Original: "Gerardo and Prince Snow of White." Slash
Okay, this is more than a little silly, but it was fun to write. I set out to write a version of Snow White from the prince's perspective that didn't involve necrophilia. Yesterday I wrote a more serious version that's way too long for a snuggle. So I tried again today and came up with this.
Gerardo was being driven out of his mind. His mother had started harping on him to find a spouse when he turned fifteen. His father had jumped on the bandwagon when he turned eighteen. Every eligible youth in the palace, male or female-and some not so young and not so eligible-had, somewhere in between those times, begun thrusting themselves into his path as often as possible in hopes of being chosen. Apparently it was positively unthinkable for a prince to live twenty-one whole years without getting himself engaged, never mind how annoying he found all of his options. His parents operated under the assumption that his failure to choose a spouse meant the collapse of the kingdom was imminent. The courtiers took the opportunity to push him even harder, flirt even more fiercely, and make ridiculous demands. Such as the one currently being made by Lady Vanessa Gizaard, his least favorite of the potentials but his mother's top choice, primarily because she seemed the least likely to give up despite Gerardo's continual rejection.
"Come on, Gerry," she coaxed in a throaty purr she probably thought would have some effect on his libido, leaning toward him in a manner that displayed her breasts to, err, fullest advantage. Had women's breasts ever held any attraction whatsoever for him, he probably would have enjoyed the view. As it was, he just found her posture strange and uncomfortable-looking. Didn't her back hurt? He would have been calling for the royal chiropractor after striking such a pose. "It's not as though one kiss would be equivalent to an engagement."
Gerardo was rather certain, based on her sly smile, that she felt quite the opposite. Given that he'd refused so much as a kiss to anyone who had asked, she would certainly be gaining a leg up. Gerardo did not doubt it would be her leg up around his waist, were he to allow her the kiss she was begging for. He nearly shuddered.
"Please don't call me Gerry," Gerardo said coolly, pulling away from her as far as the confines of the crowded carriage would allow. She was seated across from him-his mother's doing, no doubt-and he couldn't very well force himself back through the bench. He could certainly try, however, and was. His shoulder blades began to ache from the pressure. "I hate that nickname, and you really shouldn't be speaking to me so familiarly, anyway."
"Yes, Your Highness," she pouted, pushing her plump lips forward. "But will you still kiss me?"
He returned his gaze to the forest through which they were passing. "No."
"Aww, Gerry!" Vanessa whined. "Please? I promise I'll make it good." She ran the tip of one painfully pointed shoe up the inside of his trouser leg suggestively.
He flinched, cheeks flaming while he batted her foot away and stared at her, aghast. "What is wrong with you?" he hissed, eyes darting to the other occupants of the carriage, which included his two sisters and their husbands. "How dare you touch me that way!"
She raised a carefully structured eyebrow. "Someday we're going to be married, and I can touch anything I want." Her gaze crawled lasciviously down his body like a tarantula.
"No." Something in Gerardo snapped. "No, we are not going to be married. Not now, not ever. You are not allowed to touch me, not anywhere, not at any time, not for any reason. If I am drowning, you are forbidden to jump in and save me. If I am waylaid by bandits, I would rather they slit my throat than that you lay your hand upon my arm one more time. There is not one person in all this kingdom whom I would not kiss before I ever put my lips near yours."
"Come now, Ger, that's a little harsh, don't you think?" murmured his sister Driselda.
Vanessa just narrowed her eyes and replied, "Prove it."
Gerardo blinked. "What?"
"Prove it. You say there's no one you'd rather kiss less than me? Prove it. I'll choose a person before this journey is over you have to kiss. If you do, I'll leave you alone. If you don't, you have to kiss me." A challenging smirk slid over her lips.
This had the potential to be deeply disturbing for him, but if it would get Vanessa to leave him alone, he didn't care. "Fine," he snapped, folding his arms across his chest and turning his head back to the window.
She was almost terrifyingly silent for the next several hours. Dusk had nearly fallen by the time she suddenly called, "There! Stop the carriage!"
Gerardo obediently knocked for the driver to stop. "What now?" he sighed.
"I've found the person for you to kiss," Vanessa answered with a venomous smile. "Right there in that glass coffin."
Gerardo inhaled, choking on his own saliva. "What?" he managed after a minute. "You want me to kiss a corpse?"
Her eyes widened innocently. "You did say there was 'not one person' you wouldn't kiss. I choose that one."
"Oh, you're evil." Gerardo glared at her, eyes full of loathing. "All right, fine. I'll go kiss that dead body if it'll make you leave me alone." He flung open the door, nearly hitting the footman who had come around to open it for him, and stomped down the stairs. Vanessa followed more sedately behind, though he could practically feel smug satisfaction radiating from her.
As he drew near to the glass coffin, he saw that it contained a young man with hair as black as night, lips as red as blood, and skin as pale as snow. It was a shame he was dead, because he was absolutely gorgeous. Incredibly thin and a little short, dressed in an outfit Gerardo would never have picked, but gorgeous. Under other circumstances, Gerardo might have kissed him voluntarily. As it was, he was more than a little nervous about putting his mouth anywhere near something that had been dead for gods only knew how long.
Fortunately, when he opened the lid, no horrid smell wafted out. The body smelled kind of like spring, actually, a little fruity and a little floral. Gerardo's shoulders dropped in relief. One obstacle out of the way. Now he just had to… press his lips to the dead man's. Unable to help it, he wrinkled his nose. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vanessa smirk.
That did it. He glared defiantly at her, bent down, and put his mouth right on top of the corpse's mouth. Bile threatened to rise up at the back of his throat, but he forced it away and kept his mouth there a few seconds longer just out of spite.
Then the lips beneath his began to move. He jerked up with a yelp, falling back onto his hands and scuttling a few feet away like a crab. The man inside the coffin sat up and stretched. Then he flashed Gerardo a flirty grin and said, "Hey there, handsome. That's the nicest way I've been awakened in ages."
Vanessa shrieked. Gerardo just stared back. The man looked momentarily confused. "Not that I mind being kissed by a gorgeous thing like you, but do I know you?"
"Uhh." Gerardo cleared his throat. "No, I don't believe you do. My carriage was just passing through, and we happened to see your… err, coffin. This lady to my left wanted a closer look, so we stopped. The kiss was, I'm afraid, the result of a wager between us."
The young man scrambled to his feet. "Eww, I'm in a coffin?" He stepped out hastily and brushed himself off. As he did so, a dark look came over his face. "I die, and this is what they choose to dress me in for the rest of time? And then they put me in a tacky glass coffin for all to see?" His eyes narrowed. "I am going to kill those little dwarves the next time I see them…" He trailed off into mutterings about how someone had absolutely no fashion sense or good taste, and how Prince Snow of White would never be seen in something so garish if he'd been alive, or at least conscious, to pick it out for himself, and how he was going to make sure the next time he died, he looked good in his casket, and the casket looked good too.
Gerardo couldn’t help it. He started to laugh. Vanessa looked disgusted. His sisters appeared surprised; they probably hadn't seen him laugh in years. Prince Snow placed a hand on his hip and turned his glare on Gerardo. "What are you laughing at, Mr. Last Season's Loafers?"
"You," he grinned. "I find you absolutely delightful, and I'd like to kiss you again." Impulsively he added, "Come with me. I think there's room in the carriage for one more, if you don't mind sitting on my lap until we reach the next town. Lady Gizaard will be leaving us there." He returned Vanessa's hostile stare with a giant smile.
Prince Snow raised his eyebrows, looking Gerardo up and down. He pursed his lips as he thought it over, and then shrugged. "Yeah, all right. You're clearly too well-dressed to be a bandit, you can't kill me with all these witnesses around, and you are pretty cute. If you turn out to be a jerk and I hate you, though, I'm getting out at the next stop," he warned.
"Fair enough," Gerardo agreed. "I should introduce myself, then. I'm Prince Gerardo Alfonso D'Abridicia of Amaryllis, but you can call me Gerry." He smirked at Vanessa.
"Pfft. That's a terrible nickname. I'll come up with something better."
"Please do," Gerardo begged, laughing as he tugged Prince Snow back into his arms and kissed him again. This time, Snow kissed back.
"You know," he grinned up at Gerardo, "I think I'm going to like you."
Gerardo was being driven out of his mind. His mother had started harping on him to find a spouse when he turned fifteen. His father had jumped on the bandwagon when he turned eighteen. Every eligible youth in the palace, male or female-and some not so young and not so eligible-had, somewhere in between those times, begun thrusting themselves into his path as often as possible in hopes of being chosen. Apparently it was positively unthinkable for a prince to live twenty-one whole years without getting himself engaged, never mind how annoying he found all of his options. His parents operated under the assumption that his failure to choose a spouse meant the collapse of the kingdom was imminent. The courtiers took the opportunity to push him even harder, flirt even more fiercely, and make ridiculous demands. Such as the one currently being made by Lady Vanessa Gizaard, his least favorite of the potentials but his mother's top choice, primarily because she seemed the least likely to give up despite Gerardo's continual rejection.
"Come on, Gerry," she coaxed in a throaty purr she probably thought would have some effect on his libido, leaning toward him in a manner that displayed her breasts to, err, fullest advantage. Had women's breasts ever held any attraction whatsoever for him, he probably would have enjoyed the view. As it was, he just found her posture strange and uncomfortable-looking. Didn't her back hurt? He would have been calling for the royal chiropractor after striking such a pose. "It's not as though one kiss would be equivalent to an engagement."
Gerardo was rather certain, based on her sly smile, that she felt quite the opposite. Given that he'd refused so much as a kiss to anyone who had asked, she would certainly be gaining a leg up. Gerardo did not doubt it would be her leg up around his waist, were he to allow her the kiss she was begging for. He nearly shuddered.
"Please don't call me Gerry," Gerardo said coolly, pulling away from her as far as the confines of the crowded carriage would allow. She was seated across from him-his mother's doing, no doubt-and he couldn't very well force himself back through the bench. He could certainly try, however, and was. His shoulder blades began to ache from the pressure. "I hate that nickname, and you really shouldn't be speaking to me so familiarly, anyway."
"Yes, Your Highness," she pouted, pushing her plump lips forward. "But will you still kiss me?"
He returned his gaze to the forest through which they were passing. "No."
"Aww, Gerry!" Vanessa whined. "Please? I promise I'll make it good." She ran the tip of one painfully pointed shoe up the inside of his trouser leg suggestively.
He flinched, cheeks flaming while he batted her foot away and stared at her, aghast. "What is wrong with you?" he hissed, eyes darting to the other occupants of the carriage, which included his two sisters and their husbands. "How dare you touch me that way!"
She raised a carefully structured eyebrow. "Someday we're going to be married, and I can touch anything I want." Her gaze crawled lasciviously down his body like a tarantula.
"No." Something in Gerardo snapped. "No, we are not going to be married. Not now, not ever. You are not allowed to touch me, not anywhere, not at any time, not for any reason. If I am drowning, you are forbidden to jump in and save me. If I am waylaid by bandits, I would rather they slit my throat than that you lay your hand upon my arm one more time. There is not one person in all this kingdom whom I would not kiss before I ever put my lips near yours."
"Come now, Ger, that's a little harsh, don't you think?" murmured his sister Driselda.
Vanessa just narrowed her eyes and replied, "Prove it."
Gerardo blinked. "What?"
"Prove it. You say there's no one you'd rather kiss less than me? Prove it. I'll choose a person before this journey is over you have to kiss. If you do, I'll leave you alone. If you don't, you have to kiss me." A challenging smirk slid over her lips.
This had the potential to be deeply disturbing for him, but if it would get Vanessa to leave him alone, he didn't care. "Fine," he snapped, folding his arms across his chest and turning his head back to the window.
She was almost terrifyingly silent for the next several hours. Dusk had nearly fallen by the time she suddenly called, "There! Stop the carriage!"
Gerardo obediently knocked for the driver to stop. "What now?" he sighed.
"I've found the person for you to kiss," Vanessa answered with a venomous smile. "Right there in that glass coffin."
Gerardo inhaled, choking on his own saliva. "What?" he managed after a minute. "You want me to kiss a corpse?"
Her eyes widened innocently. "You did say there was 'not one person' you wouldn't kiss. I choose that one."
"Oh, you're evil." Gerardo glared at her, eyes full of loathing. "All right, fine. I'll go kiss that dead body if it'll make you leave me alone." He flung open the door, nearly hitting the footman who had come around to open it for him, and stomped down the stairs. Vanessa followed more sedately behind, though he could practically feel smug satisfaction radiating from her.
As he drew near to the glass coffin, he saw that it contained a young man with hair as black as night, lips as red as blood, and skin as pale as snow. It was a shame he was dead, because he was absolutely gorgeous. Incredibly thin and a little short, dressed in an outfit Gerardo would never have picked, but gorgeous. Under other circumstances, Gerardo might have kissed him voluntarily. As it was, he was more than a little nervous about putting his mouth anywhere near something that had been dead for gods only knew how long.
Fortunately, when he opened the lid, no horrid smell wafted out. The body smelled kind of like spring, actually, a little fruity and a little floral. Gerardo's shoulders dropped in relief. One obstacle out of the way. Now he just had to… press his lips to the dead man's. Unable to help it, he wrinkled his nose. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vanessa smirk.
That did it. He glared defiantly at her, bent down, and put his mouth right on top of the corpse's mouth. Bile threatened to rise up at the back of his throat, but he forced it away and kept his mouth there a few seconds longer just out of spite.
Then the lips beneath his began to move. He jerked up with a yelp, falling back onto his hands and scuttling a few feet away like a crab. The man inside the coffin sat up and stretched. Then he flashed Gerardo a flirty grin and said, "Hey there, handsome. That's the nicest way I've been awakened in ages."
Vanessa shrieked. Gerardo just stared back. The man looked momentarily confused. "Not that I mind being kissed by a gorgeous thing like you, but do I know you?"
"Uhh." Gerardo cleared his throat. "No, I don't believe you do. My carriage was just passing through, and we happened to see your… err, coffin. This lady to my left wanted a closer look, so we stopped. The kiss was, I'm afraid, the result of a wager between us."
The young man scrambled to his feet. "Eww, I'm in a coffin?" He stepped out hastily and brushed himself off. As he did so, a dark look came over his face. "I die, and this is what they choose to dress me in for the rest of time? And then they put me in a tacky glass coffin for all to see?" His eyes narrowed. "I am going to kill those little dwarves the next time I see them…" He trailed off into mutterings about how someone had absolutely no fashion sense or good taste, and how Prince Snow of White would never be seen in something so garish if he'd been alive, or at least conscious, to pick it out for himself, and how he was going to make sure the next time he died, he looked good in his casket, and the casket looked good too.
Gerardo couldn’t help it. He started to laugh. Vanessa looked disgusted. His sisters appeared surprised; they probably hadn't seen him laugh in years. Prince Snow placed a hand on his hip and turned his glare on Gerardo. "What are you laughing at, Mr. Last Season's Loafers?"
"You," he grinned. "I find you absolutely delightful, and I'd like to kiss you again." Impulsively he added, "Come with me. I think there's room in the carriage for one more, if you don't mind sitting on my lap until we reach the next town. Lady Gizaard will be leaving us there." He returned Vanessa's hostile stare with a giant smile.
Prince Snow raised his eyebrows, looking Gerardo up and down. He pursed his lips as he thought it over, and then shrugged. "Yeah, all right. You're clearly too well-dressed to be a bandit, you can't kill me with all these witnesses around, and you are pretty cute. If you turn out to be a jerk and I hate you, though, I'm getting out at the next stop," he warned.
"Fair enough," Gerardo agreed. "I should introduce myself, then. I'm Prince Gerardo Alfonso D'Abridicia of Amaryllis, but you can call me Gerry." He smirked at Vanessa.
"Pfft. That's a terrible nickname. I'll come up with something better."
"Please do," Gerardo begged, laughing as he tugged Prince Snow back into his arms and kissed him again. This time, Snow kissed back.
"You know," he grinned up at Gerardo, "I think I'm going to like you."