grey's anatomy; building bridges
TITLE: Building Bridges
CHARACTERS: Lexie Grey, Meredith Grey/Cristina Yang
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 3,858
SUMMARY: Lexie's having difficulty finding a place in Meredith's life, and knows that Cristina isn't entirely to blame.
*
When Meredith defines family, she isn't talking about DNA or blood, or anything vaguely scientific. Cristina doesn't do much in the way of talking about family, but she disagrees with Meredith. Family, she says, is genetic, but that's where it ends. They're both inclined to agree that a real family is what happens when strangers are forced to face one another, and end up eating pizza together on the bathroom floor.
Neither definition works out particularly well for Lexie. She has the blood, but Meredith doesn't care about that, and she can't seem to progress beyond being a stranger. Meredith's already taken in enough strays, and now that Derek's gone, Lexie can't work out where she stands. She doesn't know whether she's expected to pack up and leave; she knows that Meredith won't say either way, because that would mean talking to her, and god forbid Meredith Grey ever make the effort to act like a decent big sister.
Lexie isn't Meredith's sister. Not really. She's just the girl who lives in the attic, who does her best to keep to herself and only use the kitchen when it's unoccupied, and contributes to the queue for the bathroom in the mornings. Sometimes Lexie helps around the house, by taking out the trash or washing the dishes, but it always goes unnoticed.
Of course, she can't avoid Meredith forever. It's kind of difficult to, when they live under the same roof and work in the same building. When they're in the hospital, when they can be full-time doctors rather than part-time sisters, it's easier, because there's too much going on around them to get too wrapped up in whatever Lexie wishes existed between them.
But they get home and the dynamic shifts, and when Lexie wanders all the way down from the attic to the kitchen, Cristina's sitting cross-legged on the counter. Meredith's stood opposite her, back against the sink as she rummages around the bottom of what smells like chicken chow mein with her chopsticks, as if the thought of sitting at the table never crossed either of their minds.
They look up at Lexie as she walks in. That look crosses Meredith's face, the expression she makes rather than say Oh, that's right. You live here, and Lexie thinks Cristina looks vaguely pissed off. She isn't sure, though. It's difficult to tell when Cristina isn't angry.
This is the point where she expects the room to crumble into an awkward silence, but it's Cristina and Meredith; Lexie isn't sure whether awkward silences exist between the two of them. Instead, they dive straight back into their conversation, and maybe they're talking more than they were before.
Lexie busies herself with making cereal, because it's ten in the evening and she's hungry and broke, and Meredith's talking and talking and talking, like she's trying to prove some point to Lexie. Like she's saying, look, I don't avoid talking to you because I don't like talking. I avoid talking to because it's you. It's you, and I don't want to get to know you. Don't need to get to know you, because I have Cristina, and she's always been here for me.
And then Lexie thinks she's being paranoid, because Meredith's not doing it to be spiteful. Meredith isn't a spiteful person; she's just overly defensive and difficult to get to know, unless you're Cristina Yang. Lexie isn't sure that she can bring herself to be that mean.
When Lexie moves to get milk out of the fridge, Cristina shifts to the side so that she can pass, but other than that, acts as if she isn't there at all. Meredith and Cristina are doing that thing where they talk at the same time about their own problems, and Lexie doesn't know how they can keep up with one another. But then they pause, if only for a moment, and then simultaneously draw up solutions to each other's problems.
It saves time, Lexie supposes. It's not as if they could ever run out of things to say.
Lexie grabs a spoon, and knows that there are only clean spoons because she bothered to wash up this morning, even though she had to be in ridiculously early to get on a decent case. As she turns and heads back to the attic, Cristina calls out from behind her.
“Three,” she says, and Lexie stops in her tracks. “Take this. I can't eat any more, and Mer's poking at her noodles like they're going to bite her.”
With that, Cristina throws over a carton of unidentified Chinese takeout, and Lexie barely manages to catch it the right way up. The lid doesn't open and spill the contents all over the kitchen floor, so, alright, she's managed to save herself the embarrassment of that.
Had it been anyone else, Lexie would've said no thank you, just to be polite, but Cristina isn't the kind of person that you say no thank you to, and she definitely doesn't appreciate good manners. Besides, the takeout smells more appetising than the already-soggy cereal looks.
“Thank you, Dr. Yang,” Lexie says, and then winces. She called her Dr. Yang, outside of the hospital, and that's totally awkward.
Lexie disappears as quickly as possible, and hears the two of them laughing behind her. Not that it really matters, she supposes, because after a few minutes, they'll forget that she was there at all.
*
Meredith's easier to be around, when she's drinking. Still not easy, but definitely easier. Whenever Meredith throws a glance her way, Lexie doesn't automatically feel like Meredith's telling her to leave.
She sits at the kitchen table, batting a glass between both hands, as Meredith and Cristina sit at the other end of the room. Lexie already knows how this will go: despite getting drunker, she'll find that she has less and less to say as time goes on, because Meredith and Cristina have more and more to say the longer they're around each other. She'll want to leave, but won't be able to, because Meredith's actually made the effort of holding the tequila bottle up in Lexie's general direction, and as that's as close an invitation as Lexie ever expects to get.
Then, when it's later than they should've stayed up on a work night, Meredith and Cristina will head up to Meredith's room. Lexie doesn't comment on this anymore, and doesn't find it as weird as she should; sometimes, she forgets that Cristina doesn't live there. The next morning, after Lexie has sat at the table for a good ten, fifteen minutes after Meredith and Cristina are gone, before finally dragging herself up to bed, she'll have to step over Cristina to get to the sink. Because she'll be hungover, and, apparently, the bathroom floor is the perfect place to complain to Meredith about how gross she feels.
And then, at work, Cristina will act as if Lexie didn't see her vomit three times that morning, and Meredith will probably have already forgotten that Lexie had been drinking with them at all.
*
One night, Lexie hears Meredith having sex.
It really shouldn't take her by surprise, because it's Meredith, and everyone knows about Meredith's string of inappropriate men. Still, that doesn't mean that she wants to hear it.
First, she hears the bedsprings creak, and there's this long, horrible silence in which Lexie strains to hear something more, because she needs to know that she didn't really hear what she thinks she did. That her mind's playing tricks on her, and she's jumping to conclusions. It takes a moment, but then, alright, that was definitely a moan from Meredith. A moan from her big-half-sister, even if she refuses to act like one.
Lexie rolls over in bed, and grabs her iPod from the floor. Headphones in, she brushes the pad of her thumb across the front, turning the volume up as high as it goes.
*
The next morning, Cristina's in the kitchen.
Lexie hasn't had her morning coffee yet, and with her brain running on slow, she assumes that Cristina's stopped over on her way to work. Because that's the sort of thing that Cristina does, which kind of makes her seem like a nice person. It's not until Lexie realises that Cristina's got on that ratty old Dartmouth t-shirt that Meredith's always wearing to bed that she starts finding it a little strange.
“Lexie,” Cristina says, and then holds up a mug, “Coffee?”
Lexie blinks. She doesn't think that Cristina's ever called her by her name before, and she's smiling, which is a little creepy. Cristina's happy, Cristina's wearing Meredith's shirt, and Lexie woke up this morning with a dead iPod, where she'd fallen asleep with it on because Meredith was having sex.
There's no way that this is what Lexie thinks it is.
There has to be an explanation. Lexie isn't about to let her life become a comedy of errors. Maybe Meredith woke up in the morning, realised how huge a mistake she'd made, and asked Cristina to come over. Maybe she's slept with Derek, again.
“Dr. Yang,” Lexie says, finally remembering to speak. Again with the Dr. Yang thing outside of the hospital. “You came over to make Meredith coffee?”
Cristina raises an eyebrow. “I've been here all night, Three,” she says, and Lexie's honestly a little relieved that she's back to belittling her.
However, it's only confirming her suspicions. Then again, Cristina doesn't know that Lexie overheard the sex, so she must be keeping this quiet by pretending that she's been here all night. Of course. That has to be it.
That doesn't really explain Cristina's good mood or Meredith's t-shirt, though.
“Right. Coffee. I'd love some coffee, thank you, because, you know, it's early, and it's difficult to focus on anything, without caffeine. Especially doctoring. So, yes. Coffee. Thank you. Dr. Yang,” Lexie kind of blurts out, at least twice as fast as the recommended speaking speed.
“You can stop speaking, now,” Cristina says, but smiles, despite herself.
She makes a third cup of coffee, slides it across the counter to Lexie, and then heads upstairs, back to Meredith.
*
The next day at work, Lexie does her best to avoid Meredith and Cristina.
Lexie's idea of avoiding someone involves not speaking to them, and peering out from behind corners, to see what they're up to. All in all, it's not that much different to how things usually go for her. Cristina is harder to avoid, what with her being her resident, and Meredith seems to be hovering around her more than usual.
Pushing herself up on tip-toes, Lexie tries to see over the crowd of interns scattered between her, the patient, and Cristina and Meredith. She isn't sure what she's looking for, exactly, because she's convinced herself a dozen times that nothing happened. Still, there are a few things that Lexie picks up on; maybe she's just imagining it, but she doesn't think that Meredith usually brushes her fingers against Cristina's when she takes a coffee from her, and they keep doing this thing where they smile at each other, for even less of an apparent reason than usual.
Lexie hates that she's looking so hard into this. Hates that she's jealous of Cristina.
-not because they're possibly having sex, Lexie quickly corrects her train of thought. She definitely isn't jealous of Cristina in some sort of repressed, incestuous, sister-lusting way. It's just that she desperately needs to know what Cristina is to Meredith, because she's trying to find a place for herself in Meredith's life, and she doesn't even want to attempt competing with Cristina.
*
Three nights later, and Lexie comes home from Joe's drunk. She hasn't had as much as Meredith would drink, and so she manages to get into the house reasonably quietly, key going into the lock on her first attempt.
Dropping her jacket to the floor, Lexie gets it into her head that watching some TV would be a really good idea. Too buzzed for sleep, she goes through with it, stepping into the living room. The lights were off and the door was ajar, so Lexie assumed that it would be safe enough to wander in; now, she really, really wishes that she'd gone straight to bed.
Because there's her sister, pinned down on the sofa. Hearing her have sex was bad enough, and now Lexie can't even pretend that Meredith wasn't having sex with Cristina; Cristina's got her shirt hitched up, and that's more of her resident than Lexie ever wanted to see.
She holds her breath, like it will make her invisible. Like she can somehow get away with this. Three, four, five seconds later, and somehow, they still haven't noticed her. Lexie's almost offended.
Of course they haven't noticed. Because it's Cristina and Meredith and they're drunk and into it and-Lexie really shouldn't be standing there and watching. Slowly, but not too slowly, she backs out of the room, deathly paranoid that a floorboard is going to creak, or that she's going to trip and crash into the door.
She's reached the point where she'd almost rather that. She'd rather deal with the inevitable shouting and whatever accusations the two of them can come up with than be ignored. Again. It's like Meredith's let her into her house, and has decided that that's effort enough. If she's putting a roof over Lexie's head, then she shouldn't be expected to actually make contact with her.
Grumbling to herself, Lexie drags her feet up the stairs, hoping that she's making just enough noise to interrupt the two of them.
*
Three nights later, and Cristina isn't in the house. Lexie is infinitely relieved, even though she shouldn't have to worry about avoiding Cristina in her own home. Still, Lexie appreciates her absence, and after twenty minutes of wringing her hands together, she finally gets the nerve to make a move.
It's going to be exactly like the incident in the restroom at work, with the shouting about forgiveness and being treated like crap. Lexie knows that, but she's still heading towards Meredith's room as if her feet are no longer under her own control, because she's got this feeling that her head might explode if she doesn't get the past few month's worth of frustration out of her system.
Besides, what happened in the restroom went well. Sort of. Lexie recalls there being a brief period of time in which Meredith showed signs of potentially coming to tolerate her, so maybe she just needs a gentle push in the right direction. Or, you know, a shove.
Lexie knocks on Meredith's door, and it swings open half an inch, where it wasn't closed completely in the first place. Meredith make a non-committal mmm noise from inside, and Lexie peeks her head in.
“Oh, Lex. Hey,” Meredith says without much enthusiasm, but for once doesn't sound as if she was expecting it to be somebody else. Lexie's so busy reciting her speech in the back of her head that she barely even notices the way that Meredith's looking tired in a way that doesn't suggest sleep deprivation.
“Hi. Hi, Meredith. We need to talk,” Lexie says, hoping that her determination will last.
“Not now,” Meredith murmurs, and rubs one hand across her mouth.
“No. Not not now,” Lexie says, scowling, “It's always not now with you. It's not now, even when you clearly have nothing better to do, because Dr. Ya-because Cristina isn't here. You don't want to talk to me. I know that, you know that. But if I don't make the effort, you never will. I'm here, Meredith. I'm here, I live in your house, and I'm not invisible. Even though you seem determined to act as if I don't matter.
“You-it's not that you're pretending to ignore me. It's that you just don't notice me, Meredith. No matter what I do. But I know things. I know things, like you and Cristina. I heard the two of you, because I sleep in your attic. But you forgot all about that, right? You could've just told me. If you and Cristina are dating, just let me know, because whether you want to admit it or not, we're sisters. I know you didn't grow up with a proper family, so you don't really know how it works, but we're supposed to tell each other these things.”
There's a long silence, and Meredith isn't really looking at her. She's just wringing her hands together, and staring down at them as she does so. Lexie considers backing out of the room, to let Meredith absorb the information, when Meredith lets out a heavy sigh.
“Cristina and I aren't-I don't know. I don't know what we're doing, Lexie,” Meredith says, and even though she's used Lexie's name, it's more like she's talking to herself. Like she needs to hear the words out loud.
“Oh,” Lexie says dumbly, for once not knowing what to say. She should've taken a moment to work out why Cristina wasn't over, because now that she thinks about it, she saw Cristina leave the hospital at the same time she did. This isn't good. This definitely isn't good.
When Meredith doesn't ask her to leave, Lexie sits down next to her. This is the sort of thing that Meredith needs Cristina to talk her through, except for the part where it's actually about Cristina, and Lexie knows that she isn't even Meredith's second choice for this.
“Did you and Dr. Yang have an argument?” Lexie asks, tilting her head to the side a little, trying to catch Meredith's eye.
“I don't-” want to talk about it, Lexie assumes, but then Meredith turns to look at her and says, “I don't know. We were talking, and now we're not.”
Lexie nods, and keeps nodding until she thinks of something more to say.
“Tequila. We should drink some tequila. You have tequila in the kitchen, right? Of course you do. So let's have a drink, because that'd be good, and we can talk about this-”
“-Lexie. Stop it. You don't have to act like Cristina to make me feel better.”
Lexie takes a deep breath, because this is the part where she'd usually point out that Cristina is the only person she's willing to open up to, so of course she's going to try emulating her behaviour. Lexie only bites her tongue because Meredith seems genuinely upset.
“Alright. Fine. No acting like Dr. Yang,” Lexie murmurs, “Look, Meredith. I know I'm not your friend or anything like that, and I'm definitely not Dr. Yang's friend, but I've seen the two of you. I don't know what you were arguing about, but it was probably stupid. It was probably stupid, and in, like, a week, you'll go back to sitting on the kitchen counter and talking about whatever you talk about and acting like nobody else in the house exists.”
Meredith doesn't look very convinced.
“You sleep with a lot of inappropriate men, right?” Lexie asks, and Meredith turns to look at her, frowning. “Sorry. I just-sorry. I hear a lot of things around the hospital. But I don't think Dr. Yang is another inappropriate man. Woman. You know what I'm saying. She's not, right? It's not like you just got drunk and did-you know.”
Meredith purses her lips together, like she's actually considering it.
“So whatever it is, you two can deal with it. You'll be fine.”
“Yeah,” Meredith mumbles quietly, and Lexie might be fooling herself, but it sounds as if she actually believes what she's saying. “Hey. About what you were saying a minute ago. The speech... thing.”
Lexie holds her breath, expecting some sort of apology from Meredith. Meredith's gearing herself up to say something along the lines of I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, and acting like you aren't even a person. But you are. You're a person, and you're my sister, and sometimes you're good to talk to. Like now. I feel better, after talking to you. So thank you. And sorry, for ignoring you. I'll try harder, from now on.
“Were you listening to me and Cristina having sex?” Meredith asks flatly.
“Oh. Oh, God. No. When I said that, I didn't mean that I listened to all of it. To any of it. It's just that I'm in the attic, and sound-sound travels. It goes up. I didn't even realise that it was you and Dr. Yang, until I saw her in the kitchen the next morning. She was nice to me, Meredith. She smiled and made me coffee can called me by my name.”
To Lexie's relief, Meredith looks as if she's trying not to laugh.
“Alright. You weren't trying to listen in on my sex. That's always good to know, Lexie.”
Lexie should probably be depressed, considering that this is the closest thing they've had to a decent conversation in forever, but she finds herself smiling at Meredith. Not wanting to ruin things by hanging around for too long, Lexie gets to her feet, and heads back over to the door.
“You should talk to her,” Lexie says, amazed that she's actually pushing Meredith towards Cristina, for once.
Nodding, Meredith gives her a sort of half-smile, and Lexie pulls the door to.
Before she gets the chance to take a step away, she hears Meredith's voice, louder than it had been moments ago.
“Lexie?” Pushing the door open, Lexie steps back in, almost feeling welcome. “Do you like pizza?”
Lexie blinks. “Pizza? Yes! I like pizza.”
“Alright. Well, I'm going to shower, and then I'm going to order a pizza. If you're hungry, you should come downstairs and share it with me. If you want to.”
“You mean that we could have dinner together?” Lexie asks, not quite believing what she's hearing, “Like, I don't have to go up to the attic and eat alone?”
Meredith laughs into her palm, and says, “We can eat together, Lexie.”
Lexie decides that she really needs to get out of there, before she says something else equally as stupid or embarrassing, and forces Meredith to change her mind. Because Meredith, for once, doesn't seem to hate her. Meredith's actually acting like the sort of big-sister Lexie envisioned her to be.
Well, maybe she's caught up in the moment and is going a step or fifteen too far. But Meredith is extending some sort of pizza-flavoured olive branch, and that's more than she was expecting from this evening. It might not last, but it's definitely a start, and Lexie's starting to see that she needs to give Meredith a little more time.
Smiling, Lexie heads up to her room, waiting for the sound of running water to stop. She doesn't want to appear too eager, but knows that she probably will. Because it's Meredith and it's pizza, and it's not her eating cereal alone in her room again.
It's definitely something.
*
Bonus round: fic request.
CHARACTERS: Lexie Grey, Meredith Grey/Cristina Yang
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 3,858
SUMMARY: Lexie's having difficulty finding a place in Meredith's life, and knows that Cristina isn't entirely to blame.
*
When Meredith defines family, she isn't talking about DNA or blood, or anything vaguely scientific. Cristina doesn't do much in the way of talking about family, but she disagrees with Meredith. Family, she says, is genetic, but that's where it ends. They're both inclined to agree that a real family is what happens when strangers are forced to face one another, and end up eating pizza together on the bathroom floor.
Neither definition works out particularly well for Lexie. She has the blood, but Meredith doesn't care about that, and she can't seem to progress beyond being a stranger. Meredith's already taken in enough strays, and now that Derek's gone, Lexie can't work out where she stands. She doesn't know whether she's expected to pack up and leave; she knows that Meredith won't say either way, because that would mean talking to her, and god forbid Meredith Grey ever make the effort to act like a decent big sister.
Lexie isn't Meredith's sister. Not really. She's just the girl who lives in the attic, who does her best to keep to herself and only use the kitchen when it's unoccupied, and contributes to the queue for the bathroom in the mornings. Sometimes Lexie helps around the house, by taking out the trash or washing the dishes, but it always goes unnoticed.
Of course, she can't avoid Meredith forever. It's kind of difficult to, when they live under the same roof and work in the same building. When they're in the hospital, when they can be full-time doctors rather than part-time sisters, it's easier, because there's too much going on around them to get too wrapped up in whatever Lexie wishes existed between them.
But they get home and the dynamic shifts, and when Lexie wanders all the way down from the attic to the kitchen, Cristina's sitting cross-legged on the counter. Meredith's stood opposite her, back against the sink as she rummages around the bottom of what smells like chicken chow mein with her chopsticks, as if the thought of sitting at the table never crossed either of their minds.
They look up at Lexie as she walks in. That look crosses Meredith's face, the expression she makes rather than say Oh, that's right. You live here, and Lexie thinks Cristina looks vaguely pissed off. She isn't sure, though. It's difficult to tell when Cristina isn't angry.
This is the point where she expects the room to crumble into an awkward silence, but it's Cristina and Meredith; Lexie isn't sure whether awkward silences exist between the two of them. Instead, they dive straight back into their conversation, and maybe they're talking more than they were before.
Lexie busies herself with making cereal, because it's ten in the evening and she's hungry and broke, and Meredith's talking and talking and talking, like she's trying to prove some point to Lexie. Like she's saying, look, I don't avoid talking to you because I don't like talking. I avoid talking to because it's you. It's you, and I don't want to get to know you. Don't need to get to know you, because I have Cristina, and she's always been here for me.
And then Lexie thinks she's being paranoid, because Meredith's not doing it to be spiteful. Meredith isn't a spiteful person; she's just overly defensive and difficult to get to know, unless you're Cristina Yang. Lexie isn't sure that she can bring herself to be that mean.
When Lexie moves to get milk out of the fridge, Cristina shifts to the side so that she can pass, but other than that, acts as if she isn't there at all. Meredith and Cristina are doing that thing where they talk at the same time about their own problems, and Lexie doesn't know how they can keep up with one another. But then they pause, if only for a moment, and then simultaneously draw up solutions to each other's problems.
It saves time, Lexie supposes. It's not as if they could ever run out of things to say.
Lexie grabs a spoon, and knows that there are only clean spoons because she bothered to wash up this morning, even though she had to be in ridiculously early to get on a decent case. As she turns and heads back to the attic, Cristina calls out from behind her.
“Three,” she says, and Lexie stops in her tracks. “Take this. I can't eat any more, and Mer's poking at her noodles like they're going to bite her.”
With that, Cristina throws over a carton of unidentified Chinese takeout, and Lexie barely manages to catch it the right way up. The lid doesn't open and spill the contents all over the kitchen floor, so, alright, she's managed to save herself the embarrassment of that.
Had it been anyone else, Lexie would've said no thank you, just to be polite, but Cristina isn't the kind of person that you say no thank you to, and she definitely doesn't appreciate good manners. Besides, the takeout smells more appetising than the already-soggy cereal looks.
“Thank you, Dr. Yang,” Lexie says, and then winces. She called her Dr. Yang, outside of the hospital, and that's totally awkward.
Lexie disappears as quickly as possible, and hears the two of them laughing behind her. Not that it really matters, she supposes, because after a few minutes, they'll forget that she was there at all.
*
Meredith's easier to be around, when she's drinking. Still not easy, but definitely easier. Whenever Meredith throws a glance her way, Lexie doesn't automatically feel like Meredith's telling her to leave.
She sits at the kitchen table, batting a glass between both hands, as Meredith and Cristina sit at the other end of the room. Lexie already knows how this will go: despite getting drunker, she'll find that she has less and less to say as time goes on, because Meredith and Cristina have more and more to say the longer they're around each other. She'll want to leave, but won't be able to, because Meredith's actually made the effort of holding the tequila bottle up in Lexie's general direction, and as that's as close an invitation as Lexie ever expects to get.
Then, when it's later than they should've stayed up on a work night, Meredith and Cristina will head up to Meredith's room. Lexie doesn't comment on this anymore, and doesn't find it as weird as she should; sometimes, she forgets that Cristina doesn't live there. The next morning, after Lexie has sat at the table for a good ten, fifteen minutes after Meredith and Cristina are gone, before finally dragging herself up to bed, she'll have to step over Cristina to get to the sink. Because she'll be hungover, and, apparently, the bathroom floor is the perfect place to complain to Meredith about how gross she feels.
And then, at work, Cristina will act as if Lexie didn't see her vomit three times that morning, and Meredith will probably have already forgotten that Lexie had been drinking with them at all.
*
One night, Lexie hears Meredith having sex.
It really shouldn't take her by surprise, because it's Meredith, and everyone knows about Meredith's string of inappropriate men. Still, that doesn't mean that she wants to hear it.
First, she hears the bedsprings creak, and there's this long, horrible silence in which Lexie strains to hear something more, because she needs to know that she didn't really hear what she thinks she did. That her mind's playing tricks on her, and she's jumping to conclusions. It takes a moment, but then, alright, that was definitely a moan from Meredith. A moan from her big-half-sister, even if she refuses to act like one.
Lexie rolls over in bed, and grabs her iPod from the floor. Headphones in, she brushes the pad of her thumb across the front, turning the volume up as high as it goes.
*
The next morning, Cristina's in the kitchen.
Lexie hasn't had her morning coffee yet, and with her brain running on slow, she assumes that Cristina's stopped over on her way to work. Because that's the sort of thing that Cristina does, which kind of makes her seem like a nice person. It's not until Lexie realises that Cristina's got on that ratty old Dartmouth t-shirt that Meredith's always wearing to bed that she starts finding it a little strange.
“Lexie,” Cristina says, and then holds up a mug, “Coffee?”
Lexie blinks. She doesn't think that Cristina's ever called her by her name before, and she's smiling, which is a little creepy. Cristina's happy, Cristina's wearing Meredith's shirt, and Lexie woke up this morning with a dead iPod, where she'd fallen asleep with it on because Meredith was having sex.
There's no way that this is what Lexie thinks it is.
There has to be an explanation. Lexie isn't about to let her life become a comedy of errors. Maybe Meredith woke up in the morning, realised how huge a mistake she'd made, and asked Cristina to come over. Maybe she's slept with Derek, again.
“Dr. Yang,” Lexie says, finally remembering to speak. Again with the Dr. Yang thing outside of the hospital. “You came over to make Meredith coffee?”
Cristina raises an eyebrow. “I've been here all night, Three,” she says, and Lexie's honestly a little relieved that she's back to belittling her.
However, it's only confirming her suspicions. Then again, Cristina doesn't know that Lexie overheard the sex, so she must be keeping this quiet by pretending that she's been here all night. Of course. That has to be it.
That doesn't really explain Cristina's good mood or Meredith's t-shirt, though.
“Right. Coffee. I'd love some coffee, thank you, because, you know, it's early, and it's difficult to focus on anything, without caffeine. Especially doctoring. So, yes. Coffee. Thank you. Dr. Yang,” Lexie kind of blurts out, at least twice as fast as the recommended speaking speed.
“You can stop speaking, now,” Cristina says, but smiles, despite herself.
She makes a third cup of coffee, slides it across the counter to Lexie, and then heads upstairs, back to Meredith.
*
The next day at work, Lexie does her best to avoid Meredith and Cristina.
Lexie's idea of avoiding someone involves not speaking to them, and peering out from behind corners, to see what they're up to. All in all, it's not that much different to how things usually go for her. Cristina is harder to avoid, what with her being her resident, and Meredith seems to be hovering around her more than usual.
Pushing herself up on tip-toes, Lexie tries to see over the crowd of interns scattered between her, the patient, and Cristina and Meredith. She isn't sure what she's looking for, exactly, because she's convinced herself a dozen times that nothing happened. Still, there are a few things that Lexie picks up on; maybe she's just imagining it, but she doesn't think that Meredith usually brushes her fingers against Cristina's when she takes a coffee from her, and they keep doing this thing where they smile at each other, for even less of an apparent reason than usual.
Lexie hates that she's looking so hard into this. Hates that she's jealous of Cristina.
-not because they're possibly having sex, Lexie quickly corrects her train of thought. She definitely isn't jealous of Cristina in some sort of repressed, incestuous, sister-lusting way. It's just that she desperately needs to know what Cristina is to Meredith, because she's trying to find a place for herself in Meredith's life, and she doesn't even want to attempt competing with Cristina.
*
Three nights later, and Lexie comes home from Joe's drunk. She hasn't had as much as Meredith would drink, and so she manages to get into the house reasonably quietly, key going into the lock on her first attempt.
Dropping her jacket to the floor, Lexie gets it into her head that watching some TV would be a really good idea. Too buzzed for sleep, she goes through with it, stepping into the living room. The lights were off and the door was ajar, so Lexie assumed that it would be safe enough to wander in; now, she really, really wishes that she'd gone straight to bed.
Because there's her sister, pinned down on the sofa. Hearing her have sex was bad enough, and now Lexie can't even pretend that Meredith wasn't having sex with Cristina; Cristina's got her shirt hitched up, and that's more of her resident than Lexie ever wanted to see.
She holds her breath, like it will make her invisible. Like she can somehow get away with this. Three, four, five seconds later, and somehow, they still haven't noticed her. Lexie's almost offended.
Of course they haven't noticed. Because it's Cristina and Meredith and they're drunk and into it and-Lexie really shouldn't be standing there and watching. Slowly, but not too slowly, she backs out of the room, deathly paranoid that a floorboard is going to creak, or that she's going to trip and crash into the door.
She's reached the point where she'd almost rather that. She'd rather deal with the inevitable shouting and whatever accusations the two of them can come up with than be ignored. Again. It's like Meredith's let her into her house, and has decided that that's effort enough. If she's putting a roof over Lexie's head, then she shouldn't be expected to actually make contact with her.
Grumbling to herself, Lexie drags her feet up the stairs, hoping that she's making just enough noise to interrupt the two of them.
*
Three nights later, and Cristina isn't in the house. Lexie is infinitely relieved, even though she shouldn't have to worry about avoiding Cristina in her own home. Still, Lexie appreciates her absence, and after twenty minutes of wringing her hands together, she finally gets the nerve to make a move.
It's going to be exactly like the incident in the restroom at work, with the shouting about forgiveness and being treated like crap. Lexie knows that, but she's still heading towards Meredith's room as if her feet are no longer under her own control, because she's got this feeling that her head might explode if she doesn't get the past few month's worth of frustration out of her system.
Besides, what happened in the restroom went well. Sort of. Lexie recalls there being a brief period of time in which Meredith showed signs of potentially coming to tolerate her, so maybe she just needs a gentle push in the right direction. Or, you know, a shove.
Lexie knocks on Meredith's door, and it swings open half an inch, where it wasn't closed completely in the first place. Meredith make a non-committal mmm noise from inside, and Lexie peeks her head in.
“Oh, Lex. Hey,” Meredith says without much enthusiasm, but for once doesn't sound as if she was expecting it to be somebody else. Lexie's so busy reciting her speech in the back of her head that she barely even notices the way that Meredith's looking tired in a way that doesn't suggest sleep deprivation.
“Hi. Hi, Meredith. We need to talk,” Lexie says, hoping that her determination will last.
“Not now,” Meredith murmurs, and rubs one hand across her mouth.
“No. Not not now,” Lexie says, scowling, “It's always not now with you. It's not now, even when you clearly have nothing better to do, because Dr. Ya-because Cristina isn't here. You don't want to talk to me. I know that, you know that. But if I don't make the effort, you never will. I'm here, Meredith. I'm here, I live in your house, and I'm not invisible. Even though you seem determined to act as if I don't matter.
“You-it's not that you're pretending to ignore me. It's that you just don't notice me, Meredith. No matter what I do. But I know things. I know things, like you and Cristina. I heard the two of you, because I sleep in your attic. But you forgot all about that, right? You could've just told me. If you and Cristina are dating, just let me know, because whether you want to admit it or not, we're sisters. I know you didn't grow up with a proper family, so you don't really know how it works, but we're supposed to tell each other these things.”
There's a long silence, and Meredith isn't really looking at her. She's just wringing her hands together, and staring down at them as she does so. Lexie considers backing out of the room, to let Meredith absorb the information, when Meredith lets out a heavy sigh.
“Cristina and I aren't-I don't know. I don't know what we're doing, Lexie,” Meredith says, and even though she's used Lexie's name, it's more like she's talking to herself. Like she needs to hear the words out loud.
“Oh,” Lexie says dumbly, for once not knowing what to say. She should've taken a moment to work out why Cristina wasn't over, because now that she thinks about it, she saw Cristina leave the hospital at the same time she did. This isn't good. This definitely isn't good.
When Meredith doesn't ask her to leave, Lexie sits down next to her. This is the sort of thing that Meredith needs Cristina to talk her through, except for the part where it's actually about Cristina, and Lexie knows that she isn't even Meredith's second choice for this.
“Did you and Dr. Yang have an argument?” Lexie asks, tilting her head to the side a little, trying to catch Meredith's eye.
“I don't-” want to talk about it, Lexie assumes, but then Meredith turns to look at her and says, “I don't know. We were talking, and now we're not.”
Lexie nods, and keeps nodding until she thinks of something more to say.
“Tequila. We should drink some tequila. You have tequila in the kitchen, right? Of course you do. So let's have a drink, because that'd be good, and we can talk about this-”
“-Lexie. Stop it. You don't have to act like Cristina to make me feel better.”
Lexie takes a deep breath, because this is the part where she'd usually point out that Cristina is the only person she's willing to open up to, so of course she's going to try emulating her behaviour. Lexie only bites her tongue because Meredith seems genuinely upset.
“Alright. Fine. No acting like Dr. Yang,” Lexie murmurs, “Look, Meredith. I know I'm not your friend or anything like that, and I'm definitely not Dr. Yang's friend, but I've seen the two of you. I don't know what you were arguing about, but it was probably stupid. It was probably stupid, and in, like, a week, you'll go back to sitting on the kitchen counter and talking about whatever you talk about and acting like nobody else in the house exists.”
Meredith doesn't look very convinced.
“You sleep with a lot of inappropriate men, right?” Lexie asks, and Meredith turns to look at her, frowning. “Sorry. I just-sorry. I hear a lot of things around the hospital. But I don't think Dr. Yang is another inappropriate man. Woman. You know what I'm saying. She's not, right? It's not like you just got drunk and did-you know.”
Meredith purses her lips together, like she's actually considering it.
“So whatever it is, you two can deal with it. You'll be fine.”
“Yeah,” Meredith mumbles quietly, and Lexie might be fooling herself, but it sounds as if she actually believes what she's saying. “Hey. About what you were saying a minute ago. The speech... thing.”
Lexie holds her breath, expecting some sort of apology from Meredith. Meredith's gearing herself up to say something along the lines of I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, and acting like you aren't even a person. But you are. You're a person, and you're my sister, and sometimes you're good to talk to. Like now. I feel better, after talking to you. So thank you. And sorry, for ignoring you. I'll try harder, from now on.
“Were you listening to me and Cristina having sex?” Meredith asks flatly.
“Oh. Oh, God. No. When I said that, I didn't mean that I listened to all of it. To any of it. It's just that I'm in the attic, and sound-sound travels. It goes up. I didn't even realise that it was you and Dr. Yang, until I saw her in the kitchen the next morning. She was nice to me, Meredith. She smiled and made me coffee can called me by my name.”
To Lexie's relief, Meredith looks as if she's trying not to laugh.
“Alright. You weren't trying to listen in on my sex. That's always good to know, Lexie.”
Lexie should probably be depressed, considering that this is the closest thing they've had to a decent conversation in forever, but she finds herself smiling at Meredith. Not wanting to ruin things by hanging around for too long, Lexie gets to her feet, and heads back over to the door.
“You should talk to her,” Lexie says, amazed that she's actually pushing Meredith towards Cristina, for once.
Nodding, Meredith gives her a sort of half-smile, and Lexie pulls the door to.
Before she gets the chance to take a step away, she hears Meredith's voice, louder than it had been moments ago.
“Lexie?” Pushing the door open, Lexie steps back in, almost feeling welcome. “Do you like pizza?”
Lexie blinks. “Pizza? Yes! I like pizza.”
“Alright. Well, I'm going to shower, and then I'm going to order a pizza. If you're hungry, you should come downstairs and share it with me. If you want to.”
“You mean that we could have dinner together?” Lexie asks, not quite believing what she's hearing, “Like, I don't have to go up to the attic and eat alone?”
Meredith laughs into her palm, and says, “We can eat together, Lexie.”
Lexie decides that she really needs to get out of there, before she says something else equally as stupid or embarrassing, and forces Meredith to change her mind. Because Meredith, for once, doesn't seem to hate her. Meredith's actually acting like the sort of big-sister Lexie envisioned her to be.
Well, maybe she's caught up in the moment and is going a step or fifteen too far. But Meredith is extending some sort of pizza-flavoured olive branch, and that's more than she was expecting from this evening. It might not last, but it's definitely a start, and Lexie's starting to see that she needs to give Meredith a little more time.
Smiling, Lexie heads up to her room, waiting for the sound of running water to stop. She doesn't want to appear too eager, but knows that she probably will. Because it's Meredith and it's pizza, and it's not her eating cereal alone in her room again.
It's definitely something.
*
Bonus round: fic request.