've needed to be my entire life. When I think about leaving this life behind... this life that had so much promise but just wasn't for me, to get back to a life that I know is mine for the taking, with so many more promises with more color, in a land that I'm so much more comfortable in... home. It literally takes my breath away just thinking about it. I feel like I'll finally be back. Like I'll actually exist again.
Just a few more obstacles to overcome and I can finally get the hell out of here.