this entry is just me venting. it's long. don't bother. unless you want to.
so, tomorrow is new year's eve. & as i sit here & go through old journal entries, i realize that as each year passes, i like the ones to follow less & less. mostly, because i stay in the past a little too much. like, me
though, this year did have it's good points. i made amazing friends this year, even though some of them were only in my life for a little while. i realize now that my life is going to be 10 times better once i'm out of leominster high. i'll be back in florida, if my plans go accordingly, & i'll be actually living life. although it's nothing big, but i made a few tiny self-fulfilling accomplishments as the year went along. i also lost a lot of unforgettable friends due to me being an idiot. but, the friends i did manage to keep i'm am really grateful for. i've done & regretted things that i can never, ever change. i also realize that i put a lot of my time in effort in people that now, i can see don't really matter. & as a consequence, i lost some amazing people i used to call my best friends. i think i also learned a lot this year. not only about myself, but also the world in general. i think part of my problem is that i grew up way too fast this year. there's a huge chunk of my life gone on this thing, because i thought if i could erase the material aspect of it, i could erase in in my mind. i learned, that is not possible. people at the beginning of the year that meant a lot to me, were replaced by the end of the year with new people. also, not only this year, but my whole life has been spent on trying to make other people happy, whether or not my happiness was a factor, it didn't matter. as certain have happened through out this year, i realize that things need to be more about what i want to do. that may sound a little selfish, but i'm guessing i'm not the only person in the world that feels that way. i regret that most of this year was spent worrying & stressing about what people said, or thought about me. which, now that i think about it, was completely pointless, since i didn't like half of those people anyway. so this year, my attitude is fuck it.
i'm bringing in the new year with a few resolutions, none that i care to write in here, but things that i think will make me a little more content with my life, & i'm hoping i can appreciate things a little more. i just hope this year i can learn to let some things go, & make amaaazing memories. i'm not hoping for much, just mainly a good time.
though, this year did have it's good points. i made amazing friends this year, even though some of them were only in my life for a little while. i realize now that my life is going to be 10 times better once i'm out of leominster high. i'll be back in florida, if my plans go accordingly, & i'll be actually living life. although it's nothing big, but i made a few tiny self-fulfilling accomplishments as the year went along. i also lost a lot of unforgettable friends due to me being an idiot. but, the friends i did manage to keep i'm am really grateful for. i've done & regretted things that i can never, ever change. i also realize that i put a lot of my time in effort in people that now, i can see don't really matter. & as a consequence, i lost some amazing people i used to call my best friends. i think i also learned a lot this year. not only about myself, but also the world in general. i think part of my problem is that i grew up way too fast this year. there's a huge chunk of my life gone on this thing, because i thought if i could erase the material aspect of it, i could erase in in my mind. i learned, that is not possible. people at the beginning of the year that meant a lot to me, were replaced by the end of the year with new people. also, not only this year, but my whole life has been spent on trying to make other people happy, whether or not my happiness was a factor, it didn't matter. as certain have happened through out this year, i realize that things need to be more about what i want to do. that may sound a little selfish, but i'm guessing i'm not the only person in the world that feels that way. i regret that most of this year was spent worrying & stressing about what people said, or thought about me. which, now that i think about it, was completely pointless, since i didn't like half of those people anyway. so this year, my attitude is fuck it.
i'm bringing in the new year with a few resolutions, none that i care to write in here, but things that i think will make me a little more content with my life, & i'm hoping i can appreciate things a little more. i just hope this year i can learn to let some things go, & make amaaazing memories. i'm not hoping for much, just mainly a good time.