Oh what a week
So in my last entry i ended with saying "I havent been this happy in a long time"....i lied. For me apparently happiness is only a short thing that will be shot down in the worst way possible.
So lets start from the beginning, because it is a great place to start...
Yeah saw heather and school and all that. Hung out with andrew and even though it was for only an hour, had an AMAZING time, or so i thought...
Everyone came home and we all went on an escapade to where else? Applebees. It was grand. like everyone was there. it was Cher, Teags, claire bear (which i still have ur card btw!), Elena, Katie, Ruth, Heather, and of course Kristie. There was some dude there but w/e lol oh and evenetually zach. we atempted to dance in the parking lot.
Then Thanksgiving. Went to a family friends house. It was pretty nice and this is where things turn. Rush my parents outta the house cuz i wanted to spend some time with andrew, but he just wanted to just go out with his friends. i was a lil hurt considering i was leaving soon but w/e thats ok, i didnt mind getting an early night in.
Then the next day he breaks up with me...*sigh* i know more that half of u dont want to read all the mushy stuff so its being LJ cutted so its to ur own will. so i cannot be held resposible for someone reading something they dont want to.
ok so i really dont understnad this breakup...i mean i do, its because im such a bad person. Im always starting fights and wipping them out of proportion. Calling him names and stuff that he really doesnt deserve and that i really dont mean. i really dont know why i was doing it so much. i missed him and it was so hard to get i guess the attention that i wanted from him when he was so far away. so i guess in my mind any attention was good attention. but i mean its just fights. and hes convinced himself that hes so far out of love with me that theres no use trying and that just kills me. i would rather try and have it fail than to just give up. When something bothers u in a relationship u should talk it out when its happeneing, not just wait till the end and have it all explode down. I mean he should really be an actor cuz i truely believed that everything was ok. the whole "i miss u i love you more" thing we do, the whole time we spent together when i was home that sunday night...supreme acting right there. and now i get the end of it. im just dumped. like i said in the beginning. i havent been that happy in a long, long time and i really think it was because i could see him and touch him and knew he was only a few blocks away. i was sooooo unbelievably happy, unlike how i always am up here. i tried to make it seem like home up here. i got the webcam so he could at least see me and we both had microphones so we could hear each other. i was trying to make it work the best i could. i just missed him soooo much! and now he thinks its finally over. i mean i really dont know what to do. I dont think ive stopped crying for more than an hour at a time. i def. have not slept which was why the bus ride up here was so nice cuz i just shoved everything out of my mind and slept. i still love him so much. everytime i think about it i get these like twisted feelings in the pit of my stomach like im going to throw up and i get this like firey pressure in the center of my chest...it really hurts physically. i cant bare to think about it at all. i think its just the extreme surge of emotions.like i feel sooo angry! at myslef and at him for giving up so easily. and i feel so sad, and so lonely, and so rejected, and so unwanted.just soo many emotions all at their peak and its making me sick. i will always love him, i cant help it. im just going to keep praying that i can show him that ive changed enough for him to want me back because i will be here waiting. such an amazing thing is being completely thrown out. this friday i dont think im going to be able to function. Its our 2 year anniversary. i dont think im going to be able to handle it...
~please realize how sorry i am, please realize how much i love you, please realize how much i cant afford to lose you, please realize that this is just a really really big bump in a relationship that can be plowed down, please realize ill be here no matter what, please realize that ill be waiting, please realize that you can come back at any time and that again, I LOVE YOU ~
We went to the mall together which was so awkward and i hated it. Then a few of us went to see Finding Neverland in Island 16. SOoooo gooooddd. plus it was my first time in that theatre. Then we all had a nice old fashioned sleepover that consisted of watching Mean Girls and Saved. i enjoyed it. and since im so bad with time relations and i just mushed everything into like one day, i also had in ther e somewhere Thanksgiving night me and Kristie went to go to starbucks but it was closed. apparently EVERYTHNG including like Wendy's was closed. we sat in a parking lot to try and figure out what to do and some guy comes in the parking lot and starts waving his finger at us like we were doing something wrong. i wasnt staying around to find out so we high-tailed it outta there. We then did donuts in the cvs parking lot and ate ice cream cuz they were open. the windows got steamy ;) lol Shes Grand <3 oh and i saw Sponge Bob with my lil brother. i thought it was pretty good. i saw like everyone from the theatre except for Emeri. i got like raped by JJ. it was kinda funny. good times in that place.
So yeah then i got on the bus for the long bus ride back up here. and now im back and i sorta got mixed feelings about it. i like the school it self and the campus and the very few people ive gotten to know here, but i really dont wanna be here. i want to be home. i want to be there not only to try and patch things with andrew because it would be easier if i was home but i dont know...i just dont really like the whole atmosphere up here. im seriously considering transering...*sigh* i dont know what to do.....
So lets start from the beginning, because it is a great place to start...
Yeah saw heather and school and all that. Hung out with andrew and even though it was for only an hour, had an AMAZING time, or so i thought...
Everyone came home and we all went on an escapade to where else? Applebees. It was grand. like everyone was there. it was Cher, Teags, claire bear (which i still have ur card btw!), Elena, Katie, Ruth, Heather, and of course Kristie. There was some dude there but w/e lol oh and evenetually zach. we atempted to dance in the parking lot.
Then Thanksgiving. Went to a family friends house. It was pretty nice and this is where things turn. Rush my parents outta the house cuz i wanted to spend some time with andrew, but he just wanted to just go out with his friends. i was a lil hurt considering i was leaving soon but w/e thats ok, i didnt mind getting an early night in.
Then the next day he breaks up with me...*sigh* i know more that half of u dont want to read all the mushy stuff so its being LJ cutted so its to ur own will. so i cannot be held resposible for someone reading something they dont want to.
ok so i really dont understnad this breakup...i mean i do, its because im such a bad person. Im always starting fights and wipping them out of proportion. Calling him names and stuff that he really doesnt deserve and that i really dont mean. i really dont know why i was doing it so much. i missed him and it was so hard to get i guess the attention that i wanted from him when he was so far away. so i guess in my mind any attention was good attention. but i mean its just fights. and hes convinced himself that hes so far out of love with me that theres no use trying and that just kills me. i would rather try and have it fail than to just give up. When something bothers u in a relationship u should talk it out when its happeneing, not just wait till the end and have it all explode down. I mean he should really be an actor cuz i truely believed that everything was ok. the whole "i miss u i love you more" thing we do, the whole time we spent together when i was home that sunday night...supreme acting right there. and now i get the end of it. im just dumped. like i said in the beginning. i havent been that happy in a long, long time and i really think it was because i could see him and touch him and knew he was only a few blocks away. i was sooooo unbelievably happy, unlike how i always am up here. i tried to make it seem like home up here. i got the webcam so he could at least see me and we both had microphones so we could hear each other. i was trying to make it work the best i could. i just missed him soooo much! and now he thinks its finally over. i mean i really dont know what to do. I dont think ive stopped crying for more than an hour at a time. i def. have not slept which was why the bus ride up here was so nice cuz i just shoved everything out of my mind and slept. i still love him so much. everytime i think about it i get these like twisted feelings in the pit of my stomach like im going to throw up and i get this like firey pressure in the center of my chest...it really hurts physically. i cant bare to think about it at all. i think its just the extreme surge of emotions.like i feel sooo angry! at myslef and at him for giving up so easily. and i feel so sad, and so lonely, and so rejected, and so unwanted.just soo many emotions all at their peak and its making me sick. i will always love him, i cant help it. im just going to keep praying that i can show him that ive changed enough for him to want me back because i will be here waiting. such an amazing thing is being completely thrown out. this friday i dont think im going to be able to function. Its our 2 year anniversary. i dont think im going to be able to handle it...
~please realize how sorry i am, please realize how much i love you, please realize how much i cant afford to lose you, please realize that this is just a really really big bump in a relationship that can be plowed down, please realize ill be here no matter what, please realize that ill be waiting, please realize that you can come back at any time and that again, I LOVE YOU ~
We went to the mall together which was so awkward and i hated it. Then a few of us went to see Finding Neverland in Island 16. SOoooo gooooddd. plus it was my first time in that theatre. Then we all had a nice old fashioned sleepover that consisted of watching Mean Girls and Saved. i enjoyed it. and since im so bad with time relations and i just mushed everything into like one day, i also had in ther e somewhere Thanksgiving night me and Kristie went to go to starbucks but it was closed. apparently EVERYTHNG including like Wendy's was closed. we sat in a parking lot to try and figure out what to do and some guy comes in the parking lot and starts waving his finger at us like we were doing something wrong. i wasnt staying around to find out so we high-tailed it outta there. We then did donuts in the cvs parking lot and ate ice cream cuz they were open. the windows got steamy ;) lol Shes Grand <3 oh and i saw Sponge Bob with my lil brother. i thought it was pretty good. i saw like everyone from the theatre except for Emeri. i got like raped by JJ. it was kinda funny. good times in that place.
So yeah then i got on the bus for the long bus ride back up here. and now im back and i sorta got mixed feelings about it. i like the school it self and the campus and the very few people ive gotten to know here, but i really dont wanna be here. i want to be home. i want to be there not only to try and patch things with andrew because it would be easier if i was home but i dont know...i just dont really like the whole atmosphere up here. im seriously considering transering...*sigh* i dont know what to do.....