January 24
January 24, 2009 10:19 P.M.
Emptiness dwells in the very corners of myself, yearning for something that even I myself haven’t yet been able to figure out yet. My lips part slowly contemplating on how to start this journal entry..my face pale, body tired, hair disheveled. I laugh at myself in the silence of my room. Normally my life is simple but now a tad too bit altered for my liking. For you who are reading it’s nothing to consider life changing it’s just something that..happens.
I lean my back against the white wall of my bedroom staring at my surroundings.
“…”
Everythings the same as normal and simple as my life has always been. The same posters pinned to the wall, the same bookshelf carrying the same books it always have been, the same music spilling from the speakers.
Define ‘normal’
It’s been approximately thirty days since one of my close friends has run away.
It’s been approximately twenty-five days since I’ve found out that another close friend of mine is completely selfish, immature and different than I imagined.
It’s been approximately eight days since I’ve found out that my sister has been a self-centered, stupid, and a backstabbing bitch.
It’s been approximately four months since I’ve been stuck with a sickness that’s refuses to go away.
It’s been approximately one day since I’ve found out that another of my friends have been contemplating running away from home.
Yet somehow I can’t seem to put everything that’s happened behind me.
I let out a soft sigh and close my eyes. Somehow I wish that I can ask someone..anyone what would they do in my situation. But it seems too much to really explain. This is why I don’t really know where to start.
To be honest I blame myself..no surprise there. I simply can’t get rid of that painful feeling of emptiness that drives me insane. That compels me to weep and curl up and scream. The impulse to break absolutely everything around me..shatter everything to pieces. To rip out the pictures of everyone’s smiling face from my album. Though those feelings linger since the day everything spiraled out of control. I still manage to keep myself calm and normal every day.
It only seems that not long ago everything happened.
Somehow I wish I just could have prevented it. The day she went missing she called me and I left my phone at home. I wondered how the outcome would have changed if I’ve had answered her call. The fact that she ran away with her boyfriend that she barely knew for two months made me more enraged.
I scoff at the thought.
The fact that she met him on myspace.
The fact that she had lost her virginity to him on the second time he visited her here in the small town we live in.
The fact that he’s a high school drop out.
The fact that he does not have a job.
My anger cannot even be described, I can’t believe at how completely stupid she is. Never in my life did I ever expect such stupidity from her of all people. She was so smart and carefree. Now she claims to love him, he’s her everything. How blind infatuation can be.