(no subject)
lately lots of people have been asking me how i'm doing with that sad mopey voice because they feel sorry for me. just so that there are no questions, i am actually doing spectacularly. i just realize that i got stuck into a really bad situation and all i can do now is proceed with my litigation and hope that something good comes out in the end. it really doesn't matter to me that much, i have been spending the last four months preparing and tirelessly researching for this court case, even though i hoped it wouldn't happen. i guess to quell my anger and depression i have been excessively social lately and today was my day to crash. i skipped tuesday night in the park just because i have been out past 2 almost every night for the last week knowing full well that i have to work at 9. i knew i needed a break when i was falling asleep in a stranger's backyard in west seneca last night. i overheard someone say, "hey! you know guys, when we turn 18 we can actually go to the porn store," and i think i wept a little inside. then i felt really old and decided that it was about time to stop being so social. this morning i woke up covered in bug bites and thinking about an albino cat from last night that just appeared out of nowhere and tonight i sat at home and rolled coins and thought about my future. i think my future looks promising, despite the fact that the only thing i truly want to do with my life is live in a shitty little apartment and get all my furniture from salvation army. it bothers everyone else that i have no career ambition whatsoever, but i just don't think i'm in a place where i can say that there is something that i honestly want to do forever. if you knew me when i was really young, you know that i was so meticulous about my life. i had planned that i was going to do everything and meet everyone; but the times are a-changing and i have utterly abandoned my plans to be a church altar server, that i can assure you. i'm so much more laid back about the present and future because i've had to live without plans for so long that starting now just seems like a waste. i'm confident that i'll be able to get by, as long as i can find one person that i am able to convince that i'm awesome. i think what i really want most out of life right now is just to find a roommate that i can stick with. my goal for my college years is simply to find someone that is not only willing to be, but also wants to be, in the same boat as me for a little while. i think then i will have accomplished something great. until then, GPAs and randomness outings will have to serve as wonderful distractions.