40 weeks later
I haven't been on this site for about 40 weeks according to livejournal. Things have changed since then. Mostly for better. But recently things have not been all that great. I haven't seen Chris in a while she he moved, but we'd been chatting a lot more lately. He hung out with Ben a few weeks ago and said he has been doing better. Chris made plans with me and Ben to hang out after he gets back from San Jose in a week. I was really excited to catch up. I was especially excited so to see Ben. I hadn't seen him since his dad died close to a year ago. We kept in contact in between, but he was distraught about life and kept to himself for a while.
So middle of the night last Tuesday I'm getting ready for bed when I get a call from Chris. I was almost two in the morning and he doesn't usually call this late. Chris asks me if I heard from Ben recently. I said not recently, maybe a month ago. Then he goes on to tell me that he thinks Ben might have killed himself. On Saturday Chris got a text from Ben saying "I love you bear cub." Chris thought it was out of the blue and replied with "Hey I love you too, where did that come from?" No response from Ben. Chris makes more phone calls to get confirmation. We find out later that it was true. My heart sank and I freaked out. I threw up and couldn't stop crying and wasn't able to sleep. I talked to Alonzo about it for a little, and then I went for a drive. I was a wreck the next day. Hoped it was a bad dream. But Chris called with more details. It made things worst. I missed school and spent a good chunk of the day in bed.
Ben hung himself last Sunday. His older brother found his body at their mother's house. His mother said that he was in a good mood the day before. He was exercising and eating healthy again. On Sunday afternoon he walked to the local bar where he drank and talked to his bartender friend. Ben gave the bartender his shoes. Then he walked home. He was listening to this band called Daughters when he killed himself. I checked them out after I found out he had been really into them lately. Eerie music.
I had biology with Ben at Cypress. I had a crush on him. We were always lab partners and sat together in class. Ben was hilarious and witty as fuck. I loved his beard and mustache. He had a remarkable personality and amazing tattoos. Me, Ben, and Chris always went out to Chipotle after biology. It was our thing. We had so many fantastic memories. Wish I could have spent more time with him.
It's been a little over a week since Ben died. I've been doing much better than before. Talking about it has helped me cope and deal with his passing. Seeing Chris again was especially helpful since the three of us spent so much time together. We tried to figure out what was going on in his mind to make him take his own life. But he just left a few childhood friends a cryptic text message about hope. There was nothing else.
I spent all of today at Cooking.com working on mindless work. About ten hours. Sometime at work I heard my phone buzzing. It was a text message. I check to see who is was. It said Ben. I totally freaked out. It caught me off guard. I was shaking a little and started getting super teary. I'm assuming it was one of his family members. Who ever it was using Ben's phone used it to send funeral plans for this Saturday. But still, creepy and haunting as fuck. I'm exhausted.
So middle of the night last Tuesday I'm getting ready for bed when I get a call from Chris. I was almost two in the morning and he doesn't usually call this late. Chris asks me if I heard from Ben recently. I said not recently, maybe a month ago. Then he goes on to tell me that he thinks Ben might have killed himself. On Saturday Chris got a text from Ben saying "I love you bear cub." Chris thought it was out of the blue and replied with "Hey I love you too, where did that come from?" No response from Ben. Chris makes more phone calls to get confirmation. We find out later that it was true. My heart sank and I freaked out. I threw up and couldn't stop crying and wasn't able to sleep. I talked to Alonzo about it for a little, and then I went for a drive. I was a wreck the next day. Hoped it was a bad dream. But Chris called with more details. It made things worst. I missed school and spent a good chunk of the day in bed.
Ben hung himself last Sunday. His older brother found his body at their mother's house. His mother said that he was in a good mood the day before. He was exercising and eating healthy again. On Sunday afternoon he walked to the local bar where he drank and talked to his bartender friend. Ben gave the bartender his shoes. Then he walked home. He was listening to this band called Daughters when he killed himself. I checked them out after I found out he had been really into them lately. Eerie music.
I had biology with Ben at Cypress. I had a crush on him. We were always lab partners and sat together in class. Ben was hilarious and witty as fuck. I loved his beard and mustache. He had a remarkable personality and amazing tattoos. Me, Ben, and Chris always went out to Chipotle after biology. It was our thing. We had so many fantastic memories. Wish I could have spent more time with him.
It's been a little over a week since Ben died. I've been doing much better than before. Talking about it has helped me cope and deal with his passing. Seeing Chris again was especially helpful since the three of us spent so much time together. We tried to figure out what was going on in his mind to make him take his own life. But he just left a few childhood friends a cryptic text message about hope. There was nothing else.
I spent all of today at Cooking.com working on mindless work. About ten hours. Sometime at work I heard my phone buzzing. It was a text message. I check to see who is was. It said Ben. I totally freaked out. It caught me off guard. I was shaking a little and started getting super teary. I'm assuming it was one of his family members. Who ever it was using Ben's phone used it to send funeral plans for this Saturday. But still, creepy and haunting as fuck. I'm exhausted.