(no subject)
So I am not in a happy place at the moment. I keep crying myself to sleep, I never smile, I feel like I've got a mask on and no one can see it's a mask. I described it as 'I keep screaming in a crowd but no one hears, but I also am afraid of people hearing because I don't want to bother people'.
And I genuinely thought that posting my BBB would cheer me up. It's a story I love and a story I've wanted to tell in my own way for years now.
But what's happened - or rather not happened - since posting it has actually knocked me down countless pegs. I feel even worse.
I wish I'd never put myself in this situation.
I've signed up for the Kurt Big Bang and I keep hoping that this'll be better. But I think I've worked out why I'm potentially putting myself in another one of these situations. Writing makes me feel better because I can lose myself in a world where I don't exist. And writing with a goal in mind - like a Big Bang deadline - makes me want to write all the more.
I've just got to hope and pray that it's not a disaster like the last time.
And I genuinely thought that posting my BBB would cheer me up. It's a story I love and a story I've wanted to tell in my own way for years now.
But what's happened - or rather not happened - since posting it has actually knocked me down countless pegs. I feel even worse.
I wish I'd never put myself in this situation.
I've signed up for the Kurt Big Bang and I keep hoping that this'll be better. But I think I've worked out why I'm potentially putting myself in another one of these situations. Writing makes me feel better because I can lose myself in a world where I don't exist. And writing with a goal in mind - like a Big Bang deadline - makes me want to write all the more.
I've just got to hope and pray that it's not a disaster like the last time.